AN: S. Meyer owns Twilight, I just own this Twenty-Something Kind Of Life. I also don't own the things I've referenced in this chapter. You'll know what they are when you get to them.
Thanks for the first review I got for the first chapter! I've really enjoyed writing this so I hope you guys feel the same way about reading it!
x
Chapter Two
Grind On Me… Please?
"Bella do you mind watching Jamie for James and I Friday night?" She took to calling her husband by his given name around me because it just felt weird calling him Eddie, more for humorous reasons than anything else.
"Throw in a pizza and a bottle of merlot from down the road and you've got yourself a deal there."
Little did I know that by agreeing to do this one favour of playing babysitter to James Eddison Junior on Monday for my married friends that my life would become a little bit more interesting by the end of the working week.
Friday seemed to drag on as Fridays do while I sat at my desk at Collins & Benjamin. Interning with them last year proved to be the best decision I made for myself in a long time since they decided to take me on as their full-time junior designer after I graduated from the University Of Washington. The small studio that my ass is currently sitting in is run by Peter Collins and his wife Charlotte Benjamin. They're this charming couple old enough to be my parents (if Charlie and Renee were the same age as my friends parents who didn't have them straight out of high school like they did) and I love them as such since they've taken the role of my surrogate mom and dad in the big city. I know that working with your spouse or partner is kind of taboo but Pete and Char make quite the design duo. They're the kind of designers you want to work for and most importantly with, not the thirty-something-year-old pretentious types who have you make them coffee, answer phones and photocopy until your fingers bleed and are envious of your youth and fresh outlook on design. No, they're the type of colleagues who mentor you and give you actual work to do that welcome and appreciate your input and opinions. Sometimes I wish Pete and Char could have adopted me because their studio/home is to die for. It sits within the creative hub of downtown Seattle surrounded by up-and-coming designer boutiques and exceptional cafes with an interior that would make anyone namely myself cream their boyshorts; plus it's just a short bus or cab ride from my apartment. Win win for Bella Swan.
"I see you're experiencing three-thirtyitis Bell. Take a break woman or you'll be even more useless than you are now."
Ah, the snarky voice from the level above my desk belonging to our general manager Leah Everclear. She's that one aspect of working at C&B that isn't so great at times to share a workspace with. I love her and all but she can be a real class A bitch at times, figures I suppose with a surname like Everclear you'd be a bit of a hard ass; I'm pretty sure she has a bottle of it in her filing cabinet. I think it's because she was jilted by her fiancée who left her the night before their wedding for her cousin who was also her best friend and maid of honour. She caught them boinking on her fucking Vera Wang legs akimbo and panting in the bridal suite at the Fairmont that daddy Everclear paid for. Vera fucking Wang people! And I'm not talking White by Vera Wang either.
Her previous love life was all soap opera worthy I die just thinking about it. I wouldn't know what I'd do with myself if that happened to me. She had him pay for dry cleaning and promptly sold that sucker and her engagement ring for a very pretty penny but I can't help but think that dress is cursed by whoever wore it next, coincidentally that happened to be her traitor cousin the dishonourable maid who just couldn't let the dress which held a good memory for that sorry ass couple go. Her marriage is probably fucked by now since Karma is indeed a big bad bitch. But yeah Leah's a trooper. She's like that chick in that movie with the huge ensemble cast whose character hosts anti-Valentine's Day parties which I may or may not have attended this year and may or may not be the one responsible for hitting someone with the baseball bat Phil gave me so hard they had a concussion. In my defence I had a whole pitcher of Sangria and my aim is terribly off when sober anyhow, I'm pretty sure I warned everyone before we played. They're just lucky we didn't play blindfolded. She's all "I hate men, I am woman hear me roar" type of disillusioned and shit; and sadly I'm about two steps behind her before I get to that point but that's a story for another time.
I assure her with an "I'm fine." And get to thinking that a break right now sounds appealing. "Although a coffee from across the road wouldn't sound like such a bad idea right now. Can I grab you anything while I'm out?"
It was just the two of us in the studio today since Pete and Char had a client meeting just outside of the city, and scheduled were to pick up their daughter; a budding fashion designer who I'm yet to meet from Sea-Tac at four this afternoon. She's been working in Paris for the past couple of years and decided to come home for a while.
"Oh from Bean There, Drunk That? Sure just get me whatever you're having and I'll pay you when you get back. Just make sure they make it with rice milk for me. Thanks."
Cum girl, I'm tryna get your pussy wet
Work that, lemme see you drip sweat…
You know that moment when you regret buying that big ass handbag that makes it almost always impossible to locate your phone when it's ringing? Yeah I'm experiencing some buyer's remorse right now because my phone is fucking ringing out loud while I'm waiting in line for my order. Why did I even fucking bring my bag since I'm just across the fucking road? Jesus I'm such a silly bitch today of all fucking days! Why couldn't I have just pulled my wallet out like I do every other time? Oh yeah because I justified that it was easier to take the whole thing with me rather than rummage through for my phone and wallet. It made perfect sense at the time.
Cum girl, I'm tryna get your pussy wet
Work that, lemme see you drip sweat…
I'm rummaging through my bag and I'm desperate to grab onto anything cold and rectangular resembling my phone.
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Gon play with it…
I think I've struck gold but it turns out to be my cigarette case. I am completely mortified.
Gon play with it
Gon play with it…
I still can't find that fucking thing!
Work that clit
Cum girl-
I finally find the stupid thing and answer the call quickly before it became an instructional guide to getting one's pussy off á la main, and I'm not talking about the kind of pussy Jenks is – rather his distant cousin Muffy. But the damage has already been done I'm thinking around the time David Banner so eloquently put it for that girl to orgasm because he wants to see her vagina wet; such a perv. Riley the hot Friday barista and the five other patrons are already staring at me and giving me various looks. Ranging from the on the verge to laughing their asses off with tears in their eyes kind to awkward looks of embarrassed sympathy to disgust and wait is that arousal? Ew. He's at least 60 and sweaty as fuck trying to give me sex eyes. Thank goodness Riley is professional enough to be neutral as he glances up at me from behind the counter. He's so kind and good looking while my face if not my whole body must be an alarming shade of Pantone Red 032 C right now. I want to crawl into a hole and die a quick and painless death.
As I put the phone to my ear I'm met with insane cackling on the other line. I'm not one bit surprised. She is a witch after all.
"You fucking bitch! See if I babysit for you and James tonight! Or ever again!" I whisper yell.
"What's with the harsh words Bella? Having a bad day?"
"Seriously Tan, if you want me to watch baby Jay tonight you're going to have be nice to me. A lot nicer to me! What were you thinking programming that song as my ringtone? What are you 12 and smoking a little too much of that good chronic shit? You're fucking lucky it didn't happen at work again! I'm at BTDT! It's Friday! You know what that means to me! "
The cackling continued as I continuously bit my lip before having a full-blown swear-a-thon in a public place.
"Come on Bell lighten up. Besides at least that way I know some pussy in your vicinity is getting wet."
Riley calls me signaling that my order is ready while Tanya gives me various apologies in different tongues. She can't speak any other language apart from English although she's pretty fluent in sarcasm and bullshit, it sounds more like she's your mom's great-aunt Nettie who was a patron of the arts back in 1901 or some shit; drunk after a family Christmas dinner and putting on different accents she used to do while acting alongside many "fine handsome young men" as she would say. By the time I've reached the studio I've heard her say sorry in a deplorable German accent, a trying French accent, an even more trying French Canadian accent that was infused with a little Spanish and an Italian lilt; an embarrassing attempt at an apology with a confused Australian accent and my favourite - in a Cockney accent, which she was surprisingly getting slightly better at.
"Yeah, yeah I get that you're sorry. You can make it up to me by adding in a crème brulee with that pizza you owe me tonight. And get it from Laurent's Pâtisserie. Oh and a box of macarons too. Now only slightly more importantly, to what do I owe the pleasure of your call?"
"Ha-Ha Bell and yes I'll uphold my end of the deal plus some but only because it happened in front of hottie Riley. I'm really sorry about that Bella. I hope I didn't pussyblock you. But I actually called to let you know I'll be dropping Jamie off to you at work if that's okay? James and I want to start the night a bit early before we meet up with an old friend of his and his wife."
"Sure no problem, I can't wait to see my little spidermonkey. See you then."
"Thanks again Bell. I owe you!"
One business card done and ready for the printers, a call from Char saying I could start my weekend early at four instead of six tonight, a successful baby Jay, Merlot and a box of Laurent's goods drop off and a surprising discovery later - we finally made it back to Casa Del Eddison. Waiting for the pizza to come I think back to that surprising discovery. It was a little something written on a to-go latte that simply said…
'"I'd love to take you out tonight. Looks like you could use a drink or two – Riley' Aww… look he even changed the boxes so it said 'Yes' or 'No' instead of full and skim so you could tick an option. Oh s-h-i-t I really did pussyblock you didn't I? Now I'm really sorry and I'll be getting you a bottle of vodka too tonight when we get back."
"Go to hell…" Little ears Bella, Little ears! I caught myself. "…vetica and back Tan and you just said "cat" block in front of baby Jay!"
"Nice save Bella you typo geek but really I'm sure the kid would probably think just that. Cat block. Like a cat shaped block or something. Besides you know how kids love calling cats kitties and pussies at a young age."
"Thanks for your input Leah but quit inadvertently corrupting my nephew!"
"Anyway, I'm really sorry again Bella. And while we're on the topic of corruption I think you should start calling him Jamie now. His nickname from you is starting to sound a bit too much like B.J. the more I hear you say it. But more importantly what are you going to do about Riley?"
I was slightly disturbed by the B.J. revelation and it being only of second importance to his batshit crazy mom which I told her so; and relieved that we had a recycling bin so that I didn't have to pick up the discarded cup from out of an actual rubbish bin; and extremely relieved that I even noticed the note. Instead of ticking yes I ticked next to the box titled 'Other', then walked straight across the road cup in hand to Riley told him I had babysitting duties BUT that I was indeed free tomorrow night if by chance he was still interested and available. He promptly agreed to the amendment of plans then we exchanged numbers. His name is Riley Biers and I couldn't wait until tomorrow night.
I have no idea why Tanya trusts me enough to babysit Jamie even if it's only for a few hours. I haven't really been around many babies or kids much, which solidifies my point in saying that Tanya is in fact very batshit crazy. Let's call it BSC since I sure as hell call her that a lot and will continue to do so in future. Although, she constantly tells me I never give myself enough credit and that I'm a natural, or at least have developed into one. My first experience holding Jamie was a scary one, I honestly thought I was going to break his neck because Tanya kept yelling at me to "Support the neck, for the love of God support the neck!" and I sometimes have the tendency to do the opposite of what I'm told. But don't worry I held him correctly and didn't drop him. That experience happened the first night I was invited over to their apartment for dinner after our second bump in where I finally got to meet her husband the famous Eddie. He's the complete opposite of whom silly me had assumed he was, James is all dark haired, blue-eyed and olive skinned. I envy his complexion, if you could bottle his colour spray tanning companies would make even more money in Hollywood. Actually, they've probably already come up with it and aptly named it something cheesy like Sunkiss Me You Fool. He's quite good looking with his half Italian genes and smoldering looks. What? I can say that my friend has an attractive husband. That isn't going against girl code is it? Tanya's the one who encourages it. As soon as I walked into their home and shook hands with James she immediately ambushed me by asking if I thought he was hot or what and expected me to answer aloud while standing in front of him. She's lucky he loves her so much that includes all her BSC.
The beginning of their love story as I'm told was all dog shit and daisies. I'm not even lying! It's not the ideal way of meeting your future spouse I'll say, but it is pretty damn cute. 19 year old Tanya was happily jogging around Volunteer Park when she stepped into a steaming pile of wet dog shit in the sweltering summer heat, while 22 year old James was passing through the same way to visit his Nana Judy over at Lake View Cemetery daisies in hand. He saw the huge scowl on her sweaty face which at that point was on the verge of tears and he promptly shoved the daisies at her and told her "Pretty girls shouldn't cry" to which Tanya replies with an annoyed but secretly swooning "Are you shitting me Fabio? I just fucking stepped in dog shit and you're trying to pick me up?" he simply tells her "Yes". They then fuck like crazy, go out on a date, become a couple for a few years, then progress to an engaged couple for a few weeks, discover the consequence of the absence of a helmet while riding one night, become a married couple a month later and then bam! James Eddison Junior pops out. Sure the order is pretty out of whack as far as convention goes but if you could see them together it just works. Just quietly, I want something like that. Well not carbon copied dog shit and daisies but more like I just want that great love to come and jog, walk or simply step into my life.
Babysitting Jamie no lie makes me clucky. Is that even allowed to happen to a 22 year old in this day and age? I find myself buying him loads and loads of things just because I happen to come across something cute and just have to get it for him. Tan tells me not to go too overboard because he'll just grow out of the outfits before he gets much wear out of them and that it'll be a while till they'll be used again because she does not "Want to push out another watermelon out of her vagina anytime soon" but I just can't help it. Seattle is like surrogate city for me. I have surrogate parents, a surrogate sister a role which Tanya has taken to with gusto and now a surrogate baby. I'm starting to get scared that I'll have to keep borrowing him since I have no man-friend to even consider procreating with and that makes me really sad. I can even admit that I'm a cat lady, everyday it's just Jenks I come home to. I pray that I won't turn out to be a cat lady like Goldie Hawn in Death Becomes Her, I'm thinking I'm more like Michelle Pfeiffer in Batman Returns or so I hope. I'd go gay for her in that film. For real.
10 o'clock comes around and Tanya, James and a bottle of Stoli are due back any second now. People with babies leave bars and clubs real early despite being in their twenties. It being 10 surprises me because it is getting rather late since they usually come home between 8 and 9. Somewhere in the tri-state area a Mrs. Stevens disagrees by saying "Young parents with babies shouldn't even be going to places of hedonism" But whatevs. It's not like they were at a titty bar doing body shots off each other and their company, they just went to dinner and a wine bar with married friends, which is the reason I am babysitting. I would rather stay with Jamie than be the fifth wheel. No and thank-you.
So now I'm sitting on their couch with my Macbook pen-tooling away because let's just get this bit of information out there already – I like taking my work home with me since it actually gives me something to do. When the door finally opens and in steps Tanya and James followed by a gorgeous tall body attached to a shaggy honey-blond head, who then steps further in only to reveal a vaguely familiar delicate looking brunette who I assume are the married friends they caught up with. Shit there I go again with the husband ogling.
Suddenly I'm thrust into a surprise hug "Hi! You must be Bella. I've heard so much about you already. I'm Alice and I think we're going to be great friends!"
"Hi there Alice" I awkwardly pat her on her back. I almost get her head since she's shorter than I am. "Whatever Tanya has been saying about me is all lies I assure you. The filth that comes out of that woman's mouth! Oh you would be shocked. Since we're going to be great friends I can't wait to tell you all about that pure filth."
"Ha-ha Bell you're quite the comedienne. How was Jamie? Was he being a good boy for you?" Tanya peeks into the pack-n-play set up in the living room at a sleeping Jamie and strokes his chubby cheek lovingly as the rest of us look on from our seats while James pops the bottle of Stoli in the freezer to chill for a bit.
"Seriously Alice whatever Tanya said probably is crap don't believe anything." I reiterate.
"Actually although Tanya has said nothing but good words I actually got the information from my parents." I'm looking all confused thinking 'Excuse me! Do I know you?' being said by Steve Martin in Father of the Bride II after the accidental Prostate exam scene, naturally.
"Your parents know me?"
"Perhaps I should've introduced myself properly to begin with! How rude of me!" She promptly shakes my hand and says, "I'm Alice Benjamin-Collins Brandon and this is my husband Jasper Brandon." And there you have it folks the connection.
"Well whatever they've told you is also a lie." I joke. "Jesus Alice how is it that you're even here and functioning? Didn't you just get off a plane a few hours ago from a flight from fucking Paris?" She looks so well put together, you'd never guess she was cooped up in something like a ten hour flight earlier. Granted she may have been flying business class but a plane is a plane people!
"You're funny Bella. I like you."
So far Alice has done most of the talking while her husband just sits there quietly. Then he speaks and I die.
"It's a pleasure to meet you Bella." Jasper's voice is all southern twangy and I'm surprised to find it quite appealing indeed.
After a huge glass or two of vodka cranberry Alice is impressed to see I take my work home, but tells me I need to get a life. Luckily James has transferred Jamie into his room because Tanya has started to cackle loudly. While I learn that Jasper and James have been friends since high school. He's a Seattle transplant by way of Texas who hasn't fully lost the accent, Alice is trying her hand at designing her own clothing line, a fact which I already know since Pete and Char are having me help them with designing her collateral; and together they've been married for almost two years but have been together since high school. They're a product of true love waits, not sex wise but in the long-distance-relationship-and-making it work kind of way. Their love story included a long engagement and a short break-up in between but they survived all that and got married to prove it.
Talk then shifts to my drink with Riley tomorrow. I refuse to call it a date since there is no dinner involved (Tanya and Alice nod their heads and agree with me), but hopefully there will be one if the drink goes well. They agree to help me get ready beforehand and that includes a spa day for the three of us tomorrow morning while the men play video games and watch Jamie to get everything cut, coloured, buffed and waxed. At the mention of all things waxing in store for me tomorrow I tell Tanya that I don't fuck after the first drink or date but she says you never know and that it doesn't hurt to be prepared since she has a history of that and reminds me that I haven't gotten any in a long… long time. We take a minute silence and bow our heads because of that sad fact then resume with our planning.
I hope tomorrow is worth all of the pain I'll endure to prepare for it. I raise my glass to that thought which prompts Alice and Tanya to smash their glasses against mine loudly while Alice skulls her drink as Jasper tries to take her home and Tanya passes out next to me. Looks like I'm sleeping over tonight.
AN: Thank-you for reading! Let me know what you think!
- Lia x