Uhm…. Awful lot of sex scenes in this, I'm afraid….if that's not your cup of tea- I'm sorry!
I wrote the outline for this yesterday, and it's pretty weird. Wanna give it a chance nonetheless? Thank you so much!
Love through the Coldest Days
Chapter 2
"He's as innocent as the pinkish hue of a new day, Lisbon."
He couldn't believe that she still bothered to argue with him, but she was naturally stubborn. He knew they were just pro-forma-debates, conducted to deflate his (in her opinion) widely oversized ego when it came to solving cases.
"I don't know, Jane," Lisbon said sweetly, "I like him for the murders, he's a sadist and a creep and…"
"Sure," he interrupted, "but just because you want to arrest him so much doesn't mean he's guilty. Fear not, little Lisbon- I promise you, the real killer is just as creepy and you will enjoy throwing him into the deepest hole possible oh so much."
"You already know who killed her?" she asked incredulously.
Oh his sweet, ever-doubting Lisbon.
"Of course." He said, giving her a gentle smile.
"And when did you plan to inform me of his identity?" she asked, frowning.
"Well, tomorrow," he shrugged, "around lunchtime."
Lisbon sighed in exasperation, and he felt his smile deepen, silence settling over the dark interior of her SUV. He had picked her up at her apartment two hours ago, leaving his car on her curb to join her for the interview. It was dark now, the world an ocean of gloomy shadows.
In the comfortable quiet, he became more aware of her closeness, almost as if her heartbeat was in sync with his, his body tuned to the rush of her blood. His skin hummed with desire, he couldn't stop it.
One week had gone by since they had shared the night in his attic, but the longing hadn't left him. It throbbed like an insistent demand at the back of his mind, refusing to leave him alone, grant him a modicum of peace. No peace for Patrick Jane. He was doomed to be a hunter, wanting, craving.
He closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, he felt changed, still greedy, but infinitely more daring. With a sighing, audible intake of breath, he put his hand on Lisbon's thigh.
Her skin was warm through the thin fabric, he wrapped his fingers around her flesh, wanting to feel her bare, naked in his arms. He watched her closely, saw the confusion enter her expression, opening like the petals of a flower.
Shame. He was so ashamed. He was supposed to be a friend, and all he could be was a lecherous bastard who used her love to give him a warm, fuzzy feeling.
"Jane…" she said, slightly warning, regret mingling into her voice. The innocent beginning of a brush-off, and damn, he deserved it.
He raised his hands in surrender.
She had every right to push him away, he couldn't ask for more than what she'd already given. The silence was heavy, suffocating all of a sudden, but he didn't say anything, unable to explain it. How could he explain what was inexplicable in itself?
She was the only one he trusted enough to let go. But she deserved more. Deserved to be loved the way she loved him. Oh how she deserved it.
He couldn't give her that. End of story.
He suddenly felt like crying, his lips trembling with the effort to hold the tears back, a myriad of tears, so many their force would be shattering. He couldn't release them. Ever.
When they arrived at her apartment, he was fully prepared for a more than awkward moment of goodbye. But he immediately noticed her quiet resolve, almost resembling a gesture of defeat.
She looked at him, her eyes like jewels in the nightly gloominess.
"Do you want to come inside?"
Xxxxxxxxxx
She didn't really know what she was doing. But she couldn't let him ache like this.
She had accepted this fact long ago, it was one of the miracles of her life, carved in stone and she didn't question it. Well- she seldom questioned it.
Her gaze wandered over his lips, his throat, and desire pooled inside her guts. Yes, she wanted him. Would always want him, even after they decided to end this. Despair flooded her heart, the sensation sharp and unpleasant. It would end. Sooner rather than later, and she couldn't stop the pain.
Patrick Jane would do something to finally push her away- maybe hook up with a random woman, maybe betray her trust in an even worse way. She would be hurt. Period. That was just the way things were between them.
She lifted her hand and slid her fingertips over his lips, which parted under her touch. She slipped her index finger inside his mouth, shuddering when he sucked softly.
She could read the "You don't have to" in his eyes and almost chuckled. Of course she had to. She had been doomed from the moment he had signed up with her team, she had told him as much. She just hadn't anticipated how personal things would get between them.
He nodded slowly, answering her question, and she pulled her finger back, producing a moist, smacking sound.
They left the car in silence, every movement seemed suspended in slow motion, like walking through a syrupy lake.
They stood inside her living room. She shed her jacket. He did the same.
She lifted her hands and started to unbutton his vest, his shirt, letting her hands slide under his clothes, making him moan. He didn't move at all, just looked at her as if she were a being from a different world, an apparition he couldn't fathom.
His nipples puckered when she blew on them, his breath sharp and gasping, and she wanted, needed more from him, craved the delicious loss of control he seldom allowed himself. She would get him there, she swore to herself, gently using her teeth on his skin, making him jerk.
She straightened and undressed slowly, methodically, her eyes never leaving his. Shoes, pants, blouse, underwear.
She knelt down in front of him and unlaced his shoes, pulling them off, his hands seeking balance on her shoulders.
She got up when he had stepped out of his pants and boxers, finally as naked as she was.
His eyes were calm, eerily translucent in the dimly lit room. She could see them transforming slowly, arousal seeping into the quiet green, lust dilating his pupils until they swallowed all color, like black holes intent on devouring everything.
And then he went wild.
He grabbed her so fast she shrieked, lifting her with a force that made her fingertips go cold in shock.
He climbed thestairs to her bedroom in a few vigorous strides, holding her tightly in his arms, his hot body burning against hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held onto him, wishing she could stop time and space for a small bubble of happiness.
He tossed her onto the bed, knocking the breath out of her for a moment, and was on her immediately, covering her small frame like a dark shadow.
"Spread your legs," he growled, but she wasn't fast enough and he did it, gripping her thighs to make her open up wide.
He pushed down, entering her in a fast, furious stroke, and Lisbon cried out, a violent shiver running through her body.
He was so huge, stretching her so wide it bordered on pain, her sex unable to accommodate him for a few seconds. The wildness in his eyes made her hot, wetter, until he managed to thrust. He took her deep, in fast, powerful strokes, grunting every time he made impact.
Her nerve endings detonated into small, fiery balls, the sensations so sharp she came almost immediately, her whole body cramping under the sheer force of her release. Jane managed to go on, his thrusts hard, pounding, the whole bed rattling beneath her.
In his mad, greedy eyes she saw what it did to him, and it almost scared her, sweat was dripping from his face, his hair disheveled. He groaned her name, again, again, like a mantra, a hypnotic song that burned itself into her mind until her body hummed to its rhythm, quaking beneath his ruthless thrusting.
She saw it the second he gave up, his mouth falling open, a shocked, strangled sound escaping. He went rigid, and when she reached up to touch his face she felt the first jet of seed shoot inside her, filling her with his warmth.
He came loudly, violently, squirming, crying, cursing. The force of his ejaculation triggered several small orgasms inside her, each one sharper than the next, shooting pleasure through her system, burning her insides like exploding stars.
"Patrick," she gasped, and he wailed as if he were in pain, his body collapsing on hers.
He cried, his whole body quivering from the heavy sobs, and she realized that she had never seen him cry before, had never seen him break down like this. She wrapped her arms around him, firmly, ignoring the strain of his weight on her small frame.
She shushed him softly, stroking his hair while his tears wet the skin of her chest.
When he finally calmed down, his crying reduced to some slight sniffling, he rolled to his side, and she took a deep breath before she followed suit, lying down on her side, facing him.
His eyes were red, his face wet. She kissed the tears away, one by one, with infinite patience, so, so tender. He carefully scooted closer, and she hugged him to her like she would a small child.
The room was dark, and he became gradually quieter in her arms.
Sorrow covered her skin like grease. They couldn't keep this up. It was like driving against a wall, full-speed, wide-eyed. Unstoppable, a freight train racing into the big, numb nothing after crashing through the iron gates of hell.
It already hurt, and she wondered how much stronger the pain would become when the chips came down, how awfully she would suffer from this, from him. She sighed. She had to have a masochist streak a mile wide. Like a dry river bed, the Grand Canyon carved into her heart.
His breath flowed against her skin. She bowed down and kissed his ear, tracing the shell with her tongue.
Sleep well, Patrick Jane. And don't dream. Never dream.
She knew he hated his dreams.
And Lisbon closed her eyes and dreamed of a lakeside in the midst of summer, her hand in his, his blinding smile just for her. Dreamed of being a naïve little princess in a fairytale fantasy, as different from real life as she could imagine it.
Xxxxxxxxxx
Patrick Jane traced the rim of his teacup with his index finger.
He had to stop. This had been going much too far already, he couldn't allow agent Lisbon to turn him into a bawling idiot. There were things he had to do, like making Loralei talk as soon as possible, and he couldn't effort getting wrapped up in an affair like this right now.
He had to stop touching her, at all.
He looked in the direction of her office for the umpteenth time and saw her talking with agent Nichols from narcotics. Mr. dark, tall, and handsome.
He hated the sharp pang of anger, of despair that was piercing his heart before he could stop it.
He was obsessed with the fear that Lisbon could find Mr. Right in front of his eyes, make him watch her fall in love with another man.
He was petty and mean. She SHOULD fall in love with another man. He should make her, present her the perfect fiancé, a trustworthy, warm-hearted man who would place the world at her feet.
He watched Nichols out of narrowed eyes, hate eating at his heart.
His stomach clenched when she smiled, laughed at one of the fellow agent's jokes. She was so beautiful when she laughed. Just as beautiful as when she pouted. Or glared.
He sighed miserably and took another sip of his lukewarm tea.
Truth was, he wanted her. Wanted to hold her, to kiss her, to make her his just once more. But he knew he could never stop at once more. So he should stop now. For good.
He spend the rest of the afternoon on his couch, his tea turning from cold to stale, darkness infusing the room as the hours crept by.
Grace said goodbye, then Rigsby. Cho was last, waving a short greeting, and silence settled upon the bullpen.
Jane put the cup of tea down and got up.
TBC
Next chapter up soon! Twists and turns ahead! This is not as easy as it looks so far. Thank you so much for your feedback! AAAANND (little warning): this story stays M!
It's my eldest daughter's birthday today, and my second daughter's on Sunday, and we have a big shopping-trip planned for Saturday, so the next chapter might not arrive before Tuesday… Sorry! I try to write as fast as I can. This is not the best time to post a multichapter, but I guess it won't be a work of genius anyway… but Ill be forever grateful if you go on reading! THANK YOU!