I rode through the desert valley on my kickass motorcycle with my kickass Kougra in the passenger seat. I was just so kickass. And that's why I deserved to be the Neogod.
I feel like I'm going too fast for you, non-kickass person. Let's back it up.
It all started when I was first born. No, literally, it did. A war that began over a century ago between the humans and the neopets had just ended. Faerieland had fallen and Free Willy had been released. Faeries and whales were in chaos everywhere.
The dark Faerie, Lilith, had killed the Neogod, who was the deity of neopets everywhere, by using the Blade of Soragith, a mystical weapon containing unlimited power. But by using the weapon Lilith had unknowingly surrendered her own self to the Blade of Soragith, as her soul was sucked into the weapon.
The humans then called for peace, not wanting to fight the neopets in such times. The neopets accepted, and then began their twenty years of mourning, and after that the battle for power began, the battle to become the Neogod.
The year is 2013, and I had just turned twenty a few days ago, which was when the competition began. The rules are simple: Humans are the only beings allowed to participate for the title of Neogod, and up to four neopets can assist them in the competition, no more. If a contestant was found to travel with more than four neopets they were instantly eliminated and if they had taken a life with more than four neopets they were instantly put to death.
I was currently traveling with my white Kougra, a purple Korbat flying high above and a green Lutari guarding my home. I had to be careful, there were a good seven hundred humans participating. Well, 699 now.
As I continued to ride towards my home, my Korbat began to screech, and I knew what that meant. I looked around until I saw it. Two humans, a man and a woman, riding towards me on their Uni's. My Korbat began to screech and I looked up to see that it was being attacked by a yellow Scorchio and a blue Buzz.
I was being ambushed.
Quickly I pressed a button on the motorcycle's side, making the passenger seat eject from the vehicle. My Kougra then jumped out and began running towards the Uni's.
I pulled out two Model 22A pistols and then jumped up onto my moving motorcycle. I was face to face with the Uni's and my Kougra was moving too slow for me, I fired twice into the air, shooting down the Buzz and Scorchio that were fighting with my Korbat.
Still standing on my motorcycle like a badass, I did a backflip off of it, and in mid air I began shooting at the gas tank.
Luckily my Kougra knew what was going on and ran out of range, just in time for a massive explosion to occur.
I then walked away from the explosion in slow motion, blowing the smoke away from my gun because I was not only kickass, but I was a badass. Two more down, and many more to go. This was going to be a difficult year.
My Korbat and Kougra were both uninjured, as they rushed towards me.
"It looks like we're walking from now on, let's go." I told them, punching my Korbat in the face for being able to fly.
After hours of walking and several attempts to ride my Korbat, I finally made it home.
"SHANIQUA, where are you?" I yelled, looking for my Lutari. I walked into the living room only to find Shaniqua sitting on my recliner eating MY half-baked Ben & Jerry's while flipping between Desperate Housewives and Keeping Up With The Kardashians. She was also wearing a shit ton of my makeup. "You bitch, I can't believe you. UGH. Get a job you stupid betch. And that blush makes you look fat."
Shaniqua just looked at me and then threw up water all over me. That's what its ability was, throwing up water, which burns like acid to neopets but only greatly annoys humans.
Shaniqua was such a bitch.
As I was about to throw down with Shaniqua I heard a noises coming from the bathroom. I opened the bathroom door only to see a water faerie relaxing in my bath.
"SHANIQUA YOU STUPID BITCH WHAT DID YOU DO?" I yelled, as I knocked out my Korbat. Mike Tyson would be proud.
"Hi, Sasshley, we need to talk." The water faerie said.