This wasn't the prompt I had planned on typing out next… But it was what came to me, and it's pretty damned funny, if I do say so myself. XP The full scene came to me before the one I had originally planned on typing out because, after the previous Christmas special, this one had come to me as almost a tie-in, but, as I wrote it, the tie-in tendencies faded.
And I was able to allow that to happen because these are drabbles, so they don't have to be connected. ^ . ^ I'm finding writing drabbles to be quite fun~!
Also, I have to thank Inuyoshie for inspiring this one. She helps me think up some crazy s***. XD
D . Gray-man is owned by Katsura Hoshino, meaning it does not belong to me. I am in no way, shape, and/or form claiming to be the owner/creator of these concepts, though I do claim any characters not apart of the original D . Gray-man storyline (such as Gracia) mine. As such, I would appreciate fellow authors and readers to give credit where credit is due and not steal any of my characters and/or concepts. Thank you, and have a pleasant day.
In all honesty, he hated the blonde bitch.
She was loud, she was annoying, she was far too talkative, too opinionated, too energetic, too much of a fucking busybody…
And, even though he was sure she hated him, in return, even if she didn't know the full extent of his hatred for her, she seemed to have taken to going out of her way to scold him whenever he was… well… himself to those he had to interact with.
And, as she made it clear to him, being himself involved him, generally, being a "bitch" to everyone.
'Sur-fucking-prising.' Kanda thought with a heavy roll of his eyes. (And, yes, with heavy sarcasm implied.)
She was almost as bad as the fucking Usagi, but at least she didn't go prancing around, using his first name and acting like they were friends. (The word made him shudder and feel ill.)
Still, the blonde bitch was actually worse than the Usagi in her own fucked up way: Kanda would have blown his brains out if Lavi had ever incited this kind of reaction from him.
…It had happened again.
They'd been arguing about something, though Kanda couldn't remember what.
(Actually, Kanda didn't really remember most arguments he was involved in these days; unless they were with someone particularly important/prevalent in his life/annoying, the arguments just went in one ear and out the other, and even then there was only about a thirty percent chance he'd remember the argument later. Hell, sometimes, if he was particularly disinterested with the conversation/person he was arguing with, he would even forget what they were screaming at one another about while they were arguing, in which case he'd turn to insulting the person, threatening them, calling them a vulgar name and then walking off.)
The blonde bitch had gotten up in his face, screaming at him.
He'd made a gesture to draw Mugen.
Her hand had flashed out and she'd used her fucking Innocence to freeze Mugen in place in its sheath.
He'd gotten angry, grabbed her by her collar and slammed her into a wall.
She'd giving him that fucking defiant and, more importantly, challenging glare and made to kick him in the balls.
He'd pinned her body with his to make it impossible.
And then, like it had happened before, they were kissing one another harshly, Kanda trying to press the air out of her body and gag her with his tongue as he slammed himself harshly against her until the wall behind her creaked in protest.
When one of her hands made its way into his hair, then grabbed and jerked his head back to make her position more dominant – Oh, fuck no, that didn't fly – Kanda had responded by growling, moving his mouth down to the curve of her neck and sinking his teeth into her navy-blue veined, porcelain skin.
And, when the noise she'd let out in response had actually been one of savage gratification, his mind had hazed with crimson and he'd—
"Yu-chan? ! Lor? ! Again? !"
Kanda and the bitch had both frozen, Kanda feeling a fleeting flash of fear when he immediately thought it had been the support unit who had found them before he realized the voice had been male.
Then, when Kanda had looked over, he almost wished Gracia had been the one to stop them again, because now that son of a bitch fucking red-headed bastard was grinning his ass off—
"Go ahead, Yu-chan." Lavi cooed, pressing the tips of his fingers against Kanda's back and urging him forward gently.
Kanda nearly spun around and bit his fingers off, snarling not unlike a rabid dog and hissing, "I'm not fucking doing this, shit-for-brains! And don't fucking call me 'Yu'! !"
"Oh-ho-hoooo, yes, you are." Lavi chuckled/cackled, "And, on top of that, for the next three days I'll call you whatever I damn well please. That is, unless you want me to tell Gracia I caught you making out with her sister again."
Kanda ground his teeth, his body shaking with effort as he worked to keep from turning around and snapping the annoying bastard's neck.
"And Yu made such a lovely, bruise-like hickey on her neck, too~! All framed with little indentations from teeth and needing a Band-Aid because it won't stop seeping blood—"
"Fuck off." Kanda hissed darkly, not looking back as he held out his shaking hand palm up, waiting to be handed whatever the damned Bookman Jr. wanted him to give the older woman.
Lavi snickered and set something in his palm.
Kanda took one look at it and hissed like a cat that had just had water thrown at it, dropping the offensive item as if it were a spider or a slug (or a female sanitary napkin) and jumping back.
Lavi cackled and scooped it back up, turning to Kanda with a perverted grin and holding out the offensive item again.
Kanda's brow twitched.
And people thought he was evil? !
"You know what to do, Yu-chaaan."
"…I could kill you after this."
"I'd die laughing." Lavi's grin widened.
Kanda's brow twitched again, and he sighed harshly and turned to face the four-way intersection in the hallways, pursing his lips when a droopy, sleepy Gracia suddenly stumbled by. How did the Usagi time these things…
Closing his eyes and pursing his lips until the muscles started to burn from the strain, Kanda steeled himself before opening his eyes, taking the item from the Usagi's hand and storming forward with purpose, his hands clenching into fists and the offensive object he was about to give the woman digging into his skin (though his accelerated healing made sure he hardly thought about it…).
When Gracia didn't notice him and kept stumbling down the hall, almost looking like she could be dozing off on her feet, Kanda scowled and stormed after her, "Woman!"
His bark echoed down the hall and sent a shock up Gracia's spine, making her jump slightly, and when she spun around slowly to look up at him with drowsy, slightly glassy eyes, Kanda stopped in front of her and tensed up, grinding his teeth.
Gracia blinked up at Kanda slowly, "…You need somethin', Kanda?"
"Shut up for a minute." Kanda seethed, closing his eyes and clamping them together until he felt a vein throb in his temple. He nearly snapped then and there when he thought he heard the sounds of a certain annoying red-head's snickers echoing down the hall, but Kanda sucked it up, inhaled deeply, then opened his eyes and focused an intense glare on Gracia, holding out his hand and opening his palm in offering.
Slowly, the woman looked down at the ring in his hand, blinking slowly.
And then there was silence.
With every moment that ticked by, Kanda could feel the veins in his temple and neck getting more and more prominent, the back of his neck starting to burn fiercely as they stood there in awkward silence.
He was just about to snap at the woman when she finally spoke.
"…What's that for?"
…Kanda wanted to slam his head through the wall.
"Don't… ask… Just… put it… on…"
Gracia looked up from the ring and blinked up at him vacantly, "But what is it?"
"…It's a ring." Kanda seethed.
"…And you're… giving it to me…? As a gift or something…?"
"…Or something." Kanda was going to shoot himself later. He should have just let the Usagi tell the woman he'd kissed her sister.
"…Yu, I'm not a mind reader." Gracia sighed, using his first name to show him she was now being serious. "What is the ring for—"
"WILL YOU JUST ACCEPT MY DAMNED PROPOSAL AND PUT ON MY FUCKING RING SO I CAN BE DONE WITH THIS? !"
When Gracia's eyes just widened and she regarded him with a lost look, Kanda found himself, again, wanting to slam his head into a wall.
He definitely should have just risked her "going Komui" on him and her bitch sister again with a Komlin and embarrassing him.
This wasn't worth it.
"…What is going on here?"
Kanda tensed and Gracia leaned to the side a bit and peeked past him, blinking slowly and waving, "Hey, Komui."
Feeling daggers being glared into his back, Kanda looked back over his shoulder slowly, his lips pursing and his brow twitching when he saw Komui some thirty feet behind him, the older man standing with his feet spread in a wide stance, his arms ramrod straight at his sides, his hands clenched into fists and his glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose as he stared at them intensely, crazily.
Kanda was a bit surprised his hair wasn't flailing and writing with its own life force, and that his coat wasn't billowing out in a non-existent wind…
Unlike previous Komlin attacks, Komui didn't even bother with the typical warning preamble; he reached out and grabbed a nearby tapestry and pulled it aside, opening up one of the many passageways hidden behind such tapestries that were meant to allow servants quick paths from one side of the building to the other. Immediately, a Komlin emerged from the passageway, and Kanda was spinning around, dropping the ring and drawing Mugen as the robot dove for him.
Gracia just blinked and stared as an epic battle commenced in front of her.
"…I still don't get what's going on."
Lavi practically sobbed with laughter, slumping against Allen and wrapping his arms around the smaller boy's neck as his legs went weak.
Allen yelped and stumbled, almost falling over, and started to try to pull Lavi off of his neck, glancing at Timcanpy as he did to make sure the golden golem was still recording the battle down the hall.
"W-We'll call it…" Lavi gasped as he started to recover, stumbling back to his feet and grinning widely as he weakly wiped at his laughter tears, "Yu-chan vs. Flippy : The Ultimate Battle for Gracia's Hand in Marriage."
Allen chuckled, shaking his head, "You know Kanda is going to kill you."
"If he does, make sure everyone in the building sees this footage." Lavi snickered, "Then it'll all be worth it."
Allen rolled his eyes, smirking slightly, then glanced back down the hall, watching Kanda and fight the Komlin a bit longer. "…He would have just been better off telling her about what happened with Lorelei, himself. Because if Gracia finds out after this, she'll still—"
"Duh." Lavi snorted, chuckling, "But, c'mon, really; you know Yu-chan isn't that bright."
"True." Allen's smirk darkened a bit, likely as cruel jokes about Kanda's intelligence flashed through his mind. He then sighed, "I wonder how long it'll take before Gracia finds out that—"
"YOU AND LORELEI DID WHAT? !"
Allen and Lavi's eyes widened as Gracia's enraged voice echoed down the hall, and when another Komlin came to join the first, this one clearly being piloted by Gracia, the two boys slumped against one another and started laughing wildly as this second Komlin took off down the hall, Gracia's enraged bellow of "LORELEEEEEEI! ! WHERE ARE YOU? !" echoed through the building.
Off to the side, Link rolled his eyes heavily and put his thick notebook away.
This wasn't even worth reporting.