Chapter 2, by GreyEyesGlaringAtShonda
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How can you just leave me standing?
Alone in a
world so cold? (World so cold)
Maybe I'm just too demanding
Maybe
I'm just like my father too bold
Maybe you're just like my
mother
She's never satisfied (She's never satisfied)
Why do we
scream at each other
This is what it sounds like
When doves
cry
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He could've found work at any hospital in the country, he could have mentored at any medical school or research university he wanted, but instead he was volunteering part-time at an obscurely-unheard of hospital in lower Washington; located in a miniscule town in which there'd be no chance of her finding him, and far enough away from her for him to be able to change his mind whenever his heart betrayed him, and he found himself heading back towards Seattle.
It was only temporary, of course. He was Preston Burke, first in his class at John Hopkins Medical School. He was too talented for some clinic in the middle of nowhere.
He was thinking about going abroad, offering his services in Africa, where they were most needed, maybe doing some Doctors Without Borders type thing. He'd always wanted to, always intended to after his career was established, and it seemed the perfect time.
But no, he'd mentioned it to Cristina a few times; eventually she'd think to search there. He should wait; yes, it would be better to hold off for awhile, steady himself, catch his breath.
He sat down on the bed, resting his head in his hands. He knew he needed to be strong enough for this, strong enough for her. He reached in his pocket and absentmindedly began toying with the one thing he'd taken to remind himself of her, besides the two small photographs pressed carefully inside his wallet, one of her by herself, the other of them together. He clasped the shiny hairclip shut before springing it open again, satisfied with his proxy to his long-established habit of fiddling with his glasses. He knew she wouldn't miss it, she had nearly a dozen of them, and if she happened to notice its absence would undoubtedly chalk it up to slipping off in an on-call room, or getting crammed somewhere to the bottom of her locker.
He felt guilty, letting himself fall to failure with such a trivial thing, but when he imagined the sweetness of her smile, the feel of her hair brushing against him, and realized they would only exist in memories to him now, he thought he'd done rather well for himself.
His father had only yelled at him twice in his lifetime, he normally opted for a disappointed gaze instead. It had always been enough. Preston Burke was raised a gentleman, and he held his father with so much respect, he'd learned to channel the look in his eyes and prevent himself from having to witness it. The tone of his father's voice when he spoke to him on the phone was enough to overshadow all of his averted mishaps in one, and left him shivering. He was a grown man, old enough to make his own decisions and differentiate between right and wrong, and he had never felt remotely afraid of his father; the chills radiating throughout his body only left him frightened of himself.
He continued to gently caress her hairpin, breathing deeply. He crossed the room to the few boxes he'd kept from storage, picking out his favorite Foote CD.
He'd danced with her to this song a few nights before the wedding. They hadn't seen each other all day, him having a 12-hour surgery, her off in some corner of the hospital studying for the exam. He'd come home exhausted to find her lounging luxuriously on the sofa, the music playing, and a look of complete serenity across her face. He had bent silently down to kiss her cheek, unsure if she was awake or not, and not wanting to disturb her; then after seeing her eyes flutter open, had lifted her up, setting her down and allowing himself to sway gently with her to the music.
She had looked up at him, and in what was her way, had told him purely with her eyes how much he meant to her. She had taken his hand as the final notes drifted out, rubbing his ring finger softly before interlacing his hand in hers.
Touch if you will my
stomach
Feel how it trembles inside
You've got the butterflies
all tied up
Don't make me chase you
Even doves have pride
She loved him. It was such a startling realization, how much she'd truly done for him, it had knocked him unsteady, unable to think, and he looked down that aisle and knew it was his turn to do it for her.
She'd worked the job of intern and attending, never complaining, even as he distanced himself and made jabs at her and turned his back when she moved to cuddle him in bed.
He heard the sound of the hotel phone ringing, and moved mechanically to pick it up.
He knew she'd been calling his parents, the only link she still had with him. He'd been dreading this moment, when his father found out the truth, realized whom had left whom. He knew it was coming, had braced himself for it, but nevertheless, when Preston heard the voice that emanated from the telephone, he was nearly shaken out of his reverie.
"Preston Xavier Burke, I want to know what exactly it was that you were thinking when you did this."
She'd put on the dress, and made nice with his mama, and agreed to the perfect ceremony.
"Well, clearly. Is that supposed to be an excuse? I want an answer, Preston, I've been mollycoddling your run-in here with heartache to no end, trying to comfort you, help burden your pain, and come to find out it's you that brought it on yourself."
She picked out a cake, and helped him decide music for the reception.
"You know that poor girl's called here a dozen times? Drunk, too, the last time, it sounded like. Just started rambling on about something sticky that's growing. What were you THINKING, Preston?"
She'd done everything he'd ever asked of her. He'd ridden her about her stubbornness, her vitality, then when she acted like he told her he wanted her to, he'd left her.
"What was she supposed to do, with you pressuring her like that?"
"You were standing there, saying your whole LIFE was your hands!"
She hadn't wanted to cover for him in surgery. It ate her alive, until she couldn't take it anymore, and she ended it. What she did, she did for him.
She loved him.
"Don't expect me to suddenly change. I'm a surgeon, just like you."
She wanted a small wedding, intimate.
"I am wearing the dress. I am ready. And maybe I didn't want to before, but I want to now."
She wanted to marry him.
She'd been ready to marry him. Maybe even more ready than he'd been.
She'd given him everything he'd asked of her, and she'd given it exactly when she was ready, never before.
"I am ready. Maybe I didn't want to before, but I want to now!"
"Preston Xavier Burke! Are you listening to me?!"
She loved him. She wanted to marry him. She was ready to marry him.
Her. His Cristina. Not any kind of placating Cristina, His Cristina. She'd been willing to give him His wedding, because that was what he wanted, but what She wanted was to marry him.
"I'm a surgeon, just like you."
"Are you saying 'yes'?"
Her smile, His Cristina's.
"Yeah."
She wanted to be his wife. Cristina Yang loved him, and wanted to be his wife.
He'd been selfish, thinking he was being strong for the two of them, ignoring her requests. That was how it'd always been.
He could see the look in the eyes he always lost himself in, glowing, shimmering, wanting more.
What were you thinking?
What had he been thinking?
Burke took his Eugene Foote CD out of the CD player, and set it in its case. His father was still yelling into the phone. Burke smiled, sadly at first, then a genuine broad grin.
How
can you just leave me standing?
Alone in a world that's so cold?
(A world that's so cold)
Maybe I'm just too demanding (Maybe,
maybe I'm like my father)
Maybe I'm just like my father too bold
(Ya know he's too bold)
Maybe you're just like my mother (Maybe
you're just like my mother)
She's never satisfied (She's never,
never satisfied)
Why do we scream at each other (Why do we scream,
why)
This is what it sounds like
When doves cry
When
doves cry (Doves cry, doves cry)
When doves cry (Doves cry, doves
cry)
Don't Cry (Don't Cry)
When doves cry
When doves
cry
When doves cry
When Doves cry (Doves cry, doves cry,
doves cry
Don't cry
Darling don't cry
Don't cry
Don't
cry
Don't don't cry