Me: Hola, como estan? (Wait 4 response.) While I only got 3 reviews for Chapter 1, I think this is going quite well. And in the spirit of all things dramatic, as per a request from my BFFFL, Lexi, we're going to welcome 2 divas into the room today: Maureen Johnson-

Awesome Lesbo RENT FanGirls: Whooohoooooo!

Me: And Carlotta Giudicelli.

Phans: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Miri: Kill 'er!

Me: Miri! What are you doing?

Miri: We made a deal, remember?

Me: Oh, yeah, that. Look, don't kill her, okay? I had to pay Piangi, Firmin AND Andre like 20,000 francs just to get her for a short time. And no big mutilations. She needs to look the same as she did when I rented her, and I don't have-

Mme. Pomfrey: Miss Miri, I'm here.

Me: HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET MADAME POMFREY TO COME?

Miri: The Imperious curse.

Me: You're joking.

Miri: Nope.

Me: Okay, fine, you win! Lexi?

Lexi: Sorry, babes. (Pushes Maureen in)

Me: Li?

Lila: I love this part. (Pushes Carlotta in)

Me: Let it begin.

(Maureen and Carlotta regain consciousness)

Maureen: Uggggh. My head...Pookie? You there, sweetie?

Carlotta: Ubaldo? Dove sono? Odio i rospi! Ho bisogno del mio cucciolo! (Where the hell am I? I hate toads! I need my puppy!)

Me (from the booth): Why did we bring her in the Il Muto costume?

Lila: It's funny.

Me: Rewthave.

ALL: HUH?

Me: Jumbled 'whatever.' Back to the room.

Maureen: Brava. I haven't heard shrieking that loud since Roger's last tune up.

Carlotta: Cosa?

Maureen: English, please, hottie?

ALL: EEEEEWWWW.

Carlotta: Get-a back!

Maureen: Jeez, you're even touchier than Pookie.

Carlotta: Pookie? What-a are-a you a-talking about-a?

Maureen: Okay, I haven't heard such a lame Italian accent since Mark tried to play Othello.

Carlotta: Otello.

Maureen: Same thing.

Carlotta: (More Italian gibberish I don't want to translate)

Maureen: Shut up. Or will I have to make you by (cringes) making out with you?

Miri: Can I go now?

Me: Sure. But no Punjabs_

Miri: Awwwww.

Me: No lethal poison_

Miri: But….

Me: Nothing Mme. Pomfrey can't fix, okay?

Miri: Fine. (Drops into the room) Hi. (Carlotta faints from shock)

Maureen: Hi. Um, did you just come through the ceiling?

Miri: Um, yeah. I'm Miri.

Maureen: Maureen Johnson.

Miri: Oh, I know. I am a huge fan.

Maureen: Really?

Miri: Yep. Was she annoying you?

Maureen: Yep.

Miri: Wanna help me beat her up?

Maureen: Oh, God, yes!

Me (PLAY BY PLAY MODE): And, they've begun! So, Miri's starting out with a round of bitch-slaps, and Maureen's doing the knuckles-to-the-sternum thing that you use to wake up an unconscious person. (Carlotta screams) Ah, it worked. Now, Miri's given Maureen a Swiss Army knife for stabbing, while she sticks bamboo splinters under Carlotta's nails.

PHANS: YAAAAAY!

Me: Obviously, the Phans are loving this. So, Miri's got a chainsaw that she's using to sever Carlotta's arm. Maureen's pulling a Julian Sands and scratching the boobs.

Miri: Ha! They're fake! I knew it!

Me: Why am I not surprised? Ooh, now Maureen's jumping on Carlotta's stomach in stiletto boots! And that's enough! Madame Pomfrey's taking out Carlotta and all her body parts.

Miri: So, would you mind giving me a demo of your performance on Christmas Eve?

Maureen: No problem. Care to do my backup? It's pretty simple.

Miri: I know it.

Maureen: Wow. You sure?

Miri: Uh-huh.

Maureen: Cool. Let's do it! (Several repeats of Over The Moon later)

ALL PHANS/FANS: WOOO-HOO! YEAH! Etc.

Miri: That was awesome!

Maureen: Thanks.

Lexi (breaks free of Lila's grip, plunges into the room, and kisses Maureen fully of the lips): Wheeeeeeeee!

Me: Oooh, get a picture! We can totally blackmail her with this.

Lila: Awesome.

Me (on PA): Brava, all. Maureen, it's time to go home. Joanne misess her honeybear.

Maureen: Pookie needs me?

Me: Yep. Unfortunately, we can't allow you to remember anything that's happened in here. So, we're going to have to erase your memory, and send you back, okay?

Maureen: Yes, yes, fine! Just get me back!

Me: Miri?

Miri (Pulls out Hermione's wand): Obliviate! (Maureen goes dizzy-eyed and is escorted out.)

Me: Well, I know that was a short chapter, but we had fun, right?

ALL: RIGHT!

Me: Phantastic. Well, send in requests for pairings, and I'll get busy!