Chapter 1
Johanna sighed staring at the flurry of images on the TV screen. They were doing a rerun of Hunger Games footage, showing the best moments of the surviving victor's Games.
It was mostly things she would have liked to forget along with profiles on each of the new victors'.
Beetee and Enobaria were lucky; they each had at least one new victor to mentor their tributes. Finnick had Annie to help him cope with the pain and the memories. Peeta had Haymitch and Haymitch had alcohol.
But Johanna had no one. As always.
She didn't mind in fact sometimes she preferred the quiet, dark of her house.
In the past her house had always been filled with family and laughter. But the Hunger Games changed that.
They'd killed her parents through convenient accidents that were probably nothing more than accidents. And her youngest sister, just a baby, had died of starvation. That was probably an accident as well.
But the deaths of her other three sisters had been purposeful. When she had taken the house in the Victor's Village but refused to stop working in the timber mills. She liked the work had she didn't have much else to do so she kept at it and gave the unneeded money to poor families in her community.
The Capitol didn't like that, not one bit but there was nothing they could do to stop a victor.
Or so she had thought.
She hadn't realized how much she was part of a game, even deadlier than the Hunger Games, until she had come home one evening to see her house burning down her three little sisters dying inside.
She had tried to run inside, tried to save them but Brandt had held her back saying there was nothing she could do.
He was right of course but that didn't make the pain any less.
The fire had been put out swiftly to prevent it from spreading and all her sisters were burned neatly to a crisp.
Johanna had vomited at that. She who had killed a person by driving an ax through their skull repeatedly.
They had said it was an oven fire but Johanna knew it was a lie. None of her sisters cooked. None of them even touched the oven. She doubted the younger two even knew how to work it.
She had stopped working in the timber mills after that and found comfort in Brandt's arms.
But she had forgotten there were cameras everywhere and had told Finnick the Capitol had killed her family in plain view of one during the next Games. She had also refused to play to the Capitol's twisted agenda.
When she came home Brandt was dead from an 'accident'. This time she knew better than to talk.
But there was no one left for them to kill.
Now as she sat in front of the TV trying to find a channel without the image of her driving an ax through a man's torso but failing to keep the memories down she realized that she had been wrong all this time.
She had had someone, even if she didn't love that person or even particularly like them she had had the other victors.
And now the only ones left who knew the trials she had been through and suffered their own just as bad were spread out across Panem.
Now in the dark of her empty house she was truly alone. And as the rain poured down and the past Games played on, a reminder of the past and the future yet to come, she felt truly alone.
And for the first time in a long time she wished she wasn't. Because being lonely meant the Capitol had no one to hold against her but it also meant she had no one.
No one to be there for her when she woke up screaming. No one to talk to. No one to confide her fears in. No friends. Nothing.
Most times she didn't care. Most days she could laugh at the families she saw. But some days she felt immense regret.
And now as she sat watching the past Hunger Games as she watched the few people she had considered friends, the victors she had connected with through similar situations, slaughter and be slaughtered.
It made her think the Capitol had set up this marathon on purpose. It would make sense with the first real Hunger Games since the end of the rebellion in just a few short months. The Capitol would be trying to make the victors wary, make them nervous. They would be trying to put themselves in a place of power.
Though Johanna doubted anyone would try to start a rebellion any time soon. Not after the friends and families lost. Not after the victors were crushed. Not after the death of the Mockingjay.
Johanna rose from her couch and strode to her kitchen pouring herself a glass of thick alcohol. She walked back to the couch swirling the drink around in the glass in one hand and swinging the bottle in her other hand.
"The Mockingjay ha!" she laughed at the thought, a scared sixteen year old girl with a talent for a bow who had somehow managed to frighten the multicolored pants of the Capitol and spark a rebellion.
It was truly funny that not even District 13, with their so called nuclear weapons, had ever dared to challenge the Capitol outright. And yet Katniss, the Mockingjay, had. In the most unexpected and completely indirect way possible. Because she loved the boy she was supposed to kill.
The mushy gushy star-crossed lovers affect was the complete wrong approach to the rebellion. To quench it, to save it, any part of it really. They gained so many more people by showing Katniss as who she was, hard and intimidating. A fool with her few moments.
But now she was dead so it didn't matter. And Snow had chosen the perfect moment. Not killing her immediately but waiting until the rebels were so sure of themselves and then crushing them.
She had to applaud his ingenious really. Though that didn't make her want to kill him any less. Her eyes strayed back to the screen and she winced as she saw her own Games. She threw the glass behind her, hearing the muffled clink on the carpeted floor, and brought the bottle directly to her lips using the alcohol to cloud her senses against the pain.
Somehow this was worse than watching Enobaria tear someone's throat open with her teeth.
This wasn't the random flow of images the Capitol had been spreading around before but highlights of each of the surviving victors and many of the dead ones. This time the TV showed footage of her throughout the whole Games.
First as a sniffling weakling, then a deadly ax wielding maniac. They even went as far as to show footage of her at her welcome home, cradling each of her sisters, love in her eyes clearly visible.
She drained the bottle at that.
As she was staring at the flickering screen, relieved that they had switched to the next Games, a sudden sound startling her. A sound that rarely was heard in the house of Johanna Mason. A knock on the door.
Johanna waited a moment for a moment to make sure it wasn't her imagination or the TV. A second knock came and she got up grumbling curses about Snow, the Capitol, Peacekeepers, anyone who might be knocking on her door in the middle of the night. But when she yanked open the door, alcohol bottle still in her hand, she saw the one person she never would have imagined to be standing at her doorstep.
Katniss Everdeen. The Mockingjay. Hair in a wild braid, clothes torn, face scratched and sad, clutching a mid-sized leather pack carefully to her chest like it was the only thing holding her to the world.
Johanna's mouth dropped open in astonishment and she blurted out, "WHA… you're supposed to be DEAD! Why aren't you dead?" Johanna studied Katniss' face, saw the crushing sadness and regret in her eyes and suddenly she had a revelation.
"OH CRUD! I fell asleep and this is all a dream! You're gonna start screaming that it's all my fault your dead then I'm going to have to club you to death with this bottle and then you're gonna turn into my sisters and then and and…" she started panicking and panting heavily as the realization of the nightmare light up her mind.
Katniss' eyes glittered with a harsh amusement and she opened her mouth even as Johanna raised the bottle and gripped it like an ax, "Oh this isn't a dream Johanna and I'm certainly not dead. Do you really believe the Capitol would let me off that easy? Are you really that drunk? What are you Haymitch?" Katniss snorted and gestured inside, "Well are you going to invite me inside?"
Johanna continued to stare at her for a while and then cocked an eyebrow in question, "How do I know you're the real Katniss?" she questioned her voice laced with suspicion.
Katniss sighed and clutched the pack she holding tight to her chest, "When we were being held by the Capitol they burned Peeta's hands too severely the first time and he passed out. They had tortured him in front of me and I freaked out screaming and hitting everyone who came near me. So they put me in a cell with you to try and calm me down. The first thing you said to me was, 'Oh hello Birdie! Have you come to rescue me? I don't think your wings are strong enough to carry us both,' then in a lower voice you added, 'It's your fault we're in here if I'm not out in a week I'll kill you.' You never did get the chance to kill me."
Johanna blinked the sighed, "Fine you're the real Katniss, get inside before I change my mind and club you to death."
Katniss walked inside and followed Johanna to the kitchen sitting cautiously on a bar stool eyes once again filling with sadness and a hint of insanity.
Johanna yanked another bottle of alcohol out of her cabinet and poured a glass for herself and another for her guest.
"So," she said still suspicious, "the Capitol just let you go? With no threats or anything? That's hard to believe."
Katniss bit her lip nervously and shifted the pack in her arms cradling it, "I'll tell you my story but you have to tell yours first."
Johanna shrugged and sat in the stool to the left of Katniss, lounging with her legs on the counter. She sipped her drink, cleared her throat and spoke, "Let's see you know about the torturing, I assume you heard most of it," Katniss nodded and Johanna continued, "well when we, Peeta, Annie and I, were rescued we were all disheartened that the Mockingjay was dead. We had seen you shot to death from our cells earlier and it was pretty frightening. Even more frightening was the state of the rebel leaders at the news of your death.
Coin was the only one who didn't care, whereas Plutarch went berserk. It was pretty funny he kept screaming, 'NO NO NO NO! She's the Mockingjay!' He even tried to get your mother to let your sister be filmed saying something about how she wouldn't give up fighting and that neither should the rebels. He kept saying, 'WE HAVE TO GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT MRS. EVERDEEN!' Then she slapped him.
Your mother was probably the only one who didn't break down right away. She held together for a while, trying to be there for your sister I guess, but after she slapped Plutarch she kind of snapped. She stole the kitchen's small supply of alcohol and then got drunk with Haymitch and me on my hospital bed. Then she started sobbing and screaming something about, 'I didn't break my promise Katniss! I didn't go away this time. I stayed strong for Prim! But sometimes it's so hard! FORGIVE ME!' Then she threw the bottles at the door and hit a soldier coming to confiscate the alcohol in the head.
That was pretty scary actually. Haymitch's reaction was funny. He was really mopey and once or twice I caught him with a tear in his eye.
Your sister cried a lot and she was so sweet anytime she started crying random people would go up to her and comfort her.
The rest of the survivors from District 12 all walked around sharing stories, memories and grieving in their own ways.
Peeta shut himself into his room for days and never came out; they had to slip food in through a hole in his door.
Your friend Gale went around with a stormy look on his face and practically threw himself into battle plans with Beetee.
When the actual 'the Mockingjay is dead' message came out it didn't affect us much accept to spur the rebels on and they were able to capture Districts 6 and 8. The worst part was that after the message aired a canister supposedly filled with your ashes came down in a silver parachute along with your Mockingjay pin and a note that said it was for Peeta.
Unfortunately Gale went to retrieve the canister and took the pin for himself, claiming that you never really loved Peeta. Haymitch got excited at the prospect of a death match and so decided to tell Peeta what had happened.
Peeta came sprinting out of his room all the way to the cafeteria where he tackled Gale and demanded your pin. The two started wrestling until they were separated and began a screaming match that ended with Peeta shouting, "SHE CONFESSED HER LOVE TO ME WHEN WE WERE BEING HELD BY THE CAPITOL! I ALWAYS LOVED HER AND ALWAYS WILL! SHE NEVER LOOKED AT YOU AS ANYTHING MORE THAN A FRIEND!"
Gale got mad and flung the pin at Peeta before storming off. That was the first time Peeta had said anything since he locked himself in his room.
After that things quieted down until the Capitol sent out their death threat. It didn't take the rebel leaders long at all to decide to send us packing. They decided that if we would ever have a chance at rebellion in the future than District 13 needed to survive. So Peacekeepers swarmed the place and made sure every person who wasn't dead captured or in the districts already was accounted for and took a person from District 13 for every person missing.
I was sent here and have been living in my humble abode surviving and nursing my wounds for the past year or so. It's quite lonely and depressing. I love it." Johanna finished talking and drained her glass before saying, "All right your turn Katniss."
Katniss shifted and started talking in a blank flat tone, "I won't go into the torturing but I still have nightmares about it. Eventually Snow came to me and said I could see Peeta but first I had to prove I really loved him. So they sat me in a room and asked me question after question until they were sure I was telling the truth. And I really do love him, there's nothing like a near death experience to make you have a sudden epiphany about your love life.
After they were satisfied with my answers they brought Peeta in. when I saw him something inside me burst and I flung myself at him sobbing and telling him how much I loved him and was sorry I hurt him. We had a few fleeting moments together before they pulled him away.
It was always like that, he would stumble into my room sometime during the evening and we would embrace and fall asleep in each other's arms. In the morning he was always gone and I thought our nights together were dreams. I still don't have a clear grasp on what was real or not.
Eventually he stopped coming and I got scared. So scared that they had killed him, taken him away from me. I had to find him, to see if he was okay.
At that time they had started sending in doctors to see me every single day, to inject me with medicine and monitor my health. I could never figure out why.
But one day I managed to catch my doctor by surprise and stab him in the neck with a sedative. I ran from the room, ran through the halls screaming for Peeta. Eventually the guards found me and shot me, though with sedative darts not bullets.
After that not even the doctors came for a while. I was all alone, left to my growing fears. Then one day Snow appeared with a full team of doctors and the news of your escape.
I was ecstatic that Peeta was safe, along with you and Annie, but miserable that he had been taken from me. Without Peeta I had no one left to live for.
Until Snow bared his teeth at me in what I suppose must have been a smile and told me I was pregnant.
Every one of my dreams of Peeta had been memories and I finally understood why they had let me live. So they could suppress me.
They wanted to punish me and yet keep me under control.
The next eight or so months passed by with many escape attempts and thoughts of suicide. But I could never bring myself to end the life within me and my attempts of escape always failed.
After my child, Peeta's child, was born he was taken away from me until he was three months old and strong enough to face the hardships of the districts.
They told me I was going to be sent here under the rouse of being your sister, once captured by an angry Capitol and now set free.
The day before I was sent here Snow made a deal with me. I behave don't spark a rebellion or do anything dangerous and he won't kill my son. Won't subject him to the Hunger Games. I accepted the deal because I can't imagine a life without my baby, so sweet and innocent.
But what Snow doesn't know is that if he makes the first move, if he breaks his promise, I will start a rebellion and I will kill him.
So here I am your sister, Kitty Mason. And this is your nephew, Aidan Mason," with the last statement she reached into the pack she had been cradling and carefully pulled out a sleeping baby bundled in a blanket. The baby and curly blonde hair covering his head, much like his father's. His face shape though masked by baby fat was also his father's though the when he sleepily opened his eyes they were his mother's grey ones like his nose was a smaller replica of hers. His skin was a mixture of his parents', a light creamy olive tone.
Johanna watched as Katniss cradled the boy her face lit up with happiness and joy, as if this baby in her arms was the only thing keeping her from going insane.
'Actually,' Johanna thought, 'it probably was.'
Over the next few years Katniss and Johanna developed a friendship, one born of hardships and struggling through the same obstacles. Johanna helped Katniss with her nightmares, often waking the other women up with a bucket full of cold water, and Katniss helped Johanna with her own fears, mainly water itself.
Aidan Mason by name but Mellark by birth was sweet child with a natural happiness that rivaled his father's and aunt's. The people of District 7 did not know who he truly was but anyone who met him adored him.
Deep in her heart Katniss suspected Snow would break his promise and with Johanna and the adults of District 7 planned a rebellion to spring forth should Snow ever actually break his promise.
Every year the Hunger Games came and went with deaths and tragedy as always. The districts struggled on and held close to their victors, for they were the ones who suffered the most.
The Capitol sat unsuspecting of the distrust and rebellion brewing around them.
And Katniss Everdeen masqueraded herself as Kitty Mason waiting for the spark to burn Snow to the ground.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games.
So thank you to everyone who read and special thanks to those who reviewed!
To Roza Ish: I'm sorry you thought this was freaky but it's going to more or less stay on the same path. Hopefully it won't be as freaky though at some point I'm planning Katniss to go on a savage rampage and I will probably describe her experiences, other than the torturing, more in depth. If you don't want to read this I suggest my other Hunger Games fic 'The Beginning of Us' lots of Peeta Katniss in that and its definitely not creepy:)
To iam97: thank you for reviewing and for your advice on the rating! I hope you keep reading!
And those were my anonymous reviewers, if you review with an account I'll always make sure to reply… so please review!
Aidan's name is Gaelic and means 'little fire' thought that was appropriate. And yes I mean Aidan not Aiden which is a form of Aidan. Thank you google:)
Thank you for reading and I hope I got Johanna in character… if Katniss seems OOC that's because 1. She has now gone through different experiences and 2. Whoops!
Anyway please review feedback is appreciated!