Robin had made peace with kids once Marshall and Lily starting having theirs. Shockingly, she discovered the little guys weren't so bad. She even decided she'd definitely like one someday. She just wasn't sure if she was quite ready yet to grow one herself. But babies really weren't so scary, not once you knew what you were doing with them. Thanks to Lily's sink-or-swim method, she now did.
Ted and his wife started trying for a baby immediately too, although he was crazy overprotective with his kids. It was at the hands of Lily where Robin learned all maternal skills, as her friend often touted, "You just never know". Lily seemed to be anticipating the broken condom from the very beginning of their marriage ("They're only effective 97 out of 100 times," she'd said. "With you two, I assumed those odds would get you within the first two months.")
After the initial shock, Barney had seemed more freaked out by it than Robin, who – in what she'd since deemed the sock incident – had started entertaining the idea of maybe, perhaps, someday way down the line wanting a child as far back as when Lily and Marshall had first felt stirrings. It was only natural that it would take the founder of Not A Father's Day a little longer to come around.
But come around he did. Robin's pregnancy had been unexpected, unplanned, but not necessarily unwanted. Like his thoughts on marriage, Barney's thoughts on children had undergone a shift in recent years. As long ago as when his nephew first came along he'd secretly thought little kids weren't so bad – at least in small dosages. Then, in more recent years, when Marshmallow and Lilypad started procreating, then the Mosbys after that, and he became Uncle Barney five times over, he had to admit he kind of liked it. And if those kids had potential, imagine what his and Robin's kid would be like.
By genetics alone, their child would be far from ordinary. Rearing would take care of the rest. The one advantage of a crappy childhood was to know what not to do; that was something both he and Robin had learned in spades. Still, there'd be no pansy-ass upbringing like Ted's kids were getting. If it was a boy, first thing out of the womb he would be measured for a tailored suit; being an infant was no excuse not to suit up when the occasion called for it. And if it was a girl, as Lily predicted – because what more poetic justice could there be in the world than for Barney Stinson to have a daughter – well he'd just use his playbook in a sort of reverse advantage. He'd begin schooling her in the ways of boys by the time she was five, maybe six. With her father's experience and knowledgebase combined with her mother's cleverness and natural resistance to bullshitting men, no guy would get anything past their daughter.
Robin always smiled and laughed when he said things like that. Her husband had forever been such a study in contradictions. For a man who'd spent years being so vocally anti-child, she'd never seen a better, more caring uncle. Barney seemed to have a natural way with them – women and babies.
She knew he'd warmed to the idea of their child when he gave up smoking for good this time; he'd had his very last cigarette back in March, a week after she'd found out she was pregnant. Then their nightly sleeping pattern began to gradually change just a bit. Spooning, post-sex, Barney would always position his hand at her hip, or thigh, or even around her breast, but now more often than not it rested protectively on her stomach.
While they'd both confided in one other their private doubts on their ability to be a good parent, together they'd determined to handle parenthood as they did all other situations, with great aplomb. Everything had calmed down and settled in. It seemed as if they were on their way to being a normal – awesome – happy family…until Robin's body began changing and the weight started to come on. That's when it all went north for her.
Yesterday, the button on her pants had popped – only after she couldn't get the first pair zipped. And now she learned she was supposed to attend the broadcasting awards banquet the month after next. She had to go; she was nominated. But if she couldn't fit in her clothes now, she'd look like an absolute cow by then. How could she be expected to look decent in formalwear when she was giving Jabba the Hutt a run for his money? She smiled, thinking Barney would appreciate the Star Wars reference, but then it dawned on her: she knew he would also agree. That's when she really started feeling nauseous…