Hey guys! Thanks so much for the follows and favourites! Makes me so happy that people are enjoying! Well, here's chapter 2!
I own nothing. All characters belong to the wonderful Suzanne Collins
Having Peeta back the last few days has been comforting yet confusing. He makes me feel things other than the guilt, anger or sadness that were the only emotions I had been feeling before his return. It may not be Joy, or even happiness just yet, but it is something. A little spark of something deep inside. Something that gets me through the day. Something to focus on.
We spend almost all day together. He usually talks and I listen. I still don't speak much, I don't see the point. We often sit on the couch in my living room and he tells me stories of what happened in 13 after I left. Even of some of Paylor's plans for the future.
When I do speak Peeta rewards me with a huge smile, and the corners of my lips even rise at this, albeit very slightly. I know he wants me to talk, to be myself, to smile, and to laugh, but he also knows that I need time.
One day, as Peeta and I lay on my bed as we have done every night since he has been back, I come to a realization. I see now that I don't want to loose the boy lying beside me. I realize I don't want to loose the boy who saved me numerous times and in numerous ways. I can't loose him, my boy with the bread, my Peeta. So I turn to him, and stare into those amazing crystal blue eyes and I know what it is I am feeling.
That little spark that I have felt grow stronger over the last few weeks, that I haven't been able to find the name for. I decide to take that spark and hold onto it with all I have in me. I am going to live. I am going to live for Peeta. As I realize this I slowly start moving my way up to Peeta, still staring into his blue eyes. I press my forehead against his for a moment and take in his scent. He smells of cinnamon, nutmeg, raisins, and sugar. I inhale deeply before bringing my lips to his in a short, but passionate kiss.
I realize that this is the first kiss that we have shared without an audience. Without cameras, or people around to watch our every move. It is more meaningful than I can put into words. When I pull back he stares at me, his eyes full of emotion and feeling. The smile on his face is full of relief as well as disbelief. He leans in again and kisses me hard as he twists his hands into my hair behind my head. He pulls back and we both lie down again and simply look at each other.
"I'm sorry." I say, in a voice just barely audible. His expression turns to confusion.
"What on Earth could you possibly be sorry for?" He asks me.
"I'm sorry for being so distant. For not being there for you when you are always there for me. I don't know what my life would have become had you not come back. I don't know… I guess it wouldn't really have been a life at all." I say. My words come out fast and unsure but I speak nothing but the truth. I don't know how to put into words how much his presence has helped me find my will to live again.
"Shh…" he says quietly bringing my head onto his shoulder and running his fingers through my dark hair. "You never need to be sorry for that. All I want is for you to get better. To become my Katniss again. I want you to be healthy and happy, I want to see a smile on your face every single day. Do you understand?" He says while drawing invisible circles onto my back with his thumb. I nod my head in response and feel a single tear roll down my cheek.
I want to be all the things Peeta said and more but I know I will never be the same Katniss Everdeen that volunteered in her sister's place at that reaping. I am too broken, too scared.
"Please don't cry." He says as he pulls me back to look at me. He wipes away the few tears on my face with his thumb. He pulls me into his arms once again and we relax into the bed. "Sleep now." He tells me. I close my eyes but there is a question rolling around in y head.
"Peeta?" I say quietly.
"Mmmm?" He mumbles, on the edge of sleep.
"Do you think we will ever be normal again? Do you think we could still have normal lives?" I ask timidly, my eyes still closed.
"I think so. We may never be completely healed, but I think we will be able to live with that, you know? Live with our scars and memories, both good and bad." He says in a sleepy, yet completely believable voice. I nod once more before falling into a deep sleep. Tonight there would be no nightmares for the first time since the hunger games.
The next day is different from any other I have had since coming to District 12 after the war. I awake a little after dawn and immediately break free from Peeta's grasp and head into the bathroom and take a shower. I rid myself of the old dirty clothes and avoid the mirror as I step into the shower. The hot stream of water coming from the tap feels invigorating, and I scrub all the dirt and grime off my body. After shampooing my hair and rinsing off I step out of the shower and grab a towel to dry off.
I wrap the towel around my now slightly damp body and walk back into the bedroom where I find a missing Peeta. I wonder where he could have gone when I smell the delicious scents coming from downstairs. Peeta is making breakfast. Quickly I pull on a plain t- shirt and a pair of black pants. I attempt to towel dry my hair and then get to work with my brush to try and detangle the huge knots that have formed in my hair.
As I sit on the bed I hear footsteps walk up behind me and before I know it Peeta has his arms wrapped around my torso and is giving a small peck to my neck. "Morning." He says into my hair and then he grabs the brush that I am struggling to get through my damp hair. "Here, let me." He says quietly and he begins gently untangling the large knots.
While he is brushing through my hair I close my eyes and loose myself in the feeling. I have always loved someone running there fingers through my hair, or having my hair brushed. My mother used to do it all the time for me before my father died. I loved it so much. As I think of this Peeta begins using his hands to massage my scalp. I sigh quietly as the feeling overwhelms me.
I find myself leaning back onto him as he does so, my eyes still closed. I feel like I could fall asleep at any moment when I hear Peeta's voice break through and into my ears. "You're not going to fall asleep now are you?" He says with his mouth next to my ear. "I just made breakfast for the two of us." He half whines and I force myself into a sitting position. I run my fingers through my hair to find that he has successfully un- matted my hair. He gives me a grin when he sees my amazed eyes.
We walk down the stairs together and the smell of the freshly made food that awaits me takes my breath away. I walk into the kitchen to see a pile of blueberry pancakes, a small basket of muffins and a plate piled high with cheese buns; my favourite. I immediately walk over to the table where everything sits and take my seat.
As Peeta and I eat I can't help but think that maybe, just maybe this might work. That I might be able to come back to life and end up happy some way. I also realize that Peeta is such a huge part of what makes me happy and content. That I don't want to loose him. So when we are both done our breakfast and the dishes have been cleaned I take his hand in my own and stay as close to him as I can.
When I sit down on the couch and cuddle in next to him I ask him a question I never imagined I would be brave enough to ask at a moment like this. "Peeta, do you love me?" I ask him as I stare into his bright blue eyes.
"Yes, always." He tells me. His arms tighten around me and he says, "I know that you can't say that yourself just yet, and I know you need time. But I need you to know that I love you and always will. Nothing will ever change that. You are so beautiful, and caring and brave. You are you, Katniss. That's all I will ever need or want." I am so grateful that he knows me so well. I know in my heart that it is love I feel towards him, but I can not say those words yet.
"Thank you. Thank you for understanding." I tell him and he simply hugs me tighter.
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