Chapter 2

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August 2015

It has been seventy years since Steve walked away from Howard for the last time having no idea that he left an apart of himself with Howard. From the day Steve left, to the day Howard died, Howard never stopped loving Steve, he never stopped trying to find him and he saw Steve in their son every single day. In all those years Howard never figured out how to tell Tony the truth about where he came from partly because apart of Howard was terrified that what he did to save Tony during his first year of life would wear of, and his son would die, so he was terrified to get close to Tony, to show him how much he meant to him, just in case he lost him.

For Steve it doesn't feel like seventy years since he last saw Howard, to him it only feels like three, because for him that's all it has been, that's what happens when you spend decades frozen. For Steve the hardest thing about waking up in a new time isn't how different things are, but the fact that everyone he cares about is gone, and that Howard, the person he loves more than anything, moved on, had a life without him.

It has been two months since Sokovia fell out of the skies and ever since then Steve, along with Natasha have been leading the New Avengers while Steve also looks for Bucky Barnes. Having only returned form a mission an hour earlier everyone else is in their rooms de-stressing but not Steve, Steve is walking through the New Avengers Compound when he hears someone playing the piano, which is odd as he is pretty sure that no one knows how to, even though Wanda is learning the Guitar. Deciding to investigate Steve follows the sound and to his surprise, not just because he had no idea he was at the compound, Steve finds Tony playing the piano in the common area. Not wanting to intrude Steve just stands and watches, listens to Tony play music, being pretty sure that he is singing too but as he is doing so quietly Steve can't make out the words he is saying.

"Did you want something, Cap? Or are you just going to stand there?" Tony asks curious, without even stopping what he is doing, after a couple of minutes.

"Sorry, I didn't want to intrude." Steve explains as he walks over, "Has something happened?" he asks figuring that that is why Tony is there.

"No, I just wanted to get out of the city for a while." Tony answers it being a partial lie and as he does his pone starts to ring, checking the caller ID Tony sees the name and quickly presses reject, "Don't ask." Tony says, without looking up from the piano as he can basically feel the look that Steve is giving him.

"Okay." Steve says, being completely confused but deciding to try something different, "I didn't realise you played." He comments.

"Not many people do." Tony comments, "My Mom taught me." Tony reveals, "It was something we shared together." He admits, then realises something, "I really don't know why I'm telling you this."

"It's okay, I'm glad to know." Steve says as honestly, even with how painful it is, he is glad to know more about the person that Howard loved after him, "You miss her." Steve says, it being clear that it is a comment not a question.

"Of course I do; she was my Mom." Tony comments as he stops playing, "She was incredible, strong, tried to play the mediator between Dad and I, and she managed to put up with Dad for so long. I have no idea how he managed that, he was a…. difficult person to live with." Tony comments, a fond but sad smile on his face as he talks about his mother, and honestly it hurts Steve more than he could admit to hear about the person Howard became,

"What happened to him?" Steve mutters, not intending for Tony to hear.

"What?" Tony asks, having not heard what Steve said, just that he said something.

"Nothing… it's just…." Steve starts to say, then trails off, "Do you mind if I show you something?" he asks.

"No." Tony says, sounding completely confused and as he does Steve walks the rest of the way over, pulling a photo out of pocket.

"I don't know what happened to cause Howard to become the person that you knew, and I'm sorry that difficult is the word you use to describe him." Steve admits, "I'm sorry that you didn't know him when I knew him, I'm sorry that you didn't know him when he was like this." Steve says as he hands the photo he always carries with him over to Tony.

Being completely confused about what he is going to see Tony unfolds the, clearly warn, photo and as he does he sees something that he really didn't expect, he sees his father, as young as he was when Steve knew him, looking happier than Tony ever remembers him being, just sitting on a couch, looking completely relaxed, something else that Tony doesn't ever remember his father being.

"When was this taken?" Tony asks interested, as he looks up at Steve.

"About six months before I went into the ice." Steve answers, knowing he will never forget every detail of that night as it was the first time he and Howard told one another that they loved each other.

"He look so happy, so relaxed." Tony says, sounding amazed as up until now he didn't think it was possible for his Dad to be that relaxed, or that happy.

"That's how he always looked when I knew him." Steve says, "We were in the middle of the war, but Howard almost always had a grin on his face." Steve says, a fondness to his voice that, even though he isn't the greatest at picking up on personal things, Tony notices.

"How do you have this picture?" Tony asks, figuring that it is the less dangerous of the questions he is thinking.

"I had it with me when I went into the ice." Steve answers, as if there is nothing odd about that.

"Just how close were you and my Dad?" Tony asks as he hands the picture back to Steve, being pretty sure that he may regret asking that, but he can't help his curiosity, and he also can't help but wonder why he never thought to ask that in the last three years.

Even though he knew the question as coming Steve isn't sure how to answer it. There is a part of him that thinks that if Howard never told Tony then he shouldn't, but there is another part of he that just needs to tell someone, especially after Wanda caused him to see him and Howard together, what they could have but then things went to hell.

"Steve." Tony's voice says, cutting through Steve's thoughts.

"Sorry, what?" Steve asks confuse.

"How close were you and my Dad?" Tony asks once more.

"I loved him." Steve answers, needing to admit that.

"In what way?" Tony asks, being pretty sure that the next words out of Steve's mouth won't be, 'like a brother.'

"Everyway." Steve answers, "I considered him to be the love of my life." He comments, his voice full of pain.

"Huh." Tony comments, not being sure how to respond to that, "That explains a lot." He realises.

"What do you mean?" Steve asks curious, as he wasn't expecting that to be Tony's reaction.

"Dad talked about you, all the time." Tony explains, "It was annoying, and constant, like he wanted me to know you." Tony reveals, "I hated you because of that, because I thought I would never be good enough."

"Sorry." Steve says, having no idea what else to say.

"It's not your fault." Tony responds, "So, were you and my Dad like, together?" Tony asks, cursing his on curiosity as even though he would prefer not to know the details of his father and Steve's relationship his curiosity overtakes that.

"Yes." Steve answers, "From December of 1943 until I went into the ice. It was the best, most incredible fifteen months of my life." Steve says and as he does Tony realises that not only is Steve haunted by his past, he's hurting.

"Wow." Tony says, not really sure how to deal with this, "Why are you telling me this?" he asks, assuming that Steve has a reason.

"I need to tell someone." Steve admits, "I just… I miss him, I miss him so much, that sometimes I feel like I can't breathe." Steve says, his voice full of pain, and even though there are many things that Tony wants to say he keeps quiet, "I love him, and I just can't keep it a secret anymore." Steve admits, "But you're probably not the person to tell." He realises.

"It's beyond strange to hear you talk about Dad like that." Tony admits, standing up, "It's like the person you knew is completely different from the Howard I grew up with."

"I wish I knew what happened to him." Steve admits, "The Howard I knew, the Howard I loved, was happy, and he was burdened by thing he created and he felt guilty for what they did, both with and without his knowledge, but he still had fun, he still joked, he was free, he loved so much and he hated having to hide that." Steve reveals, wishing he knew what happened.

"I can't even imagine that." Tony admits, "Dad, the Dad I knew, was distant, he was cold, calculating, I barely saw him smile let alone be truly happy." Tony reveals and hearing that Steve gets a look of pain on his face.

"He must have been happy with your Mom." Steve comments, as even though it is painful for him to think about, he wants Howard to have been happy, he needs Howard to have been happy.

"He was, I think." Tony admits, "I don't know for sure, Dad was gone a lot, and then I was at boarding school or MIT, and I was always closer to Mom." He reveals, "I think they were happy, in their own way."

"Howard and I never said goodbye to each other." Steve revels, his voice full of regret, "We both hated the word. So, even though we knew that every time one of us left it could be the last time we saw each we never said goodbye, we said something else." Steve reveals, "Now, I wish we did. I wish I could have said goodbye, I wish I told him everything he meant to me, everything I never thought to say." Steve says, a tear coming to his eyes, causing Tony to look away as he is very uncomfortable with what Steve is saying, "But I don't know, maybe it was better that I didn't, maybe It would have been cruller if I had."

"He never stopped looking for you." Tony reveals, thinking that it might help Steve, "My entire life he would go for weeks at a time to look for you, but he never found you." He tells Steve, telling him something he never knew, "Every time he got home from one of those trips he would call me into his office." Tony reveals, "He would drink and he would spend hours telling me all about you." He says, Tony says, remembering that Howard wouldn't let him leave the office until one of two things happened, either Howard would pass out, or he would start to look upset, though it took Tony years to realise that, and then he'd basically order Tony to leave.

"Really?" Steve asks, sounding surprised.

"Really." Tony confirms, "I don't think he ever truly moved on, with how much he talked about you, all the pictures and drawings he had around the house it was like you were just as big of presence at the house as those of us who lived in it." He says, "It was eighteen years after you went into the ice before he and my Mom got together, and from what I knew that was his only serious relationship, but now I guess it was his only one other than you."

"I didn't realise it was that long." Steve comments, not sure how he should be feeling right now.

"Yeah." Tony says and as he does his phone starts to ring and he once more presses rejects the call, "Look, I won't deny that hearing all this is strange for me, and even though it does help to fill in some gaps, I don't know even know if really want to know this." He admits, "But I'll listen if you want to share. I'll even try to keep comments that I am thinking to myself." Tony says figuring that this is the least he could do after everything that has happened.

"Thanks Tony." Steve says, it meaning a lot to him to hear that as he knows how big it is for him to offer.

"No problem. I'll be in the garage." Tony says before leaving, leaving Steve to his own thoughts, leaving him to wonder what happened to the man he loved.

A little while later Tony is in the garage taking one of the cars apart so that he can put it back together, doing so for two reasons, one; to distract him from the reason that brought him out to the compound and two; so that he can do what has always helped distract him as he thinks about everything that Steve has told him.

Honestly Tony probably isn't as surprised as he should be about Steve's reveal as he has always known that there was a side, or sides to his father that he never knew. What he is surprised about is how Steve talked about his father. He can tell that Steve loves Howard, which weirds him out on several levels, but the Howard Steve loves seems like a complete stranger to him. He can't really imagine his father having a grin on his face all the time, or him joking as the jokes Tony saw and heard him met were always snide.

"What happened to you Dad?" Tony wonders to himself as he continues to work.

While Tony is down in the garage Steve is sitting up in his bedroom, just staring at his picture of Howard, wondering what happened to the person he loves. Wanting to try and find out Steve pulls out his tablet and starts to google Howard Stark, wanting to see if he can find something about what happened to him, to change him, but as he does, instead of looking through the articles he finds himself looking at the pictures of the man he loves from various points in his life, all the times that he never got to spend with Howard.

The next morning the Avengers who are at the compound, Steve, Wanda, Vision, Natasha, Clint and Sam are just getting started on their breakfast when Rhodey walks in.

"Anyone have any idea why Tony is obsessively taking apart and rebuilding every car that is here?" Rhodey asks, knowing that Tony only does that when he needs a major distraction, and while everyone else looks confused Steve looks down at his plate.

"Steve, is there something you want to share with the class?" Natasha asks noticing the action.

"He's been here since last night." Steve reveals, "I think he's avoiding something because he kept rejecting someone's calls." He admits, "We talked and then he went down to the garage." He comments.

"What'd you talk about?" Clint asks curious.

"Something long overdue." Steve answers, vaguely.

"Okay, then." Sam says, everyone else wondering what they are missing, but it becomes clear that Steve isn't going to go into details about that.

As it becomes clear that Steve isn't going to explain what is going on everyone drifts into silence while they eat.

The silence only lasts a few minutes before the group hear footsteps and they look up to see Pepper, clearly looking annoyed,

"Is he here?" Pepper asks, looking at Rhodey, who realises exactly what is going on.

"Garage." Rhodey answers, knowing better than to try and get in the middle of Tony and Pepper.

"Thank you." Pepper says, before walking away.

"I think we just found out who's calls Tony is rejecting." Clint comments.

"She's angry." Wanda comments, "They're fighting."

"They've been doing that a lot lately." Rhodey says, being pretty sure that things haven't been great between Tony and Pepper since S.H.I.E.L.D fell.

"So, should we do something?" Sam asks, "It seems like the kind of thing we should do something about." He says as Tony is the only one of them who has a real relationship with someone so it seems like the kind of thing they should help preserve.

"I'd leave them alone. It won't end well if we interfere." Natasha comments, "But I wouldn't object to locking them in a room together." She says and as she does Steve can't help but smile amused as he remembers Peggy, Dugan and Bucky tag teaming to lock him and Howard in a room together after their biggest fight to, as Peggy put it, 'get their heads out of their asses.' "Steve?" Natasha asks, "Do you have an opinion on this?"

"I think we should just let them be." Steve comments as if Tony is anything like Howard he won't react well to being forced to deal with relationship problems.

"That's boring." Clint says with a frown.

Down in the garage Tony is working on putting the latest cars back together when he hears footsteps that he knows belong to Pepper. So, taking a deep breath Tony prepares himself for about round ten.

"This is exactly what I was talking about." Pepper's voice says as she approaches Tony, "You just can't stay away from this place. Do you even want to?" she asks.

"I don't know." Tony admits as he puts down what he is using to work on the car, "I never regretted destroying my suits." He tells Pepper.

"But you also didn't hesitate to rebuild them the second the truth about S.H.I.E.L.D and Hydra came out." Pepper reminds Tony.

"That is because I had to." Tony tells Pepper, "I need to help, I need to help fix everything, including the things I caused."

"And you want to." Pepper says and Tony nods, "Do you think you could ever truly retire from this life, from the superhero life?"

"Honestly, I don't think so." Tony admits, "There's a part of me that is always going to want to do the right thing, and fix the mistakes I've mad and fix the things that I've set in motion." He reveals, "I don't know If I could ever stop doing that, I don't know if I'll even want to." He admits.

"I should have seen this coming." Pepper admits, "You told me when you first built that suit that there was only the next mission, and nothing else." She comments.

"And you said that you weren't going to be a part of something that could, that would, get me killed." Tony says, remembering.

"I meant that." Pepper admits, "I love you, Tony and I always will, and I'm so proud of you for doing this, but I can't stand by and watch it." She admits, "Making you choice wouldn't be fair, and I'm not going to make you. I'm walking away." She tells him.

"Pep…." Tony starts to say.

"It's better like this, Tony." Pepper says, putting her hand on Tony's cheek, "You're never going to stop doing what you think is the right thing and I'm never going to be okay with watching you do things that are going to get you killed." She says, "We'll just end up hurting each other, hating each other, and I don't want that." She admits.

"Neither do I." Tony admits, "This is it, isn't it?" He asks, his voice full of pain.

"Yeah, it is." Pepper says before placing a kiss on Tony's cheek, "I will always be here for you, Tony. We will always be friends." She says as she hugs Tony.

"Yeah, we will." Tony responds and the two of them break their embrace, giving Tony one last look Pepper turns and walks away, it being impossibly hard for her to do so.

It has been a few hours since Pepper left Tony and ever since then Tony has been in the garage, continuing to take cars apart, just to put them back together. As he didn't hear any footsteps Tony is surprised when a plate is put down next to him, and even more surprised when he looks up and sees Wanda as even though they have been on better terms since Sokovia they aren't on the best ones.

"You haven't eaten." Wanda informs Tony as due to the fact that everyone at the compound have realised that Tony and Pepper have broken up they decided to leave him be, but she wanted to do something to help.

"Yeah, I'm not really hungry." Tony comments and as he does he drops a small screw, "Damn it. Where'd that go?" he asks and Wanda uses her powers to get the screw back, "Thank you." He tells Wanda as she hands him back the item.

"Not a problem." Wanda responds, "You should eat, your mind needs fuel." Wanda informs Tony.

"That's what people say." Tony comments as he looks over and sees a grilled ham and cheese, "Why'd you make me food? After everything that's happened. Everything I've done to you."

"Everyone deserves kindness, even if you don't think you do." Wanda tells Tony, "Rhodey gave me the report, I know you didn't know what happened to my parents, that you didn't give the orders."

"It's still my fault." Tony tells Wanda, "And I am sorry for all the pain I have caused you." He says, it being clear that he is talking about both Pietro and her parents.

"I know." Wanda says, which is why she is giving Tony an olive branch, "I saw your fear, I know that you just wanted to protect people."

"I haven't done a great job of that." Tony comments, "Thank you for the food, Wanda."

"You're welcome…. Tony." Wanda says before she leaves.

A way after Wanda brought him food Tony is returning the plate upstairs.

"Tony?" A voice says and he turns to see Steve, across the room, "Are you staying for a while?" he asks curious.

"Yeah, I think I am." Tony admits, "Pepper and I on a break, or broken up, I don't even know which." He admits, or truthfully he does, but doesn't want to admit it.

"I'm sorry, Tony." Steve tells him, it being clear that he means that.

"Thank you." Tony says and as he does his breathing starts to become heavy.

"I'll be glad to have you back on the team, if you want." Steve informs him.

"I…. I think….." Tony says, his breathing going from heavy to Tony truly struggling with each breath.

"Tony?" Steve asks as he hurries over to the son of the man he loves, "What's wrong?" Steve asks as Tony's lips start to go blue.

"I… don't….. know." Tony manages to say before he collapses.

"TONY." Steve yells terrified as he runs over, catching him before he can hit the ground.