A/N - i wasn't finished with it. i thought of keeping it a oneshot, but it was bothering me, so no. it is now a two shot, and hopefully this'll stay that way. it probably won't, but it's not going to become a full-fledged, million chapter story. there's not enough stuff going on to write about that. well, i guess that's it for now. :)
Disclaimer - i'm Stephenie Meyer and i own the Twilight series. sue me, i fucking dare you.
I wasn't sure what was happening. I had been coming in and out of consciousness for the longest time, and I didn't pick up on everything that was happening. But there was commotion. A lot of it. And I don't know how long it lasted, because by the time I regained some kind of consciousness for the last time, I was almost positive that my attempted suicide had worked; that I was dead.
When I opened my eyes, my positivity had started to wear down. Whatever was in front of me was ridiculously bright, and even though my vision was still very fuzzy, I knew that someone had interfered, and that someone had came to the house, swept me away on a stretcher and brought me to the hospital. I don't know how long ago this was, like I said, I had been passing out, but I was here. And I was safe.
Maybe I was dead, maybe I was dreaming, seeing the alternative path of my choice from some kind of Limbo. But then the ceiling of the hospital room became more clear, the light overhead was shining brightly into my eyes, the smell of rubbing alcohol and bleach was everywhere, and the consistent beeping of the machines that were probably ten feet away sounded like they were right next to my ear.
Beep, beep, beep. A steady heartbeat. My steady heartbeat. I had survived. And there'd be hell to pay.
I heard a small sniff and a shuffle from somewhere to my right, and when I looked, the beeping changed it's pattern and became eccentric. There was a boy there with reddish-brown hair, his head resting on my hand as he held on to it tightly.
He looked up as soon as he noticed the heart monitor change it's beeping, straight into my eyes. His were dark as night.
The beeping stopped all together.
"Bella..." he said, his eyes darkening with concern and...regret? "Bella, breathe."
I took a deep breath in, and tried to pull my eyes away from his beautiful, magnetic eyes, but to no avail. He had his locked onto mine.
"She's awake, Carlisle!" he shouted, and the door to the room opened not even two seconds after he had sent out a distress signal.
His eyes finally pulled away from mine to look at the doctor, and they started talking, too fast for me to understand. Then again, not too much was comprehensible at the moment.
I closed my eyes and moaned. My head was hurting, and my arm felt like it was going to fall off. There was a needle injected a couple of centimeters away from the minor scars I had from the weeks that Edward wasn't around, and almost right above the large slice I had given myself the last time I was aware of my surroundings.
"Bella, open your eyes," the doctor instructed quietly. "You need to open your eyes."
I felt his hand approaching my face, and I shied away from it while I moaned.
"Bella, please," the angelic voice pleaded. "Open your eyes again."
I complied with his request. After hearing that voice, the voice that my memory did no justice of remembering, the voice of the person I had wanted to spend eternity with, there was no denying any request he made.
But then I remembered that this person was behind the whole reason of my attempted at suicide, the reason that I had survived and was now going through a living, breathing hell that wasn't likely to disappear for a while, and the reason I was so miserable in the first place. I immediately put my guard up and was more reluctant with the things they asked me.
I looked over at him again and soaked in the details; his hair, his reddish-brown hair that I so desperately wanted to touch, was tousled in distress, and he was constantly running his hand through it with ease. His pale face was pronounced with worry, and the light lavender color around his eyes had turned darker, making his complexion so much more white. His eyes were blacker than black, but they were wide and cautious, and I knew that if he could cry, there'd probably be tears staining his cheeks right now.
My jaw dropped as my heartbeat jumped around again, and I had the same feeling as when I first touched his face in his meadow. It was like experiencing the magic over and over again. And when he looked up at me when the beeping freaked out and noticed how I was staring at him, a small and polite (but still extremely aggravating) version of his crooked smile of his just made me want to punch him in the face for being so damn cocky.
I had missed him so much, though. So much, it's landed me in a hospital and possibly therapy for the next 20 years. But he said he didn't want me. He said he didn't want me, and I believed him. How could he want me, I'm insignificant to him, completely and utterly worthless. He's some kind of God, and I'm...
I'm just another girl who tried to kill herself.
I closed my eyes again, this time because they started to water, and I was trying to prevent the tears from spilling over. I took deep breaths and counted to ten in my head, like I had learned to do two days after he'd left, and I was back in a zombie-like state.
But when Edward was in the room, there was no bringing on a zombie-like state. The second I had zoned out, Edwards musical voice brought me back and a whole new wave of tears threatened to fall, and fall they did.
I couldn't do anything to stop them, and it embarrassed me. Not only did Edward have to be the one to find me bleeding on the kitchen floor, but he was also the one who had caught me staring at him open-mouthed seconds ago, and probably the one that alerted Chief Swan about his daughter's latest attempt at trying to kill herself. Which meant that the whole police station knew, which basically means that every single person in Forks is sitting in their living rooms or in their kitchens talking about the enigmatic Isabella Swan.
Enigmatic, my ass.
I closed my eyes and surrendered myself to the tears. They weren't going to stop any sooner if I made myself feel worse than I already did, so I gave up. They'd have to stop eventually, and if they didn't, well I'm no vampire. I have to sleep.
Edward was whispering reassuring comments in my ear, but they were doing anything but reassuring me. He seemed scared to touch me though, like if he was going to snap me in half or go crazy with bloodlust if he did touch me. Though considering how long I guessed it's been since he had gone hunting he probably would go crazy. His eyes had never looked so black, and I knew he was holding back much more than he should.
Slowly I lifted my hand to touch his face with the arm that hadn't felt numb. His eyes met my hand, then closed as he welcomed the warmth that I carried. As my heart rate went crazy again, his eyes flashed open for a second looking at me hungrily, but he regained control and shook the demon inside of him away from the edge.
I had no idea what Carlisle was doing. He was looking at papers and reading charts, mumbling to himself as he went along, but the whole time I was basically oblivious to the fact that he was in the room. Edward had kept me distracted, and when he didn't, I'd slip into my zombie-like state again. Carlisle would ask an occasional question every now and then, and Edward would look up, and I'd look at him, and my heart rate increased. When it did, he looked down at me, told me to breathe, and once everything was fine, we moved back into our original positions, his head on my hand, holding on tightly, and me on the bed, only this time I was staring straight up, and I was clutching his hand for dear life.
I never expected to be laying here with him. Of course, I thought I'd be dead by now, but I didn't think he was going to come and try to stop me. I never saw it coming, but it'd be a lie to even think that him finding me wasn't what I wanted.
I didn't feel guilty about it. The first time we were caught in this position, maybe, but now I really don't care. Before, the situation was different, he had a reason to feel horrible, he had a reason to cringe when he saw me with too many bones broken and covered in bruises. The first time, he cared.
Now, I was completely puzzled. This was the same guy who told me he didn't want me. The same guy who said he was leaving, and when he did he left me broken on the forest floor. And if all of this was true (which I couldn't bring myself to deny), why was he here, looking hopeless and sad and watching every move that I made?
He was responsive to everything I did, to every moan and mumble that I had let slip past my lips. When my hand shifted in his grip, he'd let go for less than a second before I was searching for his hand again. When I sighed, he looked up and didn't look away until he was sure everything was fine. And when I moaned or winced, he cringed and looked anywhere but at my eyes.
And when I had touched his face before, he had responded so curiously, like he first did in the meadow. He had leaned his head into my hand, and his lips had parted, letting out a cold gust of air that was so familiar to me and still so damn intoxicating. When I had moved my hand to stroke his cheek, though, his head turned down and he inhaled deeply; he had been smelling my wrists, instinctively responding to the fast pulse that I had seen there.
So, knowing how his reactions acted whenever I did something, I tried something else, something I knew would probably make his head snap up in shock, or fear or something. And I wasn't sure how I was going to take it.
"Edward..." I said, for the first time in forever, my voice shaking with grief.
His head, just as predicted had snapped up, but his face didn't show any of the emotions I had expected. No, instead, it had shown something I wasn't ready for.
It had shown love. And a lot of it.
My eyes started to water again, but this time it was a lot less controlled, and I started to choke on my tears. My whole body started to shake, and a sharp pain in my wrist let me know that the needle was moving and that the cut underneath it was in danger of reopening. I didn't know what to think anymore.
Edward never let go of my hand, but used his other one to cup my cheek. His face was screwed up with tears that would never come, and he let out a gasp now and then. I took my hand out of his grip and lifted both of my arms to pull them tightly around him, sitting up in the bed to make it easier.
He smelled even better than I had remembered, and his stony skin was smoother than ever. And this brought a whole new wave of tears when I realized how my stupid human memory was so utterly horrible compared to his enhanced vampiric one. It wasn't fair how completely different we were, how completely horrible it must look for the both of us to walk down a crowded street; him, looking like a heavenly spirit, next to me, a plain ordinary nobody. And it made me feel stupid for sitting on this bed hugging him for God knows how long, knowing my heart rate was increasing to a dangerously high level and that the needle in my arm was starting to move in the wrong way.
And a blood stain on his shirt let me know that the cut had reopened.
Carlisle shouted Edward's name urgently several times, and when neither Edward nor me didn't respond, he pressed a button next to my bed, pulled him off of me and some nurse walked in and pulled my arm back down so it was next to me again. She pulled out a needle from her front pocket, and quickly jammed it into the tube that was connecting the needle in my arm to the pouch above me. I had been sedated.
Carlisle released Edward who was at my side a little too fast for human speed, but he grabbed my hand again, and didn't let go.
My vision started to blur, everything around me was fading, and when I tried to look back at Edward, he was gone and everything was black once again.
A/N - dammit, i just didn't know how to end it at this chapter . maybe i'll continue it. not too many chapters, i mean i know i have to add at least one more, and i already have that planned out, just gotta proofread and upload it onto fanfiction :) i think i'm going to make it a multi chapter story if i'm in the mood for it lol :D review please