When people call her the queen bitch around school, they have no idea how much truth it really holds. If there was one person who truly did know, it was Quinn Fabray. Santana hated her with a passion that seemed to only ignite the flames of her already insecure life.
Quinn had everything. Quinn had the popular Ken doll boyfriend, while she had the sex shark, Puck. Quinn had friends in Glee and cheerios, while she had only enemies. Quinn had been the eye candy at school, even though she was pregnant, while she had a boob job and people still didn't notice her.
It is easy to see where the hatred stems. She wants everything. She wants to be popular, she wants people to fear her, she wants every guy in school to take a double take, but she never thought she would want Brittany. Brittany has always been hers. She never had to want her, but now things have changed and Brittany isn't dangling against her arm anymore. and it hurts. It hurts knowing she didn't even put up a fight, knowing she wouldn't even come to terms with her jealousy and anger. Instead she hides in the bathroom pretending to fix her makeup. It's pathetic.
Before she could even wallow in her own self pity, the bathroom door swings open, and Quinn walks in, finding comfort in the sink beside the Latina. She applies her mascara as she glances at Santana, who now has her signature glare and crossed arms.
Santana wonders why Quinn isn't mad that she snatched Sam up faster than Puck can pick up on the freshman cheerleaders. Wasn't Quinn angry? Of course being Santana Lopez she hits the subject directly, "Hey preggers, you really don't need that much makeup to look like a whore. I mean, I think the baby you had pretty much covers that." Her words were like daggers aimed straight for Quinn's weak spot, but Quinn just stood there until she finished her make up, then let out a sigh and continued to ignore her.
Santana didn't like being ignored, so she pushed Quinn until the girl faced her, "Listen McKinley High Barbie, aren't you mad? I stole your freaking boyfriend." Quinn's face tensed up as she pushed Santana aside until they were no longer close to each other, "Why would I be angry? You don't love him... not the way you love her." Her words were brief and to the point, and they must have made an impression on Santana because there wasn't a word that came out of her mouth.
Quinn takes another glance at herself in the mirror and heads out the door. As she walks out, she manages to take one more look at the fragile girl, "I think you're losing it, Lopez. I mean preggers was so last year." And with that she was gone. Santana stood there, and only after Quinn was already gone, she managed to whisper something mostly to herself, "I don't love her."
Three days later she breaks up with Sam. She tells everyone it's because he dyes his hair, but really she doesn't deserve him, and Quinn was right, she didn't love him, and she probably never could. But then again who expected her to love anyone. She has begun to think she is incapable of loving.
They are in Glee. Rachel has decided to sing another ballad about heart break as a pathetic attempt to win Finn back, and really it's the Glee club who has to suffer through it. They have heard three renditions of "I'm sorry" by John Denver, and surprisingly Santana hasn't said one comment about Rachel's obsession with rekindling the flame of her lost love. In fact Santana hasn't made many rude comments the last couple days. She has just begun to fade into the background. She sits alone in the last row, no one even notices her. She used to be okay with it as long as Brittany was there, but Brittany hasn't been by her side in weeks. Still she puts on a tough exterior with her arms folded and her signature glare, though she's broken underneath it.
She's been observing everyone lately. It's amazing the things you see from the back row. Like how Finn is always staring at his shoes when Rachel sings. Maybe he thinks if he watches her sing he will remember why he fell in love with her. She could see how Mercedes would look over the empty chair next to her. It was obvious how she missed Kurt so much. Mike and Tina were always sitting together, they hardly said anything, but Mike would look at Tina the way Brittany used to look at her, and she feels her heart sink as Tina only stares at Artie. She almost feels bad for Chang, but relationships are tough, that is partly the reason why Santana Lopez doesn't do relationships.
Then theres Puck who seems mildly interested in Berry's song, but every now and then he will glance at Quinn. She can tell he still loves her but he's just as scared of confrontation as she is. Speaking of Quinn, she thinks Quinn is suffering from something, something internally. She sees how brave Quinn is. How much courage it took to give away a part of herself, Beth. Everyone acts like it never happened, like things didn't change, as if giving up your child was easy. Quinn is broken and maybe that's why she broke up with Sam, because he couldn't understand what she was going through. He thought she cared about her popularity or clothes or simple materialistic things, but she had much bigger problems that were too big for a boy who was really only concerned with his status. But Sam wasn't only concerned with his status, at least through her eyes she didn't see that. Sam was kind, but he was heart broken. He loved Quinn, or at least he was falling in love with her, and she almost pities him for loving a girl who just can't handle another relationship this soon. She wonders if Sam will wait for Quinn, or if he will just move on and find someone else to love. A part of her wishes he would wait. A part of her wishes he wouldn't love another soul until Quinn sorted out her dilemma. She sometimes wishes that Brittany would have waited for her.
She watches Artie and Brittany. How they giggle and smile, and every now and then Brittany will brush her hand against his neck, and it makes her hands curl into fists and her teeth clench. It's her hair she should be twirling, her hand she should be holding.
She misses those blue eyes, and she wonders if Brittany even misses her, if she even cares. God knows she hasn't given her a reason to, but a part of her still wishes that maybe Brittany cared about her, that maybe she knows how broken she is and is planning to piece her back together. She misses hearing the stories about her sneaky cat and arguing over who should win American Idol, but mostly she misses sweet lady kisses and the glimmer in her blue eyes when she holds her hand in the confines of her bedroom. But still she doesn't love her.