Author's Note:

Ugh, you guys, this chapter is miserable and sucks so bad, I'm sorry. Life gets real rough real quick. Also, it's the late 90s, in case you missed the hint in the last chapter. Just saying. (I can't picture Roxas with a bowl cut though...) This is also...well, not a rural area, but it's a smaller town. Not a big city.

Next chapter things will start to get better again. :)

A new school year started, but without any offers of a full-time teaching position. Instead, Axel was welcomed back as a sub. Student teaching plus a month of subbing plus a good recommendation from his cooperating teacher plus Axel's general good disposition equaled…well, not a job, but quite a few teachers' and administrators' good opinions. Which was nice. It meant that he was at the top of the sub list and got called in virtually every day. It did not mean he got paid more than any other sub.

Demyx was still bussing tables, as he had done all summer—his performing schedule wasn't really packed yet. They were paying rent and covering the bills, but both young men had student loans coming out of grace period in a few more months, and neither was sure how he was going to afford those payments.

Then their washing machine broke.

Axel took an after-school job at a nearby department store. Demyx walked to work when the weather was even slightly tolerable, just to save on gas. He also brought home leftovers from the restaurant whenever possible—free meals were more than welcome. Money was tight. Life was tough, and it was slowly getting tougher.

On the other hand, Axel knew a hundred and fifty-nine of the eighth graders by name, which wasn't everyone in a school of 900 or so, but it was a damn sight more than he would have known in any other school, and it helped. And, of course, there was Roxas.

On days when Axel saw Roxas in the halls—"Hi, Mr. Michaels!"—or, even better, subbed for one of his teachers—"Yes! We get Mr. Michaels today!"—no amount of congested traffic on the way home could completely dampen his happy smile. That boy was just too cute; he made Axel's day without even trying.

Axel loved working at the middle school.

Luckily, he finally got a long-term subbing job when a teacher went on maternity leave, which did mean a small pay raise. Unluckily, it was at the high school, and his classes were…challenging. It was, "Let's see how far we can push Mr. Michaels today"—every day. For six weeks, he couldn't go back to the middle school. In the evenings, he would talk out his frustrations while Demyx listened and plucked at his guitar. On the weekends—if he didn't have too much grading and Demyx didn't have a gig—he and Demyx would release their frustrations and tensions in bed. Weekends were the only time they had for that, and even then it wasn't every weekend.

Making love with his boyfriend was about the only good thing in Axel's life for a while, but he told himself that if he was going to have only one bright spot—and didn't lots of people live like that from time to time?—it might as well be sex. Especially good, safe sex with his mutual lover.

Right?

Life wasn't so bad…right?

~o~

"Mr. Michaels! You're back! I haven't seen you in forever! Where did you go?"

The beautiful, beaming face of the short—or perhaps a tiny bit taller than before—blond kid came out of nowhere in the hallways the first day of Axel's return to the middle school—the teacher was back, baby born and healthy, and Axel was free to take a pay cut and go back to day-to-day subbing.

"Hey there, Roxas! I was teaching at the high school…" He had the strongest urge to ruffle the kid's hair, but managed to restrain his itching hand.

"I missed you, Mr. Michaels! We had to have Mrs. Bates for a sub! She's so mean and she couldn't help me with the parts of the cell at all, she doesn't know anything…"

Axel let Roxas ramble for as long as he possibly could without being late to class. The kid was just too cute for words. It was so good to be back at the middle school. His days finally brought him something to smile about again.

Then again, it was hard to make ends meet. Demyx was still bussing tables and playing on occasion, but his band wasn't getting along well. Axel was still working after school as well as subbing, and it was beginning to wear him out. When he talked to Demyx about school, sometimes it took a long time before his boyfriend answered. Demyx would just go on strumming his guitar, then finally, he'd hum in agreement. Eventually, he sort of stopped humming, even.

Which was fine. It was okay. The important thing was Demyx was there, and he probably was still listening, and he had to work on his music, right? And Axel liked the guitar. He really did. I used to, anyway… It was just that sometimes he was so tired, and all he really wanted was the comfort of a warm human touch, but they were both too busy and exhausted to make love very often…or more than once every few weeks, really. So honestly, Axel would have been happy with just a little eye contact, maybe some hand-holding… But Demyx needs his hands to practice guitar with, remember? Or some cuddling would work, Is that really too much to ask for?

Damn it, Axel wanted to hold his boyfriend and look in his pretty eyes the way he always used to and have Demyx look back and smile at him the way he did before. He wanted to hug him and admit "I'm just tired," and hear Demyx answer, in that soft voice he used to have, "I know, Ax. It'll be okay."

Instead, he got a disaster.

He and Demyx were unexpectedly outed to their families.

A sort-of-friend of Kairi's found out from who-knew-where and let the truth slip in front of Axel's parents before Kairi could stop her. Axel's parents did not take the news well. They called Demyx's mother and angry words were exchanged…in short, both Axel and Demyx were ordered by their families to split up. Demyx's mother was a little less furious, but she still didn't approve. When they refused to end things, the small amount of financial help they'd both been humbling themselves to ask for lately…stopped.

They were starting to fall behind on bills…starting to push the limits on their credit cards. But, for a little while, they were closer again. Axel had chosen Demyx, and now Demyx was the only family he had. They touched more, talked more…they were more focused on and appreciative of each other.

But for some reason, the busy months slipped by, and before Axel knew it, Demyx was practicing his guitar and barely listening again.

One Friday, Axel subbed for one of Roxas' teachers. His day consisted of showing a history movie six times over, but Roxas was thrilled to see him and asked to move seats and sit by the teacher's desk—by Axel—for the entire class. Axel let him, and smiled over the gesture repeatedly for the rest of the day.

Then he got home, and for once Demyx was around when he would normally have been working, and they hadn't done anything sexual in almost a month…so it was inevitable, really. They jumped each other. They both needed it too badly to worry about technique or finesse. When it was over, Demyx went to practice a new song while Axel just lay in bed, exhausted…wondering why he didn't feel happy. That was when he realized that some random student at a school where he didn't even have a job made him happier than sleeping with his lover did.

That was when he realized the one bright spot in his life wasn't sex or Demyx anymore, and it broke his heart.

~o~

He didn't say anything, and spring came and more or less went by without either of them noticing much. When summer was getting close, Demyx brought home a friend he introduced as Zexion, the owner of one of the venues his band played at often. Axel wasn't sure why he didn't like the guy much…maybe he was too quiet. He hardly said a word, most of the time. Axel didn't really bother about it though, because he was busily applying for jobs again, desperate to get something permanent next year. He didn't know how he was going to make it through summer, let alone another year without a full-time salary. He also got busy with a semi-long-term job that popped up at the middle school this time when a teacher was hospitalized unexpectedly and out for two weeks.

It was eighth grade science. It was Roxas' teacher.

Teaching was suddenly fun again. It wasn't just Roxas, either, although that kid was a dream student in class. He was so pumped about having Mr. Michaels for a sub that his entire class got excited. That class was by far the best. Overall, though, everything was just better than the high school group. And the pay increased again—as it always did for subs who actually needed to plan lessons and teach rather than just fill in—and even though Axel was wiped out at the end of the day, he got a chance to pay a few bills before summer.

Zexion was over more and more often, but Axel went to bed early and didn't bother them. Zexion mostly seemed to just sit on the couch with Demyx and read while the musician plucked the guitar strings, so Axel found him easier and easier to ignore.

~o~

That summer was hot—hotter than ever. By mid-July, it had been a long time since that cheerful goodbye in June—"I'll see you next year in high school sometimes, right, Mr. Michaels?"—and the apartment—once such a welcome move up from the dorms in college—was stuffy and stinking and miserable. Axel couldn't believe he was still living in this off-campus dump, working long hours for little pay at the department store. Demyx was much quieter than he used to be. Axel tried to get him to talk about what was upsetting him, but Demyx didn't want to.

Axel tried. He really did. He knew, somehow, that he had to—that he was running out of chances. But he only found out what was going on when Demyx came home with the news—his band was splitting up.

For some reason, Axel didn't know how to comfort his lover. He just…asked a few questions. Gave Demyx an awkward hug. Offered some fumbling suggestions, asked about what Demyx thought he'd do now. Nodded at the idea of, "Keep playing solo until I find a new group." Demyx tried to act like the gestures made him feel better, but the unhappy shadow didn't leave his pretty eyes. Axel thought about it and thought about it after that. Finally, he realized that once upon a time, he probably would have held Demyx, Demyx might have cried, and then they'd have made love—softly, he'd have done it really gently and sweetly…comforting—and Demyx would have lost the tension in his shoulders and the shadow in his eyes by the end of it.

But that was once upon a time, and it just…wouldn't work now.

Two weeks later, he wasn't that surprised, really, when Demyx came home from a gig and sat on the couch and said, "Hey…Axel? I'm thinking we should…break up."

No, he wasn't that surprised…but he cried all night.

Demyx left—his sunshine, his smile, his once-upon-a-time one bright spot walked out and moved in with that friend of his, Zexion, "for now." Axel called off work for one day and lay around, drunk off his ass, miserable, sweating, alone. He wanted to stay that way for a month…or at least a week. But the next day he had to get up, puke, take a shower and an aspirin, and go to work, and he had to keep on going to work.

He had an apartment to himself now—he had to cover rent alone.

He had bills to pay and more debt than he could even think about and he was tired, tired, so tired. And now he was alone, there were no bright spots anywhere, and his family still wouldn't speak to him. He tried, though. He called them. He broke down and called to ask for money, he told them he wasn't with Demyx anymore, but then they asked if he was going to "go straight" now…and he couldn't lie. His father hung up on him. So instead, Axel worked until he thought he might just die. He did nothing else—just work, eat, and sleep.

And then he got a phone call.

He'd interviewed for at least thirty jobs, and in the end it was his home district that called and offered him eleventh grade chemistry for the coming year.

The rest of the summer was crammed with preparation for his first real, full-time job. He applied for a bank loan to pay off his high-interest credit card debt and the bills he was behind on, and he begged and pleaded and pointed to the salary he was about to be making, and the bank relented and gave him the loan. He used part of the money to buy new suits. His professional wardrobe was getting extremely threadbare.

Then Axel called Demyx. Just to…let him know. And to ask how he was doing. It had been about three weeks since they'd…you know. Demyx was…okay, you know. Um, he kinda…was with someone now though. Oh. Oh…was it Zexion? Oh…um, yeah, it kinda was.

Oh. Well…good luck and all.

Thanks. You too.

So that was it. And even though Axel had some hope that with this job he could pull his life together a little, late at night he wondered if it was going to be worth it. Was it worth it, really, to pull together an empty life? Was it worth it to have a job and money, and no one to come home to?

Did he even have a choice? Take what you can get.

~o~

More A/N: Ugh, I feel crappy just editing that chapter. Seriously, sorry! It will NOT stay like this!

Oh and just an FYI, my ebook The Conqueror will be free on Amazon, Oct. 27-31. Halloween giveaway! :D