Culture Shock

Chapter 2: Back in Suna

A/N: Well, I know that this started out as a oneshot, but since I love ItaTem, and since every once in a while I slip into angst mode, and it tends to bleed into my other stories, I thought, "why not write an actual angsty story and get it out of my system?"

Now, I should warn you, I suck as a serious writer, because, let's face it, my angsty stuff is real cliche. That's why I want to get rid of it before it infects Fairy Godmother Shukaku or any of my better fics.

So, the title has been changed from One Day at the Chunin Exams, the rating has been bumped up to "M", and if ShikaTem is your OTP, I'm going to tell you right now, you are reading the WRONG story.

Warnings: ItaTem (obviously), crack theories, Temari Angst, Lemon/Lime goodness, implied SasoTem, a pairing that could be Sandcest if you squint... Look, it's a kinky story from the depths of my disturbed mind, just be prepared for anything.

For those of you not completely familiar with Temari's family, Yashamaru is her mother's brother (the effeminate one who tried to kill Gaara), and her mother's name (according to Wikipedia) is Karura. Fugaku is Itachi's father.

"Temari, when we get home, I want you to apologize to your uncle. He must have been worried sick about you," her father lectured as they walked down the street to her uncle's house.

"I told Kankuro and Gaara where I was," Temari said. "And Yashamaru didn't even notice I was gone."

"I'm sure he noticed, and I'm sure he was worried. I know you don't like him, but he loves you kids very much."

"He loves Gaara very much," she said sullenly. "Kankuro and I might as well drop dead."

The Kazekage sighed but only knocked on the door in reply.

Yashamaru answered with his usual cheerful smile. "Hello!" he exclaimed in that voice of his that sounded so disturbingly soothing no matter what he was saying. He turned to call over his shoulder, "Kids! Your father's home!"

"Aw..." sighed a little boy.

"Baka, that means 'Mari's back!' Kankuro said, pushing open the door.

"Hey there, son," the Kazekage greeted him, but Kankuro ignored him completely and ran up to Temari, grabbing her hands in his.

"Sis! You're back!"

"I'm back," Temari laughed, swinging his arms around. "Are you ok? Did anything happen while I was gone? Come here, Gaara, how are you?"

Gaara stepped out shyly from behind his uncle. "I'm fine."

"That's good. I missed you two so much!"

"Was Konoha fun?" Kankuro asked eagerly.

"Uh-huh, it was amazing. It was like... a giant greenhouse, and there was a festival for the tournament, and," Temari wandered into the house, talking too fast for the adults to understand.

"Temari!" her father called. She returned reluctantly. "Don't you have something to say to your uncle?"

Temari rolled her eyes but bowed her head nonetheless. "I'm sorry, Yashamaru."

"For what, dear?"

Temari looked at her father accusingly. "I told you he didn't care," she muttered, running back to her brothers. The Kazekage didn't try to stop her, because one look at his former brother-in-law was enough to tell him that Temari was right; Yashamaru hadn't noticed his niece's absence.

"Tell us about the tournament, 'Mari," Kankuro begged after listening to her description of Konoha for a while. Gaara leaned in, interested. He didn't talk much, just sat on the floor, sucking his thumb, letting Kankuro ask for details, and soaking up everything his siblings said.

"Well, we did really well, Rando and Juura both made Chunin."

But Kankuro and Gaara saw Sand nins in action every day, and they wanted to hear what shinobi from other villages were capable of.

"... he lost in the third round, but he made Chunin afterwards," Temari finished telling about the little boy that she had seen.

"Didn't you say he was your age?" Kankuro asked in awe.

"No, a little older."

"Still... I guess Leaf really is as good as everyone says, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess, but if we had their resources we'd be even better," Temari said proudly. She was still at an age where she was fiercely and blindly loyal to her homeland, but, unbeknownst to her, a change had begun. Her visit to the outside world had shaken the foundations that her life stood on, and they had started, imperceptibly, to crumble away.

"I saw the little boy afterwards," she told her brothers. This was the part that she had really wanted to share. She had been thinking about it all week. She wanted to talk with her brothers about it and find out what they thought, and, also, she wanted to hug them. She wanted to see what that was like. "He was with his family."

"I bet they were happy with him," Kankuro said.

"Yeah, they were. They were all hugging him."

"Huh?"

"Y'know, hugging him. I guess, in Konoha, when somebody does something really great, you hug them."

"That's weird," Kankuro said, sneering. "Like, boyfriend-girlfriend hugging?"

"Kind of..." Temari said uncertainly. "It's hard to describe... it didn't look lovey-dovey, it just looked... nice. Like this—," she sprung on Kankuro and wrapped her arms around him.

"'Mari, get off!" he giggled, squirming.

"No." Temari laughed, squeezing him tighter. He squealed and tried to throw her off.

"Gaara, come here, help me get him!" she called.

"Don't listen to her, Gaara, she'll give you cooties!"

Gaara smiled and ran forward; to do what was unclear. He had his arms thrown open, but instead of joining his siblings he ran into a sand wall and bounced back.

"You ok?" Kankuro asked, offering him a hand. The sand pushed him away before he could get too close.

"I'm fine," Gaara said quietly, staring at the ground.

Temari didn't know why, but the image of the little boy and his brother popped into her head. "Do you want a hug?" she asked him, trying to make it sound half-joking, so they wouldn't tease her.

Gaara's eyes watered. "I can't. The sand won't let me."

Temari knew this was true; the sand didn't let anybody touch Gaara directly. Well, sometimes their father or Yashamaru would manage to pat him on the back, but mostly nobody was allowed near him. Her father said that eventually Gaara could learn to control it better, so he wasn't so isolated, but it was still almost impossible for him. And Temari knew what happened when you tried to touch him without the sand wanting you to; her uncle spent as much time with his own limbs broken as he did patching up sand-related injuries for others. But she didn't care; she wanted to give Gaara a hug. So she did.

"Mama likes me best," she bragged the next day at the breakfast table, causing her father to choke on a Fruity Pebble.

"What?!"

"I said Mama likes me best. She told Gaara so last night."

"Oh, she did now, did she? She told Gaara that?"

"Uh-huh. That's why she lets me hug him but not you or Kankuro or Yashamaru. She says that she'd like to protect me, too, but she's stuck with Gaara."

"She did?"

"Yup yup yup."

"Yashamaru, we need to talk."

Yashamaru was surprised to leave his house and find the Kazekage waiting for him with the angriest scowl imaginable.

"Sorry, I know I'm running late, but I wanted to buy some groceries before I picked Gaara up today, it's awful taking him into the store—,"

"Yash, today Temari informed me that her mother loves her the best."

"Aw, kids," Yashamaru smiled and continued walking, but the Kazekage stepped in front of him.

"Yash, you and I both know that Karura didn't love a single damn one of those kids. So why do you think Gaara's going around telling her that she's her mother's favorite?"

"Oh, you know how kids are, they'd rather think their dead parents loved them than not."

"Yashamaru!"

"What? I think it's sweet."

"No, Yash. It's not sweet. Kids playing house is sweet. Kids playing invoke-the-dead is downright weird!"

"Don't be such a prude."

"Why is my son talking to my dead wife, Yashamaru?"

"Relax, he's probably just talking to Shukaku."

The Kazekage did not find this relaxing. "Why does he think Shukaku is his mother?!"

"No, he thinks his mother is Shukaku," corrected Yashamaru cheerfully. The Kazekage picked him up by his lapels and slammed him against the nearest wall. "Ok, ok, so I told him that Karura protects him, it's not my fault he got the two confused."

"You told him what?"

"That she–,"

"I heard what you said, you drugged up fairy, I just can't believe that you lied like that to my son!"

"It wasn't a lie, I really believe that she watches out for him... how else to do you explain the sand?"

"All right, Yash, I admit that I don't know what controls the sand, and that we never expected the demon to behave that way... but it's alert, maternal, and concerned about Gaara's well-being. It's not your sister."

"... You know, if you don't want Gaara spreading stories to the other two, you could always send him to come live with me," Yashamaru said hopefully.

"After the crap you've been telling them, I have half a mind to forbid you to ever speak to any of them again."

"NO!" Yashamaru grabbed beseechingly at the hands keeping him pinned to the wall. "Please, please, don't take him away from me... he's all I have left of her..."

The Kazekage looked at the groveling man with ill-disguised contempt. He'd always hated Yashamaru, from the moment he met him. No real reason, just hated him. And much as he'd like to get the brat off his hands, he certainly couldn't trust his youngest, most valuable, (and most costly...) child to him. Yashamaru loved Gaara, or, he did right now, but he also had Borderline Personality Disorder and was unreliable about taking his medication.

"Just don't let me hear any more crazy stories about her being Mommy's Favorite," he growled, walking away.

"Maybe you should be more concerned with her being Shukaku's favorite," Yashamaru muttered to himself.

The Kazekage stopped dead in his tracks.