A/N:

So, I just want to say, I don't own the characters in the story If I did I'd be a hell of a lot richer! I'm just having a little fun with them.

Without an farther ado I give you...

Edward's head

Every time you go away.

EPOV

After seeing Bella off, I'd left the airport with all intentions of going back to work. That, however, didn't happen. Instead, I drove straight home to my building, parked my car, jumped in the elevator, pressed the penthouse button, opened my door, and made a bee line for the liquor cabinet.

I took a bottle of whiskey and a glass to the coffee table, then slumped into my very nice leather couch and poured myself a drink. I stared of into space thinking…remembering.

You see, I had loved Isabella Marie Swan since the day I first saw her. I'd even married her once; we'd been ten at the time. I closed my eyes as the memories came flooding back. I had a ring and everything; it had cost me ten dollars in quarters to get it out of the machine. You know the ones with the adjustable bands and the plastic jewel on top? Well, this one had a jewel that was sliver and shaped like a heart; therefore to a ten year old, it was a heart shape diamond.

Bella had worn a dress - one of the few times in her life. It had been pretty; white with lilac flowers on it. Emmett, with Jasper's help, had dragged chairs out from our dining room, and put them under the huge oak tree in our back yard, for the guests. Alice had given Bella a bunch of flowers and braided some into her hair. Angela Webber, the local minster's daughter, was a friend of ours, so she performed the wedding while I held Bella's hand. After we had swapped rings, Angela announced us husband and wife and that I could kiss the bride. I'd leaned in and given Bella a peck on the cheek to a chorus of 'ewww', 'that's gross', and my mom, sniffing 'that's beautiful'.

I still had the ring Bella gave me that day. It sat in a shoe box in the bottom of my closet. Not too long after our wedding day, Bella had moved away. We kept in touch and were there for each other through everything. When I was fifteen, I had my first problem with a girl, Tanya. Emmett would have laughed if I'd talked to him, and Alice was too busy noticing 'How cute Jaz is now.' So, I'd video chatted Bella.

"Bell's, what do I do? She keeps touching my hair and laughing every time I talk...even when it's not that funny. It's really creeping me out."

I have to give her credit she didn't laugh, a smile was playing on her lips, but she didn't laugh.

"She likes you."

"What!"

"Eddie, I love you," My heart had jumped at that. "But sometimes you can be completely clueless; you need to take your head out of your books once in a while."

"I like my books," I'd said.

She'd smiled again. "Edward, go look in the mirror. You're turning into a complete hotty, babe. And that hair of yours is amazing." I'd blushed, feeling the color and heat rise in my face.

"You're not so bad yourself, Bells." I'd told my keyboard.

"Thanks." I'd looked up and had been treated to Isabella with flaming pink cheeks.

"What do I do about it then?"

"Well, if you want to, you could ask her out...you know get to know her. You never know, she could be the next Mrs Cullen." Bella had grinned.

I'd looked at my keyboard again. "No, there'll never be another you, but maybe I'll get to know her." When I'd looked back up, Bella's eyes had been sparkling.

I don't remember much more of the conversation. I do remember at some point Charlie had come in and told Bella it was time to go somewhere, and how much I'd wished it was back to Forks.

Therefore, Bella had become my best friend. I'd dated Tanya for a few years; we broke up not long after I'd left for Dartmouth. I'd dated in college, but nothing ever serious. Bella would call from a different country every few weeks, we'd video chat often, and every now and then she'd blow through town and turn my life upside down for a few days and leave.

I think I might have been on my fourth drink when I heard the banging on the door.

I stumbled when I got up and smashed my knee on the coffee table, so I was cursing the whole way to the door. There are a few people you never want to find you drinking alone at one on a Monday afternoon. It just so happened that I opened the door to one such person.

"Mom!" I yelped. "What are you doing here?"

I was now painfully aware that although I thought I hadn't drunk too much, the bottle, which had been full, was now almost empty.

"Oh, I had a free afternoon, so I dropped by the studio." Mom looked me over, a sad look on her face. "I thought we could go to lunch."

"Umm, well..." I could smell the alcohol, so I knew she could.

Mom walked straight to the coffee table, and with quick determined movements, she recapped the bottle, put it away, and rinsed the glass. I still hadn't moved.

"I know; how about I order us something,"

"Sounds like a good idea," I replied.

"Wonderful. Why don't you go freshen up, love."

I nodded and made my way upstairs to my room. As I walked past the mirror, I understood her words. When mom had said 'freshen up,' she'd meant 'pull your ass together!' I was a mess; the nice ironed shirt I had put on this morning was crushed and the green tie was loosened half way down my chest. The top few buttons of the shirt where undone. Worst of all were my eyes and hair; the eyes were red and bloodshot.

For Fuck sake, it looks like you've been crying!

I must have been running my hands though my hair, as it was standing up at odd angles. I came to the conclusion a splash of water wouldn't help. A shower was in order.

Grabbing my sweatpants, a towel, and hitting play on my iPod dock I jumped in the shower in the bathroom. After a nice long, hot shower with an excellent sing-a-long to Blister in the Sun by the Violent Femmes, I was clean and dressed, sort off. I was bare foot only wearing my sweatpants; it wasn't like I was going out. I made my way down to the kitchen where I could hear Mom humming.

She said nothing about my earlier state, just smiled and pointed to the table where several to go boxes sat. I grabbed two cans of soda on my way to take a sit, handing one to Mom.

We ate in silence for a while; to be honest, I was ashamed of myself.

"I guess I should be glad she doesn't come to visit more often," Mom sighed.

I choked on the mouthful of rice, I'd just put in my mouth. "What are you talking about?" I spluttered

"Really, Edward? We're going to play this game? You know exactly what I'm talking about."

I just stared at her; my brain unable to work properly. I was busted; I had hiding my feelings for Bella extremely well, up until now.

"Edward, I'm not blind. You're down for at least a week every time Bella leaves. When you're in a relationship, it's not as bad... like your best friend had left. But when you're single, it's like you've just broken up."

I must have looked hilarious, mouth opening and closing like a landed fish.

Smiling, my mom informed me, "Please, Edward. I've know how much you've loved her since you were ten! I check on you ever time she leaves."

I thought back…and she had, every time. A phone call or an unexpected visit here or to the studio. Always within a few hours of Bella leaving, my mom had found an excuse to come around.

"Why didn't you say anything?" I whispered.

She sighed again. "I was hoping you would find someone you would love more. I've watched the girlfriends come and go, but none of them have lasted. I've been hoping you'd fall just as hard for one of them." She looked me in the eyes and gave me a sad smile. "But how are you supposed to give you heart to someone, when most of your life, it's been in another country?"

I shook my head; I didn't know.

"I've tried to move on, tried to leave Bella as a friend. Many nights, I'd stayed awake trying to understand my feelings for Bella, trying to determine what it is about her that I loved so much." I could hear a pleading note enter my voice, because I had to make my mom understand. "It's everything, her wild spirit, the way she loves life so much, and her passion. It's the fire in her eyes and her loyalty. I love that when she walks she almost skips along, her smile, and the way she flips her hair and glares when she's mad."

I was breathing heavy. I hadn't raised my voice over a whisper but felt like I'd been shouting. There was a smile on my mom's face when she said, "Oh, honey, I know you love her with your whole heart." She shook her head. "It's just sad that you won't tell anyone, not even Bella."

"Bella is happy just being friends, and if that's all I get, I can handle it. I can't lose her. I'd prefer to have Bella in my life as a friend, than not at all."

"I know, Edward. That's what makes it so sad."

Mom left not long after that. I promised her I would be ok, and I was determined not to sit around and wallow in self-pity. So I did what I always did when I didn't like this reality, I grabbed a book and went to a different one.

A/N Review are much loved! They help me write faster, leave one and you see!