Title: What Doors May Open
Pairing: Rachel Berry/Quinn Fabray
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Just having a little fun.
Summary: AU. Rachel comes out as gay after dumping Finn. People slowly start to find out and, when Head Cheerio, Quinn Fabray finds out, Rachel knows her life will never be the same again.
A/N: Thank you for the reviews last chapter! I had no idea I'd be getting that much love for such a short prologue, so thank you again.
Finn threw his hands up in frustration. "Are you kidding me, Rachel?" he asked the ceiling he was staring at. He brought is hands to his face, roughly running them down his skin. "My ex-girlfriend, Rachel?"
Rachel's mouth opened and closed as she flailed for a response. "They were just fleeting thoughts, Finn; that's all."
"Not really seeing how that makes it any better." He couldn't seem to stand still and paced around the room, his large feet sounding like he was stomping and throwing a tantrum. "Oh my—come on!"
"I'm sorry, Finn," Rachel mumbled as she watched him pace back and forth.
"What the fu—"
"There's really no need for that kind of language," she couldn't help but admonish.
Finn narrowed his eyes at her as he continued to pace. "You know, you're my girlfr—ex-girlfriend." His eyebrows pinched together in sadness for a brief moment before it was gone. "You literally just broke up with me."
"I know," she mumbled, walking over to the bed and sitting down. She couldn't seem to keep still now that her biggest secret had been revealed and was now talked about like an elephant in the room that just fucking exploded.
"And now-now you think about kissing my other ex-girlfriend." He pointed a finger at her. "If you were a guy, you'd totally be breaking the guy code right now."
She nodded.
"I mean, that's-that's Quinn—you do know you said Quinn Fabray, right?"
A humorless laugh bubbled in her throat and she cleared it to stomp it down. She was well aware who her mind had foolishly chosen to have those thoughts about. "Finn, please don't be upset."
Finn turned to look at her incredulously. "You have fantasized—"
"That's a very strong word—"
"—about kissing my ex-girlfriend." His face balled up. "My ex-girlfriend fantasizes about my ex-girlfriend. This is like, some horror story they tell over a campfire at night or something."
Rachel's lips turned down in a guilty frown. "It was a one…maybe two or three time thing." She winced at her own words. "And it was miniscule, nothing. I-I mean, I just thought about it because-because—"
"Because she's fucking hot. That's because."
Her frown deepened at his choice of words but she was wise enough not to agree.
Finn finally stopped pacing and stood just to her right, staring down at the floor. "She's not gay, Rach," he said quietly.
"I know," Rachel muttered, trying not to sound disappointed. "I know."
He instantly picked up on her tone of voice. "You want her to be?"
Rachel looked up at him in shock. "I—what? No! No, I don't want Quinn to be gay."
"Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no," Finn muttered as he started pacing again, hands clasped to the side of his face in his best Home Alone Macaulay Culkin impersonation. This was feeling like an iceberg. The more he chipped away, the more there was just under the surface and he was starting not to like what this was turning into. "Rachel, I don't know how I'm supposed to be okay with this."
Her head dropped at the comment, suddenly feeling like telling Finn she was gay was a bad idea. Tears welled in her eyes as she clenched them shut. "I understand, Finn."
"Hey, no; don't cry." He kneeled in front of her and wiped the tear he saw from her eye.
"I'm sorry," she sobbed.
"Are you apologizing for being gay or for having a crush on Quinn?"
"Both." She wiped furiously at her eyes until Finn grabbed her hands and held them in his own.
Finn cringed at her inadvertent admittance of having a crush on his ex-girlfriend. "No, don't apologize for being gay. I mean, it's a lot to take in along with the whole Quinn thing but—can't you talk to your fathers or something? I'm never really good with handling your crying and maybe since they're gay too, you guys can bond or whatever."
Rachel nodded as she stared morosely at the floor. Finn lifted to slide onto the bed and pull her against him in a hug. "You're okay," he told her over and over again until she finally relaxed against him.
"You're okay."
The sleep Rachel had Saturday night was well deserved and when she woke up Sunday when her six o'clock alarm went off, she felt like she had been steam rolled. She fumbled at her nightstand for the clock, turned it off and went back to sleep for several more hours.
When she awoke at ten and felt less like road kill and more like she just really needed a hug, she crawled out of bed and took a shower.
An hour later found her walking down the stairs. She saw Hiram in the living room and, thinking he was a good candidate, sat on the couch with him.
"Everything all right, sweetheart?" he asked, wrapping an arm around her small frame and tugging her closer. "You woke up later than usual."
Rachel snuggled deeper into the warmth he provided with a content sigh. "Everything's fine, dad."
They didn't know yet, and she wasn't ready to tell them.
Just because her fathers were gay didn't make the issue of her own sexuality any easier to broach.
When Monday came, Rachel was glad for the change of scenery but iffy about being back at school. Finn hadn't contacted her since Saturday and she didn't want to push. All she could hope was that Finn hadn't told a soul about the fact that she was gay because she was already enough of a social outcast without that bit of information getting out. She didn't want to add more reasons for people like Quinn, her airheaded Cheerio friends, and the jocks to torment her about.
She stood at her locker and groomed her appearance as best she could. She smoothed down a lock of hair, applied some lip gloss, frowned at the bags under her eyes—and that was when she saw her.
She closed her locker slowly as the students in the hallway all took to one side or another. Strutting down the hallway like she owned it was Quinn Fabray, flanked by Santana and Brittany. It was a common practice, everyday occurrence. Quinn, Santana, and Brittany would walk down the hallway, picking someone to stare into submission. This was the tactic they used to keep everyone in line and remain the top dogs in school. Only, Santana and Brittany would choose a different person to inflict their glares upon everyday. But Quinn? Since the day she knew Rachel existed, Rachel had been getting the same intense stare from Quinn. Since the day Quinn caught her at Finn's locker. Today was no different. Quinn sauntered down the hallway, her gaze sweeping from left to right. Then she blinked, those long eyelashes fluttering and when her eyes opened again, they zeroed in on Rachel.
Rachel stood nearly pinned against her locker as Quinn stared her down. With everything she had talked to Finn about two days ago, her heart raced in her chest as those intense hazel eyes bore into hers. Quinn always looked at her with the same expression. Completely unreadable, slightly narrowed eyes, lips pursed either in thought or anger—Rachel could never be sure, but she always leaned more towards anger. They maintained eye contact until Quinn bypassed her, strolling down the hallway without a backwards glance.
A shuddery breath was taken as she stared after Quinn's retreating form.
"What's up, girl?"
Rachel jumped clean off the floor and whirled around to find Kurt staring at her. "You scared me!" she breathed, clutching a hand to her chest in surprise.
"Woah, calm down, Jody Foster." Kurt smoothed back his hair, placing his hand on his hip as he scrutinized her white pressed button up shirt under an argyle sweater vest, short maroon skirt and brown penny loafers. Her skirts were technically too short for the dress code but she was so short that her height always gave the illusion that they weren't. Kurt sighed mournfully at her fashion sense before looking back up to meet her eyes. "Why do you look so skittish today?" He reached out to poke at the sleep bags under her eyes and she batted his hand away.
"I'm not skittish. I'm just…tired." She turned away from him and opened her locker, remembering she had actually forgotten to grab her books in her Quinn-induced haze.
Kurt shrugged. "Whatevs." He stepped closer, pitching his voice lower to tell her, "So, listen, I'm thinking about starting this LGBT club and I was wondering if you wanted to help me start it. Kinda like an underground thing because we all know how Lima loves its pitchforks and homophobia."
Her spine straightened at the comment. Did she have a sign on her back that said she was gay or something? Had Finn told people? All the color drained from her face. "Why would I want to join your LGBT club?" she asked, trying for innocuous but the lilt in her voice made Kurt's head tilt.
"Uh, because you're the same girl who suggested a gay-les-ball in glee club." Kurt eyed her fumbling with her books and slamming of her locker curiously and took a step closer. "You're really off kilter today."
"Everyone has one of those days, I suppose." She looked up at him with a shaky smile, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.
"Oh, come on, Rachel," he prodded. "The only people that are uncomfortable with joining a gay club are the gays. And you're not—" he laughed. "You're not gay, right?" He laughed heartily at the thought then trailed off as Rachel's face reddened. He clamped a hand over his mouth. "Stop it. Stop it right now."
Rachel's eyebrows drew together and slanted in confusion. "I'm not doing anything."
"Holy cow, you aren't even responding to the question," Kurt whispered.
Her eyes lowered as she clutched her books close to her chest.
"You're gay," Kurt hissed when she seemingly refused to utter another word. She didn't want anyone to know, but she had always prided herself on never denying who she was to other people. Whether it be Jewish, adopted, the child of two gay dads, Rachel had never denied who she was to anyone. And…she wasn't going to start now. Even though she had tried to turn a blind eye to her own sexuality for years now.
"Who's gay?"
Rachel balked. "Who is that?"
Kurt fumbled with the Bluetooth device in his ear as Rachel walked closer. "It's Mercedes." He angled his body slightly away from her as if he were carrying on a private conversation. "'Cedes, can you believe that?"
"This is some crazy shit."
"I know!"
Rachel's face burned. "Kurt—"
"Girl, did you know Rachel was gay?"
"Who is she talking to now?" Rachel hissed when it was clear Mercedes wasn't talking to Kurt because he didn't bother to respond to her. "Make her stop!"
"Mercedes, stop talking," Kurt instructed with wide, scared eyes as Rachel neared him.
"No, I had no idea," Rachel heard a familiar voice from behind her say. She whirled around to see Tina walking towards her, phone attached to her ear.
Tina pulled the phone away, calling, "Congrats, Rachel!" into the air.
Rachel scrambled to Tina, grabbing her by the strap of her bookbag and dragging her towards the lockers. She reached out and grabbed Kurt when he tried to back away. "Guys, please," she begged with wide, scared eyes. "This is all new for me, okay? Mercedes, are you listening?"
"Loud and clear."
"None of you can say anything."
"No, we totally won't say anyth—"
"I mean it, Kurt," she pleaded, eyes shifting from Kurt to Tina, to the people walking down the hallway. "No one can know, please," she implored quietly. "I-I'm already a loser and if anyone finds out—"
"Hey, hey, hey," Kurt soothed, running a hand down her arm softly. "We get it. Well, I get it. We all have something to hide—you and I just happen to have the same thing in common. Tina still fakes her stutter as if that's gonna get sympathy from anyone."
"S-s-shut up, Kurt!"
"Not helping, sweetheart." He smiled at Rachel. "Mercedes still pretends she's actually from the ghetto when I have on good authority that her father makes six figures."
"Whatever."
"So, don't worry. None of us are gonna tell."
Rachel wanted to believe the reassurance, she really did. But too many people were starting to find out and it was only a matter of time before one of them blathered to someone in McKinley—a jock, a Cheerio, Quinn—that could make her life a living hell. More than they already did.
But for now she had no choice but to store some stock of faith into her fellow glee clubbers because Tina and Kurt were both smiling at her encouragingly—with a glint of excitement in Kurt's eye because he had spent the entirety of freshman year being in the closet and the only gay person he was aware of.
Rachel's smile wavered then blossomed full blown to mimic the smiles around her.
She had learned at the end of her spring semester last year that the bleachers outside by the football field had a mildly appealing view. It wasn't a palm trees and endless beaches kind of view, but it was flat land with minimal traffic—enough to keep from distracting Rachel when she just wanted a place alone to think.
Though, she never liked to be completely alone and, thus, the occasional grunting of the football players and the enraged yelling of Coach Tanaka provided enough companionship. And if she was lucky enough that Sue saw fit to drag the Cheerios onto the football field to make them run laps as punishment for something—which happened more than it probably should have. Someone should have probably been looking into that because child labor laws often came to mind as Rachel watched them run laps—she would catch sight of Quinn. Quinn smiling, Quinn laughing, Quinn scowling at someone other than her for a change, Quinn's long hair, neatly pulled back into a ponytail.
The thing was, she didn't have a crush on Quinn. Really. It was more like an attraction. Rachel had eyes. She could very well see Quinn Fabray and all she had to offer and had concluded the first day she saw her last year—after drawing up a list and making some rearrangements—that Quinn was in fact the prettiest girl she had ever met. So her…thoughts of Quinn were nothing more than her realizing an attraction.
A faint screeching of metal dragged her from her thoughts and Rachel looked down the rows of bleachers to find Finn approaching her. Her breath caught in her throat as she took in his pinched eyes. He was dressed in his football practice attire and Rachel squinted as his white pants caught the sun in the worst way possible. He walked up to her row and though there was an entire expanse of cooled metal to sit on, she felt compelled to scoot over anyway. "Hi, Finn," she began tentatively.
"Hey." He sat down beside her. Their thighs touched and both of them jumped a little at the contact. Finn looked down at where their joint contact was before looking away. Rachel tried her best to look at him but the sun shined brightly behind him, so she squinted, determined to get a good look at him.
"A-are we okay?"
Finn's gaze ran down the bleachers towards his teammates filing off the field. "Yeah, I guess," he grumbled. "Sorry about not handling that whole situation well, but you gotta admit—"
"I know," Rachel said softly. Her shoulders slumped with some form of relief because maybe they would have to rebuild the friendship they once had, but at least Finn was still talking to her.
A bullhorn sounded and they both startled. Rachel covered her ears as Sue Sylvester's voice permeated the entire football field with authority. "Ladies, get your sloppy asses on this field!"
One by one, the Cheerios began filing onto the field. A few football players had stayed on the field and as they lined up to watch the cheerleaders run, Rachel could guess why.
Both Rachel and Finn spotted Quinn at the same time, bringing up the rear, and they both had two completely different reactions. Rachel shifted in her seat, crossing her legs and looking to Finn discretely from the corner of her eye to gauge his reaction. Finn scowled down at the football field. They didn't utter a word to each other.
Then Noah Puckerman walked up to the line of cheerleaders and grabbed Quinn's hand. She stopped. Her lips lifted and Rachel watched the most dazzling smile grace her face. Quinn pried her hand away and as Rachel faintly heard Puck calling out to her, Quinn kept running without a backwards glance.
That was when Finn finally spoke. "Puck likes her. Or…wants to bang her, really."
Rachel made a face of disgust, her lips twisting in thought. "Noah is your best friend, correct?"
He nodded tightly.
"Then isn't he breaking the 'guy code' as you called it?" she asked curiously.
One of his shoulders lifted into a lazy shrug. "We already talked about it. Or fought about it. Whatever."
She blinked rapidly in confusion. "How does that solve anything?"
The corner of his mouth lifted into a lopsided grin. "Guys aren't that complicated, Rach. Something happens, we fight—either with words or, you know, we beat each other up, then we get over it." He looked on as the Cheerios began stretching.
Rachel licked her lips in thought as she mulled over his words. A boy's way of dealing with issues seemed kind of barbaric, but the simplicity was appealing. "So, would you say this is our 'getting over it' stage?" she asked carefully.
"Well, something did happen and we did argue about it," Finn reasoned, his smile stretching. "I guess we're over it now."
"I rather like boys' logic," she concluded with a grin of her own. Finn chuckled as she wrapped her arms around one of his and leaned her head on his shoulder, sighing as she watched the Cheerios practice their routine. They were good. All those practices nearly every day of the week—weekends included—were paying off in a big way. They were agile, purposeful and…rather flexible.
"You ever thought about being a Cheerio?" Finn asked after a few minutes.
"Though I don't doubt I could handle the strenuous physical activity—" Rachel winced as Sue yelled another insult into her bullhorn, "—I doubt I'd ever be able to handle the emotional trauma of being under Coach Sylvester's thumb."
"She's crazy!" Finn exclaimed with a laugh.
"Certifiable," Rachel agreed.
It was silent again for a moment and Rachel allowed her eyes to wander. Puck wasn't on the field anymore, none of the football players were. The only ones on the field were Sue and the cheerleaders. She marveled at the sight of Quinn being tossed in the air, legs parting into a sky split before she was effortlessly caught by a group of cheerleaders below her.
She had long ago realized how dedicated Quinn was to the athleticism of cheering. It was something Rachel could admire and relate to because having an astounding vocal range didn't just fall into her lap. It was something she worked at every day and as she watched Quinn stand aside as the other Cheerios made a pyramid, then take her rightful place on top, Rachel knew Quinn worked just as hard at being number one.
"So…" he drawled in the silence between them. "Got a lot of homework tonight?"
Rachel cringed on the inside. Finn was obviously uncomfortable with this whole setup—the two of them sitting together watching the Cheerios, essentially Quinn, practice. Rachel was probably going to have to find another thinking spot.
"Yep," she chirped, mashing her hands together and sliding them between her tightly pressed legs to keep from fidgeting. "The geometry teacher is a bit of a monster—she likes to give a lot of homework."
Finn smiled and scratched the side of his face. "Yeah, I can't help with that."
"Q!" Sue bellowed. "I assigned you captain because I believed you could whip these bulimic toddlers into shape. Don't tell me I've made a mistake."
Rachel watched Quinn's eyes pinch more from annoyance than from the sun. She said something that Rachel didn't catch, then Sue dismissed all of them with one final jab.
Finn stood from the bleachers. "I gotta shower and stuff, so I'm gonna go."
"I'll accompany you." The both gave pause at that and Rachel flushed in embarrassment. "Not to the shower…obviously, because—"
"Because you're gay," Finn supplied.
"Not out loud!" she hissed. Then he almost smiled which made Rachel smile and together, they walked down the bleachers.
They were walking around the set of bleachers just as Quinn was walking through an opening in the gate. Rachel caught the glare in her eye immediately and tried her best to speed up and away from one of their seemingly inevitable altercations.
"Stubbles," Quinn said evenly. "Finn."
Finn came to a smooth stop in front of Quinn and Rachel tensed where she stood, spinning slowly to come face to face with her. Her hair was slicked back into a neat ponytail, trailing down her back in dark blonde curls. Her eyebrows, thin and perfectly manicured, danced along her forehead until one arched in what Rachel guessed was irritation. Her skin glistened from the exertion of her practice and Rachel couldn't help but think it looked appealing along with the semi-rapid rise and fall of her chest. She had a smile on her face that was anything but pleasant as her gaze darted from Rachel to Finn.
"Did you just come here to flaunt Finn in front of me, Berry?" Quinn gritted out through white, perfectly straightened teeth. Her face pulled taut, making the dimple in her chin more pronounced and Rachel had the oddest urge to smile at it.
She stomped it down.
"N-no, I wasn't—I wouldn't ever try to flaunt Finn in front of y—"
"We're not even together anymore," Finn explained easily enough. Rachel looked up to him nervously and he shrugged. They both turned back to Quinn whose face was slowly contorting from confusion to understanding.
Quinn hoisted her bag further on her shoulder, cocking a hip out as if she was getting comfortable. Her head tilted as her eyes narrowed. "You guys aren't together anymore?" she asked skeptically.
Rachel shook her head, rubbing her lips together nervously as she waited for more of a response from Quinn.
"Why?"
Rachel took a step back in shock. "I—well, we—"
"Cut to the chase," she interrupted.
Finn took a protective stance, stepping in front of Rachel. "Why do you wanna know?"
Quinn's eyes narrowed dangerously. She took a step back to be able to look up at him fully without having to break her neck and placed both hands on her hips. "You left me for her," she replied tersely, enunciating every syllable in a way that made Rachel shiver. "I have a right to know why it ended."
Rachel scoffed incredulously, close to voicing how ludicrous that statement was when Quinn's gaze rounded on her. She literally walked around Finn just to stand in front of her. Rachel stood ramrod stiff as Quinn walked even closer. She swallowed when hazel eyes dipped from her own down her body then back, sizing her up. "Why are you being so quiet, Berry?"
Her voice was low and Rachel released a breath in surprise because Quinn didn't sound particularly angry. She sounded curious. Like she was genuinely inquisitive about her breakup with Finn and not two seconds away from ripping her face off like Rachel had thought.
The thing was, when Quinn had quit glee club after Rachel and Finn had become an item, Rachel was almost positive Quinn had placed a hit on her. The only reason Quinn even joined glee club in the first place was to keep Finn and when that didn't happen, she left without a word, taking Brittany and Santana with her. And, aside from the glares of doom that weren't all that scary anymore in the hallway, Rachel didn't have much contact with her. Even when she got slushied, she would sometimes look around just knowing Quinn would be there to watch and gawk and laugh, but…she wasn't. She never was and Rachel had never known what to do with that information.
"Are you going to answer my question or are you just going to stare at me all day?"
She blinked once and Quinn was still mere inches from her face. Blushing, Rachel took several steps back, her gaze darting wildly from Finn to the football field to Quinn again. "I-I'm not purposefully being quiet to annoy you, Quinn," she said in a shaky voice. She tugged on the hem of her sweater and cleared her throat. "However, Finn and I—our breakup is—with all due respect, none of your business. I really wish to keep it between he and I because relationships are rather personal and—"
"Save it," Quinn said, waving her off with a roll of her eyes. She held Rachel's gaze for a few more painstaking seconds before she looked up to Finn. Rachel watched as the two of them seemed to be communicating something she didn't understand. They continued to stare at each other, a multitude of emotions flashing over Finn's face as Quinn's stony expression never wavered except for an eyebrow lift that had Finn whining in some kind of protest. Quinn smirked victoriously, finally looking away from him. She adjusted her bag on her shoulder once more before walking away. "Bye." She shoulder checked Rachel as she walked away.
Rachel touched a hand to her shoulder, turning her head to watch Quinn's retreating form briefly before looking back to Finn. "What was that?"
He shifted from foot to foot, his lips balled up in annoyance. "She wants me to tell her why we broke up."
"Why?" Rachel whined. This was so not good.
He shrugged. "Because she's kinda a bitch."
There was a reprimand on the tip of her tongue but she withheld it because…yeah, Quinn pretty much was a bitch. Rachel felt her hands become clammy and her stomach start to churn. "But you aren't going to tell her, right?"
Finn shook his head. "Your secret's safe with me, Rach."