"If you can't hold your drink without becoming maudlin, perhaps you are too young to be drinking, Miss Granger", the voice came out of the darkness, somewhere to her left. Not only was she expecting to be alone, the fact that it was that voice, one that she would recognize anywhere, made her jump. Once she had accepted the fact that it was him, it was like with that first initial second of fright made something click in her brain. He was still tall, dark and intimidating, but suddenly she did not care. Her feelings hadn't changed, but she decided to stop behaving like a silly child and do something about it. Something about the night had made her bold.
"It isn't the drink that is making me maudlin, it is or was life, but I think that it is high time that it changed, don't you?"
His eyebrow arched as he tried to get a closer look at her. Ordinarily, it would have only taken one snarly comment from him to get her stammering and running away as soon as possible, which is something that she had never done when she was in school. The first time that it had happened after her return to Hogwarts, he had been surprised. Over the past months it had become commonplace, she would watch him from a distance and run at the first sight of any confrontation. If he was being honest with himself, he had to admit that he had missed the defiant side of her personality. He would never admit it out loud though. He did however begin to wonder about her sobriety as she stepped closer to him.
"Exactly how much have you had to drink?"
"Well, considering that this is still my first glass of the night, really rather nothing at all. However, I believe that I just realized that I am tired of running away, not to mention that it is somewhat ridiculous, don't you think? I think that it is past time that we had a conversation."
He stiffened in alarm, thinking that he really should have avoided coming tonight at all costs. Hindsight really was 20/20. Thinking quickly, he decided that the best idea was to make her want to leave first, and then he retreat to his rooms, and avoid everyone else until they all left. He would rather face an attack than the conversation that he thought she had in mind. "Miss Granger, believe me when I say that there is absolutely nothing on this earth that we need to discuss. In fact, this conversation has gone on far too long already. Now, if you'll excuse me-"
"No, I won't, I am tired of running away every time I get near you. I never did it when I was younger; it is ridiculous to do so now. No, I have decided that the truth can't cause any more harm spoken than unsaid"
He stepped closer to her, hoping that his looming presence would be enough to intimidate her into being quiet. He should have known better. She responded to his movement by moving closer as well. She was now close enough that he could see her eyes, any hopes that he had had of her being intoxicated withered away as he looked into her brown eyes. Eyes that were clear and honest. Based upon her behavior of the past few months and that vexing conversation with Minerva, he had a feeling he knew where this conversation was going. Despite the fact that he had never been honest with himself, he did not know if he was strong enough to lie to her, at least not while she looked at him like that. He had to look away for a moment before meeting her eyes again.
"Miss Granger, I cannot see this conversation going anywhere, and would advise you to think twice before saying something that cannot be undone."
"I can assure you that I have done nothing more than think on it. It is always in the back of my mind, and it never leaves me alone. At first, I thought that I could ignore it until it went away, but it never did. If anything it became more and more, umm, focused. Tonight, I have come to the conclusion that confronting it head on will at least give me some form of closure, one way or the other. So what I have decided to do is-"
"For an insufferable little know it all, you do ramble on and on, could you please just get to the point!"
Instead of being hurt, as she suspected was his intended goal, she stared into his dark eyes for a moment. The way that he had just said insufferable was not quite the same as it had been in the past. In fact it had sounded almost soft, not that that was a word that most people would ever associate with him. She began to feel that there might actually be the slightest reason to hope that this might not be a complete and utter disaster.
"I realize that and it is probably going to get worse before I am done, but please let me say what I need to say?"
"If I say no, you would more than likely doggedly hound me and force me to hear whatever it is that you have to say anyhow, so I may as well get it over with." With that said, he leaned back with arms crossed and just stared down at her. He could see that his words had hurt her, but he had never sugarcoated things before and he wasn't about to start now, especially since he had a good idea where this conversation was going. Blasted Minerva and her meddling. She had probably put the foolish girl up to this.
Now that she had his undivided attention, she was beginning to lose her nerve. She didn't really understand why he had agreed to hear her out, even though he hid it in a hurtful insult, he had still agreed. That was far more than she had ever really expected from him. She was afraid to hope that it might actually mean something more. Oh, she should have rehearsed this, how could she have gone into this so unprepared! What had she been thinking? She obviously hadn't been, but she had the chance now and she wasn't going to waste it.
"Sometimes, I actually miss the war," perhaps not the best start, as she didn't think that his eyebrows could possibly arch any higher than they were. "Wait, let me explain. I do not miss the war itself, more the simplified social situations of it. Everyone knew his or her role and what part he or she was to play. You knew what other people were to you, either an ally or an enemy, whom you could trust and whom you should not. There really wasn't a gray area, it was --"
"Even my role, Miss Granger?" The silky drawl did little to calm her nerves, but still she soldiered on.
"I agree that your true role was harder to see, but I never stopped hoping that there was a good reason behind it. I know that sounds remarkably naïve-"
"Rather just idiotic, like a typical Gryffindor." He tried to ignore the warm feeling that her words were producing. He had survived this long without warm and fuzzy feelings; he wasn't going to break now. But he felt that crack growing a little wider. The feeling became worse as she smirked at his insult, Smirked, that was his move!
"As I was saying, for the most part, people knew where they stood with one another. Whether it be as allies, enemies, or friends. And as for my afore mentioned, naïve, and idiotic," she smiled, "hopes that you were on our side, well those were proven to be true."
"Ah, yes, the insufferable know it all strikes again. How did I ever survive so long without your support and loyalty? Tell me, what would you do with your life if you didn't have some underdog to champion?"
"To consider you an underdog, would imply that what I felt for you was pity. Concern is not pity. Caring for someone is not pity."
Well, he walked right into that one. He usually avoided conversation traps like that better. He couldn't help but feel a bit insulted that her verb choice was in the past tense. What she felt for him was in the past. If he was being honest with himself, he had rather grown to like the idea that there was someone out there who cared for him. Even after all that he had done in his life, and thanks the big mouth of Potter, he didn't have too many secrets left from the world, yet there was still someone who thought that he was worth the time and effort. He should have known that it wouldn't last. He would survive, even if he had to admit to himself that he would miss that look in her eye. He closed his eyes for a moment before speaking:
"Yes well, your concern is no longer needed, so I believe that this conversation has reached its end."
"No, I don't think it has. See, I am feeling rather brave tonight and I am going to say what needs to be heard. I did feel concern for you; I did care what happened to you throughout the war. When I thought that you had died, I felt something in me break, something that I hadn't even know that was there. When I finally heard that you had somehow managed to survive, it was like my view on the world changed, like something indefinable had shifted."
"So are you saying that my remaining alive brought sunshine into your life, how utterly pathetic of you"
"No, I would never say that. But when you died, it was as if a fog moved over everything. When I found out that it wasn't true, everything became sharper and more in focus. I also have to admit to feeling horribly guilty for leaving there bleeding. I should have paid closer attention to you but I was in shock, I-"
"You saw exactly what I wanted you to see; do not feel the need to drown yourself in blame. If this entire conversation is based on guilt, rest assured, you are blameless and this is the last that we will speak of it."
As he had been speaking, she had moved even closer to him and he found himself fighting the urge to move. Problem was, he no longer knew if he wanted to run away or grab her and never let her go. She had managed to find a crack in his armor and had wormed her way around it. The worst part of it was that he wasn't sure he wanted to force her out. He couldn't bring himself to say anything that would force her to stop talking. So instead of shutting her down, he chose to do something unexpected.
"So, unless there was something else you wished to bother me with?" He couldn't change all at once, now could he?
Hermione was beginning to fear that she was dreaming or worse. Not only had he not stalked off and left her alone, he had left her an opening that she was not going to ignore. Not to mention that they were standing so close, she could feel the warmth from his body, and that look in his eyes. It was something that she had only ever imagined in the dark of night, but this was better than she could have hoped for. She was afraid if she blinked, he might disappear. She couldn't relax yet, she still had something that she had to say.
"It wasn't long before I realized that what I felt was more than just concern. That my feelings had grown deeper than I had anticipated. When I took the time to think about it though, it didn't really shock me. You were and are the only man that I knew that had such a strong set of principles. You held yourself to them so strictly that I couldn't help but admire you for that. You knew that the choices of your youth had been mistakes, and you spent the next eighteen years trying to make up for it. Granted, you personality can best be termed as abrasive," she had a small smile at this, "but I convinced myself that I could hear small differences in the way that you said things. I learned that you had a very sarcastic sense of humor, and you are most likely the most intelligent man that I have ever known. All in all, I care a great deal more for you than just acquaintances and I want the chance to know more about you, to spend more time with you."
She stopped there and just stared at him, praying that he would not laugh at her, or worse not care enough either way. She stared into his dark eyes as they grew shuttered and steeled herself for his response.
"Why, with your age and lauded war hero status, would you want to waste your time and efforts on someone of my past and reputation?" He regretted the question as soon as he had asked it, but was at the same time hopeful for her response. Not that he would let her know it. "In fact, most people your age still run screaming the other direction when they see me coming. Do you know what they would say about you if they knew?"
"First, I think it is more than just those that are my age that find themselves intimidated by you. Second, I don't care what other people think and never have. Those who love me will know better than to judge and no one else matters. Lastly, I could turn the first question around on you. With your greater experience and lauded war hero status, could you ever be interested in an insufferable know-it-all or waste your time on someone of my inexperience?"
"I do not recall saying that I would."
"True, but you haven't exactly shut me down tonight either. That fact is helping ensure that I don't run away crying before I get this all out. Also, there is a look in your eye that doesn't look like contempt; it is daring me to hope." She stopped here and hoped that what she has said had been enough and yet not too much. Even though she had denied it, a part of her really did want to run away. A part that was growing larger the longer he stared at her. She also hoped that he wouldn't revert to type just yet; she had to concentrate on not showing her nervousness.
"With all things being said, I could do a good deal worse than you, I suppose. I find that I am not opposed." Even though the words weren't the most optimistic, she still couldn't help the happiness blooming inside her, but of course, he wasn't done yet.
"I do hope you realize that the confidences that were revealed tonight are highly unlike either of our personalities to divulge?"
"Yes, that has occurred to me, but can you deny that anything said was untrue?" She actually crossed her fingers waiting for his response; behind her back of course.
Closing his eyes and swearing under his breath, he took his time before he responded. "While I will never again admit this, the evening has turned out to have a better ending than I had anticipated. My intention was not to ever reveal the way I felt, but now that it is done, I find that I do not regret it", he reached behind her and uncrossed her fingers, "yet."
Her response was a smile that he never thought he would see directed at him. He felt the urge to run, but forced himself to stay.
"I hope that you are not deluding yourself that this turn of events will suddenly make me all warm and cuddly, like a foolish Gryffindor."
She merely smiled at his grimace, "Then that would defeat the purpose, I like you just the way you are."
"Foolish girl", he looked down at their still entwined hands, but couldn't deny the warmth that was spreading through him. But he still followed her subtle tug as they began to walk back inside. They both knew that tomorrow would eventually bring more questions, but for now, it was enough.
As Minerva watched them walk into the Great Hall together, she smiled to herself. If she had ever realized that it would have turned out half as well, she would have spiked their drinks ages ago.