Take my hand part 2
Joey's POV
5:36 pm and here I am for the second day in a row hoping and praying that Lauren might just show yes I dont usually do time, but when it comes to her... time seems more reasonable than ever before. She didn't come here yesterday or the day before and as selfish as it might sound, I hope she hasn't decided that enough was enough… she seemed like she'd a lot to think about when I met her up here, she was hurting. As much as she tried to hide it, I could see underneath the icy exterior , she was broken and didn't want to be fixed.
Not that I can blame her mind, she shared my exact sentiments, although she is a little bleaker. There's more people out there that think like us y'know, it's just they aren't known. We don't like to let people know what we're thinking, they are our thoughts only to be shared under particular circumstances. Two nights ago was one of those circumstances, she was in my getaway place… I didn't know at first what she was up to, so I watched . She was quite beautiful as I saw her wonder back and forth a long the parameter, long brown hair catching in the wind, perfect eyes that shone as they reflected the sun. She didn't notice me and as creepy as it sounds, I liked that. I wanted to see what she was doing up here.
It was only when she looked down at the floor, gaging the distance of the drop, I figured she was doing exactly what I was. She was contemplating her life. We talked; not much, but we talked and she told me about her life, or a small part of it at least. She'd had it tough and that resonated in me. Some people would try to tell her it wasn't that bad, but in all seriousness, words mean shit. I wasn't going to be another one of those people to lie…I understood what a life like that could do to you.
Then she left… my feet wanted to follow her but my head seemed to be grounding them. So I've returned up here, needing to see her again, just her voice makes life a little more bearable. No one ever tells you how cruel life can be, how badly it messes with the perfect images that everyone depicts and honestly I'm not sure I'd appreciate it if any one did.
The sun Is still shining brightly up here and it's warm, no need for the jacket tonight. It's a perfect place up here, quiet, empty and most importantly hidden. I truly hadn't seen Lauren up here before even though she said she was up here most nights. I guess we could have been sat at the opposite ends of the roof, hidden by the vents and electrical equipment. I can't help but think how often we've both been sat up here and yet never met?
Would things be different if we had met earlier? I'd like to think they would…maybe neither of us would be up here now.
*JL*JL*JL*
"Hi…" she was here. Her voice made me smile and I could hear her footsteps padding across the roof to where I was standing.
"Decided to live another day then ?" I asked jokingly but there was some seriousness to the question. She nodded at me only slightly glancing at my face. "What's the matter?" I regretted asking straight away as she moved away from me, placing quite some distance between us. She almost looked scared. I frowned and watched her a little while before I realised she was crying.
She was sat near the edge, her knees tucked tightly under her chin, head dipped so I couldn't really see her. It was only the shaking of her shoulders that gave her away. Cautiously moving towards her, I sat to her left and placed my hand on the floor between us as an offer of comfort. She didn't have to take it, but I was offering. She took in a deep breath, she was really struggling to stay composed.
"Lauren talk to me…" she didn't do as I asked but she connected our hands and squeezed my fingers tightly as they lay between us. "what's happened?"
She swiped at her face and looked at me with such a broken look on her face "My Mum wants me to go to a clinic..."
"what?" I was a little confused was she ill or something
"Mum thinks I'm drinking... again" I think she sees me confusion deepen even more "I had issues with Alcohol in the past, when I was 19 I went to rehab"
"That was only last year babe..." she seems to sob at my words, so throwing caution to the wind, I move closer to her and mover her into my arms. Surprisingly she doesn't pull away, she does the complete opposite and clings tight to me. Was this going to be the end for her ?
*JL*JL*JL*
It was some time later before she let me go, even then she didn't complete relinquish her hold, just loosened it a little. Her eyes were tired, face pale just small blotches of colour from where she'd been crying. She pulled back and looked at me she seemed scared, like was going to push her away. I smile to assure her she was ok, I wasn't going anywhere. "Hi" I said softly
"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to get so" she trailed off not really bothering to finish her sentence, I'd noticed she seemed to have a tendency to do that. "I've just reached my limit tonight."
I tightened my arms around her slightly, I needed to feel useful "what do you mean babe?" she tensed. I hadn't intended to say it but, I guess you can't stop something that's meant to be right ? there was something about meeting Lauren that was meant to be.
"I... I've had enough now Joey." Her voice cracked as she pulled from my hold and stood up and I was actually worried by her words. I watched as she moved over to the edge and stared off into the distance. "you see that, over there?" she waited for me to reach her and watched me closely. She smiled when she realised I'd seen where she was looking.
"That's the tube station" I laughed
"it's a get away..." she whispered. My eyes widened, jumping off a roof was one thing, but stepping in front of a train, that was too much even for me...
"Lauren! Your not thinking off ending things like that are you?" I was surprised when she giggled.
"no silly. It can take me out of here... get me to another place where things might not be as bad. I can start again where know one knows me, they don't know my name, my past."
I understood exactly what she was saying but why was she still here ? "what are you waiting for then?" she shrugged "there has to be a reason Lauren?"
"it's like everything, I second guess it ...I've got a bag packed, but I just don't do." She glanced at me again and there was so many stories in her eyes, they were soft and gentle but hurting. She was wearing a blue summer dress that blew gently in the wind , she really was a beautiful girl.
"what if we do it together?" I asked, I wouldn't mind spending my life with her, she was already changing my opinion of things...I could see life as an option now.
She looked at me and shook her head "you mean like a suicide pact?"
"no." took her hand and watched her eyes follow the movement. " I mean leave together. Get that bag you've packed and go. Just leave to some where fresh."
She laughed at me, wasn't joking "Joey, we barely know each other. It's a sweet idea but it would never happen"
"why not? I've never told you about my past have I ?" she shook her head weakly. I nudged her gently and she sat down. We sat side by side like we had a few days ago. "I'm 24. I have a sister who's in prison, she murdered a man and as much as i'd like to say she didn't do it, I know she did. My mum is the shadow of the woman she used to be and for that I can thank Daddy dearest..."
"You don't have to tell me..."
"no I want to" I told her softly "my Dad know his way round a punch bag and he knew how to use me and Mum to get what he wanted. He hit me... put me in hospital a fair few times too and still he carried on. He's not around anymore though, he's on the run."
I felt her small hand slip into mine and softly squeeze it "And there's me thinking i'd had it bad." I carried on watching her as she seemed to question something internally. "Your not lying are you?" I frowned, had I really given her that impression ? "you really want to jumps"
I nodded "yeah I do... and the more I speak to you, the more I want you to be the one I see last, but maybe I could tolerate this... if you were with me.
Thank you so so much for the response to this story! I've had such lovely feedback for it. What did you think of Joey's thoughts, he seems to have a bit of a think for Lauren doesn't he and his little confession at the end, what will Lauren think of that ? Part three up tomorrow xxx