Dead or Alive
He catches up to her in an animal hospital just as she passes out from blood loss. Checking her pulse and finding it weak but steady, he wastes no time. Quickly field-dressing the gaping hole in her shoulder, he picks her up and takes her back to the plane.
Birkhoff and Fletcher hover a little until he orders them to get the plane into the air and they get his unspoken meaning that he wants to be alone with her for now.
He cuts off her shirt and tends to her wound as best as he can. Given the fact that he has little more to work with than a first aid kit, cleaning it up and dressing it properly this time will have to do. For good measure he injects her with a broad-spectrum antibiotic and some non-narcotic painkiller. Then there's nothing more to do but block out the memories that had washed over him as he cared for her and watch over her until she regains consciousness.
She has a warm hug and a smile for both Birkhoff and Fletcher when she wakes and even though he's purposely kept her at arms length by keeping their conversation as businesslike as possible some small part of him is terribly stung that she doesn't at least try to reach out to him.
He decides this pain is something he can use, he considers it proof that he's right in his decision of not wanting to start things up with her again. Or is it?
Being in a confined space with her is messing with his resolve. He can't have that.
He wants them to clear her name, so that all of them can get on with their lives. Separately. The way Nikita had planned it when she left them all behind. As soon as possible.
Hearing her emotionally exclaim to Graham's double she gave up everything for even a shred of the truth makes his stomach clench painfully. His own grief for what used to be bubbling up unbidden. After that he makes sure there is as much distance between them as possible, asking Birkhoff to take over the care of her wound while he and Fletcher brainstorm and strategise their next move.
It becomes clear soon enough, drastic measures are needed if they want to get ahead of Amanda and the Shop. To his annoyance Nikita is the one who pitches the idea of how to get there. Fletcher runs with it and forces him to face the building tension between himself and Nikita that has most definitely not gone unnoticed by anyone when he says the plan will only work as a two man op.
He feels two pairs of eyes burning into him. When a third pair is about to be added as Nikita slowly turns around to face him, he quickly agrees to it and turns around to gather the required gear.
They don't speak to each other on the way to the parking garage. Nikita sighs numerous times. He knows she's trying to figure out a way to breach the silence between them, but doesn't know where to start.
He drops her off in front of the building from which roof she'll take the shot and he continues on into the garage across from it.
They talk shop a little after she confirms she's in position.
She steers the conversation in a more personal direction without knowing she does so when she tells him there are "some things you don't forget" in answer to his comment that she hasn't shot in a while.
"Let's hope not", he hears himself say out loud. He can't help the double meaning behind the words, his anger shining through. You had no trouble forgetting about me when you decided to up and leave, he doesn't say out loud.
It's all she needs to cut to the heart of the matter. Getting angry herself when he brushes off her attempt at an explanation for what she did. They bicker over their comms until Nikita says she shouldn't even be here now, that she should leave again. He reigns himself in, firmly telling her "No" and then telling her once again that they're better off when they are working together, that she belongs with them.
The tone of her voice tells him she wants more from him when she asks after the reason he's upset with her. He can't give it to her though. And besides: isn't that obvious? So he continues to use the well-being of the team as a shield to guard his battered heart and she shoots him. As planned.
His chest feels tight for two reasons after she's shot him. One physical, one not.
His emotions are wreaking havoc upon him and he knows Nikita isn't faring any better when they are on their way to Graham's residence.
He's grateful for the fact they still make a good team as far as missions go, it's what gets him through the awkwardness of being forced to be close to her for the duration of the next part of this particular op.
She looks like herself again. All cleaned up. Strong and collected. Focused too.
The 'highlights' of her time on the run make it into a tentative conversation between them while they set up the microphone and its remote to take out Graham's double.
He can smell her. She's that close to him. He's missed that smell, more than he's realised.
They resort to double speak again and he feels a tingling sensation in his lips when their eyes meet. In that moment he wants nothing more than to relieve the feeling by pressing his lips to hers. His body betraying him.
He spends seconds at war with himself, before refocusing on finishing up the camera set-up. And then he's out the van, on his way to switch the camera-bags.
Nikita falters when Amanda pulls out all the stops to prevent her from taking the shot at the double.
Frustration at her for not tuning Amanda out and doing what she has to do, ebbs away when he sees her breaking down right in front of him and remembers how much she's been hurt too. His hands close over hers in a move meant to both reassure and comfort. Despite everything she's put him through, he still can't bare to see her hurt and so he takes the shot himself.
She flinches violently when they hear Amanda executing the real Graham through their comms and buries her face in her hand. Not so long ago he would have taken her into his arms and kissed all her insecurities and grief away. Not now though.
It's not his place anymore.
When they get back to the plane Fletcher and Birkhoff are there to offer what he won't. They hug her close while speaking words of comfort and she kisses Birkhoff's cheek in thanks. He knows he has no right to feel jealous but he does.
He needs to get away from her, from all three of them.
He tells himself he's not hiding in the back of the plane, disassembling their gear. It doesn't matter. She finds him easily.
He knows why she's sought him out. She tries to talk to him about them, but he deflects. She calls him on it. Reaches out to him. Gently caresses his cheek. But he can't. He loves her still, he probably always will and he tells her in not so many words. But he just can't.
He's done and he needs her to leave him be. So he tells her, as he grasps her hand in his, taking it away from his face, "I am done fighting for us", and leaves her standing there. He doesn't notice the tears gathering in her eyes and he's already well away from her when the first one slips down her cheek.