Chasing Fleeting Dreams

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, all rights go to Rumiko Takahashi. So do not sue me. Thank you.

Part 1: Being Normal

I am pulled from my thoughts once I hear a familiar voice calling my name. "Miroku, I've been looking for you. Where were you yesterday?" So the questions begin with Inuyasha, not that I'm not prepared for it, my monthly absences don't go unnoticed. "I had to go visit my grandad again, he gets worse all the time." His skepticism doesn't get past me, I see it. "You could go see him after school you know?" "He's never awake that late in the afternoon, besides it shouldn't matter to you when my family and I visit my grandad." The quick lift of his shoulders told me I had made a point and that this Q&A was over.

I make my way to my locker and quickly turn the dial with a pattern that is well practiced. Grabbing my History text book for first period, shutting the opened locker door I spin on my heels and head towards homeroom. Homeroom always passes quickly and as I make my way to History class, I think of her. I know her interrogation will be harder to end, she would want all the details. Sango has always been that way, she wanted to make sure you told her nothing but the truth. Lies, I told a lot of them.

I walk through the doorway and cross the room to my desk, Sango is already in her rightful place behind me. She smiles at me and I feel my heart do a back flip in my chest. "There you are. Why were you absent yesterday?" So it begins. "I was visiting my grandad." Her gaze locks on mine. "You say that every month. Wouldn't you go more often if he's as sick as you say he is?" She had a good point, but I will not break. "If I went with my mom weekly, I'd have to go through your interrogation four times as much." She laughs, God I love how it sounds everytime. "You are such a smartass, Miroku." "Yes, I am and you love me anyway." Love...wouldn't that be nice? "You look tired today. Are you feeling alright?" Yes, I am tired and no I don't feel well, but I would never tell her that. "I didn't get that much sleep last night, but I feel just fine." Her eyes search mine looking for truth in the words I just spoke.

The bell rings and the teacher takes her place in front of the class, I am saved by the bell. Turning to face the chalkboard and opening my text book to the appropriate page, I continue on with pretending to be normal. I know that she is not done drilling me, she has just begun. Staring straight ahead, trying to focus on the lesson while a million different thoughts run through my mind, I begin to feel exhausted. The day always seems longer after my trip to see my grandad, I guess that's what I would tell my friends. It's not that I want to lie, but it's just easier to and though I trust them enough to tell them, I don't want the constant pity. No, it's more than that, I want them to see me as an equal, not as someone who needs pity or worry.

"Miroku, are you paying attention?" Snapping back to reality, I realize everyone is now staring at me. "Yes, ma'am, I was paying attention." Her frown deepened. "Then why don't you answer the question I just gave to you." I guess I'm caught, I wasn't listening and see knew it. Might as well wing it. "1845." Glaring at me, she slams a ruler to her desk. "Are you trying to be funny, Miroku?" "No ma'am, I'm not. Did I answer incorrectly?" The class snickers at my current predicament, nothing abnormal about that. "Yes, you got it incorrect. Would you like giving it another try." Smiling now, I respond, "No ma'am, I think I'll let someone else give it a try." Hearing her exaperated sigh the students snickers turn to chuckles and giggles, growing more tired I allow class to just drift by.

Hearing the bell signal the end of first period, I pick up my book while leaving my chair, I try to make my way quickly from the room. "Miroku wait up, I want to walk with you." I knew that was coming, she wasn't done with me yet, but I still halt in my exit. "You always try to leave before we finish our conversation." I roll my eyes. "I don't want to be late for class, Sango. Besides, I honestly thought we finised that talk." Placing her hands on her hips while giving me that look of hers, she responds. "As if you're even paying attention in class. You don't look well at all today, if you ask me." I don't feel well, but she doesn't need to know that. "I don't recall asking you and I was paying attention." "Don't get smart with me. Are you really feeling okay?" I hate lying to her, I really do, but it's better this way. "I'm just tired, but I'm perfectly fine." I put on my most convincing smile and she smiles in return. "I'll see you at lunch, Miroku. Later." She turns away from me, heading towards her own locker. Winding my way through the crowded hallway, I walk up to my locker, leaning my back against it, I slide down until I am comfortably sitting on the floor.

I let my eyes close, I deserve that much. I really was supossed to be in bed resting, but I needed to be in school like everyone else. "What ya doin down there?" I look up to see Inuyasha and Koga looking down on me with curiousity evident on their features. "Just taking a break." Inuyasha smiles down at me, "Why, did the walk to your locker wear you out?" Yes, it did actually. "No, Inuyasha, it didn't. I had a very long day yesterday." "Sitting in a hospital with your sick grandad wore you out?" No, you wise ass, it didn't. "I don't know why you have to harass me Inuyasha, but it shouldn't matter to you what exactly wore me out." Inuyasha glaces over at Koga, who just shrugs his shoulders absently. "What's your deal, man, you seem touchy today. I'm just worried about you." And boom, there it was. I don't want to be fussed over, but friends just don't always take the hint. "You don't have to worry about me, I'm fine." To prove my point, I stand up, willing my knees not to buckle. "Whatever you say, Miroku. Wanna walk to class with us." Although, I don't truly want to walk anywhere with anyone, I reluctently agree. I'm not sure what they were talking about, my mind was focused on walking, so I just nod every once in awhile, pretending to listen.

By lunch time, I feel completely drained of all my energy and I still have to deal with Sango's constant questions. She is the one that worries about me the most, even though I reassure her that I am perfectly fine. I know that it's a lie, but I'm protecting her from the truth...which I also know can't be hidden forever. I won't be able to keep it a secret perpetually, it just isn't possible. I sit underneath the shade of a giant oak, she'll be here any minute...it's our little getaway. I let my eyes close another time, maybe I can just take a short nap. The idea of sleep is short lived as I hear her approach. "You're not eating today, Roku?" I hated that nickname, but it's not too bad coming from her. "No, I'm not hungry." Her apprehensive look becomes more clear. "You should eat something, it might make you feel better." I try not to show the irritation that is just hidden underneath the surface. "I've already told you twice today that I'm fine." "Roku, I know you're lying. What's wrong? Be honest with me...please." I wince, I hate when she looks at me with pleading eyes like that. It almost makes me want to tell her the truth... almost. "I am being honest with you, I'm good, like I said before...I'm just tired." It wasn't all a lie, I really was tired. Closing my eyes again, I sit back and enjoy the warmth of spring.

Ten minutes of complete silence, Sango's voice fills the air. "Miroku, would you tell me if something was wrong with you...bothering you." My heart skips a beat, "That's a random question, Sango." Her eyes drop and she idly plays with a blade of grass. "You're not answering me though, you always talk cautiously, like you're hiding something. Don't you trust me enough to tell me everything?" I do trust her, but I don't want to hurt her. Ignorance is bliss. "Of course I trust you, you're one of my best friends. Nothing is bothering me, so there's nothing to tell." She looks at me with a hurt in her eyes that's hard to ignore. "Do you swear on my life Miroku, that everything is okay?" Damn, why must she do this to me. "Sango, is all this necessary?" Her eyes lock with mine. "Damnit, Miroku! You're doing it again. Just answer the freaking question." I let my gaze dart from hers, I couldn't answer her question...not truthfully. "Sango, I don't want to talk about this right now." I look up to her to see her reaction, she seems hurt and shocked. "Then there is something wrong. You can tell me about it. I can help you." I smile, trying to lighten the mood. "It's not something you can help me with, I have to deal with it alone. There is nothing you can do to fix it...but I've...I've accepted it." Now it's my turn to idly play with a blade of grass. "It's nothing serious, right?" I smile again. "No Sango, it's nothing serious." Then the silence settles over us again, but I notice the thoughtful look on her beautiful features.

The silence only lasts four minutes this time before her voice drifts into my ears. "I wish you would tell me what's got you so tired. You really look sick today." I frown sadly. "Sometimes things are better left unsaid, this is one of those things." I watch her twirl a stand of her hair as I wait for her reply. "I care about you Miroku, I really do, and I hate knowing that you're dealing with something that has you so stressed, that you're actually getting sick." I can't help but feel touched, but I can handle this alone. "I know you care about me, it's obvious. I'm not getting stressed out to the point of sickness, I promise." I lift my hand, pinky extended, our childhood promise. "I pinky promise." She smiles and wraps her pinky around mine. She grabs some strawberries from her lunch bag and pushes the container towards me. "You need to eat something. Okay?" My stomach really doesn't feel up to the task of eating anything, but for her I eat some anyway.

The day is finally over and I can get home to sleep. "Hey, Miroku!" Or not... "Hey, Yash. What's up?" "Some of us guys are gonna stick around and play some basketball. Walk home later, instead of taking the bus. You game?" Oh, I did really want to go home. But wasn't this part of being normal? "I don't know Yash, I'm really tired." He frowns at me. "C'mon man, you'll wake up after the first few hoops, it's a fast paced game." I knew that, which is all the more reason to decline, I probably wouldn't be able to keep up. "I need to get home, my mom will worry if I don't show up when I normally do." Pulling the ball from his gym bag he looks back at me. "You've stayed after school before to shoot hoops. What's the big deal now?" I sigh in defeat, he had a really good point. "Okay I'll stay." "Awesome. I'll meet you in the gym." I smile as he turns away, while the idea of sleep is forced away.

I walk into the gym and toss my bag on the bleachers, seeing only three other people, I now realize they needed me to make it a two on two game. Koga looks in my direction and nods his greeting. "Looks like we're all here. So is it me and Sesshomaru verses you and Miroku?" Inuyasha nods and I feel sorry that he'll lose this game. Inuyasha speaks up next. "So I say we play to twenty." "Sounds fine to me little brother." I knew this was gonna happen, but not this soon. Eleven minutes into the game and I'm already on the floor coughing and gasping for air. Inuyasha is sitting on the ground next to me, while Sesshomaru and Koga look on with concern from the bleachers. "Miroku, Miroku...are you alright? You don't look so good." I don't know why he's trying to ask me questions, it's not like I could answer him. "Would you like me to get you some water?" I nod my head vigorously and he gets up and moves towards the vending machine. He forces the now opened water bottle in my hand as I try to catch my breath, I drink the cold water and it helps. Sesshomaru's voice questions me next. "What the hell was all that about?" Oh I will not explain that to them, not gonna happen. "I just need to go home." I stand up on weak shaky legs, grab my bag and leave three confused and concerned friends behind.