Title: He Deserved It
Summary: There are too many shades of grey for any person to be purely evil. Guilt, regret, grief, and sorrow can eat at you until you reach your breaking point
Disclaimer: Do you honestly think J. would waste her time writing fanfics for her own stories?
Content: Angst/Family. Language, violence,
Bellatrix hurried along the corridor of Riddle Manor to the room that her Lord had so graciously given her and her husband, Rodolphus. She wrung her hands as she stalked down the hall, hunched over slightly. Her breathing was hitched and heavy, and her widened eyes sparkled with unshed tears as they darted back and forth feverishly.
She came to her and her husband's rooms and went in, slamming the door shut and locking it with the strongest charm she could think of before leaning heavily against it.
Presently her feet slid out from under her and she slid to the floor, gasping and sobbing. Her long tangled black hair seemed to curtain her face as she drew thin, pale, trembling hands up to cover her eyes.
Just returning from his latest little escapade with the damned Boy-Who-Lived, her Lord had thrown the largest tantrum. He had been so angry, he had thrown every hex, jinx, curse, and China knick-knack he could think of. His plan had been flawless, but it failed regardless, his prize Death Eaters outsmarted by a bunch of schoolkids! The prophecy was smashed, the boy escaped, and Nott, Mulciber, Jugson, Dolohov, Macnair, Avery, Crabbe, Rookwood, her husband Rodolphus, and her brother-in-laws Lucius and Rabastan, all of them had been captured.
And she had killed her cousin.
She hadn't always hated Sirius. In fact, she never had. She had been angry with him, been hurt by him, but she never hated her cousin. But her obedience to her Lord came first, and Cousin Siri had tried to stop her.
He knew very well that if she didn't follow his orders she would be killed. He must have wanted her to die! He thought that if he fought her, she would be unable to bring herself to hurt her cousin, and the Dark Lord would kill her for it. Betrayal swept through her at the thought. Sirius was a bad boy; he had hurt his mama's feelings when he turned against the family. It had been his own fault that he'd died.
Bellatrix drew her knees close to her chest and wept as she thought of memories long since past.
"Aw, don't cry Bella!"
Little six-year-old Bellatrix gave a mighty sniffle as she hugged the torn remains of her Pegasus doll to her. Sirius, eight-years-old at the time, crouched next to her.
"Lemme see how bad it is, Bella," Sirius said, gently pulling the doll away from her. She relinquished the toy with another sniff as a tear rolled down her cheek. Sirius examined the stuffed animal carefully, taking in how it's wings had been ripped off and it's head had apparently been given part of the same treatment, twisted and wrung so tightly that the cloth on the neck had started to tear.
"Lemme guess," Sirius said drily, "Narcissa did this?"
Bella nodded sadly, her dark brown eyes huge in her head and shimmery with tears. "'Cissy said," she whispered, "She said I was too big for a toy anymore, and pointed her wand at Peggy, and said something like 'diffidil' or 'defido' – "
"Diffindo," Siri said, turning over the toy in his hands. "It's a cutting spell. Don't worry, Bella, 'Cissa just thinks she's better'n us 'cause she's started Hogwarts already. She's a brat, is all."
He stood up straight and grabbed her hand, pulling her over to the house. "C'mon, Bella. Let's go to my room, and I'll fix Peggy."
He led her inside and the two young children tiptoed quietly past the kitchen, where they could hear Sirius' father and Bella's father arguing again. No doubt it would once again lead to a duel between the two brothers, which would most likely take place in the same bare dirt yard where Siri and Bella had been playing not five minutes before.
Siri dragged them up the stairs to his room and ushered Bella inside. He shut the door quietly and made her sit on the bed and hold her broken toy. He started to crawl under the bed, but stopped at Bella's fearful voice.
"Don't go down there Siri! There are monsters that'll eat you!" She looked at him with wide, innocent eyes. Sirius just laughed.
"Don't worry, Bella, the monsters don't come out during the day. And any monster I see, I'll eat them first before they can eat me!" He grinned at her and started ducked under, searching around for something. He talked to her while he looked for whatever it was, letting her know that he was okay and a monster hadn't eaten him, making her smile and laugh little even as she still sniffled over her damaged doll.
"Ah, here it is!" Siri said. His hand appeared on the topside of the bed first, then the rest of him followed after. In his hand he clutched a small wooden box. She stared at it with the endearing curiosity that only a child can manage.
"What's that, Siri?"
He opened it to reveal several different colored threads, differently sized needles, a small tape measure, and a pincushion full of pins. "It's a sewing kit. Dad say's it's womens' pastimes and house-elf's work, but I think it comes in handy for stuff like this."
He took a long thin needle and selected some silvery thread that just matched the colour of Peggy's fur and wings. Bella watched in fascination as he threaded the needle, toungue between his teeth, his expression one of utmost concentration. The needle threaded, he took Peggy from Bella gently, and set to work stitching her wings back on.
Bella smiled at her lap, swinging her legs off the side of the high bed. Siri was so nice to her, so warm and kind, very unlike her older sister Narcissa. In fact, he reminded her of her oldest sister, Andromeda. Sirius was so cool. She wanted to be just like him when she grew up.
"He WHAT?"
Nine-year-old Bellatrix stopped dead next to her aunt and uncle's bedroom door. Siri had just left for Hogwarts two days before, and she missed him terribly. She quietly pressed an ear to the door to listen. Her suspicions that they were speaking about him were confirmed a moment later.
"You heard me," came her uncle's angry voice on the other side of the closed door. "Sirius got sorted into Gryffindor somehow."
"That is ridiculous."
"It's in the letter from that idiotic headmaster."
"This can't be happening. I know that there was something different about that child, but there must be some kind of mistake. Blacks don't go into Gryffindor. It's sacrilege!"
"I'll go send a letter to the headmaster demanding a re-sort – "
"And I'll send the little runt something to teach him a lesson," continued Siri's mother nastily.
The two voices stopped and Bella hurried away as she heard footsteps coming to the door.
Bella sat trembling at the Slytherin table during breakfast. It was her first week of classes at Hogwarts. She had already been there for a few days. By now, her parents would have been given a letter informing them where she had been Sorted.
Remembering what had happened when Siri was Sorted, she was frightened. She knew that his parents had been displeased because he had been Sorted into Gryffindor, but she couldn't help but feel anxious that she wouldn't meet her own parents' expectations. She didn't want be the only First Year to get a Howler their first week. Siri had been during his first year, all because he had Sorted into the wrong house.
The mail owls swooped into the room, and she shivered uncontrallably. Her eyes searched for Sirius at the Gryffindor table. She found him, but he was busy speaking to a pair of boys, one slender with messy black hair and glasses and the other sickly-looking with light brown hair and amber eyes. A third boy, tiny and mousy, sat tentatively on the edge of the group. Sirius didn't look up.
A large black owl detached from the flock and landed in front of her, almost in her breakfast. She looked at it in horror for a moment before it hooted softly in reassurance. She was happy to see that the parcel it bore was not the recognizable red envelope of a Howler.
She took the letter from the owl and opened it as he flew off immediately, quickly reading through it. A smile of relief slowly spread across her face as she read the letter, a simple congratulations on making Slytherin and a warning to keep up in her studies and do the Black family proud.
"Wingardium Leviosa!"
Bellatrix shrieked as she rose up in the air quite suddenly, dropping all her bags and packages from her first trip to Hogsmeade with the other third years. The fifth year grinned lazily as he reached down to the ground and picked up her wand, which she had dropped with everything else.
"Put me down, Potter!" she demanded.
"Why?" he asked simply, grinning wickedly at his torment of the little Slytherin third year.
"Why? Why?! How dare you! You've no right to treat people this way!"
James just laughed, as did several other students, mostly Gryffindors, walking up the path back to Hogwarts around them as they stopped to watch. Suddenly a voice familiar to Bellatrix and James alike rose above the crowd.
"James, what…? " the crowd parted as Sirius made his way through. He stopped suddenly when his eyes fell on his younger cousin and his best friend. James grinned in delight.
"Care to join me, Sirius?" He said lightheartedly. Sirius blinked then turned his gaze to James. He could tell that his best friend fully expected him to join in on the fun.
"James, stop it." The grin faded slowly off James' face.
"Padfoot, what…"
"You heard me. Put her down."
There was no sound. The crowd of students watched with bated breath. James looked curiously at his friend, then at Bellatrix, and back again. The smile returned. Slightly mocking this time.
"Ohhh, I get it," he said, "You want me to leave her alone because she's your dear younger cousin, correct."
"Yes James. I want you to leave my cousin alone." Sirius said simply.
James' grin became icy and fixed. "Are you sure about that, Sirius?"
James' tone was frigid, and Sirius took a step back uncertainly. He glanced around at the crowd. The other students stared at Sirius, their gazes cold. When his housemate said nothing, James continued. "You want the little Slytherin left alone, is that it? Just because she's family."
"Yes," Sirius said, looking distressed. "Just – just put her down Prongs."
"You hear that, Slythie?" James said, whipping his head around to sneer at Bellatrix. "It's because you're family. He's doing it out of a twisted sense of duty."
"Wait, James, that's not what I –"
"Not what, Siri?" James cut him off. "Not what you meant? You mean, it's not because of family? You'd do it for anyone, whether they were family or not? You really do care about slimey little Slythies?"
Sirius said nothing, just stared at his friend, mouth opening and closing.
"Have you no Gryffindor pride, Sirius, that you defend the little mini-Death Eaters?" James stared at him, eyes glittering coldly. Sirius looked at Bellatrix, then at James, then at the silent spectators. He glanced back at his friend once more and turned around, shoving his way through the crowd as he went back the way he came.
James smiled coldly and turned his attention back to Bellatrix. "You see? He doesn't really care. So I suppose he won't mind if I just play a little game with you," he said as though he was giving her a treat.
Bellatrix whimpered in fear as James levitated her higher and higher from the ground. She could see Sirius watching from behind a tree, a lone tear rolling down his cheek. Their eyes locked. His were full of anguish, torn between his family and his friends. Hers were full of hurt, and she blinked through her tears of betrayal.
You won't help him, but you won't stop him either? she asked him brokenheartedly from inside her mind.
Why won't you help me?
Bellatrix stood in the kitchen of number twelve Grimmauld Place, her back against the wall. Next to her stood her cousin Regulus. He was the same age as her, but they had never been very close. She liked the more charismatic Sirius better, and Regulus was the type of boy who still believed in Cooties, even at age fourteen. Despite their usual disassociation with one another, they stood united for now, met in a truce so as to survive their current dangerous and unfortunate occupation: spectators to a row between Sirius and his mum.
"I'M SO SICK OF THIS SHIT! WE ARE NOT ROYALTY, MUM!"
"WE MIGHT AS WELL BE! HOW DARE YOU DISHONOUR THE NAME OF BLACK BY ASSOCIATING WITH MUDBLOODS AND BLOOD TRAITORS! THE SHAME YOU HAVE BROUGHT UPON THIS FAMILY THUS FAR HAS SURPASSED THAT OF ANY FAMILY MEMBER TO DATE!"
"WELL, I'M GLAD I'LL BE REMEMBERED FOR SOMETHING! CONSIDERING 'THIS FAMILY' CONSISTS OF EVERY INBRED PUREBLOOD IN EXISTENCE, AT LEAST I'LL BE NOTICEABLE!"
"I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT SUCH AN UNGRATEFUL, MUGGLE-LOVING, BLOOD-TREACHEROUS LITTLE BRAT WAS BORN OF MY FLESH! YOU ARE A CURSE UPON THIS FAMILY!"
"BETTER THAT THAN A MEMBER!"
Sirius' mum stared at him in shock at that. "How dare you…" she hissed under her breath.
"I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! I DON'T GIVE A BLOODY SHIT! FUCK YOU TO BLOODY HELL AND BACK, YOU STUPID BITCH!"
Mrs. Black's eyes bulged as she reached clawed fingers out to her son, forgetting her wand entirely as she tried to find his neck to strangle him. Sirius, however, did not forget, and before she knew what had happened, he had pulled his wand out and hit her with a powerful Stunning Spell, quickly followed up with a full Body-bind.
Before anyone else could react, Sirius had bolted out of the room and leaped up the stairs two at a time.
Too scared to move from where they stood and risk another explosion, Regulus and Bellatrix remained motionless. They listened to several loud thumps coming from Sirius' room on the second floor, then a series of banging as he dragged his trunk back down the stairs.
They watched motionless as Sirius dragged his trunk past his mother lying bound up on the floor over to the kitchen fireplace, where he stopped and stood the trunk up on it's end. He grabbed a handful of Floo powder and threw it onto the fire. Crying out, "Potter residence!" Sirius Black stepped through the flashing green flames without a backward glance.
Bellatrix hung limply in the grip of the Dementors as they led her through the halls of Azkaban Prison. The moans and screams of the prisoners around her filled her ears, but she didn't hear them. She heard herself. Crying alone after being Marked and raped by the Dark Lord.
The doors to the cells passed by in a blur as she passed them. The other prisoners stood close to the doors eyes hollow and open as they stared past the bars at the new inmate being led to their doom in the bowels of Hell on earth. She could not see them, wrapped up in the memories of her cursed life as a Death Eater that were flashing through her mind. One set of eyes caught her own, pulling her out of her worst memory, comforting her as they always did before.
Bellatrix and Sirius stared at each other from opposite sides of the bars as the Dementors led her past his cell.
Bellatrix fell to the floor in her room at Riddle manor, only a few hours after she had murdered her beloved, blood traitor cousin Sirius. She curled into a ball on the floor in the darkened room as sobs racked through her emaciated frame.
A whisper of guilt, regret, and horror stroked her blackened soul. She tried to push the emotions away, to spare herself the pain. She tried so hard to think of everything Sirius had done against her and the family.
"He deserved it!" she whispered to herself, fighting the panic and self-loathing as she tried to justify her actions to herself.
End story.
That's all. It's done. Thanks for listening to me ramble.
-Happycabbage
IF YOU ARE WATCHING ME OR ANY OF MY STORIES, PLEASE READ!
I'm in the middle of clearing out my account. I am changing my username, and will be deleting some stories, rewriting some, and putting others up for adoption. PLEASE GO TO MY PROFILE FOR MORE DETAILS.