Author's Note;
I just found these last two chapters on my phone. They're old, so don't be too harsh :)
Ironhide. Normally, the name would give me comfort. In battle, confidence and relief, and in the Medbay, worry and fear - for him. It had never been from him. I was never once afraid of him, as I knew he would do nothing to harm me, and at times during the war, he was the only one in which I could trust.
Ironhide. The name brings back some great memories - and sad ones, as well. I remember that time, during a standstill in the war, that he made me try out an energon bar. Turned out for the worse as I didn't drink a thing and had to drag his heavy aft out of there and back to base. That wasn't the only time, drinking or injured.
A few sad ones, like the time we... He... Lost Chromia. Before he met her, he was always charming his way around, with that gruff, hard-to-bring-down soldier personality. Every standstill, that he was not injured, he would bring to his berth a femme, and would always come to me complaining about something about it after. And when he met her.. Well, she turned his whole world upside down. The only one who could match that trigger-happiness that was Ironhide seemed to take the trigger-happiness of another, Chromia. She was always training with him about something, always talking about some kind of weapon.
It began in Iacon, when me, 'Hide, and Chromia were all assigned to head out on a mission to Tyger Pax. Over the mission, they fell for one another, although only someone as close as me could tell, with their bickering, and their arguments. When Chromia was caught by some Decepticon patrol, he went insane, always trying some way to find her. He never rested once until I caved in, and we went after her. When we did find her, she was in some sort of instigation camp, chained with a yellow youngling named Bumblebee.
That's how we met him. I was on the look out, covering 'Hide's aft as he broke them free, and the two took him under their responsibility as I hacked the camp to give us a clear path. He took a liking almost immediately to the two, and was treated like he was theirs. After a few breems, they shared their first kiss as I watched over 'Bee and gained his trust. They've been lovers for years to come, with me always patching one or the other up, and looking after 'Bee when they couldn't - mainly during different times in the war.
I'm not sure if they ever bonded, however I do know what happened that fateful night, during an eerie silence from the Decepticons. I was meant to work on the remaining two Autobots who were injured, and could not yet leave the Medbay; Jazz and some other bot named Tailgate. Ironhide was out with Chromia, alone, on patrol. It was late into the night, when I got an urgent comm from 'Hide, sounding more desperate than I had ever heard him - he had told me the 'Cons had ambushed them, and to get my aft over to Chromia as fast as I could. Urgently, I packed my kit and sent a message to Optimus through Cliffjumper - a friend of Jazz's - and raced out of the base, toward his coordinates.
It was too late. I got there just as her spark beat its final beats, with an overemotional Ironhide cradling her. It was the first - and almost the only - time I had seen him cry. I had tried to soothe him, and I couldn't help but blame myself. If I had just gotten there sooner, perhaps I could've just extended her life, by at least a few more years. She had died from an energon sword piercing her spark chamber, the remnants of the attackers spewed around them as Ironhide blew them to bits. Afterwards, I didn't see him since her memorial, for years more to come. Neither had I seen Bumblebee.
At that time I had befriended Jazz, and the newly made Prime, and after 7 earth years, 23 earth weeks, and 6 earth days, we met again at last. Bumblebee was hesitant, but got us back to being the friends we were. I did my best, and I was trained a lot of things in being a medic, however there is no cure, no remedy, for grief, sorrow, and a broken spark.
He did his best to cover it, pretend it never happened - but he never pretended that she existed. Not once after that had he even flirted with another femme, but became more and more of a dancing partner with battle, always cleaning, shooting, or repairing his cannons. In her memory, and her name.
And thus, here I am, trapped by my stubborn, relapsing processor. And, by my once - and now uncertain - trusted partner, and friend.
"Ironhide." The said bot turned his head, but not his body, towards the voice. "I'm here.." I inhaled deeply. "Talk to me." He snorted, and shook his head, before once again turning away his body from me.
"I wish I could trust you enough for that," came his weary, steeled voice. A voice that cut into my guts, and at those words twisted and sliced up into my chest. I could hardly breathe. I bowed my head, and shook it, as he did.
"I regret my words." And it's true. He just barked a short laugh, before turning fully towards me, staring at me straight in the eyes. They looked as if they were made from a rare type of metal, cold, and distant from the friend I knew.
"Then I suppose you shouldn't have said them, huh?" He snarled. I flinched, and looked away, fear and regret both clawing at my throat.
"...At least I knew you could be honest." Was his ending, before he snorted and shook his head once more, before turning away from me again. The fact that he used past tense made my whole torso ache, and my head spin. It also angered me. I narrowed my eyes, and did my best I stare him down.
"I am, being honest with you. I never quit!" I spat, blinking away the hot liquid that dared try and spill from my eyes. All this did was make him sigh, before nodding.
"You did, when you said what you shouldn't." He straightened. "You always got pissed off easily. That, you still do." He turned his head to glare at me, waiting for my response. I clenched my teeth, and stiffened. "So it's at an end, then?" I could barely say. I shook my head, furiously. "Ironhide, I'm sorry. Alright? I always am." I glared at him in the eyes, stared into those metal sheets, unbreakable. I searched his face for the friend I trusted, believed in, and would still now offer my life for.
He bowed his head, and took three, big, gliding steps toward me. I realized I was shaking, and unfurled my hand. He raised his head, and stared at me like I was his worst enemy.
"That doesn't make up for anything. Anything!" He lifted his upper lip in the beginnings of a sneer, and pointed at me. "You haven't lost one you loved so much, yet alone have them off-lining in your arms." He was starting to cry, now, and my vision became watery, in response. He dropped his hand, and used the other to wipe furiously at his face, breathing heavy. I took a shaking breath.
"And I never have loved, 'Hide." I said the last thing softly - maybe too softly. I took a step closer towards him, searching his broken down face as the tears finally swept away from their prison, and down my face.
"Your the closest to me." I snorted, and sucked in some disgusting goop. His eyes were unreadable, and I kept on going.
"And so was Chromia. Bee, Prime.. Your all the closest I have.. And had." We stood now no more than a foot from the others face, tears streaming down both our faces. A rare sight, however I didn't care right now. Us like this felt like some huge part of me was being ripped away, or he was tearing a hole through my chest - a hole that I had made. We stood there, for if it were seconds or minutes that dragged on by, I didn't know which, until finally he broke it, taking a step back and wiping his face clean of the evidence. My eyes watered once more, and I took my sleeve to my face, breaking the eye contact and bowing my head into the cloth fabric.
"Too bad you had to end it." That nearly stopped my heart from beating, and made my blood run cold. I froze, before snapping my head up to meet his eyes with my own. They showed signs of hurt, and betrayal, but nothing else. Seeing this in him felt like many small daggers had made a nest out of me, and his words finally registered as my breath caught in my throat.
With that, he gave me a once over, before taking his leave. I stood there, in a type of frozen pain, before I heard the door shut me firmly into the medbay's spare bedroom. At that, my knees gave out, and I kneeled there, gasping for air. Tears streamed down freely on my face now, as I felt pain as I never had felt before rake through my body, leaving my there crippled in agony.
I let out a soft keening sound, before sobbing, sobbing, nothing more but endless pain and sobbing. I sobbed until my whole chest hurt from physical pain, and I sobbed my way into the darkness.