Daniel came up to her from behind and slipped his arms around her waist, while resting his chin on her shoulder, and she relished in his closeness. Their love had seemed to strengthen with Claire's illness, and Sam was grateful for his presence, taking comfort that he was dealing with the same thing she was going through. Their mutual grief seemed to bring them closer together.
Sam brought up her hand to run her fingers through his hair, as she stared out at the preparations for the mass funeral. Their friends and neighbors were burying their dead, and although Sam knew she was being selfish, she still hated the fact that her precious daughter had been taken by the dreaded plague. It just didn't seem fair.
"You okay?" Daniel asked quietly. She nodded her head, although her tears betrayed her actions. She didn't think she would ever be okay. He bent his head to kiss her neck, then pulled away to stand beside her. Sam looked down when a small hand had grabbed hers, and she smiled through her tears at her son as he stared up at her. His wide blue eyes watched her, while his blonde hair shone brightly in the sun. Her heart lurched as she realized how close she had come to losing him as well. It was only by a stroke of fate that the plague had left him and the rest of her family alone.
She tightened her grip and turned to watch as the men in the village went through the final rituals that were supposed to chase away the evils of death. Sam knew that these were just ceremonial rites that had existed for centuries in this village, a far cry from the funerals she had attended on Earth. A graveside service would have been nice, but Sam knew that she was lucky to get this. The plague had wiped out 60 percent of the population, and the elders were all for dumping the dead into a hole dug into the dirt and burned without so much as a good-bye. The survivors had put up a fight, which was good, Sam supposed. At least her daughter wouldn't be treated like garbage.
Instead, the bodies were wrapped up in blankets and laid next to each other on several wooden platforms, while their clothing, bedding and anything else the families wanted to contribute were piled up underneath the platforms. Anything that had been contaminated by the sick person was brought out to this meadow to make sure that no one else would become ill. Sam had brought her daughter's beloved doll and had placed it on Claire's body, knowing that she would have wanted it. More tears spilled down her cheeks as she watched the wind play with the doll's dress. Claire had fashioned the dress with an old scarf that had belonged to Sam, and she could still remember Claire's pride as she showed her mother what she had made. Sam brought her free hand up to her mouth to stop the sob that threatened to escape. Daniel put his arm around her waist again, and pulled her close, and she nodded at him to tell him once again that she was okay. She wasn't sure if he believed her, but she was too miserable to care.
The elders were taking turns in speaking over the bodies, their words bringing no comfort to Sam. They spoke of death and plagues, of life and hope, but Sam barely heard them. She was thinking of the night that Claire had died, and how she had spoke of seeing God in the glimmer of light given off by the candle. It wasn't until later that Daniel remembered telling Claire how candles were sometimes a symbol of God's light in some religions, and they had agreed that Claire was probably referring to that when she had asked, "Is that God?" But there were times when Sam wondered if maybe her daughter really did see something in the shadows of her room, a presence that neither Daniel nor herself believed in, but still brought comfort to Sam, as she remembered resorting to prayer in hopes of saving her daughter. Maybe her prayers were answered after all. She wiped the tears off of her face with her hand as she shook her head. Whatever it was, it had brought comfort to her daughter before she died. That was what counted most.
The clothing and bedding were set on fire by the men who had performed the earlier preparations, and Sam watched as the flames built up to engulf the bodies on the platforms. The flames flared higher as Sam and the others watched in silence, the only sounds were the crackling of the wood as the platforms burned brightly. She stopped staring at the flames and looked around at the people who had accepted the original members of the SGC into their village. They had integrated into their new homes, learning to live among their new neighbors, some even marrying the natives, while a few had died over the years. Sam watched as Michael Clarke came over to stand in front of her and Daniel, his face reflecting his sorrow over their loss. Sam smiled sadly at him, while Daniel nodded his thanks, before both of them were pulled into a hug by the ex-Captain of the U.S. Air Force. Sam hugged him back, then pulled away to smile at him again, then hugged Michael's wife, Calla, before turning back to watch the fire as they walked away.
They stood there for a long time as the blaze burned everything that had been touched by the plague, everything except for the hearts of those who had survived. Sam watched as the flames licked upward, sending smoke swirling toward the heavens, while the acrid smell invaded her nostrils. Her daughter was gone, but the rest of her family had survived. There was still hope of a future for them.
"Mama," Ethan said, as he tugged on her hand. She looked down to see him jumping from one leg to the other, obviously needing to find a bathroom very soon. "I gotta go."
She gave him a small smile, while Daniel let her go to grab their son's hand. "I'll take him," he said, more than willing to give Sam more time. But Sam shook her head, and turned to follow them out of the clearing.
"I'm ready," she told him, as she walked along with them. She turned one last time to look at the smoke rising up to the sky, tears welling up in her eyes, as she whispered, "Good-bye my little angel."
Daniel's grief was evident in his face, when she turned back to smile at him. She pulled him into a hug, holding him closely, knowing that it would be a long time before they would ever really be ready. Still she had faith that they would move past this initial grief and learn to be happy again. They had each other and they had Ethan. Their little family had survived yet another hardship, although this one took more than Sam had been willing to give. But they had survived and now it was time to move on, so she took Ethan's other hand and headed back toward the home they had built together.
A ship had been sighted over the village, flying low then out of sight. Daniel had immediately gone to find Michael Clarke and the other members of the team that had come with them through the Stargate to investigate. Sam stayed behind, mainly because she figured it was probably just some traders looking for goods. She had long since given up hope on Tok'ra, Tollan or even a Tau'ri vessel coming to the rescue. Besides, there was always the danger that the ship was manned by a Goa'uld or something just as evil, and she was not about to leave Ethan in a neighbor's care. So she stayed behind, digging up vegetables in the garden, ever ready to grab her son and run for safety if the situation arose.
She pulled up a turnip-like vegetable as she thought of her son. She had become a little overprotective of Ethan ever since her daughter's death several months ago. Her grief was still too fresh for her to let go, and she worried that something would happen if she were not around to keep him safe. Daniel had understood, although he still tried to help her give the child some slack. Sam wasn't so sure she wanted to.
The child in question was looking at something in the ground by the edge of the garden, poking at whatever it was with a stick. Sam smiled at him as he prodded his discovery. He was such a beautiful child, she thought fondly. He had her coloring, but he still had his father's eyes, and Sam turned her attention back to her work as her thoughts dwelled on her husband.
Claire's death had brought them closer than ever before. The bonds of her marriage seemed to have strengthened as they dealt with their mutual grief and despair. She wasn't sure what it was that had brought about the courage to deal with their problems, but she was glad that they had settled down into a deeper relationship. She really did love her husband.
A noise distracted her from her musing, and she looked up to see a group of men heading her way. Panic rose up in her heart, and she immediately looked over at her son, determined to save him at all cost. But Ethan had also seen the men and he had jumped up to run out to greet them. "Daddy," he yelled, as he started to run, scaring Sam half to death. She reached out and grabbed him as he ran past, pulling him into her arms to hold him fast. Sam didn't recognize half of the men, and she was not going to let Ethan just run on up to them until she was sure all was safe.
"Sam!" Daniel shouted, easing some of her worries. He wouldn't call attention to her if he had been in trouble. She stayed where she was though; hardly daring to believe that maybe the rescue they had dreamed of for so long was at hand. Excitement rose up in her soul when the group came closer. Daniel and Michael were smiling at her, along with the man who walked between them, a man she had once known all those years ago, long before her forced exile.
"Oh my God," Sam whispered, as she stared at them in shock. Her son twisted around to look up into her face, but Sam barely noticed. She was staring at the man whose hair was completely gray and looked a lot older than the last time she had seen him. But he had the same smile, the same walk, and tears of joy sprang up in her eyes when she realized that she was finally going home.
"Hello Carter," the man said, grinning broadly at her. "Surprised to see me?"
Sam could only nod her head, as she stared at her former commanding officer. Jack O'Neill had certainly grown older, but that wasn't what had her standing there with her mouth open. She hadn't really expected to ever be rescued.
"You okay?" Daniel asked, as he came over to put his arm around her shoulder. Sam nodded, still staring at the group of men, unable to think of a single thing to say.
"I'm doing well, thank you for asking," O'Neill said with a huge grin.
His words finally got through to Sam, and she grinned sheepishly before saying, "Sorry, I'm just so surprised to see you. I didn't think we would ever…" She stopped for a second as her mind finally kicked into gear, then said, "Where were you all this time? What took you so long?"
"That was the first thing I asked him," Daniel said, as he leaned in toward her. "Something about politicians and the world overrun by aliens…"
"Big aliens," O'Neill said in way of an explanation. "Nasty creatures," he added with an overly exaggerated shudder that had Sam smiling at him, then went on to say, "We kicked their asses though. Nothing left of them to even take pictures of. Once they were taken care of, I had spent the last two years begging the bigwigs in what was left of Washington to let me take one of the ships to come get you."
"The SGC?"
"Gone." He looked out past them toward the village then said, "We barely made it out of there in time." He shrugged then told them, "If it makes you feel any better, Teal'c was visiting Rya'c at the time. He was stranded, just as you were."
"Oh, much better," Daniel said sarcastically, which brought the smile back to Jack's face.
"Glad to be of service."
Sam smiled back at him. It had been years since she had last seen him, and he had to have gone through so much in the battle to save Earth, but he still had the same sense of humor that had made her laugh when they were a team. She was glad when she realized that some things never change.
"I'm sorry it took so long," O'Neill said as his expression sobered. He stood there looking from Sam to Daniel and back again, before adding, "They destroyed most of the major cities on Earth and we spent every waking moment fighting back. We managed to confiscate a few of their ships, but we couldn't spare the manpower or a ship to send one out to get you, and well…," he looked down at the ground for a moment, then said, "You guys were much safer here anyway."
Sadness overtook Sam once again as she thought about the price they'd had to pay for their "safety". Sure, they had been lucky to avoid the attacks on their home world, but she wasn't so sure that their life in their new home had been any better, especially after their daughter's death. Still, she knew better than anybody what war could do to the people involved. Innocent people didn't always survive those battles either.
"We came as soon as we could, Sam," he said, his intense gaze practically begging her to understand. She really did understand. Ethan twisted beneath her fingers, and Sam realized once again that she was glad that they had survived everything to have him with them. She nodded at O'Neill to let him know that she understood, which brought on his smile again. "So who's this little guy?"
"Ethan," the child in her grasp, said timidly.
"This is our son, Jack," Daniel said proudly. O'Neill looked up and gave them a questioning glance, as he took in Daniel's arm around her shoulder, then at Ethan who was still in his mother's grasp. Sam gave him a guilty smile, while Daniel shrugged and told him, "We really didn't think we were ever going to be rescued."
O'Neill stared at them for a moment, his eyes revealing nothing of his thoughts, then smiled broadly at her as he came up to hug her. "Congratulations you two," he crowed, as he let go of Sam and crushed Daniel in a hug. "I always knew that there was something…"
"Come off it Jack," Daniel said, as he smiled back at his friend. "You did not."
"Yeah," O'Neill said in a child-like way, his grin now turned onto Ethan. "Your dad and I used to work together. I was the one who taught him how to fight."
Ethan was now looking at the man with a renewed interest, while Daniel rolled his eyes. Sam decided that she'd better break this up before they went off into their old spiel of trying to be the one who got in the last word in. "Come on into the house. I can make some dinner while you tell us all about the war."
"Are you the Jack who went on all those 'ventures with my dad?" Ethan wanted to know, while he followed Sam into the house. Sam couldn't help the smile that showed up, as she smiled at her husband. He shook his head with mock resignation, his own smile lighting up his face. O'Neill was sure to put his own slant onto the stories Daniel had told by the fireplace, but Sam didn't mind. They were going home.
It was time.
She was thinking the same thing the next day, as she stared out at the little memorial they had set up after their daughter's death. She was going home to Earth, a little unsure of what she would find there after the devastation inflicted by an intergalactic war, but still it was good to know that she could still call it home.
The wildflowers that had bloomed earlier in the year still left a fragrant trail of Spring as a breeze tugged at the strands of Sam's hair. The memorial had been set in a little box built into the ground by logs that Daniel had split, and was framed by flowers that were still in bloom. They had placed a cross in the middle of the box, with Claire's name emblazoned across the horizontal piece. Sam stood in front of the memorial, trying hard not to cry as she said her final good-byes to her firstborn child.
The tears came anyway, silently sliding down her cheeks. Sam didn't bother wiping them away. Instead, she folded her arms across her chest and closed her eyes against the pain raging in her heart. Her daughter had died, and now Sam was faced with leaving her daughter's memorial behind. It was the only true reminder that she'd had and she mourned over the loss.
Still she knew she couldn't stay here. There were more things to consider, deeper desires that had to be fulfilled. She thought of her son and how he had been enthralled with the stories his father and their friend, who had insisted that she call him Jack, had told him last night, while Sam began packing for the trip. Daniel had wanted to help, but Ethan's begging gave her the incentive to shake her head. So she gathered up the items that they were going to take with them while listening to the stories that Jack related, new stories that Ethan had never heard before. Jack O'Neill had garnered yet another new friend by the time a dozing Ethan had been carried off to bed.
She thought of her husband, and how they had grown even closer in the last few months. Daniel had opened up to her, telling her of his fears and of his grief, giving Sam the inspiration she needed to understand her own feelings for her husband. She'd had the same fears, and they had discussed their terror and their grief, relying on each other for support when their tears were too much too handle. They had come to terms with their marriage, and they had become stronger because of it.
She stared at the memorial, knowing in her heart which was the right path to take, and thinking that maybe she should take a few pictures with one of the cameras the crew from Earth had brought with them. She was so lost in thought that she was surprised when a voice spoke up behind her.
"You don't have to come back with us if you don't want to."
She turned to see Jack standing there, steadily watching her as she grieved. She tried to ignore the flash of resentment that stemmed from his intrusion, and was marginally successful – the small smile that she gave him was real. "I don't have a choice," she said, as she turned back toward the memorial.
He didn't respond at first, which didn't surprise Sam. He never really was very good at this kind of thing. She glanced over at him when he walked up to stand next to her, and she found that she wasn't so resentful after all.
"It's hard losing a child," he said, the wistful note in his voice, bringing more tears to Sam's eyes. "Sometimes it's not so hard to live with, and then there are times when the pain never goes away." Sam nodded at his words. Her heart had been permanently scarred. Nothing would ever ease the pain. "The memories hang around though," he told her. She turned to look at him, only to find he was staring off into the distance. "You never forget."
Sam put her hand on his arm, the need to comfort him overwhelming her own pain. He had lost his own son, she remembered, and when she looked into his eyes, she saw the raw pain eating away at his soul. She now knew what he had gone through in the past whenever he had thought of his son. He had his own scars to deal with.
But she didn't know what to say to him. She stared out at the spot that had caught his attention, not really seeing the landscape, while trying to think of the right words to comfort him. He didn't need it apparently, as he turned back to her and said, "Anyway, if you'd rather stay here, no one would blame you."
"No," Sam said, as she adamantly shook her head. "We have to go. Earth is our home, and besides there's Ethan to think about." He nodded, although she wasn't sure he understood. "These people don't have the medicines to fight off plagues and other illnesses." She hugged herself tighter as she shivered in the breeze. "Ethan may not be immune to the next one."
Jack nodded as he gave her a sad smile. He understood, she realized, as she smiled back. And Sam was ready to leave, to go back to Earth, even if it meant leaving behind a memorial for a child of her heart. She was going back to a planet that had nearly been destroyed and was in the process of being rebuilt from the ground up. Sam was up to the challenge. She'd had to rebuild her life in this primitive place; she could do it again on Earth where technologies abound. And she wasn't going to face the hardships alone. Her husband, Daniel, would be there to help, and now her friend, Jack. Together they could build a new life, all they needed was the willingness to succeed.
Her smile grew as she thought about her future. It had suddenly become brighter, filled with the promise of a new life and she knew that no matter what, they were going to a much better place. She looked over at the memorial, so stark against the wildflowers and realized that Jack was right. She would never forget. Claire had been a part of Sam's life for seven years. She had plenty of memories.
She turned to look at her old friend, and gave him an encouraging smile, then linked her arm in his when he offered her it to her. They walked back through the flowers toward their future, and to life, and after all these years, Sam was finally going home.
The End