And now for Part 2, where things continue to happen.
The Mask (c) Dark Horse Comics
Phineas and Ferb (c) Dan Povenmire and Jeff "Swampy" Marsh
This story (c) ME!
Part 2 - The Next Day
Doofenshmertz Evil Incor-por-a-tedddd... closed for repairs...
"Hey, I'm not paying you guys to stand around singing!" Dr. Doofenshmirtz snapped to his quartet of Evil Jingle Singers.
Since when do you ever payyyy uuuuus?
"I..." Doofenshmirtz paused, then shook his head. "Never mind. Just get back to work." As the singers walked off, Doofenshmirtz left to another corner of the lab, where a tall brunette teenager in black was busy rewiring some circuits. "Thanks for coming over, Vanessa," he replied. "After all that craziness from yesterday, the lab really needs a fix-up."
"Oh, it's no problem," Vanessa sarcastically grumbled. "I'm honored to waste my Saturday cleaning up after your latest mess."
"So long as it's your weekend to visit, you might as well make yourself useful."
Vanessa resisted the urge to smack her father and simply went back to the circuitry work. "There's gonna be some harsh words at the next alimony hearing, that's for sure," she muttered, but Doofenshmirtz wasn't listening.
"NORM, be careful with those!" Doofenshmirtz panicked as his sharp-dressed giant robot man blindly pushed the wrecked Inators across the floor via wheelbarrel. "If you trip, you'll crush them."
"I can't help being clumsy for my weight."
"NORM, you weigh half a metric ton," Doofenshmirtz pointed out as he looked in the wheelbarrel and pulled out an old device. "Still, it'd be a shame to toss out these old Inators. Just thinking of all the memories I've had with them makes me nostalgic."
"Even though most of those memories involve them blowing up on you," NORM remarked.
"I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that." Doofenshmirtz scowled, but lightened up as he looked through the old Inators. "Anyway, I'm pretty sure I can still use some of these. In fact, with some tweaking and a bit of reconstruction..." Inspiration suddenly gleamed in his eyes. "Vanessa, I know what we're gonna do today!"
"We?" Vanessa snorted. "I don't think so."
"Suit yourself." Doofenshmirtz turned to NORM. "NORM, you game? I could use some help lifting."
"Of course, sir." NORM saluted. "Lifting is my middle name, you know."
"Technically, your full name is Neighborly Oversized Robotic Man-inator."
"I didn't know that," chimed in Vanessa.
Down in the backyard, the boys were already hard at work when Isabella arrived. "Hey, boys. Wha'cha doin'?"
"After our museum trip yesterday, we decided that we're gonna be modern-day Vikings today," Phineas explained. "We're making a boat, costumes, and even masks." He looked over to a craft table, where Baljeet and Buford were working with metal masks. "How're you doing over there, guys?"
"I have completed my mask," Baljeet announced as he put on a fancy mask depicting a large red A. "In the name of the Norwegian God of Grade-Point-Averages, I, Baljeet of Danville, will plunder and pillage."
"Mine's done." Buford put on his own mask, which bore resemblance to... himself. "Hey, whaddya expect?" he defended. "In my mind, I'm a regular Adonis."
Isabella smiled. "Can I be a Viking too?"
"Sure. Grab a mask and join in." Isabella ran over to the craft table. Leaving her for the time being, Phineas checked in on Ferb. "Is she ready to go?" Ferb flashed a thumbs-up as he twisted the final bolt on the propulsion system attached to the back of a metal Viking boat on wheels, complete with oars, rudder, and mast. "Great! By rowing these oars, we can generate energy to make the engine push us forward, thus being authentic and environmentally-friendly at the same time. The rudder will control direction, the mast and sail will allow us to catch serious wind-propulsion, and the platypus head on the hull is for aesthetic design. By the way, thanks for modeling for us, Perry." Perry growled in response as he just laid there lazily on top of the hull.
"Oh, Phineas," Isabella cooed. "What do you think of my mask?" She put on her completed mask, which was a clear effigy of Phineas's face. Seeing that he wasn't noticing, Isabella took it off and scowled. "You try so hard and for what?" she griped.
While all this was going on, Candace glared at them angrily from her bedroom window. In her hand was her cell phone, which shook violently from her trembling grip. Behind her at the foot of her bed sat her stuffed dolls Mr. Miggins and Ducky Momo.
"I should call her," Candace spoke in a low voice to nobody in particular. "I should be calling her at this very moment, telling her to come and look. So why haven't I?" She turned to face her dolls. "We know it'll all vanish by the time Mom gets here, but that's besides the point."
"Phineas and Ferb are the type of person I can never be. They're smart, they're creative. They have the love and adoration of virtually everybody in the Tri-State Area. I have nothing." Candace flopped down on her bed. "I can't build rollercoasters and miniature golf courses to impress people, and my looks are too plain and ordinary to garner attention. I suppose the truth is... I'm jealous of them," she realized. "Jealous of their talent, their friends... their ability to do whatever they want, without hesitation or fear. I can't climb to their level, so I try to tear them down to mine, and I can't even do that."
"I just want to be like them, always so confident and capable, but..." Seeing that she wasn't getting a response, Candace sat up and groaned. "But who am I kidding? Compared to them, I'm just that crazy third kid in the family," she said as she took the mask from the souvenier bag and looked at it sadly. "At this rate, I might as well just hide my face. No one will miss it, right?"
Sobbing, she put the mask on, which quickly adhered to her face. "What the-?" Candace suddenly felt her body twisting and spinning in every direction, knocking over her stuffed friends and upheaving much of her belongings. Soon, the effects ended and the new Candace stood proudly in her room. Her old clothes were gone, and in its place stood a sparkling red cocktail dress that left little to the imagination. Her red hair had grown outward and poofier, giving her an almost supermodel-level aura. As always, her face was a deep green, and a gleaming smile revealed impossibly-large teeth.
"LOOK OUT, TRI-STATE AREA!" Candace shouted in a loud, more echoey variation of her voice. "Live on stage for one night only, it's the amazing, the incredible, the one and only CANDACE FLYNN! Eat your heart out, Mocha Dakota!" Candace struck a sexy pose. "But enough about me. Let's talk about MEEEEE!"
Candace was just about to run out of the room when she stopped in her tracks. "Whoa, hey, what's the rush?" she realized. "Something's not kosher here, and I'm not talking about the pepperoni from last night's pizza." Dashing over to a mirror, Candace took in the sight of her new self. "Hmmm... Green face... stylish wardrobe." She clicked her teeth together. "Proud overbite. My goodness, I'm a FREAK! MOMMMMM! Phineas and Ferb have done something to make me a freak!" she shouted out of habit, though Mom currently wasn't home to hear it. "Ooooo, when I get through with them, they are sooooo BUSTED!" To emphasize, Candace drew a large mallet from behind her back, emblazoned with the word "BUST" on its side.
"Where'd this come from?" she exclaimed as she noticed what she just did. "Seriously, this completely defies all logic." Out of curiosity, Candace put the mallet down the chest of her dress, noticing her much more ample bosom as it instantly vanished into her cleavage without a trace. She then reached in and drew the mallet again. Sure enough, it came out at will and without discomfort. Laughing like a giddy child, Candace then proceeded to pull out other objects: a bike horn, a bear trap, an old "Lindana" record, and various framed portraits of her teenage crush Jeremy Johnson. "It's like I'm a bottomless pocket!" she exclaimed.
As she continued to pull more and more stuff out of her dress, Candace suddenly noticed her messy room and tsked. Spinning in place, Candace's cocktail dress vanished, and in its place she wore a sexy French Maid's outfit. "My, my, my. Zis place is such ze sty, non?" she cooed. "Let's tidy up a teensy bit." Candace instantly began spinning again, flying through her room like a tornado as the mess was cleaned up and reordered in seconds. As she stopped, Candace smiled at her work and took a big smell of the air. "Ahhh... Lemony fresh."
The high of the experience over, Candace sat down on her bed to think. "This is incredible," she exclaimed, "but how am I doing this? Am I dreaming?" A quick glance around the room for talking zebras told her that she was, in fact, NOT dreaming. Candace then thought back to a few minutes ago. On a hunch, Candace grabbed at her face and tried to peel it off. With a shudder, she felt the magic fade away as the green mask's grip weakened and eventually broke.
Gasping, Candace slowly wobbled to her feet and felt her face. Taking a pocket-mirror to check, she grinned to see that her face and hair were back to their normal, plain-jane diameters. A glance along her body revealed that her outfit had vanished back into her old clothes. And in her hand was the mask, in all its wooden glory.
"So that's what's going on," she replied as she held up the mask and looked it over. "Well, if you came from the museum, then it's obvious I can't bust the boys on this." A thought then crossed Candace's mind. "On the other hand... with this mask, I can bust those brothers of mine so fast that they won't even know what hit them."
Grinning eagerly, Candace put the mask back on, instantly restoring her looks and powers. "And on the OTHER other hand," she added with an evil grin, "there's just so much more I can do in the meantime." With a mighty laugh that sounded borderline psychotic, Candace flew down the stairs and out of the house in a blur.
Oblivious to his sister's unconventional exit, Phineas stood over his friends in the backyard. "So, are we ready for adventure?" he shouted to the would-be Vikings. They were all dressed up in incredibly-detailed Norwegian costumes, complete with badly-knitted fake beards and metallic masks.
Baljeet raised his hand. "Excuse me, my captain, but what are we adventuring for?"
"For whatever the winds of destiny may lead us to. Baljeet, hoist the sails. Buford, man the rudder." The boys nodded as they performed their tasks. At once, the sail unfurled and the rudder was grabbed. "Firesiders, to the oars." Isabella and her Fireside Girls saluted as they began rowing, generating the force to start the engine and move the boat. "Sound the trumpets! We're casting off!" A loud blast from Ferb's goat-horn signaled their departure. "We're off, me men and ladies... to adventure! May Valhalla bestow good fortune on us!"
"I know this is kinda cliché," Buford spoke up as he looked back towards the backyard, "but hey, where's Perry?"
Doo-bee-doo-bee-doo-bah, doo-bee-doo-bee-doo-bah...
Down below in his HQ, Perry had just arrived and was already in his seat for the briefing. "Okay, just press the button and-" A field of static filled the monitor, eventually clearing to reveal Major Monogram... but upside down. "That's not it. Oh, good morning, Agent P," he greeted. "Carl had to meet with his art teacher, so I'm trying to figure out how this device works." The Major rubbed his chin. "Maybe if I press this one-" The screen distorted and the Major's image reappeared... but now on its side. "I guess not."
The Major sighed. "You can at least hear me, right?" Perry nodded. "Anyway, Doofenshmertz is already on the rebound from yesterday. It would appear that he's currently on a rampage throughout the Tri-State Area. There doesn't seem to be any method to this madness, and we need you to stop him at once. Good luck, Agent P."
As Perry bounded away, Carl arrived in the Major's office. "Guess what, sir!" he announced. "I got my grade back for my art project!" Carl held up the Technicolor Picasso of the Major, which had a red A+ taped to it. "And you said my artistic vision needed examination," he proudly taunted.
The Major shook his head and facepalmed. "I swear, the art world gets less and less coherent every generation."
Elsewhere, the green-faced Candace was skipping down the street, humming a silly little song. A few pedestrians (mainly the men) took notice at the strange girl, but simply shrugged and went on their merry way. In this town, nothing surprised them anymore.
"Bow-chicka-bow-wow, that's what my mama told me. Mow-mow-mow, and my heart starts pumpin'... Nahhh, I'm sick of that song." Pausing to think, Candace smiled and started singing again. "Ohhh, I gotcha with my winnin' smile, I'm a livin' lesson in flair and style. You just can't help but stare at my- Oh, hey, Stacy! STACY!"
The shout was unmistakable to Stacy Hirano as she looked up to see her friend rush over towards her... or at least, what sounded like her. "C-Candace? Is that you?" she asked in surprise.
"StacyStacyStacyit'sincredibleyouwon'tbelievewhathappenedtome!"
"I'll say. You look... different," Stacy replied. "Do you know that your face is green?"
"Yes. Yes it is. Anyway, I put on this weird mask and now I look beautiful and I can do all this cool stuff! Like this!" Candace spun in place, shifting her outfit to a beautiful ballroom gown. Another spin, and she wore a cute Japanese schoolgirl uniform. With one more spin, Candace changed her appearence to look like a perfect copy of Stacy.
"That's... pretty cool," Stacy replied with a small smile.
"Are you kidding? It's AWE-SO-O-O-O-O-OME!" Candace exclaimed. "Oh, and you know those shoes you always wanted?" Stacy opened her mouth to speak, but was unable to say anything as Candace pulled a pair of expensive-looking high-heels from her cleavage. "TA-DA! One authentic copy of a genuine designer fake, for my best friend."
Stacy gazed at the shoes with slight awe. "Uh, thanks," she managed to squeak out. She suddenly grabbed the hem of Candace's dress and looked down the ample bosom. "Where'd you pull them from, though?"
"Who knows? Anyway, I figured that since we were here, you and I could paint the town green." Candace put her arm across Stacy's shoulders. "Whaadya say, buddy, oh pal, oh bestest-best friend of mine?"
"Well... okay."
"GREAT! Try to keep up now!" Candace skipped away down the sidewalk, leaving Stacy confused and slightly nervous as to her best friend's newfound powers. With an uneasy sigh, Stacy began to jog after her.
As Perry quietly opened the door leading into Doofenshmirtz's lab, he noticed that it was dark and devoid of movement. In fact, the only sign of activity in the lab was a single telephone sitting on a coffee table... and it was ringing. Perry slowly approached the table and picked up the phone to hear an automated message.
"Hello, you've reached... Doofenshmertz Evil Incor-por-a-tedddd... If you're an evil investor, press 1. If you're calling to complain about the theft of your morning newspapers, press 2. And if you're a platypus secret agent sent here to capture Dr. Doofenshmirtz, please stay on the line." A second later, a metal cage sprung out from the ground, trapping Perry right where he stood.
The sound of laughter filled the room. "Oops! Sorry, Perry the Platypus, but I'm afraid your call cannot be completed as dialed!" Dr. Doofenshmirtz arrived and stood before Perry, with Vanessa and NORM flanking him. "Nice performance there, NORM."
"Thank you, sir," NORM replied. "I was an automated phone caller in a past life, you know."
"I didn't know that," Vanessa answered back.
Gesturing for quiet, Doofenshmirtz turned back to Perry. "Anyway, after our fight yesterday, Vanessa, NORM, and I were busy cleaning up around the lab. Seeing the old Inators from my failed museum exhibit plan, I figured it'd be fun to use them for old-time's sake, but I couldn't decide on which one to pick. So out of indecisiveness, I went and combined them into one all-new handy weapon." Doofenshmirtz pressed a remote, causing a large laser-like object on a wheeled base to rise out of the floor. "BEHOLD! The Random-inator!" Perry looked at Doofenshmirtz expectantly. "What?" he replied. "That's it! That's the whole backstory. Not everything I create has to have a deep, meaningful origin behind it, you know."
Vanessa elbowed her father discretely. "Oh, right. With this Random-inator, there's no telling what it'll do next. It may shrink or enlarge or disinti-vaporate or make people ugly or take things apart or..." Doofenshmirtz was interrupted by NORM tapping his shoulder. "I suppose the point I'm trying to make is that it randomly has the effect of other Inators. Because if I don't know what it'll do next, then neither will you! Allow me to demonstrate." Doofenshmirtz rolled the weapon over to an open window and pointed outside. "See that billboard over there? The one that always ruins my view of the skyline? Well, it's about to get randomized... inated!"
Down below the skyline...
Candace continued on her merry way, simply enjoying herself as everybody she passed looked towards her in awe. Stacy merely strolled behind her, trying not to draw too much attention to herself.
As they went down the street, a blast of energy fired out over her and struck a rooftop billboard in its support legs. With no leg to stand on, the billboard fell forward and landed flat on the sidewalk... and on Candace! Stacy let out a shriek as her best friend vanished beneath the very heavy object.
"HAH! Take that, lousy billboard!" Doofenshmirtz shouted with a victorious cackle. "Ruin my view of the skyline, will you? Well, who's got the juice now?"
"Wow, how wonderfully juvenile of you," Vanessa sarcastically quipped. "Seriously, you're wasting Mom's alimony checks on this?"
"Just wait 'til your mother hears about this," NORM added, trying to sound symphathetic. "Shall I call her?"
"Don't bother. It'll just be a waste of time, anyway."
After a few seconds, a hand slowly reached out, followed by Candace as she crawled out from beneath the billboard and wobbled into an alleyway. "What the heck just happened?" Stacy exclaimed as she looked down at Candace. She looked flat as a piece of bacon, but was otherwise alive and unharmed. "Shouldn't that have... hurt you?"
Pulling an air-pump from behind her, Candace stuck the tube in her mouth and began pumping. After a few seconds, she literally popped back to normal, leaving her to ponder this new development. On a hunch, Candace drew a large cinderblock from out of nowhere and threw it up into the air, where it proceeded to land on her head with a painful CRUNCH!
"Ohmygod, CANDACE!" Stacy shrieked.
"S'okay!" Candace replied through her flattened skull. "Didn't feel a thing." Laughing, Candace grabbed her hair and pulled her head back up to normal.
"You could've been killed!"
"But I wasn't, now was I?" Candace calmly reassured. "This is even better than I thought! I can do and be and create anything I want, and I can't even be hurt! Not even my brothers can top this!"
"Speaking of whom, why aren't you trying to, y'know, bust them?" Stacy pointed out. "Hasn't that been, like, your life's dream since summer began?"
"Aw, there's plenty of time for that. Right now, this day is my burrito, and I'm hungry." Taking an electric guitar from her bottomless cleavage-pocket and shifting to a rock-star's costume, Candace began to sing...
All summer long, my brothers made me look dumb and I've been in constant depression.
But now with this mask, my chance has finally come to realize my greatest intentions!
Like maybe...
Building a hot-rod, fighting a robot, or skydiving off a skyscraper.
Pretend I'm a creature that doesn't exist, and fool people in the newspaper.
Become a movie star, wrestle alligators, shower in Niagara Falls!
Jump the Danville Gorge, win an eat-a-thon, or buy out all the world's malls!
As you can see, there's no limit in sight as all my greatest dreams come true.
That's why I'm singin' there's nothing in the world that Candace Flynn can't do!
So stick around 'cause there's nothing in the world that Candace Flynn can't doooooo!
"And that's just for starters..."
As Candace's solo ended, she and Stacy noticed that a small crowd had gathered around them. "What're you all looking at?" Candace shouted, making everybody run in panic. "Can't a green-faced girl rock out in privacy?"
Watching the crowd disperse, Candace tossed the guitar aside and strode away. Stacy sighed and turned to the crowd. "Sorry about my friend," she said before following Candace.
Two blocks over, Stacy caught up to Candace, who was marching down the street. As she approached, Stacy could hear Candace muttering a blue streak of insults. "Lousy peeping toms, like they haven't seen a green-faced girl before," she growled under her breath.
"I'm gonna be the first to say that this isn't like you, Candace," Stacy pointed out. "I mean, it's like you're... well... some kind of cartoon character, and not the ha-ha kind, either."
"Don't be ridiculous," Candace replied. "Since when has my life ever seemed like a cartoon?"
You have no idea, was all Stacy could think of in response.
As she turned onto the next block, Candace saw something that made her already-hyperactive brain go nuts. "HELLOOOOOOOO, Jeremy!" she howled as she saw her teenage crush, so loudly that her jaw stretched down to her bosom. Taking hairspray and lipstick from god-knows-where and fixing her face, Candace dashed towards him with a loud howl that could put wolves to shame and glomped onto him with the force of a charging rhinocerous.
"Oh, Jeremy, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry-werry, my manly Jeremy!" she cooed, her arms wrapped seductively around Jeremy's neck.
"Can... dace?" Jeremy asked awkwardly. "Is that you?"
"Lemme check." Reaching into her dress, Candace pulled out a comically-large name tag and looked at it. "Ecadnac," she read aloud, not noticing that she was reading it upside-down. "Eh, close enough. It's ME, my wittle Jerry-werry-bo-berry!"
"That's... cool..." Jeremy forced a grin. "Do you know that your face is green?"
"Yes. Yes it is," she replied matter-of-factly. "Enough about me, Jer. Let's talk about US!"
"I... I'd love to, really..." The teen nervously stammered. "But, um... I'm in a hurry, so..."
Candace struck a sexy pose, putting her arm behind her head and giving Jeremy a very good view of her enhanced 'assets'. "Tell me the truth. Do you like what you see?" she asked. "Why don'cha take a picture?" Candace pulled a self-photo from her bosom and handed it to Jeremy. "Better yet..." She suddenly pulled a box of chocolates and a bouquet of flowers, followed by an entire fruit basket.
Jeremy was barely able to look over all the junk piled into his arms. "Buh... How'd you-?"
"I've got deep pockets... some in places you wouldn't expect," she replied. "Now c'mere and give momma a kiss!" Candace puckered her lips to impossibly-large size and began making smooching noises. Wincing, Jeremy pushed her away and ran off... only to immediately bump into her again as she stepped out of an alley. "Be honest... Is it the teeth?" Candace clicked her freakishly-large teeth together. "You wanna know how I got these teeth? Well, I put on a magic mask and became super-powered. Happy? Now shaddup and kiss me!"
Candace lunged forward again, her lips smacking ceaselessly. This time, Jeremy threw the fruit basket in her face, making her kiss cantalope as he ran off again. What followed was a madcap dash through the streets as Jeremy ran for his life, with Candace in hot pursuit. "Come to Candy, my hunky-ankled Hercules!" she cried. "I'm only showing my unDYING devotion!"
While all this was going on, Vanessa was looking over the balcony outside Doofenshmirtz's lab, a bored expression on her face. She then noticed some odd movement down on the streets below. Curious, Vanessa grabbed some binoculars to get a closer look. "Hey Dad, isn't that your music tutor down there?" she called out.
"Vanessa, honey, not now." Doofenshmirtz shooed her away as he aimed the Random-Inator towards the caged Perry and armed it for a shot. "Daddy's busy with his nemesis."
"Seriously, Dad. You really should see this," she continued. "He's down on the street and he's... well... it looks like some crazy lady's trying to kiss him."
"So?"
"Her face looks green for some reason."
Green? Now intrigued, Doofenshmirtz marched out onto the balcony and took the binoculars. His heart nearly stopped when he saw Candace and Jeremy. "WHOA! There it is!"
"There what is?"
"Remember the funny wooden mask I was talking about? Well, that's it right there." He beamed, pointing to Candace. "I was wondering where it went after yesterday."
Vanessa looked skeptical. "So... what the big deal about this mask?"
"Long story, but with it, I'll finally be able to RULE THE TRI-STATE AREA!" Vanessa had to hold her ears over Doofenshmirtz's shouting. "NORM, go down there and get that mask back for me!" NORM nodded as he lumbered to the special freight elevator reserved for him. "Vanessa, be a dear and go with him, please? Let me know when he gets the mask."
"For the record, I'm only doing this because I've got nothing better to do." Vanessa followed NORM to the elevator and left with him.
Doofenshmirtz marched back into the lab. "And with that being handled, it's back to dealing with-" His eyes nearly bugged out when he saw Perry sitting on the floor, no longer held in his cage. "Perry the Platypus? How did you get out of the cage?" Perry held up a head of broccoli. "Oh, the Random-Inator turned the cage into broccoli?" He paused to think. "In retrospect, I probably should've accounted for that possibility."
The loud sounds of a platypus beatdown followed, followed by an explosion and a shout of "Curse you, Perry the Platypus!" Vanessa could hear it all from over 38 floors below.
Back with Jeremy, he was still trying to escape Candace's inescapable pursuit. Not watching where he was going, he tripped on a curb and fell to the sidewalk. He tried to move his legs, but found that he couldn't. Candace had inexplicibly stretched her entire torso around Jeremy like a serpent coiling its prey. "C'mon, Jer-jer! Don'cha want a taste of your favorite Candy Twist?"
Seeing that there was no escape, Jeremy tried to smile. "Look, Candace, I like you," he spoke, "but not when you're acting all clingy like this. And, well..."
"You don't want me?" Candace whimpered as if she was about to cry, then suddenly pinned Jeremy by the shoulders and glared dangerously at him. "Why would you not want me?" she demanded. "I'm the most perfect woman you'll EVER know. Why, I can be anything you want, any girl you could dream of. There's just so much I can do for you... do with you..." Candace pressed her bosom close towards him, giving him a very uncomfortable feeling. "do TO you..."
Jeremy struggled helplessly against his captor's binding body. "Come on, cut it out!" he cried, but to no avail as Candace prepared to administer a kiss. "Candace, I mean it! Stop!" With a final desperate shout, Jeremy bellowed "CANDACE! Why are you acting like this?"
Candace suddenly stopped, as if something was clicking in her head. "I... Well, I... uh..." she quietly whimpered. For a moment, she looked remorseful, but it quickly faded. "Y'know what? Forget it! You're no fun when you're petrified in fear." Scowling, Candace released her death-grip on Jeremy. "Green-Face is out! PEACE!" she shouted loudly, knocking Jeremy down from the force of her voice as she turned and marched away in a huff.
"Whew... tough grip she's got," Jeremy said as he gasped for relief, "but what a woman!" He secretly let a smile cross his lips.
"What's his problem?" Candace growled in sheer anger. "I'm everything he would want in a girl and more, and yet he acts like I'm some kind of ogre or something!"
"Well, you did get a little too... scary back there," Stacy pointed out. "Y'know, you could be a little more responsible with these powers. Maybe you can use it to help people in need. Rescue a cat, stop a fire, maybe even... I dunno... find an evil scientist to beat up on. Besides..." She nudged Candace with a sly smile, "boys love powerful, responsible women."
Candace rubbed her chin. "I suppose I could," she said with a smile, "OR we could go out to the mall and get full-on makeovers! My treat!"
"Well, I-eeeeee!" Stacy was cut off as Candace grabbed her wrist and sped away down the street. "Where are we going?"
"To get a car, of course! Because it's always important to arrive in style."
Meanwhile, Phineas and Ferb's Viking crew were already prowling the streets of Danville, en route to their first epic journey. "Welcome to Slushy-Burger. How may I help you?"
"By Odin's earlobes, we've come to feast in preparation for our epic journey into destiny." Phineas declared.
The drive-thru clerk looked skeptical. "Aren't you kids a little young to be Vikings?" she asked.
"Yes. Yes we are."
"Eh, okay." The clerk shrugged. "So, what can I get'cha?"
"Let's see..." Phineas turned to his crew. "Does anybody want anything?"
Isabella raised her hand. "I'll have an iced tea and a hummus tortilla wrap."
"Curry burger, no cheese," Baljeet added.
"Ask her if they've got any Spam," called out Buford.
"Ferb, you want something?" Ferb opened his mouth to speak, but didn't even get a syllable out when Phineas cut in. "You heard the man. One ginger ale and a jar of peanut butter."
"Comin' up." The clerk dashed off. Exactly five seconds later, she returned with bags of food. "That'll be $18.76."
Phineas reached into his pocket and drew some money. "Can you break a hundred?"
"Sorry, sir. Store policy won't let us take anything bigger than a twenty."
Everybody began reaching into their pockets for money, but shook their heads in defeat... except one. Thus, they glared at that one person. "I have a twenty," Baljeet moped.
Buford pounded his fists together. "Holdin' out on us, huh?" he threatened. "Well, how's about I introduce your face to the rudder?"
"If I give you half my fries, will you refrain from doing so?"
Buford rubbed his chin in deep thought, then shrugged. "Okay, nerd, you live... for now." Baljeet nodded as he handed the twenty to the clerk and took the food. Soon, everybody had gotten their meals and were digging in.
"Eat well, crew! You've earned it." Phineas complimented. "Our journey has yet to truly begin."
"Please move forward," the clerk ordered.
"Heh... sorry." The crew rowed their ship out of the drive-thru line and back out onto the street... only to be cut off by an incredibly souped-up hot-rod. "Whoa, what was that?" Phineas shouted in surprise.
"They'll give anybody a license these days," Ferb calmly answered.
Over at the mall's parking lot, the hot-rod instantly screeched to a stop. "And Mom says I'm a train wreck when I'm behind the wheel!" Candace whooped as she stepped out, wearing a tight racing suit that only accentuated her incredible curves. Stacy then stepped out herself, wearing a similiar outfit that Candace's powers "provided". "Oops, almost forgot!" Pulling a tiny remote out, Candace lightly depressed the trigger. The car chirped, then exploded into a flaming wreck.
"YOWTCH!" Stacy yelped as she barely jumped away from the blast. "Geez, Candace, what was that for?
"Can't be too careful with all those weirdos running around!" Candace explained.
"That wasn't even your car! You just took it from the junkyard and..." Stacy paused and realized something. "Which reminds me. Exactly HOW did you get that hunk of junk running again?"
"I'm an ace mechanic. See?" To demonstrate, Candace pulled out a toolbox and began speeding all around the car. Within seconds, it was good as factory-new. "And to think I never had a lesson in my life!" she proudly exclaimed as she wiped her hands clean.
"Before, you were barely able to put two Grippo blocks together, and now you're assembling entire cars from scratch?" Stacy looked over her friend with awe. "Geez, Candace, is there anything that mask can't let you do?"
"Do I have to repeat the song?"
"Uh, no. I'm just wondering, that's all."
"Good. Anyway... LET'S GET MATERIALISTIC!" She reared up to run off, but paused and turned. "Oh, yeah, forgot again." Candace pressed the button once more, causing the car to explode a second time, then grabbed Stacy's wrist and dashed full speed into the mall.
Meanwhile, at the mall's loading docks, Candace's arrival was spotted by Vanessa, who was watching the whole thing from behind the corner. "Well, we've found her," she proclaimed as she turned towards NORM. "Now let me get this through your metal head once more," she snapped. "I want to get this done without causing a scene, so don't waste time, okay? Get in, get the mask, and get out."
"Okey-dokey," NORM replied.
"And please don't talk!" she added. "Seriously, why couldn't he have built you with a mute button?"
"I'm very vocal about my work."
"Just get in there." NORM marched into the mall. Rubbing her forehead in exasperation, Vanessa wandered towards the front doors and let herself in. Better make sure the walking bucket doesn't blow our cover.
Twenty minutes later...
As she and Stacy sat around the food court, Candace rummaged through her bags of clothing, oohing and ahhing over the stuff she bought. "Ooo, look at this one!" she exclaimed as she held up a familiar red shirt and white miniskirt. "So cute... but soooo babyish!" Tossing the outfit aside, Candace pulled out a very skimpy black dress. "Holy Toledo, now we're talking! So, whaddya think, Stacy. Does it go with my eyes?" To illustrate, Candace literally pulled her eyeballs out of their sockets and showed them to Stacy, who couldn't help but shudder as they blinked right there in her hand. "Aw, why so serious?"
"Why don't you be serious with that thing for once?"
Putting her eyes back, Candace smiled once more through those crazy-huge teeth of hers. "I know what'll cheer you up." She whipped out a bottle of pricey perfume. "TA-DA! Only the latest in Flawless Girl's fine line of cosmetic bliss. Y'know how the song goes: At the height of every trend, no shorter than five-foot-ten-"
"I know how the song goes, Candace!" Stacy snapped. "But sure, go ahead. Continue to wow me like I'm a tired audience in a magic show. Don't do anything meaningful, just show off constantly."
"Geez, I'm only trying to have some fun," Candace said, feeling a bit insulted. "I mean, if my brothers can go and do anything and everything they want in a day, then I-."
"Enough with the brothers!" No longer able to take it, Stacy stood up and threw her bag of shoes at Candace's head. "I'm sorry, Candace, but that mask is making you something that I don't like: a egomaniacal, self-absorbed lunatic," she said as she turned away. "And if you don't start doing something about it, then I'm leaving." Grabbing her bags, Stacy marched away.
"Well, fine! Leave for all I care!" Candace uncharacteristically roared. "I don't need you nagging and holding me back!" Feeling betrayed, she stomped off in her own direction and grumbled. "Call me a lunatic, will she? Well, she wouldn't know true lunacy if it hit her in the face."
POW! Candace walked right into a cold steel wall... one that wore a nice blue suit. Candace looked up to see what it was. "Meep!"
"Hi! My name is NORM!" the Robotic Man-inator greeted. "What a cute mask you're wearing. Can I see it?"
"Back off, pudgy man!"
"Pudgy? I'm watching my figure," came NORM's response. "Now can I see your mask?"
"I SAID get lost!" Candace reared back and threw a punch at NORM, which had the predictable comical effect of what happens when one punches a Neighborly Oversized Robotic Man-inator. "Ow-ow-ow!" Candace yelled as she leapt around clutching her wrist. Wincing, Candace looked up to NORM and smiled innocently. "Um... maybe that pudgy crack was a little bit out-of-line, wouldn't you say?"
NORM's response was a single punch to Candace's face. The force of the blow sent her flying head-first into a stack of drywall leaning against the front window of the aptly-named Drywall Depot store.
As NORM approached, Candace simply stood there, her head still stuck in the drywall stack as she crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently. "Okay, you wanna go nuts?" she replied, "Well... LET'S GO NUTS!" With no second thought, Candace pulled out a large flamethrower from lord-knows-where and sent a stream of flames searing towards NORM and everything else in front of her.
The mall patrons were quick to run away, but NORM began marching against the stream, his metallic frame undaunted by the fire. "We don't need to fight here," he announced. "Perhaps we can discuss our differences over coffee."
"Coffee, eh?" Candace suddenly span into a tornado and slammed into NORM, knocking him off-kilter. As he recovered, Candace stopped spinning, revealing a new suit of coffee-shop clothes, complete with apron and paper hat. She threw a tall cup of piping-hot coffee at NORM's face. "That's one double-hot choco-mocha-latte to go! Will there be anything else? How about some SUGAR LUMPS?" Candace drew her mallet and slammed it over NORM's head... to no real effect. The mallet snapped like a twig. "Well, that was useless," she grumbled.
"Yes. Yes it was," NORM replied. "Can I see your mask now?"
"Over my cold, unmoving body!" NORM threw a punch, which missed Candace as she bounced out of the way. "Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo!" she screamed madly as she continued bouncing all over the mall and into NORM, who continued to swing at her every chance he got. The mall was very quickly being smashed to pieces as the pair tore into each other in a classic battle of the unstoppable force verses the immovable object.
Off to the side and out of view, Vanessa watched the fight with a mix of fear and awe. "Dad, are you getting this?" she reported through her cell phone.
"Uhhnn... Sorry, Vanessa, you'll have to speak louder," Doofenshmirtz groaned. "I can't hear you over the concussion."
"Here. Just watch." Vanessa activated a small video recorder and pointed it at the dueling titans. "Seriously, it's not like your usual fights," she explained as she surveyed the damage. "It's more like... like some kind of war zone."
"Which is why I want that mask."
"Yeah, I can see why. It might just make you competent for once."
"What?"
"Sorry, gotta go!"
Candace was completely out-of-control as she continued to attack NORM from every conceivable angle, with every conceivable weapon. NORM looked the worse for wear, with scratches, burns, and torn metal strewn across his frame, but he just kept coming, smashing everything in his path as he continued his march for Candace and her mask.
A sinister gleam in her eyes, Candace removed one of her elbow-length gloves, revealing her bare arm holding an anvil. "Catch!" Candace launched the heavy weapon at NORM, hitting him square in the head. She then removed her other glove and revealed a whirring buzzsaw. Cackling, she leapt at NORM and sliced his arm clean off.
NORM seemed to look uncomfortable, despite his smiling robotic face "This is not making my job any easier."
"You kidding? This isn't even ruining my eyeliner." Candace swung the buzzsaw at NORM, making him back away slowly... up until he made a loud SPLAT!
NORM looked down and realized that he had stepped in wet cement. "Oh no!" he complained. "All over my new shoes."
"Very observant! And the buckethead gets a cigar." Candace pulled a long, thin object out and stuck it in NORM's mouth. "Take twelve, they're small," she added as she put a dozen more all over NORM's face.
"No thanks. I don't smoke."
"You will now." Cackling madly, Candace dashed away from sight.
NORM glanced over his body, and quickly saw that the 'cigars' were actually lit sticks of dynamite. "Remember, kids. Smoking is hazardous to your health." BANG!
"Oh, that was fun," Candace giggled as she skipped back to the food court and grabbed her bags. "Hey, Stacy! Time to go now." She looked around to see that her friend was nowhere in sight. "Stacy? Stacy! STAAAA-CYYYY!" Seeing that Stacy was gone, Candace scowled through her rubbery green face. "Well, that's just PEACHY! Now what am I supposed to do for the rest of the day?"
As she went outside, a loud sound from a horn caught her attention, and Candace turned to see a wheeled Viking boat row by the mall. Taking some binoculars from her "pocket", she saw exactly what she suspected: "Phineas and Ferb!" she observed. "Perfect timing."
Candace's expression turned to one of complete malice. "Silly, twerpy, powerless brothers of mine... you are soooo BUSTED!"
Back inside the mall, NORM was slowly standing up. His head was charred with soot from the explosions, but he was otherwise operational. "I am going to feel that in the morning," he announced.
A young boy suddenly approached NORM. "Hey, mister. I found your arm." He held up the severed limb.
"Thank you," NORM said as took his arm and reattached it. "By any chance, have you seen a green-faced girl in a red dress go by here?"
"Uh, yeah. She went that way."
"Thank you." NORM got up and trudged out of the mall. The mall patrons paused to stare, then shrugged and went back to their shopping, despite the burning wreckage around the area.
Not even bothering with the door, NORM smashed right through the entrance. Vanessa ran up to meet him. "Are you crazy?" she shouted. "This is NOT what low-profile means!" But NORM wasn't listening as he shifted his shoes to rocket-skates and blasted off down the road. "NORM? NORM!"
Vanessa's cell phone suddenly rang. "Vanessa, honey," Doofenshmirtz called out. "What's going on? Does NORM have my mask yet?"
"Uh, sorry, Dad! Driving right now! Going in a tunnel!"
"Wait a minute! You don't have a-" Click
NORM, you galvanized idiot! Vanessa angrily fumed as she ran to the bus stop and hailed a bus. At this rate, he's gonna get himself scrapped, and then Dad's gonna blame me!
"Row, Vikings! Row!" Phineas chanted as he rowed in tandem with the Firesiders. "Adventure will soon befall us surely."
"I do not know about adventure," Baljeet spoke, "but I think that curry-burger is making me befall towards the bathroom."
Ferb sounded his horn again. "Hark, the warning signal!" Phineas turned to face behind the boat, and saw what appeared to be a green-faced woman in Viking armor riding a mechanical jet-propelled horse. "Man your arms, Vikings! We're being attacked by Valkyries!"
Buford looked confused. "Valkyries?"
"According to the Fireside Girls' Guide to Norwegian Mythology," Isabella read off a magazine, "Valkyries are Odin's messengers who escort slain mortals to Valhalla."
"And this helps us how?" Baljeet panicked.
"Who cares?" Buford drew a club from behind him. "Me and Mr. Poundy are itchin' for some action."
The rocket-horse sidled next to the ship, and out leapt Candace onto the deck. "Heeeeeere's CANDY!" she announced as she drew her mega-hammer from behind her back. "I know this is kinda cliché, given the costume, but... Dun-dun-dun-DUN-dun, dun-dun-dun-DUN-dun, dun-dun-dun-DUN-dun, dun-dun-dun-DUNNNN!"
"Wow! That's one cool costume she's wearing!" Phineas exclaimed. "Hey there! How'd you make it look so real?" Still bellowing the iconic song, Candace swung her hammer at her brothers, who both quickly ran for the back of the boat to avoid it. "Boy, she sure is getting into character," he added to Ferb.
Candace then swung her hammer at the Firesiders, who quickly scattered to avoid the smashing as it smashed through the floor of the boat. Buford shouted a war cry as he leapt at Candace with his club, but she merely smacked him across the fanny and towards the stern. With no one at the oars or rudder, the boat began to rock and curve dangerously off-course.
She then took another swing and smashed the Viking ship in two, leaving herself and her brothers standing on the rear half. The front half was sent flying off-course, with everybody hanging on for dear life as they flew through the air with a fearful scream before smashing right through the head of a large woodsman statue and into the roof behind it.
As everybody recovered, Baljeet looked down to see the statue of a big blue ox and smiled. "Thank Valhalla for the timely intervention of Paul Bunyan's Pancake Haüs," he proclaimed.
Pauuuul Bunyan's! Where the food is good! (But not TOO good, eh?)
Back with the Flynn siblings, their half of the boat was now rolling uncontrollably through the streets. Phineas had picked up a discarded oar from the side and was using it to joust with Candace as she expertly blocked and countered with her mallet. Ferb, meanwhile, was trying to shut the engine down to no avail.
"Y'know, maybe we should abandon ship!" Phineas called out, but Candace didn't seem to listen as she began leaning forward on his diminuitive frame. A large blue body suddenly came up beside the wreck, one which Phineas recognized. "Hey, it's that awesome robot again! What's he doing here?"
NORM didn't reply as he grabbed Candace by her crayon de coup and held her to eye level. "Now can I have your mask?" he asked/demanded as he slowed his rocket shoes down to a stop. To emphasize, NORM reared back his other hand and made a fist, ready to tear Candace's head off. "Or will Daddy have to spank?"
"Wait! You can't spank me!" Candace cried out as she drew a suspiciously-shaped pie with a lit fuse in its middle. "We haven't even had dessert yet!" She slammed the pie in NORM's face, blowing up on impact and launching her out of his grip.
As she landed, Candace shifted back to her dress and drew a pair of huge machine guns. "Eat lead, rust-buckets!" she roared as she pulled the trigger and began shooting everything in sight, laughing like a woman possessed by demonic lunacy. Everybody in the area was now running for their lives as the entire city block was shot up to high-heaven.
Poor NORM was helpless as his metal frame began looking like so much Swiss cheese. "Please, no more!" he eventually moaned. "I've had a long day at the office."
"Drop the guns, now!" Taken by surprise, Candace flung her hands up and turned to see Vanessa staring back at her, holding what looked like a blow-dryer as if it were a ray-gun. "I don't know how you're doing this, but it's obvious that you are completely off your rocker," she threatened, hoping Candace would fall for the bluff. "Now take off the mask before you kill someone, or I will have to-."
"NEVER!" Grabbing Vanessa by the neck, Candace lifted the taller woman effortlessly. "This is MY mask, you little black tart!" she roared with an unholy rage. "No one's EVER taking it from me, not my brothers, not the walking toaster over there, and ESPECIALLY not you!"
With every last vestige of self-restraint gone, Candace threw Vanessa onto the ground in front of NORM and pulled out a small grenade, painted red and with a dangerous-looking skull on its side. "Yippie-ki-yay, runamuckers!" she seethed hatefully as she bit off the pin and chewed it up furiously. "Send my regards to the big Mouse in the sky!"
Meanwhile, Ferb had finally regained control of the ship and was in the middle of trying to steer it to safety when he looked back and saw Candace threatening Vanessa. Ferb scowled. "Now it's personal," he whispered as he spun it into a U-turn. Opening up the engine, Ferb adjusted a few settings, making the boat roar and squeal like a drag racer spinning its tires.
Curious, Phineas looked into the engine. "Uh, Ferb..." he uncharacteristically worried. "What are you doing with the override?" He got his answer as the boat blasted forward at a very-unsafe speed. Phineas then noticed that the boat was now on a crash course with NORM from behind. "Ferb, I really think we need to... you know... get off the boat now."
But Ferb would not budge as he kept the boat on-course. At the speed they were going, the force of collision would surely be the end for the two step-brothers. At the last second, Ferb reached behind the engine and pulled a hidden lever, causing the floor of the boat to launch up into the air and catapult the two boys away.
Still holding the grenade, Candace looked up to see the incoming vehicle approaching. Seeing her chance to escape, Vanessa quickly got up and ran off, just as NORM was shoved by the force of the boat. He in turn slammed into Candace, and they both were sent rocketing into a nearby alleyway.
And that's when the grenade exploded, consuming the entire alleyway in a mighty blast.
As the dust settled from the blast, Vanessa simply sat there with her mouth hanging open, still unable to believe all that had just happened in the span of one minute. She was so stupefied that she almost didn't hear her cell-phone ring.
After a few rings, she slowly picked up. "Well?" came Doofenshmirtz's impatient reply.
Her stupefied moment suddenly over, Vanessa scowled. "NORM's busted," she reported true-to-form, "just like you'll be when Mom hears about this."
"Vanessa, could you please salvage NORM?"
"Do it yourself! I'm heading home." Hanging up, Vanessa got up and marched away. All she wanted to do now was forget this day ever happened... though she doubted she ever would. Nearly being killed by that green-faced woman was something she'd never forget.
Holding her head, Candace sat up and felt herself over. I'm alive? she realized as she felt her face. Oh, right. The mask makes me indestructible.
With a groan, Candace stood up and looked out towards the streets of Danville. Streetlamps were torn, windows were broken, cars were burning, and debris littered every last corner of the area. What have I done? she asked herself as if coming out of a trance. What have I been doing?
Slowly, the memories returned to her. Her madcap dash through town. Her constant tormenting of her best friends. All the destruction she had caused and revelled in. Stacy was right. This thing IS making me crazy, Candace realized. It's like my body's running on autopilot and my brain's just watching. And after how I nearly... oh, god... Candace moaned in shame as she thought of how close she came to actually harming her brothers, not to mention her best friends, that girl in black, and... well... pretty much everybody else in Danville.
With a sigh, Candace grabbed at her face and removed the mask, instantly reverting back to her plain-jane self. She stood up and walked towards a sewer drain, its vents beckoning her to toss the mask in. "Right. Into the gutter you go, you troublesome trinket." Candace held the mask up high, ready to be rid of it forever...
But she couldn't do it! Try as she might, she was simply unable to let go, as if something in her head was saying that dumping the mask was an even worse idea than simply keeping it. Sighing in resignation, Candace instead reached into a trash can and pulled out a paper bag, which she stuck the mask into and wrapped tightly shut.
Hiding the bag beneath her shirt, Candace stepped out of the alley to see Phineas and Ferb climbing down from the awning of the open-air market they had landed on top of. "I wonder where she went, that Valkyrie?" Phineas asked. "I really wanted to ask her where she got her outfit made."
"Hi, boys."
"Oh, hey, Candace!" Phineas greeted. "Are you okay? You look a bit tired."
"I'm fine. Just... worn out for today." Candace managed a smile. "Anyway, I think I'll call this one a draw, so let's clean up and go home." A familiar face then brushed up against her leg. "Oh, there you are, Perry."
Later, at O.W.C.A. Headquarters...
"And this is what Agent A gave us from his sewer recon," Carl announced as he held up photos of the masked Candace in action against NORM. Nearby, an alligator in a fedora sat next to Carl, his tail bearing a large bite wound from a past fight with a Fireside Girl. "She's dangerous, sir, moreso than all the Doofenshmirtzes, Poofenplotzes, and other evil scientists of the world put together." The intern fixed his glasses and blushed. "Gotta admit, though... she is kinda cute, in a psychotic sort of way."
"I see your point, Carl." Major Monogram turned to face Perry as he sat in his chair. "Agent P, in light of these new events, I'm assigning you to maintain observation over this woman, whom we have code-named 'Green-Face'. Not very clever, I admit, but our naming staff doesn't happen to be the best of talent," he explained, shooting a glare at Carl. "Now, you will still be expected to serve as our first-line agent against Dr. Doofenshmirtz, but consider this a side-mission for when you're not on the clock. We need to ensure that this woman does not compromise the secrecy of our activities. Dismissed."
As Perry left the office, he growled to himself in anger. No sooner did he get home when the Major called him in for a rare face-to-face conference, and in his office, no less. That itself was evidence that the Green-Face situation was dire. Perry secretly blamed himself: he had been stupid to let that the mask escape his watch, and now it was in the hands of that loud girl he had to live with.
About the only good thing, Perry realized, was that only she, Doofenshmirtz, and himself were aware of the mask itself. If word got out about it, there would be chaos in the Tri-State Area for sure, and not the usual kind of chaos. It'd be absolute pandemonium as everybody fought over that mask. No, best to keep this one under the hat, Perry decided. He only hoped that she wouldn't be a pain with that thing.
Back at the Flynn house, Candace was in her room facing Stacy and Jeremy. They had been waiting for her the moment she got home, feeling that an intervention was in order, and Candace had been apologizing for the past half-hour over everything that mask drove her to do. Surprisingly, they took her apologies quite well.
"So, you two aren't mad at me?" Candace meekly spoke as she sat on her bed, the mask at her side. "After all the mean things I've done?"
"Hey, y'know what they say: Forgive and forget," Stacy replied. "Though I doubt I'll ever forget this."
"Yep," Candace replied. "Well, I learned my lesson, and you'll both be happy to know that from now on, there won't be any more mask business to muddle my brain up."
"I'm proud of you, Candace," Jeremy replied. "If anything, you're showing responsibility already."
"Eheheh..." Candace sheepishly giggled, as she always did when Jeremy complimented her. She then frowned. "I suppose I should get rid of this, huh?" she asked, gesturing towards the mask.
Stacy was the first to speak up. "Yes. No offense, but you're a much nicer person when your face is not green."
"On the other hand, what if someone else finds it? You saw what it did with me, so who's to say it won't end up with someone worse?"
"I still say get rid of it." Stacy turned to leave. "Anyway, I'm heading home. See ya tomorrow."
"Bye, Stacy." Jeremy waved as Stacy left the room. He then turned to Candace. "So, Candace, you wanna hang out, you and me?"
"YES!... I mean, I-I would love to," she stammed in embarassment. "Oh, and before you go... I'm sorry for earlier."
"Aw, it's nothing," Jeremy replied. "It was weird, but actually kinda cool. Could've been less clingy, though."
"I know. But don't worry, 'cause you won't be seeing Green-Face ever again. Candace Flynn will be herself and no one else," she said with finality. "Anyway, I'll be down in a minute." Jeremy shot a smile to Candace as he left the room.
A few seconds later, after looking around to make sure no one was watching, Candace opened up her closet and stuffed the mask deep in the very back. This would be her secret, away from prying eyes. As far as she hoped, she wouldn't need to wear it again, but she wasn't going to risk it falling into the wrong hands. There were enough strange people and happenings in the Tri-State Area to begin with. Besides, she told herself, it might come in handy someday. As she closed the closet, a small mischievious smirk crossed her face. Maybe sooner than that...
The rest of her summer was going to be very interesting indeed...
Epilogue...
"Lousy little... destroys my own robot, leaves me to clean him up. Curse you, green-faced teenage girl!" Dr. Doofenshmirtz gathered up the last of NORM's strewn body parts and dumped them into the back of his truck. "Well, all that's missing is the head. I wonder where it fell?" He glanced around for a bit, then shrugged. "Eh, it'll turn up eventually." With a sigh, Doofenshmirtz got in his truck and drove off.
Had Doofenshmirtz turned around, he would've seen the repair staff of Paul Bunyan's Pancake Haüs replacing the lost head on their statue with a new one. "Steady now, eh?" the leader ordered in a thick Canadian accent. "We wanna make sure he keeps this one." The other workers nodded as they finished welding the head to the body. "And there! Perfect, eh?"
The repairmen climbed down and left, revealing the transplanted head for all to see. It was NORM, complete with spray-painted beard and woodsman's hat. "Hi! I'm NORM. Welcome to Paul Bunyan's," he exclaimed as he began to sing. Pauuuul Bunyan's! Where the food is good! (But not TOO good, eh?)
THE END!