A/N: Happy Holidays! Thanks for the reviews I appreciate it. More to come.
Immediately after the Yellow Alert was ordered Kathryn, being every bit the Captain that she was, instantly went into Command mode and ended her holodeck program, tapping her combadge.
"Janeway to the Bridge."
No response.
"Janeway to Chakotay."
Nothing.
Unbeknownst to her, Chakotay had deactivated her comm badge temporarily. He was already on his way to find her and he'd be damned if she found out from someone else.
Walking promptly out of the holodeck, Kathryn turned down the corridor heading in the direction of the nearest turbolift. As soon as she neared the turbolift, the doors flung open and before she could get a word out, Chakotay had walked straight out and hooked his hand firmly around the crook of her arm and led her back down the next corridor in a gentle but hasty drag.
"Commander, what is going on?" she snarled at him.
"No time for questions," he answered her quickly then stopped when they had reached a jefferies tube hatch around the corner. Finally letting his grip around her elbow go, Chakotay proceeded to open the hatch and with a casual flick of his hand he gestured for her to get inside it.
"You've got to be kidding me, right?" Kathryn glared at him then looked down to her protruding stomach.
"Not at all," his expression was dead serious.
"Look Commander, I may be pregnant but I'm still the Captain!"
"Not right now you're not, now get in there, Kathryn," he held the door out for her, gesturing inside.
"Not until you tell me what exactly is going on," she took a step forwards, pregnancy and height aside she still exuded a terrifying presence.
They stood for several moments, their eyes locked on to one another, the dimmed and Yellow Alert lights flashing, casting shadows on their faces.
"The Sintariks," Chakotay simply answered.
A deadly silent pause followed. Kathryn opened her mouth but found that nothing escaped from it, just utter silence as they stared at each other fear etched in their eyes. Eventually Chakotay broke the gaze and tilted his head towards the jefferies tube.
"Now. Get in."
Putting her pride aside momentarily she slowly nodded and eventually not without a little difficulty she was inside. Chakotay tried not to look inside, tried not to see her in that situation, not when it was all on him to ensure not only her safety but his child's as well.
Before he was about to close the door, Kathryn whispered.
"Chakotay..." It was an innocent tone of voice. One which he hadn't heard from her in months.
It stirred feelings inside of himself that he had since endeavored to bury, and for that moment he allowed himself to let his guard down. To ease her fears, despite the situation they were in, she was the mother of his unborn child and while she remained pregnant she couldn't be 'The Captain', and as such she was in no position to control the present situation.
He swallowed, his throat dry from apprehension.
"Don't worry. I won't let anything happen to you. I'll be back," he forced his eyes to look into her's, "That's a promise."
Kathryn leant against the wall of the jefferies tube, leaning her head back and closing her eyes trying to contemplate not how they had ended up of all times in Sintarik space, but how she and Chakotay had gotten themselves in their current situation in the first place.
He was still mad at her. She understood that. But as her pregnancy had progressed further and further along, internally, Kathryn could not help but feel guilty.
...
Two months earlier...
Chakotay had been thinking about his current relationship for a while. While he did have feelings towards her, he knew it was not in the sense that he felt for someone else. That void could only be filled by that one person, he at that moment both hated and loved at the same time.
Kathryn.
It was inevitable, right from the beginning that the relationship started. He knew it. Everybody knew it. It was destined to end.
How could he even justify starting the relationship in the first place? Revenge? Frustration? Or just the utter human need to be loved.
But what romance started out that month ago certainly sizzled and fried fairly quickly.
A couple of dates. Thats what he would call it. But in all appearances to others it looked a whole lot more. Kathryn was well into her sixth month of pregnancy, which was certainly by no means a secret around Voyager anymore.
Though he was supportive of her and everything to do with the baby, it was an unspoken agreement that they would have little to do with each other as humanly and professionally possible. But that didn't change the way he felt about her, the love, the care. It was always there.
He was trying to move on and he never knew such a chance would ever be possible, but there she was. And for a moment he could forget about the pain he was in, the sadness that he felt inside of himself, knowing that he would never have the family he had been dreaming of. Knowing he was so close but yet so far away.
To say he wasn't happy was a lie. He was. But it wasn't the happiness that filled him completely. No there was always that missing piece to the puzzle and no amount of blonde, bodaciousness was ever going to make it whole.
So the time came around and he did what he had to do.
"Chakotay to Seven of Nine."
"Yes Commander," she answered professionally over the comm line.
"Meet me in my quarters at 1800 hours. We have something we need to discuss."
"I'll be there," she ended, feeling a little giddy. Seven had learnt a lot about love being with Chakotay that past month, it was a new and unfamiliar experience for her which she had enjoyed. If only she knew what was coming.
...
Kathryn was lying on a biobed in Sickbay, her hands at the top of her head and her fingers tapping rhythmically against her wrist in an impatient beat, waiting for Chakotay to arrive.
Finally the doors to Sickbay hissed open and Chakotay walked up to the biobed until he was standing beside her, looking down at her. The expression on her face looking non to pleased about being kept waiting in Sickbay with nothing but The Doctors riveting company.
"You're late," she hissed at him bitterly.
"Sorry," he apologized unconvincingly, "I was..held up."
Kathryn stared at the ceiling and scoffed, "With Seven?" she said rancorously.
Chakotay didn't fail to hear her remark and right now he was in no mood to take this from her. What right she once had, had well gone.
"As a matter of fact, yes I was," he answered her complacently, "Not that it is any of your concern."
"It is if you're going to make me wait," she snapped back.
"I was five minutes late, Kathryn. The ship's still in one piece and the stars are still shining."
The Doctor who had thankfully remained quiet until then cleared his throat, bringing them out of their bickerment.
"Let's just get this over with, okay. I've had a long day," Kathryn sighed smoothing down her uniform, her hands gliding over the bump that would soon be their child. The action however wasn't lost on Chakotay and it was one that despite the bitterness of their situation, reassured him that what he had just done was the right thing to do.
...
Seven arrived at Chakotay's quarters promptly at 1800 hours. Dressed in her normal catsuit and her blonde hair perfectly in place. She was the embodiment of beauty. But beauty is not just judged by appearance alone, but rather it radiates from the person within. That was something even in their month of dating, Chakotay was never able to grasp from her.
Any guy would be lucky to have Seven. Though to an outsider it looked like they were perfectly happy, internally Chakotay knew it just wasn't enough to mend the void left by Kathryn.
And that angered him to the core. He couldn't have Kathryn, and because of that it also meant that he could not have Seven.
"You wished to see me?" a voice brought him from his daze.
"Yes, sit down Seven," he gestured to the sofa.
"Thank you, but I prefer to stand."
"Of course you do," he remembered one of her most irritable traits.
"Your tone suggests frustration," she frowned, "Have I done something to upset you?"
"No, no. It's not you." It's me.
Chakotay finished the sentence in his mind.
How cliché. It was the embodiment of ancient break up lines but yet it harbored the very essence of the truth.
"Then what is it?"
He took a step towards her.
"I've had..a wonderful time this past month with you, Seven."
"As have I."
"But-" he couldn't quite put it into words. She in many ways was like a teenager, and like any teenager, you would always remember your first break up.
...
The next day Chakotay was still a little upset, not about his break up with Seven but how he had let his feelings towards Kathryn get in the way of what happiness he had managed to find for himself under such circumstances.
"The duty rosters for the next two weeks," Chakotay handed Kathryn a PADD as he entered her Ready Room to find her sat perched behind her desk with a mountain of PADDs in front of her. She took the PADD off him and skimmed through it briefly, not really paying much attention to it, then gave Chakotay an approving nod, and added it to the rest of her pile, her eyes still refusing to look at him.
"Something else?" she finally looked up acknowledging his presence when she sensed he wasn't leaving.
"Yes, actually there was."
She had a feeling that she wasn't going to like what he was about to say.
"Whatever it is, make it quick, I have a lot of reports to read and not a whole lot of time," she said with a dismissive hand wave.
"Then give me some of them, I'm happy to do them If you need to-"
"I can handle it," Kathryn retorted.
He looked at the pile again.
"For now. But what's say in another month or two down the line, can you handle it then?"
"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, but right now I don't need your help so thank you for your concern."
"I disagree."
"Excuse me?"
For months he stood back and watched, but not now. He had finally had enough.
"Look I get it. You're 'The Captain'. That much you've made perfectly clear. But you're going to be much more than just a Captain soon and i'll be damned if you do anything to overwork yourself and compromise that. I'm here, Tom's here, Belanna's here, Seven's here."
At that mention of her name she tensed up, clenching the PADD in her hand tighter, which didn't get unnoticed by Chakotay.
He stopped his sentence "It's her, isn't it?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh I think you do. It bothers you doesn't it?"
"What does?"
"Me. With her. It bothers you, just admit it."
"Do what you like Chakotay, just don't be late to my appointments on her behalf."
"Spirits Kathryn! What do you want with me?"
Chakotay saw a brief flicker of desire in her eyes that she failed to contain, but soon managed to cover it up, "It doesn't matter now...so just go."
"We broke up yesterday."
She finally looked up at him, taking in what he had just informed her of.
"I would have told you sooner but if you remember, I was a bit late to your appointment, so I didn't want to waste anymore of your time."
Kathryn did not respond quickly. It all made sense. She had noticed that Chakotay looked subdued during her scan which was not in the least bit ordinary. When it came to Kathryn's scans, Chakotay was happy, the sight of their child bringing a glow about him that could only be described as fatherly pride. But yesterday he was not his normal self, he was missing that radiance about him. Now she knew.
Kathryn slowly stood up and walked around her desk until she faced Chakotay, she reached out and touched his forearm in sympathy.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
He shrugged it off in indignation.
"You made your choice Kathryn, and you made that very clear. So tell me now, what will it be?"
There was only silence for a full minute while Kathryn collected her thoughts, then without proper consideration of what she was really doing, Kathryn looked back to her work upon her desk and divided up a pile of PADDs before handing a pile to Chakotay.
"Have the reports done by 1600 tomorrow. Dismissed."
She watched the disappointment slowly dawn on Chakotay's face, his eyes filled with both sadness and anger as he left her Ready Room.
A lone tear rolled down her cheek as Kathryn turned to stare out of her viewport. Chakotay would never know the sacrifices she took, being the Captain of Voyager.
To be continued...