Crissy: Okay, peoples, let's get started!
Wendy: Ugh, finally! I thought it'd never begin!
Crissy: Shut it, bitch, no one wuz talkin' to you!
Wendy: Uh! Stan?
Stan: Hey, we broke up, remember?
Wendy: Ugh!
Crissy: Whatever… Who'd like to go get the letters for me?
Everyone: …
Crissy: Somebody better get 'em, or I kill the first person I see, and I guarantee it ain't gonna be Kenny…
Everyone: O.o
Heidi: I-I'll go get them…
Crissy: Thank you, Heidi.
Couple minutes later…
*Heidi returns with five letter*
Crissy: Thank you! Alright, first letter is from monica. She writes…
Please make a make out scene! (preferably style) :D ahaaahhah
… Welp, sounds like a dare to me! And, since I'm the author I determine who it is and how long it is! So, Stan get in there wit Kyle and let's see some tongue action!
Kyle: *blushes*
Stan: Dude, what the fuck? I can't make out with my best friend!
Crissy: Sorry, it's a dare, you gotta do it!
Kyle: *blushes harder*
Stan: Fuck…
Crissy: *maniacal laugh* I love being the author.
*Stan and Kyle get up and stand in the middle of the room*
Kyle: S-so… how long does it… have to be…?
Crissy: Lemme see… since I am obviously a fan girl with nothin' better to do but fantasize about you two in particular… 30 seconds tops!
Stan: Dude!
Crissy: Do you want me to scar you for life again?
Stan: *shudders* No…
Crissy: Then let's get it!
*Stan sighs, Kyle looks nervous, I take out my digital camera; leans in slowly… slowly… slowly… slo-*
Kyle: Oh, to hell with this! *grabs Stan's shirt and smashes their lips together*
Stan: *blushes*
Crissy: *takes pictures* *w*
Wendy: Hey, what the hell?
Crissy: Somebody tie her up until she gets something, please…
Wendy: What?
Bebe: Sorry, Wendy, but this is kinda hot~ *takes rope and ties up her friend. She and Heidi throw her in closet then close the door.*
*10 seconds in, Stan and Kyle are really into it, tongues down each other's throats, hands just about everywhere*
Cartman: ch. Knew they were a bunch-a fags…
Crissy: I've got enough pictures to last me the next few months!
Butters: *looks longingly at Kenny*
20 seconds later…
Crissy: *sigh* Alright you guys, the 30 seconds are done.
Stan and Kyle: *continue to kiss*
Cartman: Quit wit da faggeh shit!
Kyle: *pulls away with super huge blush then goes to sit down*
Stan: *looks a bit confused, then goes to sit down himself*
Crissy: *w* Alright, time for the next letter! This one is from The Secret's Lie. They write…
yeah seen a lot of thease but what the her here's some stuff
stan-dare-read 1 whole style smut story without puking truth-do you secretly get off on style smut?
kyle-dare-eat a whole banana truth-did you enjoy drinking pee?
cartman-dare-play pocker face but let kenny sing the words truth-why are you a racist asshole?
kenny-dare-fuck a taco truth-do you want to fuck a taco?
hope there useful
Crissy: Well, aren't these some interesting ones?
Stan: No! What the fuck is wrong with you people?
Crissy: … :T Anyway, Stan, you do your dare first since you obviously have the biggest problem with it.
Stan: That doesn't even make sense!
Crissy: Well, whatever, I'm the author here, not you~
Stan: Fuck!
Crissy: Look, I'll even make it easy on you. Answer the truth first, and then read the smut.
Stan: …
Crissy: So? Do you get off on peoples writing about you and Kylie fucking?
Kyle: *blush that'd put tomatoes to shame*
Stan: …
Crissy: :T
Stan: :T
Crissy: :T
Stan: :T
Cartman: Can someone please ansuh the fuckin' quesjuhn?
Stan: Uh… no?
Crissy: *cough*Bullshit!*cough*
Stan: I don't!
Crissy: Oh, Stanny, Stanny, Stanny… Must I bring up the time you were looking through some of the fanfiction that I wrote about you two? And it seems you were sporting quite the problem~
Everyone but Stan: Ooh~
Stan: *angry, blushing* Can I just get to the dare, please?
Crissy: Oh, sure. It should still be on the smut I was reading before you interrupted meh ertier…
Kyle: *sigh*
Stan: *sits down and opens laptop, scrolls to top of page and starts reading*
Crissy: Okay, now that's out of the way, let's get to Kylie's dare~
Kyle: Dammit, my name's Kyle!
Crissy: Whatever. Here, just eat the banana.
Kyle: But I don't wanna!
Crissy: You will eat this damn thing if I have to shove it down your throat!
Kyle: *da fuck? face*
Crissy: *grabs banana from table and stalks toward Kyle with menacing grin*
Kyle: Fine, fine! Gimme the damn thing…
Crissy: *grins in triumph, hands banana* Enjoy, Kylie~!
Kyle: *takes his sweet ass time to peel banana, slowly puts tip in his mouth*
Crissy: I fucking love these letters…
Kyle: *eats first bite, scowls a little, then continues to eat until all gone* There… are you happy now?
Crissy: No, not really.
Kyle: Why the fuck not?
Stan: *mumbles* Dude, that's so fucking hot…
Crissy: Cuz, you ain't answer the truth yet. Did you enjoy drinking pee?
Kyle: Ugh, don't remind of that! That was the worst thing I'd ever been forced to do in any misadventure we'd had when we were younger!
Crissy: Come now, Kylie, we're all teenagers here. I'm sure there must've been something worse than having to drink pee.
Kyle: No!
Crissy: … Okay, Cartman's turn!
Cartman: Shit!
Crissy: Shut it, fatty and do the fuckin' dare!
Cartman: Ugh! Fine! *takes out MP3 player and hooks it to the stereo; puts on instrumental for Poker Face* Here, Kenny, take the damn mike…
Kenny: *gets up and takes mike; begins to sing muffled words that I cannot understand*
Cartman: Remind me to kill you later for fuckin' up that song, Kenneh…
Kenny: *muffled words*
Crissy: The hell he say?
Kyle: He said fuck you.
Crissy: Haha!
Cartman: Fuck you, bitch!
Crissy: Which reminds me of your truth. Why are you a racist asshole?
Cartman: … What da fuck does 'rasist' mean?
Kyle: 'Racist' you dumb fatass.
Cartman: Ey, don't call me fat ya fuckin' Jew!
Crissy: Do you even know why you're a racist asshole?
Cartman: … da fuck does 'racist' mean?
Crissy: … Dumbass… Racist means you have a problem with peoples of color. In your case, you're racist against… basically me, Token, and all the Mexican janitors you see everywhere. But mostly me and Token, since we're the only black people you see everyday.
Token: Yeah, and I'm getting tired of it.
Cartman: Bring it, spear-chuckah!
Token: Dammit you fatass! *lunges at Cartman*
Clyde: *keeps him back* It's not worth it, Token! It's not worth it!
Token: *huffs, sits down, takes deep breaths* Crissy, how are you not offended by that?
Crissy: Cuz, it's Cartman. I expect racist bullshit to come from him.
Token: Good point.
Cartman: Anyway, if that's wut dat me-ans, it's cuz you minoritahs need at be put in ya place!
Crissy: :T
Token: *angry blank face*
Cartman: *angry blank face*
Crissy: I rest my case. Kenny, it's your turn. Anyone have a taco he can fuck?
Kenny: *muffles words, pulls out a taco*
Crissy: O.O I'm just gonna assume you said, "I already have one" Now, before you fuck the taco, were you already planning on fucking it before?
Kenny: *shrugs shoulders, muffles more words*
Crissy: *turns to Kyle for translation*
Kyle: He says he never thought about it before.
Crissy: … Alright, well, go in the kitchen and fuck it. I love tacos, and don't feel comfortable watching you fuck one.
Kenny: *muffled words, leaves to go into kitchen*
Butters: *stares longingly after Kenny*
Crissy: And now, we wait…
About ten minutes later…
Kenny: *comes back in room with a broken taco*
Crissy: … Yeah, you can jus… throw that away at the end of this round…
Kenny: *nods*
Crissy:… Next letter! This one's from Ariadne'sString. She writes…
Omg I totally dare Kenny to take off his hood. Bwahahahahha.
Crissy: Well, this is an easy one! Go ahead, Kenny, take it off!
Kenny: *shakes head*
Crissy:… Why the fuck not?
Kyle: Kenny doesn't like to take off his hood. It… causes things to happen.
Crissy: Well, I don't give a fuck if it causes a goddamn apocalypse! He's taking it off!
Kenny: *shakes head harder*
Crissy: *w* *uses author powers to force it off*
All girls in the room + Butters: … OH MY GOD, YOU ARE SO SEXAH!
Everyone: *stares at Butters*
Butters: *laughs sheepishly*
Kenny: Can I put my hood back on?
Crissy: Mmn~ nope!
Kenny: Why not?
Crissy: Cuz I'm the goddamn author, dat's why! Now, the next letter! Ooh! This one's from Debraaaa and it says…
O.o interesting…
Well, no one can resist a little bit of Style and Bunny : )
Please?
…nO?
AYYY! RESECT MY AUTHORATAHHHHHH!
Thankyou C:
Totally fucking love you! Stan! Get back in hea!
Stan: Hubbawha? *turns around with massive nosebleed and unmistakable boner*
Crissy: *grins like mad* We need you for another dare! You can finish that when you're done with this!
Stan: *bites down a groan, gets up walks awkwardly (due to boner) over to the circle again* What?
Crissy: Kyle, Kenny, Butters, you guys get up there too!
Stan: Whoa, whoa, wait! What kind of dare is this?
Crissy: Don't worry, it's not a foursome, you and your dirty mind. It's a dare. You have to do something with Kyle and Kenny has to do something with Butters. And I decide what that something is!
Kyle: Shit!
Stan: Fuck!
Kenny: Sweet.
Butters: *blushes cutely*
Crissy: Let's see… The two couples in questions will follow this procedure. Kenny and Stan, aka the boys who're toppin', will go in a closet and play 7 Minutes in Heaven. Whatever happens in the dark shall be told to us when they come out.
Kenny: Sweet.
Stan: *pinches bridge of his nose*
Crissy: Just make sure you avoid Wendy's closet. She might go all Tasmanian Devil on our asses…
Kenny: *grabs Butters' hand and runs upstairs to my parents room*
Stan: *takes Kyle's hand, shrugs and leads him to the closet upstairs in my room*
Crissy: Now we wait again.
7 minutes later…
Crissy: Alright so, I'mma go get them, and I'm taking my camera wit meh…
About 5 minutes later…
Crissy: *comes back with blood dripping from nose and splattered all over clothes*
Kenny and Stan: *comes back with smug smirk*
Butters: *comes back with messed up hair and clothes, shaky legs, and pleasurable smile on face*
Kyle: *comes back with airy smile and no hat*
Bebe: *has nosebleed of her own*
Cartman: Bunch-a fags…
Crissy: *clears throat* Now, Stanny, you can go back to jacking off with the smut you were reading ertier…
Stan: Oh, I'd finished it. I just read it over a bunch of times.
Crissy: Oh… then on to the next letter! The last one is from… Crenny! Ooh~ this'll be good! It says~
AAAAA
omgyes. I never see fics like this for South Park bro. :C SO YEAH, MAKE CRAIG AND KENNY DO SOMETHING REALLY SEXY FOR ME. KTHNX I MEAN, LIKE ANYTHING AT ALL. AND THEY HAVE TO WEAR BUNNY EARS WHILE THEY DO IT LOL.
… Oh yeah, this'll be awesome. *snaps finger; Craig and Kenny sprout bunny ears*
Craig: Get these shits off my head.
Crissy: Sorry, Craig. They don't come off until you do the dare. And the sexiness shall be-! *snaps finger again; Craig and Kenny are in boxers and a pool full of oil pops up* oil wrestling!
Craig: Fuck you. *flips me off*
Crissy: Yes, yes, that's very nice, now get to wrestling.
Kenny: *glances back at Butters* C'mon Craig. Let's just get this over with and be done for the day.
Craig: *groans*
*the two jump into the oil and begin wrestling. Girls wolf whistle and throw money, boys either watch in awe or look away in disgust; when they get out, both boys are glistening and oily*
Kenny: There, done.
Craig: And take your goddamn money back!
Crissy: *w* Best letters ever.
Remember~! Comment what you want'em to do!