I woke up the next morning with darkness outside my window. I had to get up early and go take care of the horses.
Welcome to my life!
I rolled out of bed and put on some riding pants and a polo.
I started into my regular routine with washing my face, brushing my teeth, and so on.
When I looked decent enough, I walked downstairs and saw Dad sitting in front of the television.
He turned around and smiled.
"Good morning. Your up early!"
"Yeah. Just thought I needed to get out and feed," I said sleepily.
He just laughed.
"Get much sleep?"
"Not really," I said with a yawn.
I decided to settle with a granola bar to eat on the way there and grabbed it out of the pantry.
I said by and started out to the car. It was still dark outside and the sun was just coming up.
I started driving down the road to the stables, enjoying this peaceful morning. I loved the feeling of getting up so early that it feels like the rest of the world is still sleeping. It's one of my favorite parts of the day.
When I got there, I started the regular routine, which by the way, was going to be very long today! I started with feeding the horses and then began to clean stalls. I then put some horses to pasture and others in stalls. I filled water buckets and gave hay and was done for the morning.
I decided to get the arena ready for the first lesson of the morning and when I was walking out, I heard a loud whinny. I turned around and every horse was eating. Except for one.
Flint.
His ears were pricked up and he looked at me with the most adorable eyes.
I took in a deep breath and walked over to his stall. He pressed his black head into me and I gave a little smile.
A sudden rush of guilt flooded over me as I realized how I had neglected to give him any attention.
"I'm sorry buddy. It's just going to take some time."
I gave him one last pat and walked off.
I made it to the arena and started setting up jumps for the younger kids. When I was finished I walked back into the barn and noticed the three kids getting their ponies saddled. I realized one was missing.
I was about to go in the office and call them when her and her mom showed up.
She looked like she was aggravated but I couldn't think of anything I may have done to upset her.
I closed the door and stepped out.
"Hi Mrs. David. Is McKenzie riding today?"
I tried to act nice but she was putting off a negative vibe.
"No Livi she's not. We've decided to take our horse over to the Cleveland Farms. We just came to pack our things and get our horse."
"Oh." I said a little surprised.
By now all the little kids were staring at us with wide eyes. I decided to take this conversation somewhere else.
"Please step into the office for a moment." I said politely.
When we were inside, I started again.
"Now Mrs. Davis, I believe I at least deserve an explanation before you just take your horse off my family's property."
She was getting mad now.
"Well, with your mom gone, there's not a good trainer here and my daughter needs the best right now."
I looked at her annoyed.
"Well, with all due respect Mrs. David, your daughter is only seven years old and I'm qualified to teach her the basics, and well over that too. Is that the only problem?"
I was egging her on now and her face was turning red.
"Well, you're only seventeen and with your mom gone and not running this stable, who knows how bad things are going to get with money problems and such things. I just want to get out while we're still dry and above water."
This was making me mad.
"Let me tell you one thing Mrs. Davis. We are perfectly fine on money right now. And we even have a friend who's coming up from Oklahoma to work for free until things get back to normal, but by all means, if you want to go to Cleveland where there are stuck up rich people kind of like yourself, then go right ahead."
I gave her a fake smile and she turned around and started to walk out.
I yelled behind her.
"Remember, you still owe this month's board!"
She turned around with a scowl.
"Yes, I know. Besides, ya'll need all the money ya'll can get."
She slammed the door and walked off.
Great. That's one less boarder and one less to give lessons to. Dad will probably be furious that we just lost some great money.
I decided to brush the thought off and walked out to where the kids were waiting.
"Okay guys. Let's start our lesson!" I said cheerfully.
I spent the next hour just making sure the children didn't get killed and the horses didn't get hurt. These little kids were hard to keep up with and of course they didn't get anything accomplished. I yelled things like "Don't hit Abigail with your crop Tori!" and "Don't yank your pony in the mouth Gabby!" It was very unproductive but interesting to watch!
When the lesson was over I helped them take care of their ponies. I looked at my watch and saw that it was close to twelve. Dad said him and Adam would be here by two. I gave another lesson and then decided to ride Garnet.
I brought her out of her stall and started to brush her down and saddle her when the phone rang. I hurried over to answer it.
"Midland Farms."
"Hey Olivia," Dad said happily.
"Hey," I replied.
"Just calling to tell you we'll be there in about an hour or so. Just picked Adam up from the airport."
"Okay Dad, got a go! By!"
"Wait! Why are you trying to get rid of me?" he laughed.
"I need to ride before ya'll get here."
"Who are you riding?"
There was no end to this pointless conversation!
"Garnet."
"Oh," he said disappointedly. "Well, how are things going?"
"Great," I lied. I didn't want to upset him with the news about the customer we lost.
"Ok. Well, see you soon."
"By Dad."
I hung up the phone and went back into the aisle. I put on her bridle, grabbed my helmet, and walked into the outdoor arena.
I warmed her up a bit with just little things and eventually raised the jumps higher. She was doing really well and I decided to raise them even higher.
I was finishing with my last course when I saw Dad pull up in his truck.
I jumped off and headed out of the arena towards the truck when I saw this guy step out of the passenger's side.
This couldn't be Adam could it?
I was shocked in place; as I saw this guy, actually, more like an Abercrombie God, walk over towards me.
His beautiful face caught mine and I couldn't stop my eyes from staring. His dark brown hair was amazing and his eyes, gorgeous! He walked so steady and perfect, almost like a model.
There was no way this was the little boy who used to pull my hair and lock me in closets. And he definitely wasn't little! Close to 6'3 with muscles so defined you could almost see them through his shirt. He was definitely the type of guy that could pull off what ever he was wearing! Heck, he mesmerized me in just jeans and a t-shirt!
Wow! This was not what I was expecting. And I'm sure I looked great with stained riding pants, a dirty polo, and hay in my hair!
"Adam, this is my daughter Olivia."
Dad was always good in awkward conversations like this.
"Hi," I said with a smile.
"Hey," he said casually. He smiled too, but his was breathtaking.
"Well, I'll leave you two kids to it and meet up with ya'll back at the house."
"Ok. By Dad."
"By Mr. Cheek."
I started nervously. "Let me get this horse put up and then I can show you around."
"Sounds good."
There he goes with that smile again! I'm surprised I'm still breathing at this point!
We walked into the barn and I unsaddled quickly and put her away.
"Wow, this place is pretty big. Now wonder ya'll need help around here."
"Yeah, thirty stalls and nearly fifty horses are hard to manage by myself!" I laughed.
"Well, you've definitely grown up Livi."
He was looking me over. Probably staring at my nasty clothes! I decided to answer him before I started hypervinalating.
"Me! What about you! The last time I saw you, you locked me in closets and called be Butt Cheek!"
He laughed.
"And the last time I saw you, you beat me up with a baseball bat!"
"Yeah, but you forget the reason I did that was because of you putting gum in my hair!," I said with a smile.
We were laughing pretty hard now and I couldn't understand how I was actually having a conversation with him. I hadn't talked this much in months.
"I guess I need to show you what to do."
"That would probably be helpful." He said with a smile.
Not only did he have amazing looks, he had an amazing personality too!
"Ok. So, every morning we feed, clean stalls, and rotate horses. And we do it in that order. Next, we give fresh water, and give hay. You do this twice a day. Once when you get here, and once before you leave. Except the water, that's three times a day. Got it so far?"
He looked a little confused but he was a guy, he'd never admit it.
"I think I'm kind of catching on." He laughed.
Wow! A guy that actually admits his feelings! What more can you ask for?
"Don't worry. I'll help you tonight and tomorrow as much as I can. I'll be busy tomorrow though with lessons since it's Saturday and all."
"Will you introduce me to the horses?" he asked with a smile. He was right beside me and I could here my heart in my chest about to burst out.
"Well, just the ones in the barn. We'll finish the rest tomorrow." I smiled up at him and he nodded. I walked over to the first stall.
" This one is Topper," I pointed to a big brown horse.
He didn't look intimidated by them, but calm and relaxed. Apparently he'll be good around horses, which is a definite plus!
"That grey one is Jasper…"
We went on through the barn and we patted the horses as we went until I came up to Flint.
"This is Flint." I said in a quiet voice.
I didn't pat him or even look at him, but instead I looked at the floor. Adam had a look of suspicion and curiosity in his eyes but I ignored it. He patted Flint and I moved on quickly.
"And this is Dawson." I said with a weak smile.
I gave him a kiss on the nose.
"I can tell he's your favorite," Adam said with a smile.
"Yeah, my mom bought him for me when I was seven. He was the best jumper to ever come through Midland."
"Was?" he asked confused.
"Yeah, he's retired now. Has been for six months. I love this horse though. We won every possible ribbon out there together. He's definitely taught me a lot."
"So he's the spoiled one of this stable huh?" he laughed.
"Yeah, basically." I smiled.
Ok… I had to stop doing this! Just because I met some cute guy doesn't mean I need to start talking to him like this!
I quickly erased the smile and went to the feed room.
"It's kind of early to feed but I'm going to get all these chores done early so we can go home and you can get settled in. Your probably tired."
"Yeah, and I'm not really dressed to work today if that's…"
"Oh no that's ok. I wasn't going to make you anyway. I was just going to let you kind of shadow me. Besides, I already look the part with the dirty clothes. And I think the hay in the hair adds some touch to it. Don't you think?" I laughed.
"Yea." He laughed. "But it works for you. You know, most girls would die out here. But I don't know. Your just…different."
"Yeah," I said with a sigh. "Different."
"But in a good way," he smiled at me, his body almost touching mine. I couldn't even remember what I was going to do because he completely made me forget everything! I could feel this electric shock going through my body and I wondered if he could feel it too.
It took my close to thirty minutes but I finally finished with Adam trailing behind me the whole time.
I was starting to close the doors when I remembered the tack room light.
We walked back in there and our hands went up for the light switch at the same time.
An electric shock went through my body at the thought of touching him. This moment with him felt so amazing.
"Sorry," he said with a smile.
I couldn't even think of anything to say. We were standing there in the dark, our hands still touching, and I couldn't even breath, let alone think. His body was so close to mine and I could feel his breath on mine.
"Uh…that's…uh…fine." I said like the biggest idiot on Earth!
He took his hand away and so did I. We started for the doors when I heard a whinny. I knew who's it was and I didn't even turn around.
"I think Flint's trying to get your attention," Adam said with a laugh.
"Yeah, he does that sometimes."
I didn't even glance back and my face had a blank stare on it. Immediately I saw Adam's face drop.
Good job! Now you're going to scare of one of the only good things in your life!
We walked to my car and got in.
"Man this is nice," Adam said.
"Yeah, it was a gift from my dad when I turned sixteen. A 2004 Xterra."
He looked a little stunned.
"It's definitely a good looking car."
"Oh come on. You have just as much money as I do. Don't you have a good car?" I laughed.
"Not really. I got Sean's hand-me-down truck. It's pretty bad."
We just laughed for a moment. And I felt like Adam's mind was somewhere else and debating whether to bring up the subject he was thinking about. I decided to break the silence.
"So how's Sean doing?" I asked curiously.
"Pretty good I guess. He's got excepted to some really big colleges already and he's partying up his senior year."
Adam was smiling at me again.
I was trying to be happy again. But with Adam, I didn't have to try that hard. I hadn't felt like this is a long time.
"That's good."
Adam laughed.
"What?" I asked shocked.
"Oh nothing. I just remember when we were kids that you liked Sean."
Great, of course he's going to bring up an embarrassing topic! I tried to laugh to show him I knew he was just playing around.
"Yeah. But that was a while ago."
"Do you still like him?" he asked awkwardly.
"What? No! I haven't seen him in years! Why do you ask?"
I was getting really confused.
"Just wondering," he said with a mumble.
I was really wondering what made him bring that topic up! And then I remembered some of the old times again.
"Do you remember when Sean used to call you ADD all the time?" I asked with a laugh.
Adam laughed too.
"He still does."
Now I was laughing really hard.
"Ya'll are such brothers!"
I pulled up to the house and I could here Adam take in a deep breath.
"You live here?" he asked surprised.
I pulled up in the driveway.
"Yeah. Why?"
His eyes were big now and I was amused with the look on his face.
"It's huge!"
"Yeah. Almost too big. With Mom gone we're struggling with the payments every month."
Did I just say that? I'm so stupid!
I got out with Adam behind me and headed up to the house. When I came through the door, Dad was sitting on the couch.
"Hey kids! I made burgers if you want some."
He smiled up at us.
"Thanks Dad," I said weakly.
"Thanks," Adam said politely.
I walked over, made my burger, and sat at the table. I was tired from getting up so early and having to take care of the horses by myself and I just wanted to get upstairs and go to bed. Adam seemed like he was ready to call it a night too. I said good night to Dad and headed upstairs with Adam.
We made it up to his room and I opened the door to where he was staying.
"Well, this is it. It looks like Dad already brought your bags up here so all you have to do is unpack."
I was disappointed that I wouldn't see him again for the rest of the night.
"This is definitely more than I expected."
I smiled up at him. He really was a nice guy.
"I'm glad you like it. If you need anything I'll be next door. See you in the morning."
I walked over to my room and pulled on some clothes to sleep in and the whole time while I was doing this, I was self-conscious. As if Adam could here my every move. But that wasn't possible. Was it?
I shook the thought off and got into bed. I decided to dive into a good book for an hour and just try to relax. But I was far from relaxing. There were so many changes going on around me and…I'm not good with change. Practically everyone knows that.
I let my mind drift to Adam. How sweet he was. How gorgeous he was. How funny he was. I just couldn't stop thinking about him. He was just so…so perfect!
I felt the sudden urge to see him again and started to think of a lame excuse to go over there. When I thought of one, I jumped out of bed and went over to his room. I knocked before I went in and he was just standing there, in his room, with ONLY basketball shorts on. I was just about thrown into shock again at realizing how perfect his body was WITHOUT clothes! I became light headed again and could barely stand up with my knees trying to buckle. I decided to lean on the doorframe for support.
"Uh…Hey," I said out of breath.
He just smiled at me, the most beautiful sight ever! My mental image of earlier didn't do him justice.
"Hey. What's up?"
And did I mention how sexy his voice was? That beautiful, velvet, soft voice. It made it even harder to stand up.
"Uh…I just wanted to say that we need to be at the uh…barn at uh…seven so we need to leave by uh six forty-five. If that's okay?"
I still couldn't even manage a sentence at this point.
"Yeah. That's fine. Don't let me get you off your regular scheduale though. Do whatever you would usually do. " He said with his gorgeous smile.
"Okay. See you in the morning then."
I closed the door before I could make a bigger fool of myself. I acted like a complete idiot in there! Next time I need to have a mental plan that way if I get traumatized by his shirtless body again I at least have an outline to refer back to!
I got back to my room and sat in bed with the lights out.
I hated this point of my day. The part where I'm laying in bed and my mind starts to wonder over the horrible thoughts I try so hard to keep out during the day. No matter how hard I tried, they just wouldn't go away.
My mind suddenly thought of Mom.
I started having flashbacks of the accident, the storm, and Flint. I remember Mom paying attention to the road and how hard it was to see with the pelting rain. Then I remembered seeing her in the hospital, so fragile and breakable, with me untouched and only a scratch on my face and arm. I screamed until the nurse finally gave up and let me go see her. And then I remembered her funeral, and how it was one of the worst days of my life. How I had to listen to the horrible music. And how the preacher was saying good things about my mom when he didn't even know her. And I remember running out before the service was even over.
Then the endless questions that I would never know the answer of started to creep into my head.
Why did we have to go that day?
Why did it have to rain?
Why were we at that exact spot at that exact time?
And the most hurtful Why of all came into my head again.
Why did God take my mom away from me?
Everyone says, "Oh it's all part of his plan."
What plan! What about my plan! Because my mom dieing while I was only seventeen was certainly not part of MY plan! She should have been teaching until she was sixty. And then retiring on the farm and dieing an old lady. Not now, not like this. It hurts so much to think that I won't have a mom for the rest of my life. That she's not here anymore with me.
It's still hard for me to wake up every morning knowing that when I go downstairs, she won't be waiting for me like she used to all those mornings. I'm completely on my own and no one is going to change that feeling.
I wasn't going to be able to stop them this time. These tears that I'm so used to now. They started rolling down my face and onto my pillow endlessly.
I started to sob quietly and hoped that no one could here, especially Adam. I didn't want him to think I was a baby.
I needed to act strong. Not only for my dad but also for myself. The more I tried to be strong, the longer I could block the tears and memories out, if only for a short time.
I cried for a while longer until I finally fell asleep from exhaustion. This night was nothing new. I was used to crying myself to sleep at this point. I just wondered how much longer this would go on before it stopped.