Dalish Apostate
...

"Wow.."

Lana Lavellan glanced up from the shem book she'd been trying to read. It'd taken her a few months to learn and memorize the strange curly human letters, but ever since she's been kidnapped from the forest and held captive, there wasn't much else to do in this damned tower.

She hadn't realized there was a Templar perched at the door of the library watching her as she studied. She then she shook her head. Of course there was a Templar watching her, the powerful shem in the armor were always watching the mages. And they certainly seemed unable to get enough of the new Dalish elf apostate whom they'd captured a handful of months ago.

Let's just say, Lana learned a bunch of new shemlen words the day that they kidnapped her. They called her so many things she'd never heard of. But once they reached the tower, the Templars made sure to educate her on each possible word that described dangerous she is, and how dangerous she could be.

The Templars hardly ever spoke to the mages.

This suited the Lavellan just fine, because the last thing the elven mage wanted to do was make conversation with these men who tore her away from her clan.

So, the elf was a bit concerned when she heard the blond Templar man speak. It was the first time a Templar had ever bothered to acknowledge her, and it worried her. Lana looked up from the book and her red eyes met the honeyed hues of a shem man.

She frowned, and silently raised a questioning eyebrow at the human.

Cullen had tried to watch their newest apprentice to the Circle quietly. Really, he did. It made it easier to do his job when he didn't draw attention to himself from his charges, but he couldn't help the sound of astonishment that slipped from his lips as he was watching the elven woman study in the library.

Sure, there were other elves in the Circle. But the elven mages in Kinloch Hold were nothing like this new apprentice mage. It was clear she grew up Dalish, something Cullen had never encountered before. The Dalish usually avoided humans, they especially avoided the Templars, and the Templars did the same returned the favor unless there is a clan with more than one mage, then the Templars cannot afford to over look them. Cullen often wondered if that had been the case with Lana. The Templars sometimes whispered about the cold Dalish apprentice in the barracks, but no one knew much of the woman.

Admittedly, Cullen's eyes were drawn to the pinkish tattoos that adorned the woman's face. Cullen couldn't help it when he muttered out his astonishment, and when the apprentice lifted her head to acknowledge him, he began to trip over his words due to his embarrassment.

"O-oh, excuse me. I didnt mean to interrupt your studies, but..."

The newest apprentice was looking at him with clear confusion in her dark red eyes, and Cullen inwardly cursed himself. What in Thedas was he saying? He didn't need to apologize to her for doing his job!

And yet, for some reasons, the words kept fumbling out in their own accord.

"Its just, what I mean to say, that is.."

The Templar rubbed the back of his neck, and Lana could feel herself starting to worry. She shut the shem book of history she'd been examining in hopes of finding out more about what the humans worshiped. She narrowed her eyes cautiously at the human man. Whatever it was he was going to say to her, she needed him to spit it out, now.

"The, uh, markings on your face." Cullen continued, rather dumbly.

He wanted to tell her he found them strangely becoming. He knew close to none of the Dalish, but the tattoo seemed shaped as a tree spread across her forehead, roots dipping along her cheeks.

It made her look strong, which he knew to be true considering he's heard the First Enchanter arguing with Knight-Commander Greagoir about letting the apprentice take on her Harrowing. There had been a lot of back and forth between the two, as the Dalish had only been an apprentice for not even a year, while there were some Mages who've been in the Circle their whole lives and were not ready for their Harrowing.

Cullen agreed with Irving. There was no need to wait any longer, he knew she could pass her Harrowing as well. And he'd never even spoken to the woman, only observed her from afar. Admittedly, the young Templar observed the Dalish charge more than was necessary.

She was incredibly confident in her abilities. She was a strong woman, but she was so very small. Cullen often imagined how his large, pale hands would look against the curve of her tan hips. He bet he could lift her slim body with ease, tuck her against his armor and grope her plush backside that he often concentrated on when on duty. She was too damned pretty in her apprentice robes, and the way the candlelight hit her face seemed to make her tan skin glow.

Cullen realized she was now looking at him with annoyance, and he quickly continued, face red. "I, I, I just.. I've never seen anything quite like them before." His voice raised a pitch higher in his embarrassment. "I think they are.. well.. nice."

He was rubbing the back of his neck again, fidgeting in his armor.

Lana remained frozen, eyes wide as she stared at the man. This was the first time a Templar had tried to engage in a conversation with her, and the fact that he had singled out her vallaslin spiked the elven apprentices fear.

Would the shem tell her to remove her vallaslin? Would he care if she told him they were permanent? Would they put acid upon the vallaslin, and scar it off? Why would the Templar's care now, after all this time?

She clutched her book to her chest and slowly stood from her seat, eying the Templar wearily.

Cullen's eyebrows rose as he watched the elf rise from her seat, and quickly scurry out of the library without saying a word to him. He cursed once he was alone, smacking his forehead and letting out a miserable groan.

"Smooth, Cullen. First time you've spoken to her, and you spooked her."

Rejected, he scratched the back of his head and pushed in the chair she had left in her hurry.

"Oh.. Um, h-hello.. I'm glad to see your Harrowing went smoothly."

"..." Lana frowned quietly at the blond Templar shem who greeted her with the usual uncertain stutter in his voice. He's greeted her kindly every morning since she'd ran away from him that night in the library.

At first, the mans greetings caused Lana unease, not used to being acknowledged by the Templars. Cullen was the only one who ever spoke to her when it was not necessary. In fact, Lana noted how the Templar would go out of his way to greet her, always seeming pleased with himself when she would give him a soundless nod in acknowledgment.

The human man was confusing.

"...Ser Cullen. Hello. You seem nervous." Lana greeted him today, instead of giving him her usual silent acknowledgment. Her mood felt lighter today than usual, likely because she'd passed her Harrowing the day before. She wondered if that was why the man seemed so nervous, was he expecting her to be changed? To pop out as an abomination, like all the other silly Shem believed could happen at any moment?

Cullen recoiled back, shocked that the pretty apprentice who always snubbed him was actually speaking to him for once. He knew his efforts couldn't be ignored forever. "What?" He then began chuckling nervously, his lips pressed into a shy smile. "I-I'm fine. I, uh.. I'm just glad you're alright, you know?"

Lana let out a hum of realization, the reason for his anxious behavior becoming clear to her. "Ah. You were the Templar chosen to strike the final blow for my Harrowing?"

She wouldn't of believed the man could get any more nervous if she were not watching him with her own eyes. Cullen shuffled his feet awkwardly, gaze suddenly drooping to the floor "I.. well.." He swallowed, and finished solemnly, "Yes."

"Good on you then. I know Knight-Commander Greagoir assigns only the most capable Templar's for the job. You must be proud."

Her tone was flat, but not necessarily condescending. She was right, the Knight-Commander chose him because he'd been the most capable. For some reason, Lana's words gave Cullen an unsettled feeling in his stomach. He knew the Dalish elf had not even been in the circle for a full year, and she was still unaccustomed to how The Order handled their mages.

Cullen quietly pondered to himself if she thought he took joy in watching apprentice mages fail their Harrowing's.

"I would of felt terrible about it," He admitted before he could stop himself. Even Lana looked surprised, which was shocking considering the woman's composure was always as cool as ice. He had to look away from her curious gaze, unable to meet her piercing green eyes as he continued. "But.. But I serve the Chantry, and the Maker, and I will do as I am commanded."

The Lavellan could not understand why this Templar man sounded so.. broken.

Surely, he knew what it meant when he dedicated his life to the Order? The thought that he was given the choice to be here made her unreasonably sick. How dare he sound so sad, so disheartened, when it was she who was snatched from her Lavellan Clan a year ago when she was hunting in the forest, attacked and knocked unconscious by the Templars? By the Order that he so willingly served?

She didn't want to hear how he would of felt terrible for striking her down after they're the ones who threw her into the Fade as part of their silly little shem Harrowing. Of course, Lana passed the ritual with flashing colors, Cullen spreading the word on how it'd been the fastest Harrowing he'd ever seen. But he didn't deserve to feel guilty for killing Mages who were not as strong as she was, the mages who failed their Harrowing's and turned into abominations. Suddenly, all she felt was anger.

"It is easy for one to not think for himself." Lana hissed out. She should have stopped there, when she saw how badly her words had hurt the Templar. Cullen's lips pressed into a frown, trying to mask the pain her words gave him.

But Lana couldn't stop herself as she quickly slipped past him, making sure their shoulders did not accidentally knock as she hissed hatefully, "You let your lack of knowledge frighten you. You have no mind of your own, Ser. You are a weak man. And for that, I pity you."

She couldn't forgive the shemlen for taking her from her forest. She couldn't forgive how the Templar's threw all the mages into this tower, preaching that it was for their own good. No matter how kind the Ser Templar had been, no matter how kindly Cullen spoke to her.. Lana couldn't forgive the fact that he served The Order so willingly, so blindly.

She walked away.

He watched her back as she departed, watching as she did not look over her shoulder to spare him another glance.

She was collected into the Grey Warden's shortly after that.

Cullen was silent when she walked by him, Duncan at her side.

There was nothing else to say between the two.

"..This trick, again? I know what you are. It won't work. I will stay strong."

Lana did not know what she was expecting when she walked up the stairs to the fourth floor of the Circle that once held her prisoner.

Surely nothing would surprise her at this point, after wading through the bodies of mage apprentices and Templar's she once studied and shared a roof with.

She'd been recruited as a Warden, to the dismay of Knight Commander Greagoir, and was granted permission to leave the shemlen prison they designed so cleverly as a "school".

The first thing she wanted to do was find a chance to sneak past the shem man who'd recruited her, Duncan. Unfortunately, the elder Warden was wise beyond his years, and it seemed as though he saw right through Lana. He kept a critical eye on her that was masked as a friendly smile, and made sure she didn't wander off far on her own. He explained that times have changed within the past year she was held prisoner in the Circle Tower (apparently, the shem Warden was able to sympathize with the Circle mages who were being held against their will. Lana found it refreshing that not all of the humans are controlled by their fear of magic) and Duncan had asked for Lana to stick close to him, in case any Darkspawn were to appear. The elven woman was grateful to be traveling with such a skilled warrior, shem or not.

Duncan was the first human who Lana found herself participating in an actual conversation with. He answered all of her seemingly obvious questions without laughing at her, and even asked some questions of his own about the Circle, which Lana couldn't bring herself to care for, and about her Dalish heritage, which she refused to share with an outsider.

She never did find a chance to runaway during their journey to Ostagard.

And then the battle happened.

And then the Wardens fell.

Death, lots of death.

And suddenly running away to return to her Clan was no longer an option for Lana. Alistair had begged her not to leave him, told her pathetically how he can hardly choose what to wear in the morning, let alone where to start when it came to ending the Blight. They were the only Warden's left in Fereldan, and the big oaf definitely wouldn't be able to get anything done without her, despite the fact that he had been a Warden longer then she had.

Creators, he wasn't able to do much without her. And then he tells her he's not just another human with a bad sense of humor, but he's a Prince. Of Ferelden.

Lana absolutely did not want to get into the shem politics, but it was becoming abundantly clear to her that Alistair needed to take the throne. It was his birthright, was it not? The Dalish had very strong faith in tradition, and if Alistair belonged on the throne, then she would help put him there, when the time came.

She left Kinloch Hold to start her journey as a Warden five months ago, and within that time, Lana managed to make alliances at every corner of Ferelden.

There was the bard, Leliana, who believed Lana was somehow special in the Maker's eye. Clearly, this was nonsense to the Dalish elf as she did not care for the human God, but after her time spent in the Circle, Lana had become familiar with the religion. Leliana claimed that her Maker wanted her to guide Lana on their special mission. The elf had simply exchanged a look with Alistair, before shrugging her shoulders. Who cares if Leliana was an insane Chantry Sister with the wildest notion that the Maker wanted her to protect Lana? She had a sharp shot, told the most entertaining stories, and had the most beautiful voice Lana had ever heard.

Then there was Sten, the Qunari she had saved from Lothering. He was reluctant at first, clearly holding no respect for the elf who called itself a Warden, but was clearly a woman. Lana knew nothing of the Qun, or why it was so hard for the man to understand a woman could be a Grey Warden. In fact, Lana had no idea the Qunari had even existed.

It was at this point that the Lavellan came to terms with the fact that she may have been living a sheltered life in the Forest and in the Circle. She was rapidly becoming aware of how her ignorance to the outside world, the world she was trying to protect. Why was she fighting to protect a world she knew nothing of? Lana strived to learn more about the humans, about the Qunari, and about her own ancestors, the Dalish.

She had a mabari pup who was much stronger than it appeared. She'd named him Dirty Mutt, which Alistair immediately refused and asked her to reconsider to Pinwheel, but Dirty Mutt was already responsive to only what his master called him.

Morrigan was another apostate mage who Lana surprisingly found herself getting along with. Of course, the Witch of the Wilds and the Prince of Fereldan argued all across Fereldan like a pair younger siblings, causing the Dalish mage to have migraines throughout their whole journey.

Zevran, the Antivan elf who knew nothing of his heritage. Lana was overjoyed when she'd greeted him in elven one night when they were both watching camp, and Zevran had admitted to being curious about why he could feel their language in his bones. Lana had happily agreed to teach him all the elven she knew, since Zevran had never before shown interest in his Dalish heritage, but the mood was horribly tarnished when Zevran explained how aroused the language made him.

Within the five months they were on their journey, Lana managed to recruited a Dalish clan first, which was a given. Unfortunately, the Keeper had no information on Clan Lavellan, which had disheartened Lana for a good few weeks during their travels. She shouldn't of been surprised, Dalish Clan's were often aloof of one another, and always to reluctant to share their knowledge. Lana tried to keep her mind focused on ending the Blight.

After they recruited the dalish, Lana had decided to heed Alistair's advice and head to Redcliffe in order to meet the Arl. It turned out, the castle had been overrun by a demon, who was currently possessing the Arl's son, Connor. Lana had promised Bann Teagan, another human nobility that Alistair knew, that she would ask the First Enchanter if they could use the Circle's lyrium in order to go to the Fade and save the young human boy.

She fought through blood mages, enchanted Templars, and regular Templars, and sloth demons, searching for the First Enchanter so she could convince Greagoir to cancel the Right of Annulment. It baffled her, really, how easily the shemlen were going to slaughter the mages.

Lana figured nothing else could possibly surprise her, until she saw a familiar templar knelt on the ground, surrounded by a pink barrier.

"Cullen?"

It'd been at least five months, but she could recognize him anywhere. "You're... alive." She didn't realize it was a burden that had been weighing on her until now. But seeing him, surrounded in that barrier with seemingly no wounds, relief washed over her like a wave she didn't know exist.

Unfortunately, his relief did not match her own.

"Silence, demon!" The Templar who once had the sweetest honeyed eyes that would watch over her quietly in the circle, was now snarling at her. Lana had to admit, she wasn't expecting that reaction from him, and she took a step backwards as if his words had psychically lashed out at her. Cullen continued, enraged. "I will not entertain your wretched games. Begone!"

The elven mage pressed her lips into a frown as she watched the man she'd once been acquaintanced with kneel before her and whisper a prayer to his Maker, as if she were going to strike him down at any moment. She couldn't help but furrow her eyebrows in confusion.

"Cullen.. Don't you recognize me?"

Sure, Lana may given him the cold shoulder during her time in the Circle, brushing him off when he would try to make nice conversation, ignoring him as he would greet her good morning every day.. but to call her a demon? She wondered if he thought she'd came back to help slaughter the mages and templars alike.

"Only too well," He sounded broken, like he had back when she'd last spoken with him at the Circle. Cullen burried his face into his palms, "...how far, they must have delved into my thoughts... to bring her face into this.. to tarnish the last memory I had of her..."

Wynne approached the pink barrier that Lana had very specifically stayed away from. The older mage woman peered closer into his cage, examining it closely. "The boy is exhausted. This cage, I've never seen anything like it.." She pressed her lips together in a frown, "Rest easy child.. help is here."

"Cullen, can you stand?" Lana managed to ask after the shock wore off. They were wasting time, but she wasn't entirely sure if he was well. "I'm here to help."

He shook his head violently, resolve cracking just the slightest bit. "Enough visions. If anything in you is human, kill me now and stop these games!"

It definitely wasn't the best time to get offended that he'd call her human. She was elven, for crying out loud.

"He's delirious. He's been tortured.. and has probably been denied food and water. I can tell." Leliana reached into her pouch to pull of the last flask of water, approaching the Templar as she did so. "Here, I have a skin of-"

Cullen's voice bellowed off of the walls when he shouted as Leliana had approached him. "Don't touch me! Stay away!"

"Leliana." Lana's tone was deprived of emotion, coming out very sternly. The former bard quickly took a few steps back so she could be behind the elven Warden, listening to her unspoken command to back away from the crazed Templar.

"Sifting through my thoughts.. tempting me with the one thing I always wanted, but could never have.. using my shame against me.. my ill advised infatuation with her.. a mage of all things."

Lana felt her heart sink to her stomach, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable.

What was this man going on about?

...No, it was clear what he meant. Who he was talking about. Her.

Lana would have never known that the shy Templar who always seemed to go out of his way to greet her no matter how badly she snubbed him, was infatuated with her. A human!

The idea had never crossed her mind. He was a human, he was a Templar, and he was always watching her. She'd assumed he was anxiously waiting for the Dalish elf apostate to burst into an abomination. Truly, she figured the Templar was frightened of her. Never would she have guessed it to be infatuation.

"Cullen." It was probably the first time she'd ever spoken to him so gently. Even now, Lana's tone was not warm, instead more commanding. "The others. I need you to tell me where they are."

"Others..? What.. others?" He asked drowsily.

"The mages, Cullen. Irving."

"They are in the Harrowing tower. The sounds coming from there.. Oh, Maker.." Cullen shook his head, looking more defeated than Lana had ever seen a man before. "And to think I once thought we were too hard on you."

What did the humans expect, locking mages together in a prison they thought was so cleverly designed as a school? The threat of Tranquility looming through the halls, an eerie horror that haunted Lana many nights when the Templar's first kidnapped her from her clan. The humans had a form of magic she'd never seen before, the power to cut ones connection from the Fade, and it terrified her.

However, Lana would not scold a broken man. It was clear the templar was not in the right state of mind, like Leliana had confirmed. Lana ignored his insult as calmly as she could, the only tell of her annoyance being the slight press of her lips before she curtly turned away from him, and headed over to the room where she'd once done her Harrowing.

She was done speaking to the Templar. It was clear he would never understand.

"You can't save them. You must kill Uldred. Kill them all for what they have done." Cullen's desperate plea stopped her dead in her tracks.

Lana slowly turned her head, looking over her shoulder to look at the templar on his knee's. She wasn't sure whether or not he was being serious.

"You wish for me to kill them? All of them?" Hadn't he once lived amongst these people too? Watched them, like he had watched her, every day?

"We will never be safe unless every last one of those mages are killed! Only mages have that much power at their fingertips, only mages are susceptible to the whisperings of a demon-"

"Mind your tongue, Templar." Lana stalked back over to where he sat, green eyes narrowed dangerously. "This mage just saved your life."

"Do not think I am not grateful! But why should I live when my friends lie dead, bodies and spirits broken? Did a mage not start this? Is it not one of you who are to blame? To ensure this nightmare is over.. to guarantee no blood mages or abominations remain, you must kill everyone up there."

"Do you forget the reason these mages are here in the first place?" Lana approached his cage, a heated look in his eyes. She could feel her hatred for the Circle, for Kinloch Hold, for the Templar's and what they took from her. Her hand clenched into a fist.

"Your Order! Your Chantry! You, humans! You take, and you take! And you are surprised when those who you've enslaved fight back?!"

Wynne grasped onto the Warden's shoulder, gently pulling her away from the cage. "This is a discussion for another time! The boy is not well!" She scolded.

Lana didn't realize during her angry rant how the shem man slowly crawled away from her as she approached, whimpering pathetically. The man looked as though he were about to begin praying to his Maker again for protection from the demon in front of him.

She slowly unclenched her hand from it's fist. She felt sorry for the shemlen, one of the few survivors of the Circle when there had once been so many. He'd clearly been through some exhausting ordeal, and now was not the time.

Still, Lana could not help but add gently, "..But, death to them all? Is it not your duty to protect the innocent? The Templar's are not the only victims here."

Cullen clenched his eyes shut, her words ringing through his heart. Of course it was his duty to protect the innocent. It was what he's sworn to since he was thirteen years old. But she did not understand, he's seen what the maleficarum can do, watched helplessly as they took his fellow Templars one by one.

Cullen could no longer find these mages to be innocent. He spoke mournfully, "I have seen what they are capable of. They have been surrounded by the blood mages, who's wicked fingers snake into your mind and corrupt your thoughts."

Lana felt Alistair approach her, speaking to her gently. "His hatred of mage's is so intense.. the memory of his friends deaths are still fresh in his mind."

The broken templar shifted his weary gaze to Alistair, who bent slightly so he could whisper something into Lana's ear. Cullen closed his eyes once again, slowly accepting that the Dalish mage he had once fancied in the Circle was not killed in battle like he was led to believe. It still hurt too greatly for Cullen to revisit those memories, the guilt for having affection for a mage, for being so careless as to dote on one of his charges.

Still, he couldn't help it as the words slipped out of his mouth, his concern for a mage, his greatest weakness, showing once again. "But you.. how did you survive? We were told that all of the Warden's had been killed during the battle at Ostagard. I believed you to be.." He couldn't finish, his concern soon turning to disgust.

He thought of the desire demon who'd possessed her body, using her voice and her face to taint him. Cullen had to look away once again, unable to face her.

"Both Alistair and I are the only Warden's who survived," Lana answered curtly. Her eyes softened as she looked at the Templar who was too disgusted to even look her in the eye. The only Templar who had shown her kindness in the Circle. The poor shemlen who followed his Order so blindly, and this is where it lead him.

The poor fool.

She knelt down so she could be at eye-level with the Templar who still sat on his knees. He snarled and crawled to the other side of his barrier, but Lana remained motionless. He was looking looking at the floor, determined not to meet her gaze.

The poor, poor fool.

His kind soul has been tainted.

"Blood magic is unforgivable. I will kill every single blood mage that I encounter." She vowed to him in a strong voice, filled with authority. She continued, just as strongly. "And I will save every single innocent person that I am able." Cullen let out a snort of disgust at this. The fool! He opened his mouth to lash out, to try and change her mind, but Lana continued before he could voice his complaints. "And.. I know that there was a time when you would have done the same.

Viciously, Cullen called out her, "I was once a fool! And you are one just as well!"

But Lana simply rose into standing position, motioned for her party to follow her, and headed into the Harrowing Chamber. Cullen was left alone to bury his face into his hands.

She was a fool. She was such a fool to let the Mage's survive. The maleficarum whom tainted his fellow Templar's with their wicked magic. He let out another whimper, "They never listen. Not until it's too late."

...

authors note;; the Hero of Ferelden found Andraste's sacred ashes, for Pete's sake. If anyone deserved to be Andraste's Herald, its her.