-"What have I done"
A question that continued to echo into Ashitaka's mind, a relentless plague that was consuming him from the inside.
He betrayed the most important person in his life, and even knowing that he didn't do it on purpose didn't help him feel any better.
From the outside he wanted to look like nothing was happened, but deep down he was torn apart by the guilt.
For everybody he was a hero, a guide to follow, yet he still worked among them like any other common citizen, and didn't want to worry anyone with his own problems.
Ashitaka tried hard to force himself to work a bit, but failed.
His head was overwhelmed and ended up distracting himself too often to accomplish something useful for the town.
But in the end he was just waiting for the night to come, so he could go to the forest without being noticed, as he was worried that someone might get suspicious at him for returning to the woods.
He will always be grateful to the townspeople for everything they did for him:
for giving him a new home, for giving him something to life for, but at the same time he despised the fact that the place where he lived for the past years was giving him such a bad memory as a last farewell.
He knew that this kind of behaviour wouldn't benefit him or anyone else around him, still he couldn't be at peace after what he did.
The rest of the passed by surprisingly quickly, without something to do Ashitaka returned to his own house to prepare a plan for the upcoming sleepless night.
As the sun started to set down and the townspeople slowly made their way back home, Ashitaka packed the few things that was keeping with himself.
He put tied his scabbard with the sword to his belt and strapped his bow on the back, his only clothes that he had were the one that he was wearing and also didn't bother to bring any food for the travel since he planned to hunt for every meal.
Once he was done with his stuff, the only thing that was left to do was wait until everyone in the town would fell asleep.
Hours later a white full moon was high in the sky, mitigating the darkness down below with his pale light.
There was only silence in the iron town, as everyone was resting in their home after all the hard work done in the morning.
But not Ashitaka
He was awake and mildly tired since it was late night and he had not eaten anything during the day.
Wrapped in his cloak Ashitaka headed towards the shed where there was his trusty friend Yakul.
The animal was very happy of his master's visit.
After that endless war everyday was boring for, not that he didn't like peace but it's been a while since the last time he got out of the city and had the opportunity to run around freely.
The good news was that he fully recovered from the wound caused by the arrow, leaving a deep scar on his flank.
Ashitaka caressed Yakul's neck, and the animal responded by licking his left cheek.
The boy gave a gentle smile then proceeded to saddle the elk.
-"This will be a long night for the both of us"
He whispered once the saddle was ready and the fence of the shed has been unlocked.
Hopping onto his back they moved towards the gate that separated the town from the outside, trying to be as much quiet as possible.
Luckily the streets were deserted, with no one in their path they quickly reached the wooden door but as they got closer Ashitaka noticed that it was left wide open, and even the sentries that usually are on the lookout on top of the turrets were absent.
-"Quite a dangerous decision made by Eboshy"
He could understand why she did this.
Once outside the walls Ashitaka turned around to admire the city one last time, the new that he contributed to create for everybody.
In this chapter of his life he regretted many things but ending a war wasn't one of them.
He raised his head towards the sky to see the glowing white sphere upon him.
-"A perfect night for a wolf to hunt"
After what looked like ages he faced the bridge that connected the island to the mainland, where beyond the green hills there was the infamous forest.
He let out a deep sigh and dashed forward the bridge, leaving everything behind.
They went up the hill following an abandoned path that was previously used to access the iron mines, but when they closer to the forest they leaped out of it and slipped under the cover of the trees.
Running faster and faster making their way through the deep vegetation, crushing leaves, jumping branches and climbing rocks.
They were heading towards the pond of the deer god, in Hope to find San.
Ashitaka didn't have to guide Yakul through the forest since he knew perfectly the way to follow, and was merely a passenger the entire time.
It always has been like this, since the very first time they met each other they always been together, an ancient bond was established between man and beast.
They grew up together, fought together, cared for one another for years and probably they will never separate.
During the trip Ashitaka was pleased to see how well the trees have grown back, every plant around him was fresh and young, but the passage was still enough recognizable.
Yet here was still a detail that he found rather unnatural: there were no kodamas.
-"Strange" he thought, since the forest seemed healthy and they were also making a lot of noise, nonetheless he still had a mission to complete and could not afford to get distracted.
The invisible path that Yakul followed led to a clearing.
The ground was covered in moss, at the centre of the clearing there was a pond filled with crystal clear water, in the middle of the pond there was a small grassy, a sacred place for the deer god.
The smell of dew was impregnated the air, and the only sound that could be heard was the suffocated sound of birds from afar.
The young man dismounted from the elk and decided to not carry his weapons, leaving them onto Yakul's back.
Ashitaka knew very well how much San cared to protect and preserve this place from humans, therefore he presumed that there was a high chance to find her here.
But that wasn't the case, since there no trace of her.
-"San, where are you ?"
The boy was yelling from the top of his lungs in every direction around him, trying to see if he could achieve some sort of reaction, but nothing.
Realizing that this method didn't work out as expected, he sat on ground with his legs crossed.
In this position he could see Yakul eating some grass in the distance and most of the area around him.
Ashitaka was tired and demoralized but kept repeating to himself:
-"She will come soon or later, she always did unlike me"
Several minutes passed and Ashitaka was losing hope after each seconds,
as he was starting to get up but he noticed with the tail of the eye a silhouette moving outside the clearing.
The moon light allowed to distinguish the the shape of the stranger, but was not enough to make an assumption on who he was.
He saw very few animals on his way, and doubted that they would follow him.
The more the outsider was getting closer the more Ashitaka could distinguish him, he was faster than him and was running around the clearing getting cover from the nearby trees.
Ashitaka remained motionless for the entire time pretending he didn't notice him, at this point Ashitaka presume that the mysterious figure could only be San or one of her brothers.
And with all honesty he was more afraid of the second option.
He knew how much San's brothers cared for her, and they would do anything to make her happy, but he also knew that San was probably unhappy because of him.
He dealt with an angry San in the past, but could not even imagine himself fighting her brothers.
The sound of footsteps was growing louder behind him, Ashitaka was prepared for the worst, ready to face off whoever would attack him.
What a fool.
No matter how much he was ready for this encounter, Ashitaka still couldn't react in time.
The only thing that he could remember was a strong grip on his shoulder and moment after he was laying down on his back with a spear pointed at his throat
Even in that situation Ashitaka found San beautiful.
She was there, the slender figure was above him, holding firmly a spear in her strong hand, she was still wearing the same worn outfit of clothes and wolf's fur cape that she always had, only this time they looked ever torn apart than ever.
Her brown hairs were long enough to reach her back, and her iconic red war paint was now nothing more than dull stains on her face.
-"It's really nice to see you again"
Ashitaka was trying to speak with the calmest tone he could get, yet he still seemed insecure.
-"Ashitaka ?"
Replied the girl with surprise almost disappointment in her voice.
As Ashitaka was getting up he noticed that San was now almost as tall as him, and she was still wearing his sister's crystal dagger.
-"What are you doing here ?"
She was speaking while keeping her spear high
-"I am going to stay here with with you"
He was lying again
San lowered the spear and looked away from him fro a brief moment.
-"I perceived your scent from afar, but I still wasn't sure that it was you"
-"With this clothes who would not look like a man from the iron town"
San let out a small laugh, more of sarcasm than joy, that seemed to cool down the discussion, but it didn't last long.
-"There is something off with her"
Ashitaka thought
They both sat down next to each other at the shores of the pond, with Yakul observing them from the other side of the clearing.
-"Where are your brothers San ?"
-"A few days ago they told me that the remaining members of the boar clan had some troubles with some humans in the northern region of the forest"
-"And they left you here alone ?"
-"I can understand why they did that, someone had to stay here to protect the pond, in case the deer god return"
San was still sceptical about the condition of the deer god, something which Ashitaka was very disappointed.
Other than that the conversation continued without any real issues, Ashitaka told her about the reconstruction of the iron town and how they converted the forges into rice fields, San was carefully listening to him but sometimes she would look around to check the surroundings.
Both of them seemed happy to meet each other once again after so much time, however, there was a strange tension between them, as of there was a specific topic that they feared and didn't wanted to bring.
Until
-"Why did you not come before ?"
In a blink of an eye Ashitaka's face turned white, sure he was expecting a question like that yet he still didn't have an answer that would satisfy her.
San seemed she got the heaviest weigh off her chest, nevertheless she was gazing the boy with spite in her eyes.
-"With all the work at the iron town I had little no time for anything else"
-"That doesn't change the fact that you could get here in secret"
-"That's not the point, I promised to Eboshi that I wouldn't leave until the the city was fully viable"
-"So you are telling me that a promise with that damned woman was more important than the one with me"
Ashitaka realized how bad the whole situation was getting and cursed himself for pronouncing the name of Eboshi in front of San.
-"I have to go now, you'd better go back were you came from"
San picked up her spear from the ground began to walk away, it was now or never, in a desperate attempt Ashitaka grabbed San's hand.
-"San please wait"
-"STEP BACK"
As a reaction to that desperate act San hit Ashitaka in the forehead using her free hand, before disappearing into the foliage.
The boy took a few steps back before falling onto his back and hit the head against the ground.
Ashitaka laid there for a few moments before he felt his eyelids heavy and lose consciousness.
Bit by bit his senses were coming back, he felt cold, really cold, the soft consistence of snow under his feet, and the sound of wind blowing.
When he opened his eyes again he was no longer in the clearing, instead he was standing in a place that he could not recognize.
Everything around him was wrapped in a deep grey fog, the ground was covered in frost.
Standing a few meters away from him there was man wearing a long robe made with a brown fabric complete with a hood that was covering his head.
The man was just as tall as Ashitaka and was turning away from him, making his face useeable.
The dress the he wore was cut all over around the edges, and, despite being barefoot and having a good part of the arms exposed, he didn't seem to suffer the cold.
Ashitaka was unable to move any parts of his body, he could only stand there waiting for the next move of his opponent, he never experienced something like this, not being in control of his own body was something that he always feared.
-"You will not last much longer"
The seemed coming from the wind itself, echoing all around him, it was deep raspy like the one of an old man.
Slowly the hooded was turning to him, but before he could see the man's face his vision turned black and his consciousness slipped away, for what little he saw a scar on his right cheek under the man's eye.
Ashitaka was in the forest again, awakened by Yakul's breath on his face.
With the help of the animal Ashitaka got on his feet, his head was still spinning but the pain was starting to subside, he was standing with a hand onto Yakul's back while he kept the other on his forehead to stop the blood coming out from a small cut.
-"A dream ?"He wondered.
When Ashitaka was able to comprehended the horrible mistake he made, without even bothering to hop onto Yakul's back he sprinted towards the general direction where he saw San go.
Ashitaka was running as fast as he could, fear was rushing through his body as he was making his way through the brambles, careless of the gaping wound on his head or the countless others cuts that he was getting after every step.
His worst nightmare was getting real and was happening now.
Ashitaka only stopped at a familiar rocky cliff, the same where San and her brothers were living, he was gasping for air and his legs were screaming in pain, he looked behind and noticed that Yakul wasn't there with him, something which he was very surprised to see.
-"Did I just outrun Yakul ?"another question that could not answer, but he considered Yakul's presence unnecessary in this moment.
Ashitaka clutched the vines that were covering the entire hill, he begun to climb the wall towards the hollow using all of his remaining strength.
He was praying with all of his heart to find San inside, but mostly for this night to end.
Once he reached the top and crossed the entrance he was pleased to see that his wish has been granted.
She was there, sitting in a corner with the back against the wall, she was holding both of her legs close the chest and was staring the floor, her spear was laying down away from her which it was a good thing for him, but even if she wasn't looking at him Ashitaka was more than sure that San could feel his presence.
There was a long silence in the room, where none of them seems to want to talk.
-"Go away"
-"Forgive me San"
San's blue eyes were inspecting every inch of his body.
-"I won't forgive you, do you even imagine how much I suffered because of you ? Everyday for the the last two years I waited for you, hoping to see you.
I even thought that you would never leave the town, and now you return wanting my forgiveness?
I can not forgive you for all of this…...I hate you!"
Ashitaka was listening speechless like he was paralyzed, staring into place.
Suddenly he did something that San never expected to see from him.
He collapsed on his knees and started crying.
-"I can't blame you San, you have all the rights the be mad at me, but I will do anything in my power to fix everything, I am going to fix myself.
I know that I have made a lot of mistakes, but I ask you another chance to make up for my errors, I am sorry, so sorry just please don't let me go.
San couldn't believe what was seeing, Ashitaka the one who contributed to end a war thanks to his will was now begging her for forgiveness.
She couldn't take this any longer, it was too painful to watch.
-"I never asked for this Ashitaka, but you betrayed me and now I can't trust you anymore.
Go away and consider yourself lucky that my brothers aren't here"
Even his name pronounced by her mouth didn't sound the same anymore, but without contesting Ashitaka got up, and exit the lair using the vines as before.
While a tears were wetting San's cheeks.
That awful night came to an end, just not one he wanted.
In the mean time the moon was being sucked over the horizon, sign of a new dawn.
Ashitaka was wandering aimlessly through the forest, his face was caked in blood mixed with salt, he was looking for his friend Yakul but was nowhere to be found, which also mean that he lost all of his weapons.
He was alone in the night with the guilt torturing him, he lost everything from his knew home to the only woman he loved.
He felt wretched and powerless, the forest which was once a precious being for him, was appearing hostile through his eyes, to the point of he would gladly see the trees burn.
But he knew that there was no one else but himself to blame.
By now there was no reason to come back to his homeland, since his people believed him dead, neither he wanted to come back to the iron town.
There was no place for a wicked man like him, no home, nowhere to go, only an empty world to roam.
Hours passed, the sun was shyly making his appearance, colouring the sky with tone of red and yellow.
Without realizing Ashitaka was outside the forest, and the scenery in front of the eyes was in big contrast with luxuriant woods.
The plain, or should I say the wasteland, extended for kilometres was only stopped by the distant mountains.
There was now grass on the ground, and the only trees that could be seen were dry and lifeless, even the earth itself seems burned and drained from all of his life.
The path sure wasn't inviting, but he didn't have a place to go in the first place, and somehow he felt attracted.
And so he proceeded forward.
When the forest was no longer in sight the sun has fully raised, the flat ground and the cold air, were making his journey a little bit more bearable.
His wounds finally stopped bleeding and the ache was almost gone, yet there was still an itchy sensation coming from his right arm.
Big chunks of grey clouds started to fly above him, enfolding the clear sky and the new born sun; violent strikes of wind blowing onto his face while the fog was spreading around him.
Maybe it was all a coincidence, but Ashitaka felt as if someone was recreating the settings of his dream on purpose, only this time the cold touch of the wind blow was real, hurting every part of his body that wasn't covered, even his cloak wasn't enough to protect his body.
Ashitaka was still determined to go forward, to escape from this cold hellhole, but every movement he made were clunky and painfull.
It was a fight that could not win, his energy was drained from the cold, he wanted to rest really badly but he was aware that it would most likely mean death for him.
-"So, this is were it ends" Ashitaka whispered, trembling on his knees.
He was ready to give up to life, when the dreamlike companion appeared in front of him
Ashitaka raised his head, he didn't have the strength to move nor fighting, the opponent was standing more or less half a meter away from him, watching him as was agonizing, nothing had changed in him since their last encounter.
His adversary raised his pale hands over his head to pull back the hood that was covering his face.
When the stranger's face was exposed, Ashitaka was shocked at what he saw, the man in front of him WAS him, in the sense their faces were identical, from the colour of the eye to the scar on his left cheek, a terrifying mirror image of himself.
-"You finally arrived, but for now you must sleep"
Said again by mysterious voice from all around him.
The man moved strode towards him, Ashitaka wanted to react and fend off his opponent, but no limb responding, he was frozen in place, curled up into a ball, unable to do anything but witness his inevitable end.
With his filthy hands he reached down to Ashitaka's eyelids and closed it.
As the last glimpse of light vanished and embraced the darkness, Ashitaka remembered seeing the man's right forearm covered in a large, irregularly patterned, purplish scar.
Congratulation you made it until the end of this horribly put together clusterfuck of nonsense.
If you somehow enjoyed this fic, remember to leave a review.
And if feel confused about the story, don't worry i am working on an even worst sequel.
Good night everybody, and stay tuned for more stuff