The Best Kind of Lie
Author's Note: Some of this may seem slightly out of character for Brennan, but I would like to see something like this as the next stage of her character development so I wrote it the way I would like to see it unfold! I think I have a third chapter to this already forming in my head so I'll do my best to actually put it down in words soon! Hope you enjoy the second chapter!
Chapter Two: Grateful for the Lie
The next morning I am awakened by a weak glow of sunlight that is edging over the horizon and seeping through my bedroom curtains. I am wrapped in a cocoon of warmth and feel like I am sliding out of the deepest, most peaceful sleep I have ever experienced. It takes me a second to realize why I feel so warm and sated- but then I pull myself more fully into consciousness and feel his arm wrapped around me. The cocoon of warmth and contentment is being formed by a tangle of blankets and Booth. We are pressed together down the entire length of our bodies- I can feel his chest behind my shoulders, his legs entwined with mine, and the soft heat of his breath across my temple. One of his hands is tucked up between my breasts and the other is somewhere beneath the pillow on which my head is resting. My own hands are holding his arm that is encircling my waist- I flex my fingers lightly to make sure his flesh is real and this is not a dream. The pressure from my fingertips causes him to stir and pull me closer to him. This is definitely not my imagination- last night really happened and Booth and I are really here, waking up in my bed together.
Suddenly, I realize that I am smiling- well, not smiling so much as beaming. I pause for a moment to think about this situation and realize that I have never woken up and been so completely happy in my entire life. Then without even thinking about it, I am giggling silently to myself as I let this whole moment sink in. I am lying here, wrapped in the arms of a wonderful man who is the first person I have ever trusted with my whole being, and it feels so good I cannot contain the elation and it just bubbles out of me in a series of quiet hiccups of laughter that cause my shoulders to shake. I feel Booth shift again and know that I have awakened him. The pattern of his breathing changes, but he remains silent. His muscles have tensed and I can feel rigidity in his embrace that was not present when he slept. He is completely still and it occurs to me why he has reacted this way. Booth thinks I am crying- the shaking of my shoulders must seem like sobs because he cannot see my face. Then I fully comprehend why he is so motionless. He is bracing himself, thinking that I am about to bolt from his arms making excuses about how this was all a mistake. Not wanting him to think that a second longer, I twist myself around so that we are face to face and he can see the happiness in my eyes.
When I first turn to him, Booth pulls back as if preparing himself for what he assumes will be some kind of patented Brennan flight from an emotionally significant experience. His face is already set in preparation for this predicted escape attempt. I watch as he looks at me and sees the complete opposite of what he expected. Instead of breaking free of his arms, I snuggle closer to him and place a soft kiss on his chest.
"Good morning," I whisper against his skin.
"Good morning," he kisses the top of my head as he speaks.
For a long moment, there are no other words spoken as I turn my face up to kiss him fully and further reassure him of my reactions to what has happened between us. When our lips part, Booth pulls me tight against him and buries his face in my hair. I allow myself to cling to him and almost instantaneously, I feel desire start to spread through my body. My breath rushes out in a heated sigh when his fingers trace my spine and I find myself arching into him as if there is a way to be closer than skin to skin. I realize that I finally understand what Booth meant about 'becoming one' with someone- this is how that happens. I hear a low chuckle in his throat and pull away slightly to look at him. His smile is gentle and he leans forward to kiss my nose playfully before he replies to my inquisitive look.
"I was so afraid you wouldn't be here when I woke up," he confesses.
"Did you think it was all a dream?" I tease back.
"No- I laid awake for over an hour last night, watching you sleep just to convince myself it was all real." I find myself slightly overcome by his declaration. I don't think any other man has ever cared enough about me to watch me sleep. I blink back a sudden wetness in my eyes to listen to him continue. "Are you glad it was real?"
"Yes- I'm glad. No regrets," I do not hesitate with my answer. "You thought I'd run didn't you?"
"Honestly, yeah, I did. I mean, I know you and I figured this might be too much for you to compartmentalize." His tone is cautious and I know he is scared that I might actually try to convince him that I can compartmentalize this. He is still worried that, in my own way, I will flee.
"I don't want to compartmentalize this, Booth." I take his hand and place it on my chest so he can feel my heartbeat. Even as I begin to speak again, I can hardly believe I am about to say something completely unscientific and illogical, but I plunge ahead because Booth has made me reconsider what is possible. "You are a part of me and there is no way I could disconnect from you and from what we have become to each other."
"And what exactly have we become to each other?" He asks the question while staring down at his own hand resting against my skin.
"You are my best friend," I see doubt cloud his eyes again so I rush to continue, "and I think that you may have finally provided me with the proof I need to believe that love can be real."
I watch him processing what I have just said and trying to decide if I mean what he thinks I mean. His eyes search mine and I hope he can see the sentiment behind my words. I want him to know the whole truth about this.
"Are you saying what I think you're saying?"
"Well, if you think that I am saying that I'm in love with you, then yes, I'm saying what you think I'm saying," I find the uncontrollable grin spreading across my face again as I say the words.
"You're in love with me?" Booth's voice is full of wonderment.
"Really, really in love with you," I giggle. Then I am laughing again and cannot believe how much joy I feel at saying those words to him.
"I'm in love with you too." Then he is laughing along with me, "Really, really in love with you."
Our laughter is cut off as I press my lips against his again and try to relay how much love I have for him through a kiss. The yearning that flickered moments ago is now fully alight and I shift in order gain better access to his mouth. The lightheartedness of the moment evaporates in a rush of desire as I feel his hands grasp my waist and pull me against him so I can feel the extent of his own need. I break away from the kiss and move to straddle his hips where I can press myself against him. His eyes close in response to the friction and I am inwardly satisfied to hear his breathing become shallow and rasping. This will be different than last night- I want to take the time today to memorize his skin, to know every nuance of his body, and to understand each response he makes to my touch. It is clear that he too wants to move at a different pace this morning and our love making is almost torturously slow- but it a glorious kind of torture.
It is afternoon when I wake up again and I am slightly disappointed to find myself alone in bed. I hear Booth moving around in the kitchen and the smell of toast is drifting down the hall. I slide out of bed and, indulging in a moment of uncharacteristically romantic sentiment, I wrap myself in Booth's discarded shirt and wander out to find him. I lean against the kitchen doorframe and watch as he fills a mug of coffee at the sink. I assume he does not realize I am there, but I should know by now that we can sense each other's approach. When he turns toward me I see he is holding two cups of coffee and he extends one to me. I accept the offering and return his smile. As we move towards the table, Booth reaches down and takes my hand. He does not let go the whole time he eats, choosing instead to alternate coffee and toast with his free arm while gently rubbing my pulse with the thumb that is wrapped around my wrist. Neither of us speaks and I find myself oddly comfortable in this quite moment with him. When we move to the living room and settle on the couch, his hand still clasping mine, he finally opens the conversation that I know we must have.
"So, obviously this means we are together," he begins with a question in his tone. I nod to show my concurrence with this observation and again for him to continue. "Which means we have to think about work and what it means to be together outside of work."
"I suppose we do," I agree. "Rationally speaking, I think we should just not tell anyone. This is our personal life right? I don't see any reason to share it with our professional colleagues."
"You know it doesn't work that way," he sighs.
"Why can't it? Logically, I won't love you any less if we are not partners and I won't worry any less about you. I would rather be the one who is there with you than having to trust someone else to be your partner." I am still amazed at how easily the word love is rolling off my tongue now that I have started saying it to him.
"But eventually, someone will find out."
"You're probably right, but we could just deal with that if and when it happens. I say for the time being, we just pretend that nothing has changed."
"You mean you want to lie to everyone," his tone is laced with amusement again.
"Not lie, exactly, just not tell," I tease back. "Besides, you lied to me to begin with so why not just go with the gush?"
"Go with the flow Bones, go with the flow" he laughingly corrects me. "And what do you mean that I lied to you??"
"You told me that nothing would change between us, but clearly it has."
"What are you talking about?? You mean what I said when we were skating that night??"
"Yes, you promised me that nothing would change but obviously that was just part of your plan to seduce me," I try to make my voice accusatory but don't really succeed.
"Seduce you? I seem to recall your willing participation in the seduction and its aftermath," his eyes are dancing as he enjoys the memory of the last 18 hours.
"Well, at any rate- I think this whole started with a lie, so there is no reason we cannot continue that given how successfully it has worked thusfar. Besides, if we keep things quiet for awhile, then if anyone does find out we will have had time to prove that we can still work together while also enjoying more, um, recreational activities together."
"So we would conduct a pre-emptive scientific experiment about this?" he attempts to sound serious about his question.
"Exactly."
"Well, if we are going to participate in recreational activities together," he is barely holding back his laughter, "I'll assume that I have been forgiven for this so-called lie that I told you?"
"I believe it is a case where the end justifies the means. And besides, it is the best kind of lie I've ever been told!"
Finally, neither of us can contain it anymore and we are both laughing out loud at the ridiculous conversation. I am not sure if we are overtired to the point of hysteria or just too joyous in the discovery of this new relationship, but everything just seems funny. At some point Booth starts to tickle me and I am running away from him, shrieking as he tries to corner me on the other side of the room. Somehow the chase leads us back to the bedroom and our apparently insatiable desire for each other overwhelms us again, but this time our exertions are filled with giggling and silliness. Never have I felt such pure pleasure and complete freedom in making love and as we fall asleep in each other's arms again I feel an overwhelming sense of happiness that Booth and I have found this feeling together.