Note: LuvAngel448, CrazyAznChik, brookeandlucasforever, charley075, and PaulineJ: Thank you all for leaving your thoughts, it means a lot.
lac18: The whole story at first was going to be based on journal entries by Brooke in the beginning of each chapter, but I changed my mind. Some chapters will include a journal entry, some will not. The journal will play out its purpose in the end with help from Haley. You're not the only one who loves Karen . I love that she has a daughter/mother type thing going on with Brooke and she will be in this story as much as I can throw her in. She won't be the annoying mother like most people play her out to be in their stories. Thanks for your review.
I'm Not Okay – I Promise
Stylishly dressed Brooke didn't bother to wait for Haley to return home with the car. Walking wouldn't kill her, even if it was a few miles to the mall. If it really got that bad she'd just call Peyton to come and pick her up. She had no doubt that she'd make it there and back in once piece, after all she was Brooke. It took her a half an hour to get there, but Sunrise Mall was definitely worth it. She opened the large glass door and headed inside. Take a left and head towards Abercrombie or make a right for American Eagle or just head straight for Hollister. The more money she spent the better she tended to feel. Brooke turned on her heel and headed for the left, Abercrombie was definitely the most expensive. After spending 10 minutes staring at a turquoise "Not Tied Down (Maybe Later)" t-shirt she decided to buy it. She picked up a small and placed it on her arm. 'Jeans or a skirt?' She thought to herself. 'Jeans, definitely.' She headed towards the back of the store, only to be stopped by a worker, "Can I help you with anything Miss?" Brooke turned around to face the person so she could politely decline until she noticed the guy was totally gorgeous, "Um sure. Jeans… Ezra Fitch definitely, I'm thinking destroyed. Any suggestions?"
"A girl with money in her wallet," he smiled, "Follow me."
The dark haired guy in front of her slid past her and started towards a shelf filled with jeans. Brooke followed behind him, reaching him just as he pulled out a pair of Ezra Fitch Premium Destroyed boot-cut jeans in a washed out color. Brooke pondered them for a second before nodding, "Perfect. Thank you." She picked up a pair of them in a size 0.
"Anything else?" He asked.
Brooke smiled, "Well if you're in a helpful mood you could direct me to the sweatshirts." Who was she kidding? She knew exactly where they were. She'd only been inside this store a zillion times before and somehow the guy knew that.
He just smiled and led her over, "Buying an outfit for anything special?"
Brooke shook her head, "Trying to get my mind off some things."
"And you're doing this by burning a hole in your credit card?"
"Yeah, it's a bad habit I guess." Actually it wasn't a bad habit, she liked that habit. Why in the hell was she flirting with this guy? She glanced over the rack of sweaters, a white one… As if reading her mind the guy beside her picked up a white sweatshirt, in 2 different styles, one was a Megan Logo one with Abercrombie written across the chest and the other was a lighter one in Molly Style. She already had the Abercrombie one so took the Molly one from his hand thanking him.
"Sure you're not buying all this for a date? Something special with your boyfriend?"
Brooke shook her head, "No. No, I don't have a boyfriend." 'Although I would if I'd just stop being an idiot.' She added to herself.
"I'd think a pretty girl like you would have a ton of guys on her wait list."
Brooke laughed, "Let's not go there. Don't you think your girlfriend would be jealous of you calling another girl pretty? You must not go to Tree Hill High."
"Senior… I just transferred down here and nope I don't have a girlfriend," he replied.
"Senior too," Brooke answered deciding she'd had enough of Abercrombie and of the gorgeous guy in front of her. Even though he was hot and typical Brooke would've already given her number, he wasn't Lucas.
She headed for the cash register, the guy still behind her. He headed behind the register and took the things from her arm, "I'll ring you up."
Brooke nodded and reached for her purse. She took out her credit card and placed it on the counter.
"Your total is $252," He told her.
Brooke pointed to the credit card.
"Brooke Davis. Pretty name," he said as he looked the card over before scanning it, "Sign the screen."
Brooke nodded and did as he said, taking the card from him, "It's only fair that I know your name."
He smiled, "Oh right. Sure. Ryder. Ryder Scott."
Brooke froze, "Scott?"
He nodded, "Scott."
"As in Dan Scott Motors?"
"Unfortunately, he's my uncle."
Brooke shook her head; no matter how hard she tried she couldn't escape the Scotts. She must be cursed, "Okay wow. Thanks for your help, bye." She grabbed the bag off the counter and quickly left the store. Can't escape Lucas, can't escape Nathan and now there's another one, another hottie to add to the bunch, Ryder.
Suddenly she wasn't in the mood to shop any longer, a feeling Brooke rarely felt. She whipped out her cell phone and dialed Peyton. No answer. Haley? No answer. 'Is this your way of telling me to talk to Lucas?' Brooke thought looking up at the ceiling. She rolled her eyes and held down the number 4 on her phone. After all this she still hadn't taken him off speed dial. She pressed the phone to her ear and waited. It only took 4 rings for him to answer, "Brooke. Hey."
She laughed to the ceiling, "Hi Luke."
"What's up?"
"Are you busy?" Brooke asked glancing down at her watch, it was 7:30 what could be possibly be doing at 7:30 at night… besides playing basketball.
"I was just shooting some hoops with Skills why?"
She knew him too well, "Well I'm at the mall. I kind of bailed on Haley before and headed here without the car. You think you could ditch Skills for 20 minutes and bring me home? Haley and Peyton didn't answer or I wouldn't have bothered you."
Lucas smiled, finally, "Sure. I'll be there in 10 minutes."
"Thanks Luke," Brooke said with a sigh. She headed towards the front of the mall, stopping to look in the window of American Eagle. There was a really cute top she'd have to come back and buy. She left the mall and sat down on one of the benches outside to wait for him. Like he'd said 10 minutes later he was walking up to the mall, having parked in the parking lot. He sat down beside her on the bench with a sigh, "Hey pretty girl."
Brooke smiled slightly, "Luke."
"I drive all this way and all I get is a 'Luke'?" He questioned teasingly.
Brooke smiled, "Sorry Broody Boy. Ready to take me home?"
Lucas nodded, "Sure. What'd you buy?" He stood up to take the Abercrombie bag from her.
She handed it to him and got up, "A shirt, a pair of jeans and a sweater."
"Somewhere around 200 dollars right?" He joked as he headed towards his car.
"250," Brooke replied with a nod. Why was this so awkward? Before she'd probably hug him and kiss him but now, after he told her what he'd told her at the beach, everything was weird.
"What made you come to the mall?"
Brooke shook her head, "Don't worry about it. I'm fine now."
Lucas shrugged and unlocked his car as they got to it. He opened the door for her, put her bag in the back and went around to the driver's side. Brooke got in the car and shut her door, buckling herself in. He started up his car and started to pull out of the parking spot. Brooke made the radio louder and put on the Hit Music station to avoid conversation with him.
15 minutes later Brooke was sitting on the living room couch, Lucas beside her watching television. Haley, who would be getting a slap in the face later, had invited Lucas to stay over while they watched their movie and he accepted. Haley had good intentions, but Brooke felt she needed to back off a bit. She'd go to Lucas in her own time.
"Okay, now what are we going to watch? We've got chick flicks and we've got The Ring 2," Haley said as she walked in front of the TV, "I vote for the Ring since Lucas is here and he can protect us from Samara."
Brooke shot Haley a warning glance and Haley smiled, "Yep, I'm for the Ring."
Brooke rolled her eyes at her, "Fine."
Haley nodded and put the DVD into the DVD player. She turned off the lights and climbed onto the couch beside Brooke, pushing her closer to Lucas. Lucas put his arm around the back of the couch, making room for Brooke and Haley. At the first shot she got Haley screamed, clutching Brooke for dear life, making her fall over into Lucas. She hadn't been scared, just took it as the perfect opportunity to push them together. Lucas put his arm around Brooke's shoulders so he could gently touch his best friend's shoulder, "Calm down Hales she didn't even come out yet."
Haley smiled slightly and nodded, moving a bit away from the two with a yawn, "I think I'm going to go to bed before I get nightmares."
Brooke glanced to the kitchen, "Haley… It's 8 o'clock."
Haley nodded and yawned once more, "Yeah and I woke up at 4 unlike you. Night you two." She kissed both Brooke and Lucas on the cheek and headed into her bedroom, "Make sure she doesn't scream too loud Luke. She's easily scared."
Lucas nodded, "She's safe with me."
'Did they plan this or something?' Brooke asked herself glancing between Luke and Haley. They were both smiling and Haley looked all but tired, "Night Tutor Girl."
It was 10:30 PM when the movie finally ended, Brooke was practically on Lucas' lap, his arms were around her and she was hiding in his chest. "Is it over yet?"
Lucas laughed at her and nodded, "Yeah. They're rolling the credits now."
"Good," she said moving her head away from his chest, "Sorry."
"It's okay. You know I like holding you," Lucas replied.
Brooke bit her bottom lip and shook her head, "It's late. You should probably go."
Lucas nodded, "If that's what you want."
"Lucas…"
"What Brooke? You tell me to leave, I agree, what do you want me to say?"
"I don't know. I don't know what I want," Brooke replied with a sigh.
Lucas shook his head and pressed his lips against hers for a split second.
"You shouldn't have done that."
"Why shouldn't-"
She cut him off by kissing him again. He knew she was addicted to his kisses. How could he use that against her? That was just cruel. She'd never do that to him… well maybe she would. Lucas' hand moved up her back, slipping into her hair as he pulled her closer to him. She had to stop him, but why couldn't she? 'Duh idiot you're in love with the guy' Brooke reminded herself as she got her fingers tangled in the hair on the back of his neck. Lucas pressed his hand against the small of her back, pulling her lower body closer to him as he opened his mouth, pressing his tongue against her lower lip. Her mouth opened for him as she let her own tongue come in contact with his.
"Whoa…" Haley commented as she opened the refrigerator, "I wasn't expecting you two to start playing tonsil hockey."
Brooke turned red, something she rarely did and pulled away from Lucas, "Damnit Haley!"
"What?" Haley asked in an innocent voice as she grabbed a glass of water.
"You. Bedroom. Now." Brooke demanded pointing at Haley. Haley placed the glass on the counter and threw up her arms signaling she had given up. Brooke shot her a look and Haley ran for the bedroom.
"Do you want me to go?" Lucas asked her.
Brooke responded by kissing him softly. She got off of his lap and headed for the bedroom.
Lucas looked confused, was that a goodbye kiss or a 'stay right there' kiss? Damn that girl.
Brooke shut the bedroom door behind her and glanced at Haley's bed, "Pretending to sleep isn't going to get you anywhere."
Haley didn't answer; she just squeezed her eyes shut tighter.
Brooke playfully slapped Haley's head and groaned, "You are the worst pretender ever. You planned this didn't you?"
"What can I say? I hate to see you mope," Haley complained laughing at Brooke as she flipped over to face her.
"Jerk. You read my journal didn't you?" Brooke asked accusingly.
"Brooke there's one entry, what could possibly be worth reading?"
"How do you know there's only one?"
"You just wrote today!"
"You've got a point."
Haley flipped back over in the bed, her back facing Brooke, "If you plan on letting Lucas stay over, I have one request. You stay out there with him."
Brooke rolled her eyes, "I'm not sleeping with him."
"Sure," Haley replied shutting her eyes, "Night Brooke."
Brooke rolled her eyes and left the bedroom. She was mad at Haley, she was actually pretty damn happy she'd done this. It didn't mean she was going to get back with Lucas, because one night of him holding her wasn't going to ease her fears but it would help. She needed the little pushes, in the end that'd be the most helpful thing for her. She just wished she had the courage to let Lucas know that she loved him; it wasn't fair to lead him on when she really wasn't. She was trying to be with him, the only way she could right now.
"Did you want me to go?" Lucas asked looking up at Brooke when he heard her walk back into the living room.
Brooke shook her head, "No. Actually I didn't. Could you stay over tonight? Or do you think your mom would flip out on you?"
Lucas shrugged as he placed the now folded blanket on the back of the couch, "Depends. Do we plan on sleeping?"
Brooke laughed, "I just want you to hold me, tell me everything's going to be okay… even if it isn't."
"That I can do," Lucas replied walking over to her. She wrapped her arms around him and placed a kiss on his neck. He placed his hands on her hips and kissed the side of her head, "Are you okay Brooke?"
She looked up at him and shook her head, "Truthfully?"
Lucas nodded.
"No."
He sighed and kissed her forehead. She took his hand in her own and led him to the bedroom. Neither bothered to change as the crawled into Brooke's bed. He got into bed behind her, his placed arms around her. Brooke's body pressed up against his and both moved to face each other. She initiated what happened next, her lips moved to his for the kiss. He didn't dare stop her. Both knew that no matter how much kissing they did tonight their problem wasn't over. Brooke was still scared and it'd take a lot more than a few kisses and his strong arms around her to assure her that everything would be okay. After what seemed like an hour long kiss, Lucas finally spoke, "I know I hurt you Brooke. But we can do this. We can make it, we will make it."
Brooke smiled her voice cracking as she spoke, "I'm afraid." There it was, she said it, finally.
"Brooke I-"
"I'm afraid of getting my heart broken again, like before. Cause you hurt me so bad. I'm afraid to be vulnerable and I'm afraid of you. Afraid of the way you make me feel. And I know I shouldn't be, but I can't help it. I can't help it. This is how I've spent the past few months, wanting you. I've just been too scared to admit it." Tears were falling freely from her eyes as she spoke, letting herself open up to him. She needed this and frankly so did he.
"I know I hurt you last time we were together but-"
"I love you." Finally, she said it.
"I love you too… pretty girl."
She smiled as he leaned in, placing yet another searing kiss on her lips. Their relationship was far from over but far from being fixed.
Note: The little bit up there is almost a direct quote from the show, but of course I had to edit it a bit because Brooke didn't sleep with Chris in here. For those of you who haven't figured it out yet, this takes place a few days after the beach thing so obviously there is no Rachel. Sure the whole thing with Abercrombie seems random. At first it was but then something popped into my head. At first it was going to be Jake who turned up behind her but that would just make Jake seem like the bad guy and I don't like Jake as a bad guy. He just doesn't seem like one. He'll be here soon enough. Once I can think of a way to bring him back, any suggestions? And a little FYI, we haven't seen the last of Dan's nephew Ryder Scott.