He entered his empty house with heavy steps.
The case was painfully easy, didn't need much time to solve, to make him forget even for while.
He looked to the tea and biscuits on the table with disinterest, he didn't eat for days but today wasn't the day too. He got rid of them.
He prepared himself for his daily meeting. Maybe this day he would have the courage.
He reached his cupboard, removing his clothes from one shelf. He pulled out a simple plate of wood, revealing a secret place containing a small bag.
He took the little bag, put it in front of him on the table and sat on his chair.
'Take me and all your misery will be over.'
The little bag of freedom promised.
"How dare you throw away the beautiful gifts you were born with, and how dare you betray the love of your friend." He heard her like she was here, he felt his cheeks hurt like she just slapped him.
Her words rang through his mind over and over, torturing him, as harsh they were, he could feel her fear and concern in them, she really cared for him, nobody would care for him as she did.
Every time he tried to reach the bag, her beautiful disappointed eyes pushed him away.
You can't disappoint a dead person, he thought trying to convince himself there was no point, she wouldn't know.
But he couldn't.
He didn't know why it was very hard, there was no logic about it, he did disappoint her endless times when she was alive. How could it be harder in her absence?
Since the day she left him, he went in his days as usual, as normal, and got back home in the night for the same meeting with the same result, hoping he will have the courage one time to change the end of it.
He got up to hide it again, just in time before he heard the sound of footsteps and an umbrella torturing the stairs.
He hoped for a second his dear brother was coming with a gift, the Eastern Europe mission, but he dismissed the idea as fast as it came, he was a hero now in their standards, they needed him alive more than dead, he hated it.
His brother finally reached the entrance, he was holding a blue file between his fingers, a good case he hoped. He was desperate for any distraction.
"Hello brother mine, what is the misfortune reason that makes you come to visit." he greeted him smiling, sitting on his seat in his usual defensive position he takes every time his brother comes.
Mycroft didn't say a word, he entered and sat on the client chair, putting the file on the table next to him, he eyed his brother, then went silent for a moment. He looked like thinking of what he wanted to say with less possible damage. Sherlock didn't say a word. It was a sight to behold and he was enjoying it.
"I owe you an apology." he finally talked, looking…guilty!
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe the mission is still available for me, Sherlock thought, daring to hope.
"I think you owe me a lo.."
"Let me finish Sherlock." He said exasperated. But when wasn't he.
Sherlock rose his hands up in defense, making funny face.
The government frowned, and took a deep breath before he started again.
"It was my idea, but it was her choice to make it permanent." his voice was low.
"She said she got nothing left for her here, nobody would miss her for long. She needed a peaceful life."
It can't be, Sherlock thought.
"I provided her a very safe life, a very dull-he said with disgust-but nice job, I kept an eye on her, she looks…happy"
He can't be talking about her. She would never hurt me this way, the consultant detective thought, still not believing his brother meant what he said.
Mycroft stopped for a minute studying his brother, he was near to a statue, almost not breathing, but he knew better, he knew there was a war inside him tearing him apart.
He wasn't wrong, Sherlock felt betrayed at first, how could she do this to him, leave him to his own demons, didn't she know she was his savior, the light that pushed them all away no matter how dark they were.
Then he felt anger, she said nobody would miss her, how dare she think so little of herself, she was loved, she had friends, she had him.
Finally he felt guilt, in which world she had him, he never told her how he felt for her, never showed any kind of affection, too terrified to admit even to himself, afraid to lose her till he did. Even his best friend thought he wasn't affected at all in the time he was tearing apart every second.
"Every thing about her is in this file, the city I chose for her, her job location…" Mycroft said eyeing the file.
"I hope you take the right decision." leave her alone, let her have her chances to have a normal life. He almost heard the government admonishing him.
But he was wrong this time, it was his mind telling him to do that.
Old Mycroft would agree with him though, caring is not advantage was the rule he was living by, but the new one, he wanted the happiness he got for his brother.
It started one year ago,
'I don't need you to protect me Mike, I know how to do that, all I need is simply you.' He could still hear her Kind voice.
'What if it was illness or a car accident, or any silly normal cause that took me from you.' She smiled.
'Losing your loved ones for death will affect you anyway no matter what was the reason, I thought you're smarter than that.' She teased him.
She held his hand between her small hands 'all we could do is live our current days the way we wish, and my only wish is to be with you.'
Her simple words broke the last brick of the prison he built around himself in his early years, gave him the strength to accept his feelings for her he tried to fight all this time, she destroyed his defenses brick by brick by her kindness, patience and love for him, it took her years, but she never gave up, she had faith on him.
She was his strength since that day.
He never felt weak when she was with him, he was powerful and strong, he had to be for her.
Back to the current situation, he found his brother in lost, looking to the file with unfocused eyes, he felt guilty, it was him who filled his head with all those poisoned ideas. In his defense he believed them then, he was more than proud when he turned THE Woman down, but now he recognized his errors, and he didn't want his little brother to discover it as late as he did, he wanted him happy.
Mycroft rose from his chair heading to the door, he stopped on his track and turned to face his brother one last time.
"We all know the value of what we had when we lose it, but not all of us are lucky to have a second chance to win it back, I trust you to be wise enough to know what to do." he left the building demanding the driver to hurry up, he needed to reach his home, he needed to reach his Anthea.
Sherlock didn't move for another hour, looking to the file sitting on the table waiting to reveal its secrets.
She is alive, his Molly was alive, and she went very far to get rid of him.
He had two options, and neither one of them was easy.
Let her go, leaving her to live her new life, his brother said she was happy now, he imagined her with new friends, new husband, lookalikes kids cause the world needed more Molly on it.
But he was a selfish man, he knew if she would accept him back, if he had any tiny chance to be with her, around her, he wouldn't miss it, he shook his head in disgust, he felt disgusted of himself, why can't you let her be happy, what if you hurt her again, this time beyond repair, what good would you be for her then? He shouted at himself.
Another horrible thought came to him, it was more logical, what if she wouldn't take him back. What if he pushed her away she finally moved on, to the length of faking her death?
'No, no, no, she needed to leave to move on, if she got over me already she wouldn't do what she did, she needed the space.'
'You're so egoistic bastard, who said it was about you, you're not the center of her life. You're nothing to her anymore.'
"Arghhhhhh, SHUT UP." He groaned loudly holding his head, getting up off his chair kicking it, trying to shut up the voices inside.
He breathed deeply. Walking slowly to the file like it would get scared and vanish if he walked fast.
He held it with shaking hands, opened it and memorized every single word, he stored the information in the most secured room in his palace, then burned the file to ashes.
He didn't visit the room for two months, till he took his decision.