"MARRK!" Mimi's voice yelled in my ear to wake me. I screamed and sat up, startled from the unpleasant surprise. "What?!?! Who?!?!" I screamed just as loud as she had. I threw on my glasses and saw her standing there giggling. "Mimi..." I groaned and laid back down, hiding under the blanket. Mimi was still laughing.
"What are you doing? Get up now, mister! Roger and I have plans for you, young man." I didn't like the sound of this. The last time they had "plans" I was sitting in the middle of Battery Park in a speedo. "Plans?" I groaned again, not moving from my comfortable position.
"Yep!" Mimi cheered "It's about Maureen!" Ugh, shit, fuck.
"Maureen?" I said, sitting up involuntarily. She giggled again "Yes, lover boy, Maureen."
"You guys, stay out of it... really, it's not a big deal." I lied.
"Too late for that, mister! We called Maureen, she is expected here in exactly forty-two minutes! We need to get you in tip-top shape for your date!"
"You did what?!" I furiously jumped to my feet, grabbing Mimi's shoulders firmly, but not enough to hurt her. The smile was wiped off her face and replaced by a worried frown. "We told her you needed to clear your own air... we were going to practice with you and go out so you two could be alone." She tried to explain, spitting out words as fast as she could. I let go of her and walked a few steps away, holding my head. "I'm not ready for this, Mimi!"
She skipped over to me and put her arm around my shoulder. "Don't worry, you will be." She cheered and dragged me into the bathroom. "Hold on." She commanded, motioning for me to stay where I was before sprinting off. I brushed my teeth while I was waiting, and she soon returned with a bunch of my clothes in her arms. "Here!" she said, throwing them at me, my boxers getting stuck to my glasses. "Mimi!" I yelled, blushing, "Why were you going through my stuff?!" I knew I had nothing to hide, but I was always paranoid about people finding something personal of mine.
"Oh!" she said, holding a pack of condoms over her head, shaking them so they made a little sound. I felt my face turn bright red. I guess I did have something to hide after all. "These, Mark, are expired." she announced, amused. "I'll let you borrow some of ours. Don't worry, we tested them." She winked before heading out. I sighed. "That is one bit of information I did not need to know... hey, what makes you think I'm going to need condoms anyway!" I yelled, still red. All I heard in response was Mimi's muffled laughter. I groaned as I locked myself in the bathroom and got myself to look as nice as I could manage. I wore a nice light-blue sweater with my brown jacket to keep me warm in our still unheated loft.
Once my hair was gelled in spikes in the front, I stared at myself in the mirror. "Hello, Maureen, don't you look like the most beautiful flower on this fine day!" I practiced, as Roger opened the door and intruded. We stared at each other awkwardly before he broke the silence "You honestly think that's going to impress her?" he asked in pity, looking away with an amused smirk. "Oh, come on, Roger, since when do you know how to impress a woman?"
Seeming offended, Roger moved away from the door and waved to Mimi, who was busy organizing the steel table. She looked up, giving us an odd "What the fuck?" look because we were both staring at her. There was a pause. "All right, so I guess this means I have to listen to you?" He simply nodded. I sighed and rolled my eyes exaggeratedly as I sat down at the counter with the two. "Now, Mark, the first thing you must learn is to avoid erections at all costs. No woman wants to see that." Mimi nodded, flashing a grin.
"Why does that always have to be the first topic?" I complained. Okay, so I was a very excited person, but I couldn't help that!
"All you have to do when you feel a little flustered is look down and think of something else. Think of Benny!" She suggested.
"Ugh!" I said in disgust. "If I did that, Mimi, I would be looking down the whole time." I admitted, and she let out a small "Awe!"
"Well, okay, then scratch that." Roger said quickly, "What about flattering her? You need to make her feel pretty!" he mimicked a very, very gay man with the last few words. I looked up at him slowly. "How about you guys teach me how to tell her that I want to grab her and fuck the life out of her before we get into anything else?!" Realizing what I just said, I avoided their glances, but I could feel them both staring at me in shock. Well, it was true.
After some silence, they both burst into laughter that just resulted me in a state of humiliation. "Thanks for the moral support, guys." I mumbled. Mimi's laughter halted, but Roger still found this pretty damn funny. "Um, thats not very Mark of you..." She thought for a moment, "Maybe those are not exactly the best words..."
I looked up at her. "Well, what do you think?" Mimi placed a finger on her bottom lip daintily to show that she was still thinking. "How about this," she pressed her fingers together, "Oh, Maureen, I have waited for you to come back to me for so long. Now that I have you alone, my darling, I am prepared to fuck the life out of you."
"Come on, already!" I scolded. The couple laughed again. "You know what, forget you guys! I'll do this alone!" I said, getting up and facing away from them.
"Okay, we're done. Seriously, now, we'll help you." Roger promised. I reluctantly stepped back to my stool.
"Just tell her how you feel." Mimi implied, comforting me by placing her cold hands on mine. Roger looked jealous. I paused, "But that is how I feel! I can't deny it, Mimi, shes just beautiful, I miss her so much, more than I can describe, and I just want it to be like the good old days." I looked down again, seeing Mimi fold her arms at the corner of my eye.
"Thats perfect." Roger said. "Now we should work on you're conversational skills. Picture this-" what he was saying was halted by a ringing of the phone. I got a long, powerful cramp in the pit of my stomach. I knew it was her. Mimi waved me off to answer the phone, but I sulked in my seat. She did it again, and I shook my head like a stubborn child. She rolled her eyes seriously and stomped to the phone.
"Hello?"... "Oh, hi, Maureen! Just a second, We'll throw down the key." with that, Mimi hung up. I was still shrugged in my seat. "Well? Don't just sit there! Get the key!" Mimi shouted firmly. "The key! Right, the key!" I panicked. I reached into both pockets and pulled it out. Cautiously, I walked over to the fire escape. There she was, smiling up at me and waving. "Hey Marky!" she shouted. Oh God, here came the stomach pains again. My eyes were glued to her as I aimed the key that she caught in mid air. Ah, my Maureen. I watched her run to the door, then snapped back into panic and ran back inside.
"Oh my god, guys I'm so unprepared!" I ran around the room tidying things up, sweat dripping down my cheek. Mimi grabbed my arm to stop me from running to my next mess. "Mark!" she said, tightening her grip as I struggled to get away. "The most important thing for you to do right now is be yourself. Try not to worry, and confess your love!" she smiled and pat me on the shoulder to wish me good luck. She threw on her coat and summoned Roger with a "Come on, honey." They left upon saying goodbye to me and Maureen, who entered right as they left. The door closed too slowly, and Maureen put her black leather coat on the ground carelessly. "Hey, pookie!" she greeted. This was not going to be easy. I could already feel myself wanting to trow up. God, give me strength.