Title: Home
Summary: Ronon has a hard time to forgive himself and Jennifer tries to comfort him
Category: Hurt/Comfort
Rating: PG
Spoilers: "Broken Ties"
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, and no copyright infringement is intended; not making any money, but they are fun to play with.

A/N: Seriously was usually a Oneshot but than I saw "Broken Ties" and Home popped into my mind. So maybe I'll start a series of Oneshots.

Since I´m no native speaker any constructive critizism concerning style/grammar etc is highly appreciated! So be gentle with me

...just the way I think Ronon felt after everything... Hope you enjoy this one, too.

HOME:

Five days had passed since Ronon had left the infirmary and Jennifer hadn't seen him since then. As far as she knew, he hadn't talked to anybody and was avoiding everyone. Even Sheppard and Teyla.

Well...maybe he was especially avoiding these two.

She had been checking some things as Sheppard had visited Ronon. The Colonel had fetched him his sword and both didn't lose a word. Even from her position, she was able to sense the deep cut between them. They had been barley able to look at each other.

Normally Sheppard would have pat Ronon on the back, gave him a smirk and talk about easy stuff with him. But not this time.

Jennifer wasn't sure what exactly had happened between them but she could easily catch the pain in their eyes. Especially in Ronon's.

Sheppard was hurt but Ronon...

Never in her life had she seen a person with such an expression in his eyes. Jennifer really had thought the detox had been bad and well...it was! Even watching it was painful.

She had felt an icy grip around her heart and the lump in her throat was so thick that she had wondered how she had managed to speak clearly. But she was the doctor.

Stubbornly she had repeated that phrase till she internalised it. At that moment Ronon had been her patient and she had been his doc. So she had pushed her personal fears away and got into doctor mode, but seeing him yelling and fighting against the restrains made it hard to remain professional.

But the detox was nothing compared with the look in his eyes. Maybe she hadn't sensed what he really lost that day, but after that look she knew.

He had lost himself. The last security he had had after all these years against the wraith.

The knowledge that he would never submit to them. That he would rather die than to loose his honour and betray everything he had ever believed in.

Every time she remembered it, it was like a stitch in her heart.

But truth to be told it wasn't the only thing that hurt her. After that night on the balcony Ronon and she had spent some time together.

He had picked her up from the infirmary and they spent their meals together. They had done that before but after that night it had been different.

Ronon had carried her tray, pulled out her chair and even he still wasn't a great talker he had asked her questions about herself, her home and her family. He always listened carefully and seemed really interested to learn more about her and his smiles were as good as a comment. Maybe even better.

They also had spent some time on their balcony. Resting peacefully in each others arms while they watched the ocean and enjoyed each others company.

Jennifer loved to cuddle against him, feeling his warmth and his fingers which carefully stroked her back. In that moments she felt safe, loved and protected. It was a curious feeling of perfection and sometimes it was so strong it scared her was scared to the bone.

Not to mention the sensual kisses they have shared. Only thinking about it, made her blush from her head to her toes.

But now it seemed all gone!

Of course she had given him time. She didn't want to push him but she had to admit that she had hoped, he would come to her. Jennifer knew Ronon and she didn't expect a long talk about his feelings but she had really hoped...

Well in the strict sense she wasn't sure what she had hoped for. Maybe that he didn't count her off. That he allowed himself to let somebody care about him. Not physical but emotional and psychical.

But of course Ronon Dex was too stubborn. He preferred to blame himself for things he wasn't responsible for.

She was sure that from his point of view he saw a committer not a victim in the mirror. And all of the sudden it made her angry and her anger grew even more as she thought back of what Lorne had told her a few minutes ago.

"Hey doc!"

"Hi Evan, is everything okay?"

"Uh sure. Everything is fine. It's only...Has Ronon been here today?"

"No, why?" She had raised her eye-brows and waited for him to go on. And after a deep sigh he did.

"You know, I've seen him earlier in the gym. He had been punching the sandbag without any protection of his hands, till he hit a hole in it. After that he left the gym. And something told me that he hadn't stopped in the infirmary."

Without another thought she gripped a small medical kit and looked for Dr. Daniels. Somewhere in the back of her mind she felt bad for asking him to adopt her shift but on the other hand she knew that she would never have the nerves to tell Ronon what she really wanted him to know, once her anger faded away. Also it was a calm night and she had only two more hours left.

Dr. Daniels was surprised about her request but also pleased to return the favour.

Ten minutes later she was standing in front of Ronons quarters and suddenly she felt very unsure of herself. Somewhere on the way her anger slipped away and all it had left was a lump in her throat.

Jennifer had no idea how long she stood there only staring at the door, till she pushed the bell with shaky hands.

Of course he didn't open and she pushed the button again. Slowly but steady her anger returned and she left her hand on the button.

He wanted to be stubborn? Fine she could also be stubborn if it was necessary. And right at the moment it was.

Five minutes later the door opened nearly soundlessly and she was so surprised that she needed a moment to step in. Apart from the dim light of a few candles it was dark and at first she couldn't spot him till suddenly, his rough voice cut through the air and her eyes snapped to her left. There he was. Leaning against the wall, arms crossed in front of his chest in a protective manner.

"What do you want?" He asked harshly and it was as if he had slapped her. She winced against her will and swallowed hard. She wanted nothing more than to turn around and left. But this time she couldn't afford being a coward. This time she had to be the brave one, for them both.

So she swallowed the lump away and squared her shoulders.

"I'm here to look after your injuries." She told him and was eased about her steady voice.

"There is no need for!" He growled and it was obvious that he wanted her to leave. It hurt her to be treated like this but she reminded herself that he probably would have kicked everyone else out of his quarters.

No, she corrected herself. Least of all he hadn't opened the door. So she walked over the small table, which was the only place in his room where she could put down her medkit.

He didn't speak and neither did she. With experienced hands she opened the kit and searched for the things she would need.

Without waiting for his permission she gripped his hands, which were still crossed in front of his chest. He dodged her hands but she didn't stopped in her effort. After three more tries she sighed.

"Ronon I will not go before I have supplied your hands!"

Hesitating he showed her his hands but not without a deep growl. She didn't pay any attention to it and started cleaning his wounds.

The skin over his knuckles had burst and had left irregular bloody spots. He hadn't even bothered to wash the blood away, so it was dried up and covered his knuckles in a cloddy crust.

He didn't even flinch but his stiff body told her everything she need to know. She looked up to get a look in his eyes, but he avoided her gaze, so she let her eyes drop back to his hand.

Why was it always him, who had to cope with the really bad things? Or was it numinous irony?

The stronger you are, all the more cruel are the things you have to deal with?

If this was true she feared that it wasn't the last thing he had to handle with. She knew noone in two galaxies who was as strong as him. Not only physically.

He was the one thing which wouldn't change. Ronon was her safe point and the more it hurts her to see him like this.

Broken.

No not yet! She told herself and she wouldn't allow that to happen.

Suddenly she couldn't help herself, she tighten her hold on his hand raised them up and kissed each knuckle very softly.

Maybe he was taken by surprise by her action. Sure. Jennifer was even surprised by her own actions and so she was able to kiss each knuckle of his right hand, till he finally tore his hand away.

"Don't!" He growled angry but there was something deeper in his voice. Something that made her believe, that she had done the right thing in coming here.

"If you're done, now...Leave!" He rumbled but it didn't sound as harshly as he maybe had tried to be.

Jennifer closed her eyes felt the tears which wanted to flow. Not because of his words but because of the loneliness she could sense in the depth of it.

"No!" She shook her head and opened her eyes. "I will not leave!"

"I don't want you here!" He growled but the expression which covered his face for a short moment, betrayed his words.

"Ronon!" She sighed. "Stop blaming yourself for things you aren't responsible for!" As much as she tried, her words were more a plea than a demand.

"Stop telling me what to do!" He yelled suddenly very aggressive and even in the candlelight she could see his eyes flashing with anger.

"You have no idea what you are talking about, so stop it!" He snapped furiously. "There is no apology for what I've done!" He was walking across the room and seemed to find no rest, as if his body had its own will at the moment. That wasn't much the Ronon she knew.

"I forgive you!" She told him quietly.

"No!" He roared and this time she couldn't keep herself from flinching as he slammed his fist down onto the table, with enough power to break it.

Candles, knives and medicals things flew high through the air, till they finally crashed to the ground.

"You have no right to forgive me!" He yelled and put out the candle light on the ground with furious kicks. "Not for what I've done!" Ronon added nearly voiceless and from one moment to the other all the tension seemed to have left his body.

"Ronon!" She called softly. "That wasn't you!" He had to understand that. Jennifer knew that it was more than this simple fact but it was a beginning.

Deeper than the blame was the fear.

For the first time in days he really looked at her and again she was confronted with the terrifying expression in his eyes. And like before she felt as if some discarnate hand had gripped her heart in the effort to rip it out of her body.

"How can you stand there and tell me that, after all what happened!" He whispered and as if it had all been too much he walked over to his bed and dropped down on it. He sat there with his hands on his thighs while he hid his head behind his palms.

Very slowly she stepped towards him till she was standing directly in front of him. Hesitantly she stroked over his head, not sure if he would let her and allow himself this bit of comfort.

But he didn't flinched and she sighed with relief.

A few moments she did nothing else than to stroke over his hair and finally she felt his head leaning forward against her stomach. In that moment she wanted nothing more than to cry and burry her face in his hair but she didn't.

This time she had to be the strong part, so she raised her other hand to the back of his head while the other never stopped gliding over his head.

"Ronon!" She mumbled soothing not sure how she could tell him that she understood what he was afraid off.

"Ronon!" She started again. "I know that you are afraid." She swallowed hard but went on with her speech. "You've spend your entire life fighting against the wraith and I know that they took everything from you. Your family, your friends, your home and everything you ever knew and loved." At this she could feel him flinch lightly but he didn't push her away, so she continued.

"But even after seven years on the run, they haven't broken you. You've still been Ronon Dex, the proud Satedaen warrior who would prefer death over submittal." At this she heard him take a deep intake of breath.

"And now..." She added very softly. "Now they have found a way to took that away from you. They damaged the last safe thing in your life." He didn't say anything but she could feel his head leaning closer to her.

"You're ashamed of what you've done and afraid that it could happen again. That you could never feel certain about anything again and you fear that you're not the same anymore! But..." She breathed deeply and hid her fingers in his hair.

"But let me tell you –for me you are still the Ronon Dex I knew. I would trust you with my life and I'm proud of you! After all they did to you, you survived again! Only a strong man could do so and in all galaxies I knew, I never met a stronger man than you Ronon."

She told him soulful and meant every word even she felt him shaken. He had gripped her shirt in his fist and pressed her nearer to him. She swallowed hard and couldn't hold her own tears back.

Never in her life would she have guessed she would see Ronon crying. Maybe a part of her didn't believe it was possible.

Her voice was shaky as she went on but she couldn't stop now. Not before he knew everything.

"This time you managed it not alone but with our help. Your friends, Ronon. And even though I cannot promise you that it will never happen again, I can promise you that you are not alone any longer. I will always be there to help you. I will rescue you!" Jennifer ensured him without doubt in her voice and leaned her forehead on his head.

"You have always been my safe point Ronon. Even everything turned up side down and things got worse I could always count on you. And I still do but for now..." She sobbed. "For now let me be your safe point!"

Ronon didn't said anything, all he did was laying them both back on the bed and allowed her to hold him and at least that was answer enough.

Tonight Jennifer Keller wasn't a doctor. Tonight she would only be a woman protecting her man from the cruelness of the world.

A doctor's duty was to heal.

A woman's duty was to defend her family and home.

And the moment she pulled him closer and kissed his head, she knew he was exactly that:

Her home.

-FIN-