Author's Note: You're not my supervisor! Oh, and I own none of these characters.
Chapter Two
"Hold the door!" Lana yelled trying to juggle A.J. and jog towards the closing elevator doors.
Ray pushed the "open" button and chuckled to himself.
"Girl, please. I heard you clomping towards the elevator. Even if the doors closed, I bet you and those baseball mitts could pry them open."
Lana adjusted the baby in her arms as she leaned back on the elevator wall and narrowed her eyes at Ray.
"Bitch."
Ray laughed again. "You know I'm messing with you! Anyway, how are you feeling? Are you ready to deal with asshole this Monday morning?"
"Well, after we got shitfaced Saturday, I spent Sunday hiding in my apartment because I was afraid I would see Archer around town and murder him on the spot. Then I ordered Chinese and the rest of the night deleting voicemails from a drunken Archer. Overall, I guess it was a productive weekend."
The elevator chimed that they reached their floor and Ray motioned for her to exit first. Lana waked up the receptionist desk to see what time it was.
"Oh good. Nine-thirty. Archer should just be awakening from a drunken stupor. I have an hour before that asshole arrives," she said relieved.
Ray rolled his eyes and shook his head. He placed a well manicured hand on Lana's shoulder.
"Sweetie, honestly don't think about him today. He's clearly an asshole who doesn't know what he's missing out on. He's being a jerk to a gorgeous woman and missing out on raising an adorable baby. Just get your work done and then at five head home and enjoy your evening," Ray said sincerely.
Lana sighed. She knew Ray was right. After all, she was Lana Kane. If she could take down dangerous hit squads then clearly she could handle an Archer.
"Thanks, Ray. You're one of my best friends," she said smiling.
"Behind every fabulous woman is a gay guy friend equally as fabulous," said Ray winking. "Now let's get this show on the road."
At ten-thirty on the dot, Sterling Archer walked off the elevator into the ISIS lobby. He adjusted his Hermes tie and smoothed his Christian Dior suit. He was a little, okay a lot, hung over. After the argument with Lana on Saturday, he spent Sunday trying to contact his mother to call Lana and vouch that we wasn't messing around and that he was indeed a loyal man and caring father. However, Malory made sure she couldn't be reached and every last call from Archer went to voicemail. Angered that he had no way to contact his mother, Archer spent his Sunday drunk and leaving Lana voicemails that made little to no sense.
"Holy shit, you look like, well, shit," exclaimed Pam as Archer made his way to his office.
"Thank you, World's Loudest Voice," Sterling grumbled.
Once in his office he threw his coat on the office sofa and started looking in his desk drawer for headache medicine.
Pam, feeling bad for calling him out like that, poured him a cup of coffee from the office coffee maker and offered him some Tylenol she had in her desk.
Archer threw back the pills in his mouth and washed it down a gulp of the caffeinated beverage.
'Bad weekend?" Pam asked staring at his bloodshot blue eyes.
"You can say that," he responded.
"Well sorry to hear that," Pam said sincerely. 'However, Mrs. Archer left me instructions that you need to complete your monthly expense reports before this week is over. You haven't done them in over two months!"
She pointed to a stack of files on his desk.
"Sometime today, Dickwad!"
With that she turned and walked out of his office chuckling.
Archer sighed and walked towards his office door to close it. As he was pulling the door shut, he looked across the hall towards Lana's office. The door was shut. He clenched his jaw and closed his door shut as well.
It was 1:30 and Lana surprisingly got a lot done in between finishing her reports, feeding A.J., changing A.J. and reading Pam's blog. (Hey, how else can you keep up with office gossip?) She looked over to see A.J. sleeping soundly in her basinet and decided she could duck out to the vending machine real quick for an orange soda.
Grabbing a dollar from her purse, Lana tip toed out her office closing the door behind her and made her way to the kitchen. She placed her dollar in the machine and pushed the button to dispense Crush Orange Soda. The soda made its way through the machine and landed in the catch tray at the bottom. Lana reached down to grab it.
"You always have one a day."
She jumped back startled and spun around.
"Jesus Christ!" Lana exclaimed. "What the fuck, Archer?"
She reached back down to pick up her soda and started to walk out the kitchen. Archer placed himself in front of Lana to stop her.
"Move."
"Lana, please. Can we talk for a moment? I tried to call you all day yesterday and…"
"Archer, we are not discussing this right now. I meant what I said. I'm done."
"Lana, you don't mean that. I know you," he said reaching hand up to caress her soft brown face.
Lana slapped his hand away and backed up.
"Know me?" she asked voice rising. "If you knew me you would know how I hate being lied to and cheated on! You would know I hate being made a fool of! That I hate that you're breaking my heart all over again!"
Tears started welling up in her big green eyes, but she held them back. Rule number one of Lana Kane: Never cry at work.
Growing frustrated, Archer's voice started to rise as well.
"Look, I know I did some shitty things to you in the past, but if we could just discuss this like rational adults…"
"Am I walking in on something?"
Cyril Figgis walked in the kitchen with his coffee cup and looked awkwardly at both Lana and Archer.
Lana looked at him then at Archer.
"Nope. In fact I was just leaving."
Archer watched in disbelief as Lana made her way out the kitchen, back into her office and closed the door shut.
"What's wrong with her?" Cyril asked Archer confused as to what he just witnessed.
"An idiot just walked into the kitchen! That's what wrong, Cyril!" Archer yelled at the accountant as he pushed past him and into his office.
"Well, at least Lana's not mad at me!" yelled Cyril too late at Archer.
"Tell me you didn't make her mad either," said Ray entering the kitchen. He walked over the vending machine, placed his money in it, and pushed for a coke.
"Why would she be mad at me?" Cyril asked him growing more curious.
Ray twisted the cap off his soda and took a sip. He looked around the kitchen.
"Well, I don't want to be an office gossip because Lord knows that's Pam's job," he said dropping his voice. "But, Archer has been cheating on Lana again. He's back to his drinking and womanizing ways! Poor thing was a mess over the weekend because of him."
"What?" Cyril asked in disbelief.
"I know, right?" Ray continued. "Who's going to help her with the baby and all? I wanted to believe Archer would grow up, marry that girl, and help raise the baby, but I guess not. Such a shame."
Ray walked out the kitchen leaving just Cyril holding his coffee cup.
"Such a shame indeed," Cyril said aloud with a smile growing on his face.
Author's Note: Oh what could Figgis be up to? We will have to wait and see.