A/N: Well, guess it couldn't be helped. My government class was highly boring today and I just couldn't get this idea out of my head. I might just make this a series of one-shots, maybe even have a small bit of plot put together in the end. Otherwise they're just little one-shots in the life of our favorite insane informant.

"This is completely unacceptable!"

A huff resounded throughout the rather spacious, high-class apartment, then a bit of shuffling. Squeak of a drawer opening.

"Absolutely cannot be happening!"

The man who owned the ritzy apartment stomped his bare foot on the smooth carpet, making an exasperated noise. He turned away from the drawer, making his way towards the large and open pantry.

"I can't believe how annoying you can get. If I had to, I'd say you caused this on purpose."

Hands went to his hips as he glared irritably at the washing machine in front of him. Exasperated sigh, hang opening the lid of the machine, he peered inside.

"You always break on days that I really need you to work," he snapped, closing the lid quickly before moving over to the dryer and opening that machine up.

Peering inside, he groaned, "And you didn't even turn on when I tried to use you last night."

Swinging the lid shut, he shuffled out of the room and went to the kitchen, staring suspiciously at the refrigerator.

"Have you turned on me too? Will I find all my food rotten?"

Bracing himself for the betrayal of yet another machine, he closed his eyes and slowly opened the fridge. When nothing foul-smelling wafted to his nose, he opened his eyes and beamed.

"I knew you were my friend! Unlike that washer and dryer, those two vile things. Do you think I should replace them?"

Soft rumbling from ice tumbling in the ice holder in the freezer part of the fridge, and he nodded happily.

"I knew you'd agree. I'll get new ones first thing tomorrow."

Having solved that dillema, he pulled out some orange juice and poured it into a glass and set it down on the counter before replacing the juice in the fridge and closed it.

He picked up the glass and drank the orange juice inside, humming in contentment as he moved over to one of his cabinets, opening it and taking out the loaf of bread in it. Grinning to himself, he opened the loaf and took out two pieces, quickly putting them into his toaster before putting the loaf back and closing the cabinet.

"Now don't burn that," he told the toaster, sipping at his juice and frowning. "I just had you fixed so you wouldn't do that again, you naughty thing."

Eyeing the toaster warily until the toast finally popped out, goldeny-crispy just like it was supposed to be, he then took the toast out and set it on a paper towel. He patted the toaster affectionately, smiling as he did so.

"I knew you would behave now. What a good boy you are."

Having praised the toaster enough, he retreated to the kitchen table to sit down and eat his toast breakfast.

"I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't fill my poor tummy every day. I'd probably go mad from hunger. And couldn't you just die from laughing at that? Orihara Izaya going crazy from hunger?"

He giggled softly to himself, staring around into the air as he gulped down the last of his juice and toast.

"Exactly. That's gut-busting ironic right there."

Getting up from the table, he quickly washed his dishes and put them back up before returning to his bedroom.

"However this isn't funny. How could you betray me like this? Haven't I always been kind to you, constantly kept you close, took care of you, never ignored you? How could you do this to me! I thought you loved me as much as I love you."

Glaring at the bed, he slowly moved towards it.

"I guess you don't love me as much as I believed you did. Especially after this whoring business. How could you just give yourself away like that? I bet she doesn't even take care of you a fraction of the way I do."

Staring down at the offender, his frown deepened and he reached a hand down.

"I can't accept this. I just can't. After this whoring of yours I just can't love you anymore. I'm sorry, but it's true. We'll have to say goodbye now."

Picking up the offender, he made his way back into the kitchen.

"I know! You wish you'd never done it. These are your own consequences though, so you'll just have to accept them. Goodbye, my dear love. I'm sorry it had to be this way."

And he then threw away the offending black sock, along with his white sock whoring partner before turning away and going to his room to find a sock that hadn't cheated on him.

A/N: So, did anyone expect the sock to be the cause of his anger? =3 I totally see it in Izaya's crazy character to randomly talk to his appliances, because who else does he have to troll in his own home when Namie's not there? Anyway, I'll try to think of something for another one-shot.