Fresh

"Are you sure this is gonna work?"

"Oh, yeah!" Monkey said, grinning. "Girls LOVE cheesey pick-up lines!"

"Yeah, but Tigress isn't exactly a normal girl..." Po said, trailing off.

When he asked both Monkey and Mantis for advice to "whoo" Tigress, he was hoping for some ACTUAL advice that would...

You know. Work.

He had a sinking feeling in his stomach that she wasn't going to be the biggest fan of pick-up lines.

"What could go wrong?" Mantis questioned.

"Please don't say that."

"No, seriously." Mantis continued, "what have you got to lose?"

"All my teeth, my arms, my spleen-"

"Look, you wanna ask Tigress out, right?" Mantis asked.

"Yeah, but-"

"Just go try it!" Monkey said, pointing to where Viper and Tigress were standing, talking. "You'll never know if you don't try!"

Po took a deep breath and nodded. "You're right. I'm going in!"

As he walked towards the two female masters, Mantis and Monkey exchanged a look.

"Yanno," Mantis said, "I'm starting to think this wasn't such a good idea."

Monkey nodded. "He's dead."

Master Shifu had the Furious Five and the Dragon Warrior train from dawn to dusk-after that, they had a few moments to themselves before dinner and before their sleeping curfew. Often, there wasn't much to do in one's free time but to either train or watch Po prepare dinner. However, he didn't cook dinner ALL the time, though he did as much as he could, because he enjoyed it. He spent the last week however asking Monkey and Mantis for advice (which he was now regretting). Today, though, the Furious Five members and Po were all hanging out in a patch of forest not too far from the Training Hall.

It was now or never.

He was starting to think that never was a better option.

He took a deep breath and walked up to the two females.

"Evening, ladies." He said.

"Good evening, Po," Viper answered, giving him a welcoming smile. Tigress, however, remained quiet.

"Oh, Tigress, I think you have something in your eye," He said, looking at her eyes.

She instinctively put a hand up to her eye.

"Nope, it's just a sparkle."

She blinked, slowly removing her hand from her face as she stared at him in pure confusion. "What?"

Well, that could have gone better.

What now?

He began to panic. Monkey and Mantis never helped him plan for disaster!

ABORT MISSION. ABORT MISSION. His mind screamed at him. But instead of leaving, like he should have, he tried another pick up line.

Big mistake.

"Can I have directions?" He asked.

"What? To where?"

"Why, to your heart."

She blinked, confusion and anger written over her face. "What?"

This wasn't working! AT ALL!

"Was that an earthquake or-"

"Earthquake?" She interrupted. "What are you talking about?"

"Let me finish-"

"-there wasn't an earthquake."

"Wait, I-" He sighed. So he thought of the most logical thing to do next (or at least it was the most logical thing he could think of in 5 seconds): try another pick-up line!

By this time, Viper had joined Monkey, Mantis, and Crane who were all watching the scene unfold from a distance.

"What is he doing?" Viper whispered to the group. "Does he have a death wish or something? Tigress doesn't understand pick-up lines-and then once she finally gets them, she hates them more than anything else in the universe!"

Monkey and Mantis exchanged a look.

"He's SO dead!" Mantis said, snorting.

"I'm invisible!" Po said quickly.

She blinked. "What?"

"Yeah, I'm invisible!" He repeated, keeping his fingers crossed that this one would work.

She snorted. "No, you're everything but!"

"You can see me?"

"Of course! You're not invisible-"

"So you can see me?" "Yes! Of course I can see you!"

"Really? How about tomorrow night?"

"Po, you're not invisble. I'll be able to see then just as much as I see you now!"

He sighed. Well, that one didn't work AT ALL. Any smart man would walk away then.

But, the thing was, Po wasn't smart.

At all.

So he continued on.

"Do you have a sunburn, or are you-"

"-Po, I'm orange."

"What?"

"I'm orange. Not sunburnt."

"But, you didn't let me finish!"

"Finish what?"

He headpalmed. "Why is this so hard?" He muttered to himself. He took a deep breath and thought of another pick-up line to say, keeping his fingers literally crossed this time. "Do you have a map? Because I just keep getting lost-"

"-why do you need a map? You live here, and you're still getting lost?"

He moaned in frustration. "This isn't working!"

"What isn't working?"

"THESE PICK-UP LINES!" And like that, it all clicked. She glared full force, as if she was boring a hole into his very soul. "You're HITTING on ME?"

"YES!" He yelled, obviously still frustrated from the fact that they didn't work. "THAT'S THE PURPOSE OF PICK-UP LINES!"

She slapped him in the face. Hard.

He blinked from shock before yelling, "What was that for?"

"FOR GETTING FRESH WITH ME!" She glared again, then stomped off away.

Po sighed. Well, that couldn't have gone any worse! With that thought, he grinned. There was no way things could be worse: so why not use the pick-up line Monkey called "The Show Stopper" and Mantis called "The Best One Yet"?

"Tigress, wait!" he called after as he chased her.

He finally found her, still stomping away, angry. "Tigress-"

"Go away!" She yelled, clearly still mad at him.

"Wait, I've got one more!"

She snorted. "I'd rather NOT hear it."

"No, this one's a good one!"

Her better sense told her to keep walking and ignore him. She HATED being hit on with such a passion; it only mad it worse that it was Po.

But, for once, she didn't want to listen to her better sense. She was still a female after all; she still craved attention from the opposite sex. It was the way the world worked (hormones sucked that way).

On top of that, she had only been hit on twice in her whole life: one had been a unattractive fanboy whose pick-up lines had been the worse on the entire planet. The other had been a drunk who had stumbled out of a bar and used his most perverted pick-up lines on her (needless to say, she knocked him out cold within a few seconds).

Po wasn't bad looking, and his pick-up lines were sweet-incredible cheesy and didn't work, but sweet.

"I highly doubt it," she replied as she turned to him with her arms crossed againist her chest.

'No backing down,' he thought as he took a deep breath. "I bet you five jīnbì that I can kiss you without using my lips.

'Foolish girl! Leave now!' Now that she knew he was hitting on her, she could see the outcome of this line from a mile away.

"That's impossible." She blinked; had she just said that? What was she getting herself into?

"Then you have nothing to lose." He said honestly. He stuck out his hand, "Bet on?"

'Don't do it!' Her mind screamed. Every fiber of her being knew where this was going; she should just leave while she had the chance!

But she didn't.

Before she could even think about what she was doing, she stuck out her hand in his. "It's on."

The moment her hand was in his, he pulled her forward, crashing his lips onto hers. It was a simple kiss, no more than just a peck. And even though she saw it coming, she just blinked at him in shock for a moment.

"I lost," He whispered, his face still inches away from hers.

After a moment of silence, she smirked. "You better start running."

He grinned. "Give me a head start?"

She teasingly thought about it before answering. "I'll give you ten seconds."

"Sounds fair," he then added. "Oh, but keep me in one piece, okay? I wanna live to see our date tomorrow night."

She lounged at him then, giving up on the ten second head start. He ran away as fast as he could, laughing all the way.

As far he was concerned, he was the happiest man alive.

And his pick up lines had actually worked.

A/N: To be honest, this is probably my favorite oneshot I've written. I dunno if any of you liked it, but I enjoyed writing it, and I hope you can tell. :)

BTW, jīnbì is "gold coins" in Chinese. ^.^

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Kung Fu Panda or any of these pick-up lines that I found online. :D