2 – Life after

The walk home was weird. All the sound were somehow off and everything seemed blurry. Lights were odd too. I thought about the incident, wondered if they'll show it in the news tonight. They should.

When I got home I was still feeling odd. There was something in my stomach. Maybe something I ate.

Yuzu asked me if something happened because my face was all pale. I don't remember what I answered but I guess it was okay for her to let me pass. I walked up the stairs, hardly seeing any steps at all. She called me from downstairs, asked me, where are the groceries. Hell, I guess I forgot about that.

Next thing I knew I was in my bed, sleeping. But it was a cold sleep. That uneasy feeling in my gut was killing me. And I hadn't even noticed that I was that tired. It was hard to keep my mind conscious so I gave up trying.

I didn't have any dreams. It was just cold blackness. So cold that I woke up all covered in cold sweat. But I didn't wake up for no reason. My stomach felt terribly wrong. Sick. So I ran to the bathroom and was there just in time to clear out all my stomach's content in the toilet bowl.

I washed my face and rinse my mouth. I couldn't remember what I ate so bad today. All my afternoon was in one big blur. I couldn't remember what I was doing.

I looked in mirror.

Pale face, hollow eyes, dark bags under them.

Oh.

Oh, right!

I remember now. My knees gave in and I collapsed on the bathroom's floor. My forehead resting against the cold material on the side of the sink. I saw a girl die today. A girl died today. She died because of me. I killed someone. I killed someone today. I felt my lover lip starting to shake as my heart felt full of despair.

I don't even know her name.

The next morning I didn't come downstairs and I didn't go to school. Yuzu asked what's wrong but I just answered I'm sick and she shouldn't come near me or she'll catch it too. But I'm not sure you can catch the feeling of guilt.

I spend all the morning staring at my ceiling. There was nothing better to do anyways. Nothing worth it.

I kept thinking about that girl. Those beautiful, amazing eyes. I remember that girl so vividly. Everything else about yesterday was blurry and gray.

In the afternoon the police called. My sister answered the phone and once she heard who's talking she ran into my room as if the house was on fire. The police wanted to meet up, wanted me to talk over about what I saw. We will meet tomorrow. Now I had to explain everything to my family. Karin kept her cool, but Yuzu eyes were as big as two tennis balls. She kept asking me how I feel and do I want soup. To hell with soup!

Explaining everything to police was a pain in the ass. Mostly because I didn't understand it myself. But one of the questions was "So you were the last who talked to her?"

I couldn't get that question out of my mind for days. I was the last person she talked to. The last person she saw. She looked into my eyes when she got hit. It was I.

I couldn't forget her eyes too. Whenever I thought about her I saw those eyes. That crazy, blue colour. When I thought about them it was almost like I felt their presence. And there was that uneasy feeling in my stomach too.

I had to visit psychologist for two months. That's six times. I hate to admit it, but she kind of helped. She told me that it's normal for me to feel guilty but I shouldn't blame myself because I didn't know what will happen. I just wanted to save her. She also told me that uneasy feeling must be stress or guilt and it should eventually disappear. In the last meeting she asked do I still feel it. I said "no" because I didn't want to visit her again. She said I'm good to go.

The police told me her name. It's Rukia Kuchiki. She was 17 years old. I would have never guessed, she looked much younger. They didn't tell me anything more, only where is her grave.

It's been two years now. I'm at my final year at high school. Every day, in 6th October I go visit her grave. Well, I actually visit it much oftener, but this date is always much more special. 6th October is the day she died. When I come, at her grave there are always red flowers. I heard it is her dead sisters husband Byakuya. He was her guardian because it turned out both her parents were dead. And that day I told her that stuff about her mother...

Today I stop three graves away. I am surprised to see a girl at her grave. She's down on her knees putting flowers next to the red ones. The girl has long, ginger hair. I walk and stand next to her. She looks up at me with big, greyish blue eyes.

"Hi, there!" she says and sounds so nice and happy. Her smile is really friendly too. "Did you know her?"

"Sort of," I answer, because really, I found out about her much more after her death, "how did you know her?"

"We were like best friends!" She said, "She sometimes seemed mysterious and distant but inside she was actually a really sweet and caring person. Full of unrealised dreams and wishes... it's such a tragedy she's gone." She says but she's not looking at me, she looks in the distance, her eyes aren't set on anything in particular. Then she blinks and her attention again falls on me. "You didn't tell me how you knew her!"

"Oh, well, I actually didn't. I was the one who saw the crash." I say and something in her changes. Her eyes suddenly turns colder, her body language seems more aggressive though she haven't even moved jet.

"Really?" She says, her voice cold, "it's nice of you to visit her then," she doesn't mean it, it sounds more like robot-like automatic response.

"That day I met her by the bridge. We started talking, she took few steps back and –"

"I know!" the ginger girl shouts hiding her head in her lap, "I know..."

I think she started to cry because her shoulders started shaking slightly. I don't know what to say now. I stare at words Kuchiki Rukia engraved in stone.

"They told us what happened. It was an accident" the girl whispers.

"Yeah" I answer.

"I don't think I saw you at funeral back then. I think I would have remembered because you're that kind of person whose looks are hard to forget." She says looking up at me after a while. Her face slightly flushed.

I don't understand what she meant when she talked about my looks but she is right about funeral. I wasn't there. I didn't have the guts. Because no one knows, I didn't tell anyone, but it was my fault. And I couldn't bear to see all those people to whom I have stolen an important person. "I wasn't there. I wasn't sure I have any rights to be there."

The girl looked at me, thought over what I just said. It looked like she doesn't have answer to say.

"What were her last words?" she asks to me. No one asked it before so I'm a little surprised.

I don't have to spend a lot of time trying to remember that because the content isn't important.

"She didn't finish her last sentence." I said because I remember how her voice suddenly got blocked by the loud noise.

"That's bad. That's really bad!" She says and I don't understand what she meant by that.

"Why would you say that?" I asked.

"If soul hasn't finished her business on Earth, she cannot pass further."

A/N - Okay, here goes second chapter! Don't know do you like it, but I kind of do. Maybe the way the story has been said seems a little weird, but I think the weirdness adds a special feeling to it. Well, I don't know. And, I know this story jumps way in the future and some readers would enjoy more detail, don't worry, it'll come, the craziness is just for the start, to create the atmosphere.

Thank you for reading, and thanks to all who reviewed!