Lists

Lily Potter

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Sometimes she absolutely hates James. And Harry. Oh, all right, hate's a strong word, but James is always busy, always in the thick of things, always there, and she's stuck at home, feeding Harry, putting him to sleep, rocking him, cooing and chattering to him... playing 50's housewife. She got into this thing to help people, to do something, and she's not, and she hasn't been, and she resents both of them for it.

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That's why she always lets James tend to Harry at night (when he's actually home). She gets some sort of perverse satisfaction from hearing James cursing and moaning as he rolls out of bed. Yes, she knows he's tired, and in need of sleep, but if he feels like there's no problem with leaving her at home while he's saving the world (it's nothing like that, she knows better)- well, no one said she wasn't petty.

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She was absolutely lying to James' face when she said he had a nicer arse than Sirius. It's nothing to feel guilty about, really, she's not the only one who thinks so, Alice was definitely eyeing it a few days ago- but yes, she feels as if she has, in some semi-partially sort of way, betrayed James by staring at his best friend's arse (okay, that makes it sound worse.)

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She has seduced James exactly three times to get him to do something against his better judgment, and exactly one time for the look on his face.

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She is terrified James is going to get himself killed. That, or that James is going to leave her for someone else (yes, because of course, in between all of the fighting and murders, James is looking for a shag buddy...she's so paranoid sometimes...)

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She keeps a closer watch on Harry around Remus. She shouldn't. She knows Remus isn't like that, she knows him better, and she feels terrible when Remus flashes her his pallid smile, sure he knows why she really wants to refill his teacup so much, but... she can't help it. She can't and she hates herself for being so prejudiced.

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She hates lilies. Unfortunately, James still hasn't cottoned on.

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She doesn't think about him often, but when she thinks of Severus, she always feels like it was a failure. She had wanted him to become a better person, and if she was honest, to be the one that had done it. She had wanted nothing more than to show everyone the little boy who had dreamed so much of going to Hogwarts at eleven.

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She nearly wet herself the first time she saw Voldemort and realized that he was the reason for all this, he had caused it, that he was responsible for the absolute hell she had been going through. No righteous anger, no rage, no determination to end it, nothing brave like that. No. Just utter terror.

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Lily Potter is no hero. People like to call her one, but if you ever asked her she would laugh in your face.