CHAPTER 2
She heard noises around her, she opened her eyes, the light hurt. She didn't recognize her bed, her room, the place. It was all different. She was starting to get scared and tried to move her arms but couldn't, then she noticed she was restrained. She was getting really panicked then a doctor entered.
"Good morning Nicky, how are you feeling?" the doctor asked.
What do you think ? Nicky thought angry.
"Do you know what happened?"
Again no answer from Nicky.
"Ok, your mother is waiting outside, I'll let her in in a minute"
Oh great, she thought sarcastic.
Her mother walked in, not sad, only angry. She looked at her daughter in disgust.
"That's just great Nicky, getting better and better!" her mother said angry, "Our neighbor Mr Henkle found you and called an ambulance. Now everybody knows that you did, how you tried to kill yourself in my house. What will people think now ?"
Again she was making Nicky feel bad. That's all she could do anyway, she's so selfish and self-centered.
"They said you will see a psychologist here in a few minutes and then decide where they send you to" she said not seeing her daughter's distress, "I have to go now some people are waiting for me, don't do anything stupid, you've done enough in one day!" with that she left.
The doctor came back in. She hadn't heard any of the conversation. She explained how things would go.
"You will see a psychologist right now, don't be scared, there's nothing to be afraid of, people are here to help, you understand?"
Nicky didn't say a word; she knew she didn't have a choice.
While waiting for Nicky to arrive in his office Dr Sherpy was reading her report.
Nicky's report :
Name : Nicky
Surname : Chase
Age : 16
Time of admission : September 20th, 2007 – 9.34 am
Reasons of admission : suicide attempt. The patient slit both of her wrists after ingesting some painkillers and alcohol and was found unconscious by a neighbor. The physical showed many scars on her arms, shoulders, thighs, hips, stomach… Probably eating disorder too…
As she entered his office he was starring at her. Great, she thought sarcastic, just what I love, being watched. Even though she hated the place already she tried to let no emotions appear on her face. He was sitting at his desk. She knew he was studying her and trying to read through her but she wouldn't give him satisfaction.
She was there not moving, wondering what to do. Do I have to lay on the couch like in movies ? she wondered. She was in her own world already, deep in thoughts and Dr Sherpy noticed.
"Please have a seat" he said as calmly as possible, in a smooth voice, offering her a nice smile.
She hated him already, she hated that smile. He looked like 40 and was quite good looking she had to admit it. No no no what are you thinking now? He's a doctor, he's NOT cute or nice or kind or whatever ! And he's NOT your friend ! You were forced to see him, you CAN'T let him get through you, you CAN'T trust him !
As she was still standing there with him looking at her she decided it was best to sit otherwise he would wonder why she wouldn't. But in the other hand he could also have thoughts as to how I follow rules so fast, she thought, You think too much Nicky !
"Do you know why you're here ?" he finally asked.
Is that a trick question ? she wondered not knowing what to answer. She wanted to shrug but thought better and just stared at the walls around her.
Ok, she doesn't want to talk, it won't be easy. He had been told before that it wouldn't be with that teen. He didn't like easy cases anyway, he liked deep ones better.
"Can you tell me what happened ? Why do you have bandages ?" he asked with still his big smile on his face.
She looked up at him and said nothing. She was scared, confused. He knew it but what he didn't know was what she was scared of.
"Ok, let me tell you what happened; you took a knife and hurt yourself, your wrists, is that right ?" He didn't want to say 'slit your wrists' because it was too direct.
A razorblade, idiot ! Now she was mad ! Scared and mad. She didn't want to say anything but she couldn't help it.
"I didn't try to kill myself" Nicky tried to convince the therapist.
Of course she denies, I could have guessed she would. He was thinking about how to bring her to talk and share some thoughts and emotions.
"Then why those bandages ?"
Again she wanted to keep her mouth shut and show nothing but she shrugged, never looking at him to meet his gaze. She regretted shrugging right away.
Nicky didn't want to be there, he knew it. She wanted to get this over with and get on with her life even as bad as it was.
As written on the report he noticed many scars on her arms as the hospital gown she was wearing had short sleeves and he had been told there were many on her legs too. The report he had been given also mentioned eating disorder.
He couldn't just ask her if she cut herself, it would just freak her out and he knew the answer already anyway. He knew he had to be careful with her. One wrong word and she could keep her mouth shut for months. Cutters were unstable people, easily disturbed and hurt by words and anything else, he knew it. His books told him and other patients proved him right. Self injurers you had to be careful with, not pressure them, not hurt them, being nice and available anytime, day and night, even more when they're in crisis. He knew they would never ask for help because they're ashamed of their behavior and would never tell you when things are pretty bad and when they 'need' to cut but he knew you had to get them to talk and get things off their chest. And they generally wear that big fake smile on their face trying to show the world that everything's alright when it's so bad deep inside.
This kid wouldn't be easy to crack and he knew she would need a lot of time and attention, 24/7 if possible.
For all those reasons he knew she would be well at Mount Horizon. He knew the place a bit, he thought wise to send her there.
He added to his report that she had no control anymore even though she thought she had. She was lost and confused. Disturbing emotions, thoughts, feelings. Suicidal, probably Borderline but more tests should be taken…
"You will be fine at Horizon, people are nice there, you will love it, and you will get help, just give it a chance, let it happen" he said as he led her outside.
She had no choice and she knew it. It was now 2.15 pm. A nurse made the trip with her, it took a bit more than an hour, Nicky said nothing during the trip. When she saw the sign "Mount Horizon" she knew there was no turning back…