Pinky and the brain

(A.N: Now, for this chapter, we liked to listen to the wonderful song: Pinky and the brain!)

Ingrid: You just sit back and enjoy!

Håkon: Shut up! I'm playing Tetris!

---Dream---

Voldemort was happy. So many flowers, beautiful flowers in all colours. He liked flowers. Pink flowers were his favourites. He smelled one of the pink ones and loved it. Why did he always end up having his headquarters in dark dungeons? He didn't like it, it made him sad. He wiped a tear and hugged his teddy bear closer. Wormtail enters. AWWW! He always made him kill and torture people, the sick bastard.

"What are we doing today, Wormtail?" He asked.

"What we always try to do! We kill Harry Potter and try to take over the world! And why are you still hugging that sodding teddy bear? I told you to kill it! Kill it now! "

"Avada Kedavra" Voldemort said, knowing that it would never hurt Teddy. Stupid Wormtail didn't know that Teddy was immortal.

"He is dead. Happy?" Voldie asked.

"Yes, he is dead... DEAD! MOHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" He almost screamed.

"Now go kill Harry Potter!" he said. "And while you're at it, fetch me some firewhisky!"

---Dream---

Harry woke up bewildered. What was that? That could never have been real. He fell asleep again, only to be awakened by the door slamming. He sat up and realized how naked he was. Why was he naked? Had he been taking drugs again? Nah, he would have remembered. He was brought out of his thoughts when he saw a little girl running across the room, heading towards the closet. She turned to him and whispered:

"You never saw me!"

She then quickly hid inside his closet. Wait... a closet? He didn't own a closet...

Where was he?

"GAAAAAH!" someone screamed. Harry heard thundering footsteps and nearly fell out of the bed when the door slammed open revealing a purple haired Draco Malfoy. Malfoy took a moment to compose himself.

"Mornin, Potter" he said, proceeding towards the closet and knocked on the door.

"Come out of the closet, Adriana!" Malfoy said.

"I'm not in the closet" came the muffled voice.

"Come out of the closet. No one is going to be mad at you, I'm not going to kill you. Come out of the closet."

"But I'm… I'm not in the closet"

"Then how am I talking to you, Adriana?"

"…"

(A.N: yes, we have been watching south park)

"Adriana!" Malfoy opened the door and looked down at the girl

"You know, I'm not really here…you're just imagining things, I swear…ask Harry"

Malfoy calmly picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. He opened the bathroom door, walked inside and disappeared from Harry's view. The sound of water running and a high pitched scream was all he heard before Malfoy left the room, quickly muttering "bye, Potter"

Harry was baffled, and that's putting it mildly. He decided to get out of bed. His clothes were gone, replaced by some sort of designer-outfit consisting of simple jeans and a shirt.

Håkon- imagine a leather-costume and Harry putting it eagerly on. He loves leather...:D

Ingrid- You would like that wouldn't you? Pervert. Weren't you busy playing Tetris?

Håkon: TETRIS

The girl came out from the bathroom, dripping water on the floor as she went. She looked young, perhaps eleven years or something like that Harry mused.

She was currently wringing water out of the bottom of her shirt, having seemingly forgotten all about Harry. This made him nervous. Of course a lot of things made him nervous. Like…Dementors…and Dumbledore…and…cows…or was it called cattle? Harry didn't know.

He shook his head. 'Focus Harry, focus.' He was worried what might happen to him if he didn't stay alert. He'd read about these kinds of things…boys getting kidnapped and used as toys. Forced to do all kinds of dirty things and…Harry drifted off again.

A hand waving in front of his face brought him back to reality.

"Hellooo." The girl from before was standing inches away, staring at him.

"Eep"

"What?"

"Nothing"

"Oh…okay. I'm Adriana"

"Harry" He answered. It didn't really occur to him that giving his name away to strangers was perhaps not the smartest thing to do, before it was too late. He slapped his forehead. The girl was now staring at him like he was an idiot….or at least crazy. Actually, it seemed more like a mix of the two. She was staring at him like he was a crazy idiot. Not that that wasn't unusual…

"So…" He said, trying to break the uncomfortable silence. "Where am I?"

"My house" Adriana answered. The silence returned.

"...right..." Harry was definetly beginning to feel uneasy now.

He was about to ask if there was anyone else in the house when he got his answer.

"ADRIANAAA!" A voice boomed through the house. "Where the HELL are you?"

Harry turned to face Adriana, but she was already running towards the closet again.

"You never saw me!" she whispered, as she closed the door.

Again, the door was slammed open. Harry couldn't have been more shocked when he saw Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape enter. It took all of Harry's willpower not to burst out laughing when he saw that the elder Malfoy's hair was the same shade of purple as his son. He was absolutely seething while Snape looked mildly amused.

"You!" Malfoy screamed. "Where is she!"

"Er... I never saw her?" Harry tried.

"Try the closet" the younger Malfoy drawled from the doorway. (AN: Because, you know, the Malfoy family does an awful lot of drawling.)

Lucius yanked the door open, making Adriana tumble outside.

"Hello, Lucius" she said, smiling. "Can I help you with something?"

"You could die" Lucius practically screeched.

"Why? What did I do? And why is you're hair purple?" She asked with an innocent face.

"Like you don't know!" He whispered dangerously.

"Ehm.. Daddy? He scares me" Adriana said, looking pleadingly at Snape

Harry thought this as a moment suitable for interruption:

"Wait... Snape? Snape's your father? SNAPE? When did Snape have sex? SNAPE!"

"As much as I hate to shatter your illusions of me as a forever lonely greasy git, I DO have a love life. Not that it's any of your buisness, Potter." Snape said, promptly ignoring Lucius' cough that sounded much like "last night"

Harry didn't ask, he didn't want to know.

"Oh...okay..." There was another one of those long uncomfortable silences before Adriana spoke.

"Well...I'll just be going then...bye!" Before she'd even finished the sentence, she was bolting out the door with a raging Malfoy sr. on her tail.

And Harry was left alone in the room, with Snape. He gulped.

"I suppose you want some answers, Potter?" He said

"That would be nice, yes."

Another silence, where in Snape rolled his eyes, seemingly cursing the moment he decided to take the boy into his house

"Well?" he snapped

"Well what?" Harry asked

"What do you want to know?" Snape said, slowly, as if he was talking to a small child.

"Er...Are you people gonna kill me." Was the only thing Harry could think of.

"Yes, Potter…We put you in a nice, comfy bed and gave you clothes just to lure you into a false sense of security. We are preparing your death right now, it's going to be horrible and painful and incredibly slow. Really, I look forward to it." Snape answered, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"…"

"Oh, for….We're not going to kill you." Snape exclaimed, rolling his eyes at Harry's stupidity. "Honestly" He said, rolling his eyes impatiently.

"Right… then why am I here? And who was that girl?"

"You are here because Voldemort wanted you here. As for Adriana, she is my daughter."

"WHAT? Why? I don't….but…you…WHAT? Since when did you have a daughter?" Harry stuttered, then he seemed to think

(AN: wow)

"Why does Voldemort want me here?" He then asked

Snape was about to answer when Voldemort himself walked into the bedroom

"Sevvie! How are you today? Fine? That's nice….OOOOH, look who's up!" The dark lord said quickly, with a huge smile.

Harry screamed, and not a masculine 'what the hell is going on' kind of scream. No sir, Harry's scream was high-pitched and lasted for what seemed like forever. Voldemort was impressed.

"Hiya Harry" He said cheerfully when Harry had stopped screaming and was nearly hyperventilating.

"You…..but…AAWW….I am going to die, aren't I? You weren't kidding!" He pouted.

"Oh heavens, no. What on earth gave you that idea?" Voldemort laughed

"Well, I don't know. Maybe because you've done nothing but trying to kill me since I was a BABY?" Harry screeched. Voldemort smiled sheepishly.

"Oh, that. Sorry 'bout that, by the way. But it wasn't really me. I was forced to do all those horrible things. Honestly, I would much rather spend my time playing with Teddy, than waste it on killing muggles and such." He said, scratching the back of his bald head.

"And you expect me to believe that?" Harry asked incredulously. What was this, an insult to his intellect? He wasn't that stupid. He was just a little slow when he'd just woken up.

"Potter, I realize that this is all very unbelievable, I know. But he's telling the truth. Voldemort has always been under Wormtail's command, it's been Wormtail all along who's been the…er…brain behind these things." Snape said

"Wormtail? But he's like…an idiot! I've met him! He's really stupid. And you" Harry said, pointing at Voldemort "You've always bossed him around."

"We're pretty good actors don't you think? Wormtail said that I should be the Dark lord, since there was a good chance that someone would try and kill me." Voldemort said, looking proud.

"But I've seen you use crucio on him" Harry was getting really confused

"I couldn't resist. He was really mad at me when we got home. He ripped of one of Teddy's ears as punishment." Voldemort said, eyes watering as he remembered the horrible ripping-sound.

"So…are you good then?" Harry asked

"God, no!" Voldemort exclaimed. "I'm as evil as they get, I just don't see the meaning of killing everyone. It's so much more fun, having them alive. I mean, what's the point of ruling anything if there isn't anyone there to rule, and be mean to, and make them live in fear… Teddy need's fear to stay alive. He feeds of fear. And I never wanted to kill you, that was Wormtail, he was jealous of James. He wanted Lily too. So he got a little…mad when you were born."

"Oh…" This was all a little much for Harry to take in.

"Look, why don't we go down and eat supper. We can talk more later. You must be famished." Voldemort said, patting Harry's shoulder,

Harry nodded. He was very hungry. They didn't really like feeding him at the Dursley's.

His stomach growled as they walked down to the dining-room.

AN: That's it for today, folks!

We're already working on the next chapter...we'll have it done...soon...maybe!

Håkon: Or in a long while...

Ingrid: You're right...we're slow!

Håkon: TETRIS!

Ingrid: Shut up!

HUGS AND KISSES from:

The first and second leader of the 'track down peter pettigrew and kill him in a horrible way' hunting squad!

Håkon sends you lots of spanking!