The Mirror's Truth
Celia's Reflections
Reflection 2: Blonde Betrayal
Is this your punishment? It must be, for when you tell yourself what you did it sounds exactly like you. But you still can't believe that it was you. You left your husband to be with another man. And you're certainly not the first to have done it. So why does it feel so wrong? Why do you judge yourself now and not before? Because of her. Because Nancy Botwin of all the people out there in the world makes you feel guilty when she should be the one feeling guilty. Cause here she is right now fucking your new man and you can't bring yourself to do anything but just stand there and watch. You're a coward, an idiot. But you don't care. The only thing you can manage to think about surprises you in more than one way. You don't care that she's fucking your boyfriend. You care that she's fucking your boyfriend. Cause all this time you thought you wanted him, the blonde, exciting, handsome man. But what you really wanted was her. And you'd been denying her to yourself all along cause you knew it was never a possibility. So you sit there watching the two and you're shocked at it. But the bitter and fucked up truth is that what you're really shocked at is yourself.
Do you know what this means? It means you're having a midlife crisis. Yes, another one. If you think there's something wrong with you, you might be right, but then again it may be everyone else around you. You manage to push everyone away from you without a mere glance back at the destruction you've left in your wake. Cause you're a force of nature and you're a survivor. You'll survive it all. You don't care about the damage you do to others cause you won't be held back. Your motto is and always will be: It's my life, don't you forget.
Dean has hurt you before, and you didn't let that hold you back from getting some fun and revenge and some sexy black guy named Conrad. But it still hurts cause you're still human. You're still human underneath the bitchy, could care less, and don't fuck with me exterior. You thought you found another man to love you, and maybe he does love you. But not during this moment. Not at all during this moment. That blonde son of a bitch allows that flashing warning sign to finally pop up in your pretty little head. Maybe you're not into guys, maybe they're not into you. You gave your heart to this man and he gave his heart to you, but that didn't mean things were going to work out and you knew it. So you're giving him his heart back tomorrow. And with a bang.
Cause you're Celia Hodes. And when men fuck with you, you fuck with them. The blonde's betrayal won't hold you back, it'll only make you smarter. Stronger. You'll move on like you always do and find another man who you can overpower so easily it's not even funny. Cause you just love to win. And you'll always think of her. Nancy Nancy Nancy. The girl you really want but can never have. You strive towards impossibility, towards temptation. Nancy Botwin is your next mission. Your ambition. Your drug to get through your pathetic and worthless existence.
Nancy Nancy please hear me. I love you and I know somewhere deep down inside that gorgeous head you feel something for me too. So please stop fucking my boyfriend, cause I really want you right now. I really need you right now. God, you're so hot and it turns me on. Get away from that blonde betrayer and come to bed with me. Come home with me. Beautiful Botwin.
Later that night you'll look into your mirror and see yourself changed. And don't worry, cause it's a good change. You'll keep on going after her cause you're done with blonde hopes. You're onto Botwin wishes.
To be continued…