Internet Pop-ups cause Vital Regions to be Seized!
I felt something heavy on my chest, but I was too tired to talk, so I tried to get up. Sorry not today me. I opened my eyes; Alfred was laying over me, fat ass. I yawned, "Alfred, get up, I can't breathe." He snored. I groaned, "Suffocating me isn't very heroic!" He immediately jumped up, "ERIN THE HERO IS VERY HEROIC! TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU I WILL MAKE BREAKFAST!" I sighed, it was too early for yelling, then he picked me up, "PUT ME DOWN YOU IDIOT!" No such luck, I was placed on the couch downstairs, Alfred scurried into the kitchen to make food.
I turned on the TV, but nothing was on. Alfred slumped down next to me, handing me a bowl, "Cheerios? Really?" He grinned nodding. I sighed; he began to stuff his face. I for one was too tired to be hungry. Just then I heard the doorbell ring again, I was pretty sure I knew what it was… "God dammit! I haven't even gotten used to Alfie yet!" I stifled a yawn, and answered the door, "Yes?" It was the same man from yesterday, "We have another delivery for you! Sign here please!" I signed the paper, and called to Alfred, "YO! GET OFF YOUR LAZY BUM AND HELP ME!" He came running, and helped me bring the box inside. 'Please be someone who isn't going to rape me!' I screamed in my head. I picked up the manual thing. "Fuck." The booklet had read, "GILBERT BEILLSCHMIDT user unit guide and manual"
"Alfred, I need you to wait in the living room only come in if I scream, okay?" He nodded and scurried off to watch SpongeBob. I read the options, "Can't cook, I don't own beer, can't play the piano either, I'm not speaking Russian… might as well just turn on Gilbird." I opened the smaller crate, and picked up the yellow chick, "Gilbird?" The little puff looked up at me, "Piyo!" The bigger crate exploded, I narrowly missed being stabbed with the shards of wood! "Kesesesese! GILBIRD WHERE ARE YOU!" The silver haired man ran towards the bird… and me! "FUCK!" I was tackled once again… "GET OFF OF ME!" I clawed at the floor, at least he wasn't as heavy. "Ha-ha! I am the awesome GILBERT! and who are you unawesome one?" I sighed, pushing him off of me, "I am Erin." Gilbert grinned, evil bastard, "What a very unawesome name you have!" I swear I was going to punch him!
Alfred came into the room, "Aw man! Now we have to deal with him too!" I mentally stabbed them both, 'Alfie, I have to deal with your idiocy too!' I screamed in my head. "Gil, you can sleep on the bottom bunk." He pouted, "That isn't awesome!" I grew more frustrated, "Fine then the couch?" More pouting, "That isn't awesome either!" I felt my eye twitch, "Then WHERE will you sleep!" He grinned, not good! He walked over and grabbed my shoulders, "How about with you~" Frustration level acquired, I punched him in the face! "YOU ARE DEFINATLEY SLEEPING ON THE COUCH!" My face red, I turned around and walked off, I could still hear him say, "Ow~ not awesome! Girl's got some punch! Kesesesese!"
DAMN I really don't want any more of these evil things, but strangely I did. I was happy not to be alone anymore at least. Alfie walked up from behind me, "Gil's spazzing out that you have no beer." I frowned, "Tell him to get his own; I'm not old enough to own alcohol!" Alfred meeped at my snappiness. I frowned, "Sorry, I'm just a little pissed." He smiled faintly, "Okay." I still felt bad, it wasn't his fault, "Hey I'm sorry. How about I buy you a new video game?" I braced myself for a glomp, but it never came. I turned, Alfie was just grinning like a lunatic, and spazzing like any American would, "THANK YOU!" He turned and ran off to where ever he would go. I smiled; I probably could get beer too, just to shut up Mr. Awesome.
"HEY YOU TWO! We're going shopping, get your butts outside!" The two boys ran up next to me, and we left. It sucked that we had to walk; at least the stores were close. I didn't have a job at the time, I'm glad my scholarship pays for this house! Luckily, I found a job, and was starting in September, and it was still July. Oh well, parents will give me money every month until then.
Gilbert was the first to complain about walking, "This isn't awesome~ I am too awesome to have to walk!" I sighed, "Too bad!" I felt his chin on my shoulder, "Can I get some beer at least~" I flicked his nose, "Fine." I wasn't in the mood to argue with him. Alfie came up behind me next, "Can I get soda?" I grumbled, "Okay, okay" Maybe taking them with me, wasn't the best idea ever.
~AUTHOR'S NOTE~Hetalia and the manuals this fic is based on do not belong to me!