Everything Is Perfect
Rachel and Mike get married on a hot June day surrounded by Rachel's many family members and co-workers and Mike's teammates and only his mom as a representative of his family. It's ok, he tells himself. Soon there'll be more Lawsons and he will finally be able to fill in that damn void that has been growing bigger and bigger with every passing day his dad didn't return or at least attempted to contact him.
There are a few members of the press present - it's not every day that one of the most famous sports reporters marries one of the most popular baseball players in the country. The ceremony is brief, yet sweet, with Rachel in the whitest of gowns looking like vision personified, and the way light catches her red locks cascading down her back makes it look like she's fire itself. Mike will gladly burn in her flames as long as he gets to have her by his side for as long as they both shall live.
They wear matching grins on their faces, though Mike feels just a tiny bit uncomfortable when he goes to scratch at his beard the way he always does when he is nervous and realises it's no more there. Sure, he had to make himself presentable for his own wedding and he gladly took Rachel's advice to shave it off (I'm not so sure it'll look all that well in the wedding photos). Without it, however, he feels... well, vulnerable. He's gotten used to the notion his beard was his shield, a way to keep something of Mike Lawson to himself the way he keeps his past. It sounds foolish, but the beard became his trademark symbol as much as his number 36 and getting rid of it felt like cutting off a limb. But if it makes him feel a little more civilised and a lot less caveman Mike, he'll take it.
"Hi" he manages to breath out when Rachel finally reaches him. Was he supposed to feel like vomiting? His nerves are getting to him now, sweaty hands clamping at his sides.
Her lips widen in a smile and when she takes his hand in hers, his mark starts to burn a hole in his shoulder blade - or at least that's what it feels like the second his skin touches hers. Then, as if by magic, some of that tension that's been present within him the starts to gradually ebb away.
"You ok there?" her voice trembles just slightly and Mike huffs a laugh. She's nervous too – the realisation roots him in this moment, this place.
"Yeah. We gonna do this or what?"
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The celebration of the newlyweds lasts into wee hours of the morning with the majority of the party dead ass drunk, shouting toasts, Tommy and Blip of all people fighting over the mic, singing their lungs out to some cheesy songs they know grate Mike's nerves. He laughs at them, with them as he sits at their designated table, Rachel warm body pressed firmly against his side.
As he looks at all his friends, his adoptive family so to say, Mike finally senses a semblance of peace descend upon his heart. From the corner of his eyes, he catches Jackie observing them. She's beaming and, for the first time since his father left them, Mike notes, it's a genuine smile of unadulterated happiness. He's fulfilling her dream too – he found his soulmate and he's going to do what his father failed to do – honor the sacred bond they share. It's what he always wanted, needed to do. Make her proud, mend her broken and battered heart.
Rachel stirs in his arms and leans to whisper in his ear how they should go now, start enjoying their honeymoon and leave their friends to continue parting on their own. Kissing her briefly on the lips Mike takes her by the hand and wrapping his suit jacket around her, leads her to the car already waiting for them to take them to the airport.
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They spend three incredible weeks on a beach on Maui, basking in the sunlight, drinking cocktails, lazily making love and surrendering to the calm that surrounds them far away from San Diego and their jobs.
More than once, Mike catches himself regarding Rachel as if she was an apparition, a concoction his own brain created to lull him into this serenity he fears will end sooner than it began. All the feelings the mark awoke in him coarse his bloodstream more rapidly than before, and he concludes it must be due to their official union.
At night, when she's asleep, exhausted by their recent lovemaking, soft snores escaping her, Mike traces his fingers along her mark, relishing in the way goosebumps appear on her delicate skin as soon as he touches her. His heart is full of emotions he can't quite classify yet, but he doesn't think it's important to identify them at all.
He's elated, loved, on cloud nine and wishes to never come down.
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When Mike looks into her eyes, he thinks he can see a reflection of himself – the turmoil of emotions stirred by the symbol's effects on them. They run deep, power him, drive him to do better than he ever did and make this work.
She smiles and laughs constantly, blinding him with her brightness and sometimes he thinks the universe has been too kind to him by binding him to Rachel because sometimes he thinks he's not good enough for her.
He's got all this baggage with his dad leaving him and his mom, never offering any explanation, having to watch his mother wither before him year after year because her soulmate deemed it right to abandon her just like that. She's all to carefree and unburdened and knows not what torments his soul whenever he's selfish enough to allow himself to believe it's all real with her.
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When they get back from heaven and settle into the hectic routines of their respective jobs, Mike finds the knot of anxiety in his stomach loosening. Because they work perfectly together. In spite of their busy and often conflicting schedules, they still manage to have dinner together at least four times a week, still manage to go on dates and have fun, watch old movies and make fun of cheesy horrors movies, and be there for each other. It is why, when he pulls Rachel closer, wrapping himself around her as if fearing she might slip away if he loosened his grip even the slightest, that he has to remind himself it is ok for him to let go of that ever-present sense of trepidation.
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Jackie keeps asking him if they plan on having kids in the near future. Yes, he answers every time, but we're really busy right now with our careers and we just want to enjoy each other before adding another person to our lives.
He's lying to her, he knows he's lying to himself too, daily. He wants kids now not later, and he can most definitely already picture a toddler with a fiery red hair and emerald eyes running around the house but there is no way he will pressure Rachel into something she's not ready. His fear of loneliness, his fucked up daddy issues should not factor in, what he deems, the most important decision they will make as couple.
Being a parent is anything but an easy task - his mother is a hero on her own for managing to raise him with meagre wages and odd jobs that took a heavy toll on her - that his own fear of failure as a parent hinders him from even speaking to Rachel about. He's not fifty but hundred and fifty shades of fucked up with doubts and feeling of inadequacy, his faithful companions.
So he doesn't mention kids around Rachel at all for the first few years of their marriage, instead opting to savour every moment he has with her, showering her with as much love and attention as someone as broken as him can offer.
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His mother never had many friends, and few that she did have all but disappeared the moment they found out her soulmate had left her. So it is of no surprise to him that Jackie latches onto Rachel and decides she'll be her friend and ally in everything. Mike finds it endearing and sad at the same time. He's been a witness of his mother's loneliness for years and the joy his union with Rachel brings to her makes Mike's heart ache because he knows Jackie will never again know that kind of happiness.
Rachel calls Jackie on weekly basis, makes sure she's taken care of, invites her for dinners, going as far as to introduce her with her girlfriends and organising girls' nights and basically does everything to make Jackie feel a part of their family.
Mike loves her even more for it.
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Things are working out perfectly well into their fourth year of marriage and Mike thinks both Rachel and he are ready to finally have the talk. They have never been better, both financially and romantically, in spite of some turbulent events that happen every so often. He contemplates retiring, satisfied with his life, all the while harbouring that little spark that whizzes in his mind now more than ever.
He thinks Rachel must want kids too now. He loves her with every fibre of his being and he knows she loves him as fervently, but all the same, he thinks they can spare a part of their hearts to share that love with another being – one that will be a wonderful blend of them both and make their days brighter than they already are.
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He's got it all planned out. A quite night in, dinner with all her favourite food, a nice bottle of wine – just to ease him into the conversation – and an open heart.
On his way to the station where Rachel is just wrapping up this night's programme, Mike stops by Rachel's favourite patisserie quite a few miles outside the city to get her those éclairs she craves for all the time.
The night seems clear, there's some sixties' ballad playing on the radio as he drives and he's all lost in thought, when he notices a few drops appearing on the windscreen.
Great, just great, he mumbles angrily, praying he gets home before it starts pouring.
Five minutes later, it's raining cats and dogs and Mike has a hard time seeing anything through the thick rain curtain. He slows down, squinting to make out other cars, fearing collision. Not long after, his gets a headache and starts grunting under his breath. The drive has already taken up more time than he had predicted and the rain is making it impossible to pick up Rachel on time.
He can't see quite clearly, but knowing these roads like the back of his hand, Mike makes a right turn, relying on his mind map that's telling him he's getting off the highway and onto the old road leading to the part of the city the station's in.
He realises all too late he made the wrong turn, in vain stomping onto the breaks. The panic overwhelms him as he struggles to maintain the control over the vehicle. A screeching sound fills his ears as he grips onto the steering wheel, something akin to scream joining it seconds later.
The car hits hard against a road fence, breaking through it easily and Mike feels the full force of the impact in his bones that rattle in his body, shock immediately spreading through his flesh.
The car spins a few times, remaining suspended in the air a few moments then tumbling down into a ravine, crashing against the rocks.
END OF PART 2