Left Alone
You criticize the practice
By murdering their plants
Ignoring all the history
Denying them romance
The pin-striped men of morning
Are coming for to dance
Forty-million dollars
The kids don't stand a chance
Vampire Weekend – The Kids Don't Stand A Chance
In retrospect, the whole damn thing had been a set up from the beginning. Myka's keys were sitting innocently on the corner of Claudia's desk and the SUV had a suspiciously full tank of gas. Claudia was two hours into her trip and making the shocking discovery that she had the worst case of motor mouth in the universe when DMX was playing on the radio when she realized this fact.
"Those assholes," she hissed, slamming her fist on the steering wheel and turning down the radio because there was only so many times she could sing along with the censor's sound effects before she just felt really stupid. But it was awesome at the same time. Claudia rolled like that.
She should have goddamn seen this coming. Myka had been trying to get her to go for weeks, saying that maybe getting away from this place and all the awful memories that she now associated with what was supposed to be her fucking home would do her some good. Claudia didn't want to be 'done some good,' however, she wanted to curl up and die and pretend that nothing was wrong.
They all knew her too well to believe that. She apparently did not hide her anger and her sadness well. They'd've loved that at the mental hospital. Loved her rage and her hatred and her anger at God and at the universe; drugged her up and told her not to worry about it.
The thing was, Claudia did worry – obsess even. It consumed her like a knot of pent-up emotions and terrified her because she felt out of control whenever she dared to think about them too hard.
Steve was dead and there wasn't a thing that anyone could do about it. Artie had taken the metronome from her in the chaos of the return of the Warehouse and had not mentioned where he'd put it. Claudia had resisted looking thus far for very good reason. She did not want to tempt fate, to tempt her own will-power.
Because she would do it in a heartbeat, she had a plan.
God, she sounded like the suicidal kids they used to bring into the mental hospital, with her lists and her carefully plotted sequences of events. The worst was knowing just how long she could keep Steve alive before his soul was forever corrupted by the metronome and subsequently doomed to burn in Hell for the rest of eternity. She had a plan for that too, it might have involved some biblical artifact (that really probably should not have survived to this day) and a prayer to the gods above that Claudia had completely lost her faith in, that Steve would be alright.
She would not go through with it – she'd resisted temptation for a reason. It was just within her grasp, a safety net, filled with the dread and knowing that Steve would not have wanted that. He would not have wanted the fate that Marcus had been relegated to, kept alive by the most evil of devices, all the good in him being sucked out by the metronome. Claudia knew all of this intellectually, but she still wanted a chance to say goodbye.
She really, really missed him, that was all.
Claudia exhaled noisily and ran a hand through her hair, eyes narrowing through her sunglasses at the late April sunlight. That was what had gotten her started today. Myka looking at her with those big concerned eyes that made her look too maternal, too fucking much like the mother that Claudia swore up and down that she didn't remember. (And she didn't, not really, the memories were too fuzzy for Claudia to really be able to say one way or the other anything about her parents.) It was not a good look on Myka – it made her look way older than she actually was – and Claudia made sure to point that out to her.
Her words were cutting and cruel, not at all the friendly and secretly hilarious Claudia that they'd all grown to know and love. No, she wanted them to hurt as much as possible. She was lashing out, rebelling against her sadness and her anger that they were too busy fucking around with Emily Goddamn Lake to save him.
(She was really not upset that H.G. came back with the Warehouse though, she couldn't be. Claudia loves H.G. in a way that she truly does not understand and when H.G. sent her an email some two months ago trying to talk her through her anger and her sadness, Claudia had let her.
And then Myka had started suggesting that Claudia go visit and shit had hit the fan. Because maybe she didn't want to goddamn go see H.G. Didn't anyone think of that?
She wanted to wallow in her sadness for a little while longer, before she dared try to heal the wounds on her soul.)
"I'm sorry," Myka had said quietly, running a hand through her (once again) curly hair and frowning at the paperwork in front of her.
Claudia didn't say anything, she didn't have to. Myka knew and understood how Claudia felt about, well, everything that had happened to them up to that point. There had been late-night confessions and Claudia's stubborn refusal to admit that she had been sleeping in Myka's room for a long time now and the weekend when Myka wasn't there was when the nightmares came back.
Steve was dead, lying there and Claudia was screaming. Screaming, screaming and she couldn't stop until she woke up and even then it was almost too much for her and she needed someone else to be there.
She shook her head, and was just a little bit grateful that Myka did leave that one weekend, because she had finally realized that she could beat her demons on her own.
Sure, said beating involved a good bit of 'oh I'll go to bed in an hour' until she had to rely on copious intake of Red Bull and the complete annihilation of anything that got in her way in Skyrim. Oh yes. That Claudia Donovan, she was a master at coping.
She passed a sign, Cheyenne, 100 miles, and she realized that she knew where she was going all along. Those fucking assholes had planned this from the get-go.
It was the middle of the day on a Tuesday and Claudia called the number at the school where she knew H.G. was 'working' – which was totally bullshit because H.G. should be like, running NASA or something, not stuck in small-town fucking Wyoming pretending to be an English teacher. A cat lady English teacher.
H.G.'s reaction to the thought of Dickens the cat was in the top ten most hilarious things that Claudia had ever seen in her life.
Oh, and the best part was that she kept the cat – the most hilarious thing of all. There might have been cat pictures attached to the emails that H.G. had sent her. Claudia was totally proud of H.G. for figuring out how to use the camera on her phone and how to send emails from it as well. Girl was catching up with the times.
"Lincoln High School Office, this is Janice speaking," a cheery voiced woman on the other end of the phone line said.
Claudia coughed once and then said in her most grown-up voice possible, "Hi, I was wondering if I could speak to Emily Lake, it's an important matter."
Oh god, she was getting so good at that voice.
There was a moment, ever so brief, when she wanted to text Steve and tell him that she'd perfected the art of pretending to be a grownup. Claudia's lip trembled and she shook herself, trying to right her thoughts before they tipped over completely and went down like the Titanic into the land of melancholy once again.
"Can I tell her who's calling?" Janice the secretary asked. "She's at lunch, so I gotta run and get her."
"No matter, tell her my name's Donovan, she knows who I am." Claudia hoped that H.G. would be alright with an impromptu visit. It struck her as a very H.G. thing to do. Well maybe not the taking Myka's keys and storming out of the warehouse in a teenage fit of rage part, but definitely the going to a place where things were a little different to gain perspective. That was very H.G. Wells.
It was silent for a few minutes and Claudia took the time to cradle her phone to her shoulder and punch the radio off. She was about an hour outside of Cheyenne now, and she wanted H.G. to be ready for when she rolled up with her teenage angst and not wanting to talk about things.
The strangest thing was that she actually did want to talk to someone about them. Just not her family. Joshua had made it pretty clear that while he understood that she was grieving, that Steve had understood his role in all this and he had known the risks going in. Claudia had called him a pig and had hung up on him.
Steve… God, he was so young and he didn't deserve to die like that. Claudia hated that Joshua was so far removed from her life that Steve felt like more of a brother to her in the few short months that she'd known him that Joshua did now. God, she missed him so much.
She could hear voices through the phone and Claudia picked it back up, holding it carefully as she drove with her other hand. Janice the secretary picked up, "Ms. Donovan? I've got Emily here for you now."
"Thank you," Claudia said, because it was only polite but she really wanted to talk to fucking H.G. not Janice the secretary. Didn't their classrooms have phones? Or you know, ways to talk privately? Schools were not funded well enough, my god.
"Hello?" H.G.'s accent was very toned down for the fact that they had actually had to go in as secret service agents (well, Pete and Myka, Claudia lacked certain credentials) and explain to the school staff that when Emily Lake had partially remembered some of her past after her accident it became apparent that she was born in London, and the accent had come back with the memories. Goddamn flimsy excuse that Claudia would have seen through in a heartbeat when she was H.G.'s student's age, but not a bad one in the big scheme of things.
"Heeeeeeey H.G.," Claudia knew she wasn't on speaker, but she wouldn't put it past Janice the secretary to listen in on their conversation, so she said H.G.'s name as quickly as she could, not wanting to get caught in a lie.. "You know how Myka is always trying to get me to come visit you?"
H.G.'s voice sounded skeptical, like she had one eyebrow raised and her expression read 'no bullshit Claudia.' Only probably in a more British and Victorian sort of way, Claudia had no idea what that would be though, Victorians were more of Myka's thing. "Yes?"
"WellIkindastoleMyka'?" Claudia spat it out as fast as she could, knowing that it would lessen the impact and make H.G. more agreeable. It worked on Artie, after all.
"Slowly, please," H.G.'s voice was kind, but there was a hint of authority in it that mildly terrified Claudia. Maybe this wasn't such a great idea after all.
"I uh… I'm about an hour away, can I come and see you?" Claudia tried lamely.
There was a pause on the other end and Claudia could hear H.G. breathing, thinking. Being British. Something that was not a simple yes or a no.
She wanted to groan with frustration.
"While it would behoove me to tell you to turn around and return Myka's car to her, I know for a fact that the drive is rather long and I believe we are in need of a chat." H.G. sounded almost parental and Claudia wanted to scream.
She didn't need a mother.
(But if she wanted one, H.G. would be a way better one that any of the other women in her like. Myka was far more sisterly, and Leena was well, Leena, and that was a relationship that lacked definition and Claudia was okay with that for the present moment.)
"Yeah," Claudia agreed grudgingly, "I think we are."
"Shall I come collect you or can I trust you to find me?" H.G. asked, her tone light, but still with that same authoritative edge to it that made Claudia feel like a chastised child. She hated that feeling. Artie was pretty boss at it as it was, and the disappointment that sometimes crept into Myka's voice could be very telling.
She bit her lip, "I know where you live."
"I imagine everyone does then?" H.G. inquired.
"Nah, just me. Oh and Myka, but I don't really think she counts on account of you two …" Claudia trailed off, not knowing how H.G. would react to the fact that she totally had a happy squee dance when Myka came back from her weekend away looking dazed and in love (not to mention having a GIGANTIC hickey on her neck. Apparently, H.G. was a vampire, shit made so much sense.).
H.G. clucked her tongue. "I'd like to keep it that way. I will see you in a bit."
"Yeah," Claudia agreed. "See you then."
They said their goodbyes and Claudia poked the radio until something loud and techno filled the car. She couldn't listen to any of her normal music right now. Most of her favorite bands tended to enjoy the more morose side of things and Claudia loved it most of the time when she wasn't a goddamn emotional wreck that was crying all the fucking time to begin with.
Mr. Kosan had suggested that she see a doctor as he pulled H.G. away from Myka, Claudia's screams and wrenched sobs the only sounds in the silent warehouse. Mrs. Frederic had come back, H.G. had come back. But Steve? Steve was still dead. He'd looked at her coldly then, and said that these things happen for a reason and to not play god.
She'd tried to punch him and Pete had had to hold her back.
And then she'd tried to punch Pete and Artie had pulled her into his arms and had soothed her until Myka had stopped her own tears of joy (or sadness that her love was taken from her once again? Claudia did not know.) and could take over.
Myka gave the best hugs out of the three of them. H.G. gave better ones but Mr. Kosan was slapping handcuffs on her and leading her out of the warehouse and now Myka was screaming and holy shit there's a fucking squirrel running across the fucking highway.
Claudia swerved around it and out of her memories, biting at the inside of her cheek to focus her attention. She could not get caught up now. No, she would not allow herself that path of thinking about that day and how horrible it had been. The extremes of emotions were such that she did not think that she would ever really know, truly, what had actually happened that day. She had been trapped in her own head for much of it. There had been Leena holding her, Pete, Artie, Myka. Everyone but the one person who she had wanted to catch her in his arms and never let her go.
Claudia slammed her fist into the steering wheel again and cursed herself for not being quicker – cursed H.G. for being so goddamn noble. They'd wasted so much fucking time – they could have saved him. They could have.
They could have…
She pulled off the road and sobbed. Hot dry tears because she'd been driving all day and her body ached and her mind was on high alert. She could not do this. Not now. She could not. Claudia pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes and sniffed, trying to find equilibrium between coping and decidedly not coping.
She'd stopped in front of a sign.
Welcome to Cheyenne, it read.
"Some welcome," Claudia grumbled. She turned the car back over and pulled onto the road again. She didn't even have to go through the main drag of the city, she was cutting around it, heading up a side road that quickly became mud and dirt as she approached the house that she'd inspected many times on a misappropriated and totally hacked government satellite. (Not that she'd done it for this reason alone, but she'd been in the area and it had seemed prudent to check and make sure that the house was still standing. Claudia understood, after all, how easy it was to blow up one of H.G.'s inventions.)
H.G.'s beat up and totally ugly Subaru (Claudia laughed, it so figured) pulled in just a few minutes after she'd parked. She hadn't worked up the courage to get out and knock on the door. Probably a good thing as she'd've looked like a complete idiot sitting on one of H.G.'s rocking chairs picking at the paint that was peeling on the railing that closed in the front porch.
She pulled her laptop case over her shoulder and pulled Myka's keys out of the ignition. Getting out of the car hurt, just a little bit, her legs were cramped up from sitting in one position for so long and her pants were a little bit too tight for comfort without some moving around.
H.G. was gathering her things from the passenger seat in her car, and Claudia picked her way across the muddy driveway to wave a tentative hand at the base of the porch steps. H.G. slammed her car door and locked it.
"Five," H.G. said by way of hello. Claudia winced, knowing that she probably did deserve a little bit of a shouting at. She had well, run away and all, "I have received five phone calls about your whereabouts today." H.G. jabbed her keys into the lock on her front door and turned then, hair flying every which way. Her face was drawn, just a little angry. Claudia had seen H.G. look very angry, and this looked nothing like it. Just sad, full of regret and strange look of parental responsibility. "Arthur called me."
Claudia's jaw fell slack. "I'm sorry," she mumbled.
There was a narrowing about H.G.'s eyes, a small satisfaction there in knowing that Claudia felt appropriately chastised. Good, her eyes said, before they softened and H.G. held out her hand to Claudia, pulling her into an awkward hug with two messenger bags and jackets involved. It was weird, Claudia decided. She wasn't used to feeling both loved and chastised at the same time. A strange feeling, to be sure.
H.G. pushed her front door open and announced almost cheerily, "No matter, you're here; you're alive, Myka will be happy to know her car is still in one piece and not in a ditch somewhere."
"I am not that bad a driver," Claudia protested as H.G. hurried her into the house.
It was, to be totally honest, amazingly homey. There were dishes in the sink and a pile of mail on the kitchen table. Dickens the cat had come running out to greet them and Claudia secretly took pictures of H.G.'s face with the cat food to show to Pete later as H.G. fed him his dinner.
"Why me?" H.G. asked after a few minutes of awkward silence. "You could have run to your friend Todd – and do not try and tell me that you don't know where he is, you're smarter than that, or even to Switzerland and your brother. And yet you chose to come to me." H.G. looked away, "I would have thought you'd hate me for coming back when Steven did not."
Her laptop was heavy on her shoulder and Claudia frowned, shifting from foot to foot. It was a Mexican standoff and Claudia was not going to be the one to draw her gun first. Or wait, was the point of a Mexican standoff that no one had guns in the first place? She'd ask Steve, he'd know.
Steve's gone.
She can't handle this, and the bag slid off her shoulder and Claudia let it fall. She didn't care, all of a sudden, that laptops did not like to be dropped, even while within padded bags.
"You were screaming then," H.G. commented, crossing the room, reaching forward and grabbing Claudia's hand. Claudia let herself be pulled through the kitchen, shoes still covered in mud from outside, and into a room that had to be H.G.'s study. It was worse than Artie's office, a total mess. Papers and notes and a whole lot of junk covered the worktable, but there was a perfectly serviceable couch that was free of clutter. "Screaming for him."
"Myka screamed for you, when they took you away," Claudia retorted angrily, folding her arms across her chest and scowling. H.G. didn't say anything to that, but there was a clear look of anguish in her eyes.
H.G. was taking off her shoes. Unlacing them expertly and pulling them off one by one, setting them to the side. It was all so maternal, but she could see how H.G. flinched when Claudia said that Myka had screamed.
She did not like to think about that day.
"Claudia, darling," H.G.'s words were kind, and she pulled Claudia to her. Claudia had forgotten that even before Pete, H.G. gave the best hugs. "He was your best friend, maybe one day he would have been your lover-"
"He was gay," Claudia muttered angrily. No one understood that she loved him not like a girl with a crush but rather a girl whose big brother was trapped in time for a decade and now didn't want to talk to her that much because she reminded him too much of the parents that she did not have the pleasure of remembering.
"Oh," H.G.'s face clearly read 'why don't people tell me these things', and Claudia couldn't help but smile just a little bit, as H.G. continued, exasperated expression vanishing back into a kind smile. "That would put a bit of a damper on that, wouldn't it?"
"It did, yes." Because she wasn't above admitting that yes, she did have the tiniest crush on Steve at the beginning. "But I think we gained something more."
"Do you remember Wolcott?" H.G. asked her, "I know that when I was ah… on (in?) on the Janus Coin, my projection told you about him."
Claudia remembered the fondness in H.G.'s voice then, and how she had sighed just a little too happily when she recalled how absolutely and delightfully sincere Wolcott had been. "Yeah."
H.G. inclined her head. "That relationship was not dissimilar to yours and Mr. Jinks. We both realized that despite an attraction that our interests lay elsewhere, and from that, a great friendship was born."
"But you didn't have to see him die," Claudia pulled her knees up to her chin, staring down at her mismatched socks and feeling depressed and lonely. "You didn't have to see a video of him telling you to be strong and brave and all this shit that I can't be because he's not here anymore.."
It was strange to see the look H.G. Wells' face. The same look that she'd worn when she had told Claudia what she had done to the men who had killed her daughter. She had completely and utterly disassociated herself from the event, a simple statement of fact: "I killed Wolcott."
Maybe that was what one hundred plus years trapped in your own brain did to you. Suddenly the Bronze sector sounded like a welcome reprieve from Claudia's traitorous thoughts and nightmares.
(Myka would never let her go through with it.)
She knew that this was important, and that H.G. was trying to make a point. Claudia didn't understand. Why would she think that she had killed her partner? Claudia turned and stared into H.G.'s dark eyes, confusion flickering across her face and asked, "You what?"
H.G. sighed and ran a hand through her hair. She looked so out of place in Emily Lake's clothes. Gone were the leather jackets and tight pants and boots. No she was wearing a skirt and a blindingly lime green cardigan and Claudia thought the whole outfit was goddamn ridiculous and far too put-together for H.G. Wells. H.G. was supposed to be Lara Croft met Indiana Jones met Steampunk. Not some school teacher. It was weird.
"I was the cause of Woolly's death. I didn't think and there was an unstable artifact and we went in together and he did not make it out."
Oh.
Oh.
It had never occurred to her that what H.G. was really confessing was her own fears for Myka. For them both. That she would somehow end up having to make a choice and that her choice would be a bad one. That Myka might not come out on top.
Claudia hung her head and did not look at H.G., she couldn't. Such a confession was so immensely private that Claudia did not think that there were words that could truly and accurately describe how it made her feel. Myka was family, H.G. was something else. A savior, a traitor, she was so many things in one small and entirely too British package. "I'm sorry," Claudia said to her knees.
H.G. reached forward then and touched Claudia's arm, her fingers were warm, grounding - there when Claudia felt like nothing more than a ghost. "I am telling you this because after I had lost him, after I had lost him and I'd lost Christina I felt as though there was nothing left. I found the men that had killed Christina, I killed them, and then I asked to be bronzed."
Claudia turned then to look at H.G., her hair flying across her face, blinding streak of green against red for just the briefest of instances. "But…" she began.
She had no idea that that was what had happened. Myka was the only one who really knew what had happened with H.G. back then. Claudia just knew the details that everyone did, and she felt strangely honored that H.G. actually wanted to talk to Claudia of all people about her life.
H.G. shook her head, and continued, "Living with regret is one thing, Claudia – letting it consume you is something else entirely." H.G. patted Claudia on the shoulder, pulling a cellphone out of her pocket – the one that Claudia had helped her set up before things had gotten really bad and H.G. had tried to destroy the world. Claudia hadn't realized that she'd kept it, all this time. She could have found H.G. – well, Emily Lake, long before Sykes had ever steered them to Cheyenne if she'd known.
Claudia bit her lip as H.G. stood up and gestured to the phone, "Now, I must call Myka and tell her that you've made it here safely. Maybe then Arthur will stop – what is the expression these days – 'blowing up my phone.'"
Okay, that was perhaps just a little bit hilarious to hear out of H.G.'s mouth and Claudia cracked a smile. The guilt weighed down on her, but she just couldn't be there with them. She couldn't deal with how they all looked at her as though she was about to break. She wasn't, she was stronger than that.
She sat back on the couch and really tried hard to not listen in on the one-sided conversation between H.G. and probably the entire Warehouse staff.
"No, Peter, I did no such thing." H.G. said shortly, "She can stay as long as she likes and Myka doesn't need her car."
Claudia cracked a smile.
Myka was going to kill her.
They ordered pizza for dinner and H.G. told Claudia of the projects that she was working on in her spare time. It was crazy how much she could do while still pretending to have a day job. Around her pizza, Claudia told H.G. about the metronome and how it would work and H.G. told her to not do it, no matter what.
The price, as it were, was far too high.
As they cleaned up after dinner and watched as Dickens chased one of the cat toys that Claudia had found in the glove box of Myka's car. Again, Claudia felt it necessary to point out how this was all a goddamn set up and their concerned phone calls were just to cover their asses to ensure that she knew that they really cared about her. Claudia knew, she wasn't a goddamn idiot. "H.G. don't you have class in the morning?" Claudia asked.
H.G. pursed her lips like she wanted to say that no, she did not. Once upon a time, Claudia had been in school, she could understand the sentiment. "I do."
"Then why are you spending so much time with me? You should be… I don't know, preparing or something." She didn't know why she asked, why it was so goddamn important that Claudia know that H.G. didn't resent her for coming here.
H.G. set the final dish in the dish drain next to the sink and squeezed the remaining water out of the sponge with a shrug. "I figured that you needed me more." She said simply.
Claudia could not remember her mom, but she hoped that she'd been a bit like H.G. Wells. All kind smiles and silent support and just getting it. "I… thank you."
They shared a smile then, and Claudia realized just how wonderful it really was to see H.G. smile. She had not done it enough back before, and then when they'd found her there hadn't been any goddamn time and then H.G. was dead and back again and Mr. Kosan was goddamn ruining everything.
Pete's mom hadn't been much better when she'd returned from her sudden trip to China. She'd made them all explain what exactly it was that they'd done, and then had lectured them all at length about the dangers of using artifacts like that. But her expression had softened when she'd turned to Claudia and had told her that no one expected her to be okay. She was allowed to be sad and to be upset, it was part of the process. Steve was trained for this, but Claudia was too young to have had such training, and that Pete's mom was more than willing to help her cope.
Claudia had tried to take her up on the offer, but it had just been even worse then and she'd withdrawn into herself completely.
It was only when Myka had dared to come and to visit H.G. that things had started to feel better – less disjointed.
H.G. bent and slipped on mud boots that came up to her knees and grabbed a jacket off the rack by the kitchen door. She pulled it over her shoulders and buttoned it, motioning for Claudia to do the same. "Come, I want to show you something. Get your coat."
Claudia pulled on her jacket and stepped into a pair of H.G.'s boots (her shoes were still in the other room and her feet were about H.G.'s size, if not a little smaller). It felt weird to wear them, unfamiliar, but still comfortable.
They crossed the porch and out into the April evening. It smelled like mud and spring and rain and Claudia liked all of those smells. Just not near her new chucks, or her face (thank you Pete for that delightful mudball… she swore to fucking god the man was FIVE not thirty something.).
There was a rock about halfway up H.G.'s driveway, flat and protruding up and out of the ground. H.G. climbed up it and turned to offer her hand to Claudia, hauling her up and on to the wide slate surface. Their heads tilted skywards, and H.G. began to speak, "The stars here, in this part of the world, are so different. I've had to completely relearn my cosmic map, bit annoying, really."
Claudia laughed, her hands shoved deep in her jacket pockets. "You're fast H.G., you'll pick it up."
They fell into silence for few minutes then, Claudia tracing out Orion, Draco, Ursa Major and Minor, Scorpio, Gemini. She knew where they all were, and has known for years. Joshua used to like to stargaze.
She never knew if Steve did or not. They'd never had the time.
"Steven is up there, you know. In the stars. I never much cared for the idea of heaven, but I think the Greeks and the Romans had the right idea, putting heroes in the sky to forever watch down upon us all." She pointed to a cluster that Claudia didn't know the name of. "He's there. Near Alpha Centauri, second star to the right."
"And straight on 'til morning." The line came from memory, but Claudia could see H.G.'s lips quirk upwards in a smile. H.G. must have read the book, then, it had been one of Claudia's favorites as a child, although decidedly after her time.
It wasn't quite cold enough that their breath fogged, but Claudia was pretty sure that it would have added to the mood as H.G.'s hand came to rest on her shoulder and her eyes sparkled just a little bit in the darkness. It was so hard to stay mad at H.G., because she was so fucking cool and awesome and knew what happened with you did certain things with certain chemicals and totally approved to telling Pete to do them just to see what might potentially happen. In the purpose of science and all.
Claudia had never wanted a mother before, but H.G. was filling the role despite everything that Claudia had thrown in her path. She wasn't receptive, wasn't willing to let H.G. in until it was too late and H.G. was off trying to destroy the world and breaking Myka's heart in the process. And it was then that Claudia really realized that maybe she'd wanted H.G. to be something more than a friendly face and a sounding board for her ideas.
Steve had told her the whole thing was silly when she'd tried to explain it to him. He had never met H.G., and had only heard stories of her from Claudia and Pete. Myka never talked about H.G. with them and they all understood why.
H.G's fingers squeezed Claudia's shoulder and she smiled, lips quirking upwards in that small and tight-lipped smile that Claudia knew meant that H.G. was being genuine. Her fake smile was wide and bright and friendly – but completely transparent if you knew anything about H.G. She wasn't that outgoing, and was more judicious with her emotions. "You see, Claudia? Steven gave you a gift, he showed you a part of himself that I am under the impression he habitually kept very guarded. Embrace that memory like it is your own."
Claudia leaned into H.G. then, and let the tears that had started this morning come again and again. Half-freezing in the Wyoming spring evening and completely happy that she'd done this – despite the fact that Myka was going to murder her when she went back.
She had missed H.G., had missed hugs like this – and the fact that H.G. just got it.
They went back inside some time later and H.G. made some 'sleepytime' – Claudia was skeptical of it based on name alone and certain misadventures with Fargo – tea for the pair of them. It was a little spicy, but with milk and sugar, it made Claudia feel warm and safe and a whole lot better than she had before. "It's getting late," H.G. muttered, looking at the clock on the stove and sighing. She pulled off her sweater and folded it over her arm. "I'll set you up on the sofa. It's not the most comfortable thing in the world, but it'll do."
Claudia set her mug down on the counter and stared at it hard. Her cheeks were burning, it was so goddamn embarrassing to even have to ask. "Can I…"
The question hung heavy in the room and H.G. nodded once jerkily, hands fiddling with her cardigan and she commented dryly, "Dickens will develop opinions about me…"
And she said she didn't like the cat. H.G. you liar. Claudia grinned, wished that she had thought to record that one particular line for future blackmail purposes and found herself stating the obvious, because apparently even time traveling Victorian geniuses need reassurances that their cat won't think them slutty. "Everyone knows you love Myka, H.G.," She smiled and then her face fell and her cheeks burned again. She hated to admit it, but to be alone right now would not work at all. She knew that she could not mentally handle being in strange place by herself.
She was growing so goddamn dependent on others, but she could not quiet her mind when she was alone and the nightmares had gotten worse and worse. She had to own her fear, Pete's mom had explained, and not let it consume her. She had to let herself grieve for the friend she'd lost.
"I just… I can't be alone right now."
H.G.'s smile was kind then, this one warm and inviting, and she held out her hand and pulled Claudia up and towards the stairs. "Oh come here, darling."
It wasn't awkward, or even remotely strange. H.G. just handed her an oversized t-shirt and told her where the bathroom was before starting to grade papers, sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed. Claudia changed quickly and H.G. shifted herself to be more on one side of the bed than the other. Claudia dozed off to the quiet sound of pen scratching on paper and the occasional rustle of blankets as H.G. moved though her grading.
It was nice, safe. A bit like Myka when she did paperwork late into the night.
She could get used to it.
The following morning, Claudia found herself following H.G. into work. While she knew that Dickens was solid, he was also a cat and therefore boring as shit. H.G. had rolled her eyes and told her to pack a lunch because the cafeteria food was ghastly and Claudia had made herself a PB&J to bring with her.
H.G. actually needed Claudia's help with something on her school-provided classroom computer. It was 'doing odd things' – which translated into, had a bazillion spyware programs eating away at its memory and no antivirus protection to speak of. Oh, and something was really wrong with the fan.
"You won't break it, will you?" H.G. asked after they'd hooked up H.G.'s personal laptop to the printer in order to print out copies of a test and two quizzes that H.G. was planning on giving that day. Claudia figured that she'd peace out and go find a bookstore or something to hole up in under the end of the day once classes actually started, but H.G. had not asked her to go, so she wouldn't.
"Nah, just make it better," Claudia explained, and H.G. grinned at her.
This was what Claudia liked, people understanding that she was there to help, not break HUNDRED YEAR OLD VERY IMPORTANT THINGS by taking them apart, finding their flaws, and improving them. Artie just didn't get it, most of the time, but the Tesla Rifles that Claudia had made had been pretty fucking awesome if she did say so herself.
Steve certainly had and he didn't give out compliments unless they were deserved.
(Mostly he gave out nuggies and fist bumps and barely veiled hilarious insults. Because he was Steve and Claudia had really loved him.)
And that was how Claudia found herself half an hour later. Sitting in Emily Lake's classroom, overclocking the computer because she honestly didn't have anything else to do and she just happened to have a soldering gun in her bag when she'd stormed off yesterday. So she'd taken the thing apart and was making improvements. She'd just gotten to the fan (what a dusty disaster that was going to be) when a girl with dark hair walked into the room, school bag slung over her shoulder.
Claudia glanced up, and gave a small wave. She hadn't gotten a chance to meet any of Emily Lake's students the previous time that she'd been in Cheyenne. She'd been too distracted, too miserable, and then she'd been so full of anger and sadness and desperation that she'd completely forgotten that H.G. Wells was masquerading as a fucking teacher and it was goddamn hilarious because while H.G. was very smart, she did not have the most patience in the world. Also she once tried to bring about the next ice age.
The girl looked around, blinking at H.G.'s laptop and Claudia's tools set in neat rows along the floor as worked. "Who are you?" The girl demanded. "Where's Ms. Lake?"
"A Friend of Ms. Lake's," Claudia fiddled with her screwdriver. It was rude, not to mention unfriendly, as she didn't know this chick from Adam. She did not have to justify being there, and she stuck her chin out stubbornly and selected a smaller screwdriver and jabbed moodily at the fan. What the fucking fuck someone had stuck gum in it. No wonder it wasn't working.
The girl set her bag down on a nearby desk and began to pull out her class supplies as Claudia attempted to use her screwdriver as a chisel to remove the gum. She had almost gotten it loose when the girl commented, "Ms. Lake doesn't really have friends – she's got no memory."
"She has more than you'd know." Claudia muttered.
It bothered her that this girl thought that, that this girl didn't really know H.G. at all. Well no one really knew H.G. here, just a few select people were aware of her origins and even fewer knew that she was not actually accredited to teach in the state of Wyoming or at all. Or drive in the US, but that had been something that Claudia and Pete had helped H.G. out with one lazy Sunday morning on dirt roads in South Dakota. It was crazy to think that H.G.'s students legit thought that about her too.
She shook her head and jabbed at the gum some more. It was coming loose, thank god.
"I'm Erica." The girl said, settling down in her chair and watching Claudia with narrowed eyes, "Senior here."
Claudia wondered if this was the girl with the hilarious crush on H.G. that Myka had told her about. Myka had brought it up with a bit of a jealous tone in her voice and Claudia had not let her live it down for about a week. She grinned, pitching her shoulders forward in a gesture that she knew was non-threading, "I'm Claudia, I'm a sophomore at SDSU."
And no, not San Diego. Idiots. The real SDSU was in South Dakota, thank you very much.
Erica blinked, apparently processing this information and Claudia successfully pulled the gum off the computer's fan with a triumphant cackle. She flicked it into the trashcan as Erica brushed her hair over her shoulder and leaned forward across the desk, "How do you know Ms. Lake then? She's not from South Dakota."
There was no reason to sugarcoat it. H.G. wouldn't want her to lie about something like this (because H.G. had a bit of an ego and Claudia knew that she knew it) so she told the truth, "She uh… well, she saved my life."
And then tried to kill her a few times, and then saved everyone but the person Claudia cared about the most because she was a big damn hero.
"No way." Erica, for her part, looked a bit impressed.
Claudia shrugged, trying to brush it off as nothing. "Yeah, its crazy complicated, but I'm just visiting."
The girl looked a little put out, like she couldn't believe that someone as cool as 'Ms. Lake' was spending time with a nerd like Claudia. Oh, if only this girl knew what H.G. was in the process of inventing in her free time. Her head would probably explode at the sheer level of H.G.'s own nerdiness. "Oh." Erica bit at her lip and looked away from Claudia to her schoolwork. "That's cool I guess."
Damn right it was cool, she got to hang out with H.G. fucking Wells and make this girl incredibly jealous and it was fucking awesome. She got to hear H.G.'s awesome stories and explain modern pop culture to H.G. and this girl had to sit in her English class and fucking pine.
Claudia was feeling damn vindictive, but the girl was being goddamn rude. She rummaged in her bag for a can of compressed air and began to clean out the computer's fan.
There was silence for a few minutes, and Claudia had gotten so wrapped up in chasing out the most epic dust bunny she'd ever seen inside a computer (thing was a fire hazard, my god) that she jumped a little bit when Erica announced without preamble: "I got into Oxford."
She was running low on air, Claudia shook the can a little bit, wincing as it grew icy cold under her fingers. "Good for you?" she asked.
Erica tapped her finger against her chin, "Ms. Lake went there…" Claudia snorted, Yeah in like 1882. Not really the same thing, sweetie. "I haven't told her yet, do you think she'll be impressed?"
Claudia wasn't a gigantic dick, however, so she just nodded and pretended that the whole thing wasn't hilarious. "Sure, I guess. She likes smart chicks – her partner went to some ritzy school in D.C."
Tact and subtlety? Claudia didn't know what that even meant. Her words were chosen carefully to make it very clear that she knew 'Emily Lake' a lot better than this girl did. She tried not to grin vindictively (she was just a little bit diabolical after all – even Pete said so) at the myriad of emotions that crossed the girl's face at this pronouncement.
"Wait. Partner?" She spluttered eyes wide.
Claudia might have misspoken. On purpose. Because she was a totally a dick. And this girl was rude.
She chewed on the inside of her cheek to prevent herself from sniggering and pretended to play dumb. "In uh… crime?"
The classroom door closed with a snap and H.G. walked into the room, a large sheaf of papers tucked under her arm and a foul expression on her face. Claudia's face fell just for a moment before she realized that H.G's bad mood was not directed at her, but rather her companion. "Among other things. Erica, please refrain from prying into my personal life. We've discussed this." H.G. said testily.
"Ms. Lake… I …" Erica began as Claudia turned to gather her things. There wasn't much else she could do for this computer at this point other than a few more speed tests, but she didn't think that H.G. wanted her classroom computer running like something out of the Warehouse. So she shoved her stuff back into her bag and unplugged her soldering gun from the power strip under the desk as H.G. and Erica-her-fangirl had an epic stare-down right above her head.
H.G.'s voice turned a lot milder when she spoke next, this time to Claudia. Her eyes were sad, but kind and Claudia winced, she knew what was coming. "Claudia, I know we discussed a longer stay but there is a curiosity that required your attention back home, Myka wants you to head back."
Her Farnsworth was in her back pocket, they could have, you know, called. Only that was probably the punishment, that H.G. had to be her fucking handler now that she'd fucking stormed off because they couldn't look at her without pity.
"Oh." She said, hand in her hair, her mood plummeting.
"Erica, could we have a moment?" H.G. asked quietly and Claudia thanked god that she took the fucking hint and high-tailed it out of the classroom.
Claudia stood on half-asleep feet, trying to wiggle them just a bit to get the feeling back into them. "I guess they want me to go back?"
H.G. nodded, her hands shoved into her pants pockets. "Something about a black widow artifact and they don't want Pete or Arthur in the field looking for it as they're both potential victims." She gave a small shrug, "Myka says to tell you that she's not mad."
Claudia scowled, "Why didn't they just call me?" She hated that they had not.
"I told them not to," H.G. said simply.
Claudia stared at her.
"You needed some time to collect yourself and gain perspective. I suggested that I stay with you and they give you space," H.G. gave Claudia a look that implied that agreeing with her that this was a good idea (it probably had been) was in Claudia's best interests.
"So uh…" She shifted from foot to foot and H.G. was suddenly there, hugging her, holding her close. It was nice, wonderful even. Claudia couldn't wait until H.G. could be back with them all the time. Myka would be happier, they all would be happier. She was sure of it.
"Don't lose sight of yourself in your grief," H.G. whispered, pressing her lips to Claudia's forehead. "Drive safely."
Claudia nodded. "I always do."