Summary: We're all just casualties of war. All these paths crossed each other all at once, we would never be the same again. Our lives from then on would take a turn for the better or turn for the worst. I for one, am glad, because it led me to you.
Casualties of War
Chapter Two: I'd Come for You- Nickelback
S is for the simple need
E is for the ecstasy.
X is just to mark the spot,
Because that's the one you really want.
She lay there on the bed and stared at his bare chest rising and falling with each breath. He'd fallen asleep some time ago, but she had yet to manage that…there was too much on her mind. Part of her, albeit a very small part, a part buried so deep inside that it was almost ignorable, knew this was wrong. He was taken. She'd promised herself that she'd never do this again. But there was the greater part of her, that didn't care. She needed this, she needed HIM.
"You look very concentrated on something," his voice tore her out of her thoughts.
She hadn't even noticed him wake up, "I'm just thinking," she replied quietly moving closer to him resting her head on his chest.
"Gonna share the secret?" He wrapped his arm around her and ran his fingers through her silky hair.
His touch sent soft, intoxicating electric shocks through her whole body and his quiet laugh did even more, "I think I hate myself right now…" she didn't mean to say it out loud and could feel the blood rush up to her cheeks when she heard herself say it.
"What do you mean?" The man's hand on her back stopped it's soothing pattern and felt heavy under the guilt she felt.
He asked more in the way that someone would for an explanation on a math problem, but she felt like he had snapped at her. "I'm sorry I didn't mean…" Margaret's voice shook as she tried to put her thoughts into words, "I mean…here I am , not that long after Donald was cheating on me and I'm the 'other woman' as far as Carlye is concerned…" she sighed, "After he did that to me, I never wanted to do that to anyone else. No one deserves that to happen to them. And here I am, making it happen for her. How could I do that to someone?"
"Margaret, if you feel this way about all this then, why did you call?" Hawkeye asked rising up in the bed.
She moved away from him and stared up at the ceiling her eyes beginning to fill with tears, "I don't know…I really wasn't thinking."
At this Hawkeye wasn't really sure what to think. He stood up from the bed and ran his hand through his dark hair and stared at the wall.
"I guess because I knew you would come…I needed somebody, and I knew you'd be the one to come, you always are."
It was true, no use in trying to deny it. It was the cold hard truth. Life had a way of taking everything loved, the thing that made him happy, and making it come back to bite him in the butt. His relationship with Margaret was just that. Up until that moment he thought it perfect. Why did she have to say that? Ruin the romance? Because reality was harsh and brutal, screwing him over at ever opportunity, and quite frankly…life was a bitch.
She spoke truths, he always came, whenever she called, he came. Why? Because he was an idiot? No, that couldn't be it. Because he was desperate? No, like her, he could have his pick of the litter…and not to mention he had Carlye…so why? Because you love her you dunce…A voice in his head seemed to scream. Love? The word that made him squirm and run far far away. He was in love with Margaret Houlihan…Okay now he was sure he was going crazy.
No, no…not crazy. Avoiding the truth, for the longest time…he'd been avoiding it, ignoring it…when really he knew all along. He'd fallen out of touch with her, said goodbye in Korea to avoid it, gotten back with Carlye to avoid it. Not just avoid it, refuse it. He remembered now…
Just after his father's death, six months after the war…He'd never really gotten over the war…the nightmares, even to this day he had them…and faced with losing his father, he was consumed by grief. Beyond grief actually, it was an abyss…death and destruction spreading it's all-encompassing darkness everywhere he turned. All he wanted was an escape…and all of a sudden…with Carlye turning up on his doorstep…he had one.
But then when Margaret called that first time, he had another. And as much as he didn't want to, he had to admit that he was happier than he had been in a long time when he saw her again. Much happier than when he saw Carlye after all that time. It was almost like he was being reunited with family…with a long lost loved one.
Just talking with her had made it seem better…the sex had just been a plus…then again…that was what sex was all about right?
"Hawk?" he heard her speak quietly.
"Yeah?" he replied turning around to face her.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, just thinking…" he answered her.
She nodded, she didn't say anything because she knew it would be much harder for her to get him to talk about what he was thinking than it was for him to get her to talk. It had been that way for quite some time…they had almost reversed roles somehow.
She took in a deep breath and spoke softly yet firmly, "You wanna talk about it?" At least trying to give it a shot.
"It's nothing…really…nothing," was his reply as he went to lay down next to her again.
"You sure?" she asked as he inched closer.
He nodded as he touched his lips to hers, and placed his hand on her hip and gently pushed her onto her back.
She didn't stop him, she didn't want to really…Wrong? Maybe. Did she care? At the moment…No. It didn't matter anymore. She'd called knowing what she was doing, just not wanting to admit it. And as always, he came…so that had to mean something right?
After the anger and the rush of trying to fit all her clothes and belongings into a single suitcase, she'd collapsed on the hallway floor in a wave of tears. She couldn't leave…she knew that now. Where would she go? What would she do when she got there, where ever 'there' was? And besides all that, she still loved Hawkeye.
"Oh my God…what am I gonna do?" she asked herself closing her eyes and leaning her head back against the wall and then heaving a tired sigh…
Then she thought of the note she had written. 'Tear it up.' the voice in her head spoke to her…it seemed to be the voice of reason, the one that would tell her the right thing to do. But was it right if it was telling her to stay? Stick around for more heart ache and break…
She rose to her feet, went back into the bed room and started to put things back where they belonged. Once she was finished with that she went back downstairs to the kitchen, to the note, which she took into her hands, lit a match and burned it…leaving only ashes. No traces left of her decision to leave. Hawkeye would know nothing when he returned.
She would stay…and she would fight to keep what she felt was hers. After all…she loved him and he loved her…he had to, if he didn't she wouldn't be here right?
A/N: Okay so...here's the next chapter. For those of you who may remember this story you'll know that I also had four chapters out so I'm gonna try to keep it up that way. I'm currently working on chapter five so it should be done by the time I get there and so on and so forth. The main plot and outline is already laid out just need written so yeah...Probably won't be very long but hopefully it'll be an enjoyable read.
Disclaimer: M*A*S*H is definitely not mine…and neither does this awesome song. It belongs to Nickelback, as does the few lines at the beginning of this chapter. The following lyrics are I'd Come for You, from their new album. The lines at the beginning of this chapter are also from their new album…but it's an awesome song called S.E.X…for those of you who know the song, it's awesome right? Almost as good as Animals, for those of you who don't…you gotta listen…and no I'm not that big a perv.
Just One more moment, that's all that's needed.
Like wounded soldiers in need of healing.
Time to be honest, this time I'm bleeding
Please don't dwell on it, cause I didn't mean it
I cant believe I said I'd lay our love on the ground
But it doesn't matter cause I've made it up forgive me now
Everyday I spend away my souls inside out
Gotta be someway that I can make it up to you now, somehow.
By now you'd know that I'd come for you
No one but you, yes I'd come for you
But only if you told me to
And I'd fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'd always come for you
I was blindfolded, but now I'm seeing
My mind was closing, now I'm believing
I finally know what just what it means to let someone in
To see the side of me that no one does or ever will
So if your ever lost and find yourself all alone
I'd search forever just to bring you home,
Here and now this I vow
By now you'd know that I'd come for you
No one but you, yes I'd come for you
But only if you told me to
And I'd fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'd always come for you
You know I'd always come for you
No matter what gets in my way
As long as there's still life in me
No matter what, remember you know I'll always come for you
I'd crawl across this world for you
Do anything you want me to
No matter what, remember you know I'll always come for you
You know I'll always come for you
Yes I'd come for you, no one but you,Yes I'd come for you
But only if you told me to
And I'd fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'd always come for you
No matter what gets in my way
As long as there's still life in me
No matter what, remember you know I'll always come for you
I'd crawl across this world for you
Do anything you want me to
No matter what, remember you know I'll always come for you
You know I'll always come for you