Disclaimer – If someone decides to put the rights of Inuyasha up for grabs on eBay someone lemme know. Otherwise stfu.
AN – Here it is: the second completely redone chapter. Enjoy.
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"A coyote! Are you crazy? That's absolutely impossible." Kagome's face was red and she was throwing sticks and clumps of frozen mud at Kouga.
"Chill the fuck out!" He managed to get close enough to the girl to grip her wrists and keep her somewhat contained. "It's not like it's my fault!" He stared her down. Why was she so angry about being a hanyou? It was true that most hanyou's were prejudiced against, but this went beyond that. "Why are you so angry?" Kouga felt her relax beneath his grip, so he warily released her, but was prepared to grab her again if he saw her reach for a possible weapon.
Kagome sighed. "Because…" she didn't know if she could get it out without crying. How could she tell him? He seemed to like her; what would he think of her if he knew the truth?
"Its okay, we may have only known each other for a few hours but you can still tell me anything. Trust me; I have no right to judge anyone." He rested one of his hands on her shoulders, and began rubbing it absentmindedly; he could sense the change in her behavior, and noticed that she was on the brink of tears. "Kagome? Please tell me…"
"Okay…but promise you won't think any less of me for it." She looked up at him with pleading eyes, wide as they could possibly reach.
"Of course, I would never think any less of you; just tell me."
"My parents died when I was very young. I think I told you that already; but I didn't tell you how or why. The only other person that I've told is Sango." Kouga nodded for her to continue. He could tell already that this was going to be bad.
"My father was a very important man at his office, and had to work late often; leaving Mom home alone. Well it was one of those same nights; Mom was in the kitchen doing something when she heard the door open. Naturally she assumed it was Father so she went to go greet him. When she reached the door she saw that it had been forced open; she ran to the phone to call the police, grabbing a poker from the fireplace." Kagome forced a sob down, and closed her eyes.
"Its okay, no ones going to hurt you here; I promise."
His reassuring words urged her on and Kagome continued.
"He…" she took a short breath forcing air back into her lungs. "He dragged my mother into the bedroom where he raped her and then left her for dead." Kouga had a sick feeling creep down his spine and lurch in his gut. He knew it wasn't over yet, because both her parents were dead; but he wasn't so sure he wanted to hear the rest anymore.
"When my father got home and found my mother like that, of course he rushed her to the hospital. The doctors said she would be okay, but after having her in a private wing for over a month they found out that I had been conceived." Kouga brows knitted together and his eyes widened in shock. "They weren't sure whose baby I was, and so the next nine months were obviously hell on the both of them. But Mom, she was great…she was determined to give me a happy life, regardless. She spent all her time on the nursery, and from what I understand she was very happy despite the odds. Apparently it even gave Dad some hope again. She really was his whole life…" Kagome got silent again, lost in some distant memory; her eyes dusky and far away.
"Kagome?" Kouga didn't want to ask what happened next, she seemed content with this part of the story, but he had to know.
"Oh yeah…sorry." She took another deep breath and prepared herself for the next part. "When my mother went into labor it was exciting for the both of them. They had even resolved that even if the rapist filth had been my biological father, that it would make no difference to either of them. Mom was in labor for fourteen hours. It was becoming quite clear to everyone that she probably wouldn't make it. She lasted two days after my birth." Kagome could feel the salty tears slowly falling down her cheeks, and she closed her eyes in guilt and shame.
Kouga was amazed at how beautiful she looked, and he rubbed his thumb across her face to dry the tears.
"Dad was devastated of course…she really was his whole world. And so that was it, I grew up with a Dad resorting to alcohol as a way of escaping the world around him. He lost his job when I was five, and never even looked at me. Maybe I could have taken it if he had beaten me or yelled at me instead, but he couldn't even stand being in the same room as me, much less talking. One night, after way too many shots he turned on the TV, and the news was reporting on another rape in the area. He flipped of course. He started trashing the house, throwing things, smashing lamps and chairs. The only thing he didn't touch were Moms figurines she collected. They were an assortment of glass, porcelain, china, and clay ballerinas of all shapes and sizes."
"Well I walked in the room to see what was going on, and the sight scared me so badly that I jumped back and tripped landing against the case her collection was kept in. I swear it all happened in slow motion, because the doll stood there for a second, not able to make up her mind on whether she should fall or not. Oh but when she did I heard a roar of anger from Father. He rushed over, shoving me out of the way and picking up the figure to examine the damage. Her outstretched leg was broken off and lying on the floor next to her. And that's when the screaming came. 'WHY MUST YOU DESTROY EVERYTHING? YOU DESTROYED MY LOVE, MY MARRIAGE, MY LIFE! JUST GO AWAY…just go away…please.'"
"So I did. I ran to my room and slammed the door as hard as I could. Of course I didn't know what in the world he was talking about. I was so scared and hurt and I kept wondering if what he said was true or not. After a few hours of total silence I crept back into the den to see what he was doing…" Kouga noticed how pale she had become again, and he mentally prepared himself. "He was lying on the floor; with the jagged broken edge of the ballerina's leg in his hand. His wrists were sliced and gashed, and it looked like he'd cut them so many times that he'd torn chunks out of the flesh. I ran to him, sobbing. I knew it was my fault, knew I should have never been born. I shook him and shook him but he never woke up…"
"After missing a few days of pre-school the authorities arrived at the house, and broke down the door. And there I was, still shaking him. Doctors said I was delusional, and that the shock was too much for me to handle. I had no other family, so I was shipped off to an orphanage. No parents wanted me, because of the stories they'd heard. A few couples tried me out like a new puppy, but always returned me after a few days. As I got older, a different kind of family started taking me in." Kouga shuddered and he knew exactly what she was talking about.
"But I don't understand something…how do you know all of these details? You were so young and not even born during most of it."
"Easy, staying at the orphanage with nothing but thoughts started getting to me. So when I got to be about nine, I wanted to know what happened; why I became so screwed up. I started online, researching the news around the time I was conceived. Then I researched the hospital I was born at. I started calling doctors, and old close friends of my mother and father. Then one night I broke into the Orphanage's office and looked at my folder. One of the news clips said that Father had written a suicide note. I just had to get my hands on that note, so I called the police station. They didn't want to show me, but I had a right to see it and I knew it, so I kept bugging them about it. Finally one of the officers made a photocopy and mailed it to me."
"It was garbled and made little sense to anyone who'd read it. But I understood it. At first I thought it was written to me, but I after I read it and read it and committed it to memory I knew it was for my Mother."
After I found out everything, I vowed to myself that I would be the best I could. No one was ever going to call me un-fixable or a helpless cause ever again." Kagome, tear-streaked, puffy eyes, and mud smeared, had a defiant and resolute look on her face.
Kouga nodded. The two remained silent for what felt like hours; finally Kouga had to ask the one thing that was still bugging him. "So your demon half?"
"Him."
The two met Akiko back at the spring with the clothes. Akiko was sitting on a fallen log humming something softly. When she heard to two approaching she stood up and faced them with a half mad/ half amused look on her face. "Hey, what took you guys so long; you two weren't takin' a rumble in the jung-" Akiko looked at Kagome, tear streaked and somber and ran over to the girl. "Kagome, what happened?"
Akiko searched Kagome's eyes for an answer after the couple remained silent. "What about your parents?"
Kagome looked at Akiko, shocked. She began sputtering out incoherent queries. "What…how did you…?"
"I can kinda read a person's thoughts when their soul has been opened, through their eyes. I know you have heard the expression, 'the gateway to your soul is through your eyes' yada yada yada; well there is some truth to that."
"Oh…" Kagome looked up and stared Akiko in the eyes. Akiko was cautious at first, thinking it might make Kagome feel uncomfortable, but instead she saw trust and understanding, and something else; Kagome had a special power as well; but Akiko sensed that the reason she hadn't told Kouga was because she didn't know it herself. As Akiko searched through Kagome's bedraggled soul, and saw all the cracks and bruises, she realized one thing; even though it was beaten and torn, it was amazingly pure. Akiko herself could feel a lightening in her heart and body. She had never felt something so amazing before.
Akiko was still delving deeper when something caught her eye. She followed that particular tangent getting farther into Kagome's soul. Suddenly her eyes flashed open, wide as saucers, and the deer hanyou coughed – spraying Kagome with blood. Before either Kouga or Kagome could react, Akiko collapsed onto the earthen floor.
Kagome reeled in panic while Kouga hysterically checked her vitals.
I've killed his best friend. I've killed one of the coolest people I knew, who took time out of her life to take care of me. Everyone was right: my foster families, the orphanage, I am un-fixable, a lost cause. My soul is probably so black that Akiko's own soul couldn't handle it. I'm such a monster. I wish I could be as good as Sango, or Akiko, as pure, instead I am a demented no good foul person. I wish I could take everything back. Kagome had a flash of doing the same thing over her father's lifeless body, and she froze. Everyone around me is dying. I want to heal someone for once, instead of this…
When it became apparent to Kouga that she wasn't breathing and her heart had stopped beating he lost it.
Kouga entered the woods, and began running. Once he ran so far that he couldn't breathe, he came to halt, skidding on the clumped mud.Then he howled at the cloudless, gray sky; it seemed to be just as grieved as he was. He had known Akiko for so long; had run with her when they both couldn't sleep. He consoled her when she thought she wouldn't make it through another night. Kouga protected her like she was his own baby sister, and even slept on her floor when she was scared that her Father would return for her. He listened to her scream in her nightmares, and held her while she cried. So many memories to live with; too many to live with knowing that she was gone forever now. He knew it wasn't Kagome's fault when he reasoned, but he didn't want to reason. Kouga struggled not to blame her and tear her shred from shred. That's why he left. Looking at the two of them made his heart weep. Two girls he loved. One he had grown to love over a long time, and had woven herself into his heart. And the other; a spirit that instantly sparked him into life, away from the pain of his real one; where people hurt him, deceived him, and deserted him. "What the hell am I supposed to do now?"
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Kagome collapsed her body on Akiko's and began crying even more; crying for her to be better. "Please be okay Akiko, please be alive." She whispered false hopes into the cold air. "Please Akiko, don't be dead…"
"Okay okay, but if I promise to not be dead will you get the hell off me?"
Kagome jerked up and stared at the rising Akiko with a mixture of horror and relief on her face. "Akiko?! But how…you were…and I saw you…you're pulse…what the fuck is going on here?" But before Akiko could answer Kagome squashing hug.
"Cant…breathe!" Kagome stepped away blushing.
"Wouldn't it be my luck to kill you, have you not dead, and then kill you again?" She laughed but it wasn't a ha-ha laugh, but more like a "that really would be my luck" bitter laugh. "So what happened, I saw you, you were dead." She eyed Akiko curiously.
"Could be something to do with you, you're practically glowing Kagome; you're not a miko are you?" It was Akiko's turn to eye Kagome curiously.
"No, of course not; don't be ridiculous." Kagome scoffed.
"You sure, you're mother was one, there's a great chance that you're one too. In fact it is like a 98 chance that you're one." Akiko took Kagome's momentary silence to hunch over and take several gulping breaths – filling her forgotten lungs with precious oxygen.
"How do you know that my mo- wait, never mind, the whole soul thing right?" Akiko nodded. "But okay, been there done that, please don't do it again."
"Yeah, that was sure an experience I don't ever want to repeat; not even if someone threatened Kouga with castration." Akiko looked around. "By the way, where is-"
"Kouga, oh…I HAVE to go find him. Will you be okay here?" She looked at Akiko like she was a helpless child.
"Yes, I need to re-bathe in the river, I'm bloody and covered in mud. Go and find him, he might want to know that I am still kickin." She grinned and headed for the bank. Kagome ran off in the general direction that Kouga headed; but it wasn't too hard to find him because he left a path of destruction behind him. When she finally reached the trail end, she heard a whimpering/howling noise, and found Kouga in the fetal position. As soon as she got close, she saw him visibly tense, watching the rippling of muscles flow from shoulders to toes.
"Kagome." Kouga growled out her name. "Go…away." He strained audibly.
"But Kouga, Aki-"
"DON'T…say her name." Kouga ground out the words.
"Listen to me, I-"
"No, you listen to me. Kagome, you're amazing, something about you, it makes me…alive. But I loved Akiko with every fiber of my being, and she showed me that family wasn't such a bad thing, because family wasn't a blood bond, it was something you had with another person. Something so strong and so special, that it went beyond friendship. Akiko was my little sister, and now she is back there, and the only thing keeping me from ripping you to shreds right now, is the fact that I think I love you. Each second you stand there, I have to fight every urge in my body not to attack. So please, I won't ask you again, leave." He never even looked at her, but if he did, he would have seen Kagome's heart – visibly breaking on her face. She was absolutely horrified, and terrified. Kagome ran from the seen, blinded by tears. She lost her footing on the icy ground, and landed with a thud to her skull, sending her spiraling into a nightmare of black.
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When Kagome awoke, Kouga was kneeling over her with eyes clouded full of misery, resentment and something else. Guilt? That couldn't be right. She tried to move, but when she did Kagome felt a tidal wave of pain flashing through her frail body. How long had she been out? Oh Kami; she was supposed to meet Sango at 1:00. "Wh…what's going on?" Kagome looked around and saw Akiko sitting cross-legged, leaning against a tree, with her own tears slowly streaming down her face.
"She's awake!" Kouga called to Akiko, who opened her eyes, stunned, and stumbled over, barely getting the first foot in front of her before she fell onto the next. Miraculously she made it over without tripping and collapsed at Kagome's side. "
Okay, what is going on, all I remember is…" Kagome flashed back to Kouga yelling at her, and then running away; slipping on the ice, then blackness; that terrible, deafening blackness. Kagome choked out a sob, and then looked up at Akiko, full of questions.
"I found you, passed out. You were a mess Kagome - blood everywhere, you lost a lot of it. I don't know how…" Kagome knew what she was going to say 'how you survived'. "But you had a weak pulse, so I hefted you into my arms, and searched out Kouga. I think he about passed out when he saw me, alive, carrying you, half-dead. When I finally explained to him what happened, well…" She peered at Kouga.
"I…" Kouga swallowed hard. "I felt terrible Kagome, this was all my fault. What I said…I…I did mean it…" Kagome paled a bit. "I mean about the love part! Please don't look at me like I am a monster Kagome, I don't think I could take it, I already feel like one." He looked away, and sighed. Then, Kouga felt a soft hand on his cheek, and he looked back to see Kagome's extended arm, forgiveness in her eyes.
"It was my fault Kouga; I just wanted to tell you Akiko was alive. But she wouldn't have died if I hadn't-"
Akiko interrupted. "Please don't say that Kagome, I was the one who kept searching deeper into your soul. I think I know more about you than you do yourself; it was terrible of me, I went beyond what you planned on telling me and that was a breach of trust on my part. If I hadn't done it, none of us would be where we are right now. The point is I could have spared us all a lot of heartache if I had stopped where I should have. The weird thing is though, before I…left, I felt this lightening sensation, like my own soul was being purified."
"That's it! You were!" announced Kouga. "You were being inadvertently purified by delving that deep into Kagome's soul. Kagome you have to be a miko, just a very strong and oblivious one."
"Whatever…that is something my small brain cant even process right now. What time is it?" she asked.
"12:20"
"Oh no! I have to..." Kagome tried to sit up.
"What? What is it Kagome, how can we help?"
"I was gonna meet Sango outside of the school at 12:30 to tell her why I didn't come, and so we would have enough time to make it to the sign-up place."
"Well where is it? The sign-up place I mean?"
"Some place in Tokyo, I gave Sango the flyer with the exact address on it."
"You'll never make it in time Kagome; but I have an idea. Since I don't know where your school is, Akiko can run there, and tell Sango everything. Then they will catch a bus and make it back in time. Meanwhile, you and I will start heading there. You will find that you're able to run much faster than a human. So we can travel that way, until we reach Tokyo. From there we will just ask directions. How does that sound?" Akiko looked mischievous and nodded emphatically. Was there something I didn't catch here?
"Yes…but I don't really see…" Oh, gotcha; it dawned on Kagome. It wasn't really necessary, because if Akiko could run there and catch Sango in time, I sure could, and then we could just ride the bus together. Kouga wanted a chance to be alone with her, probably so he could explain himself further. Kagome decided to play along. "Yep, that sounds like a great plan to me."
"Great! Then I suggest we all get going. See you in Tokyo!" Akiko turned on her heal and sprinted off.
"Good idea. Let's get going." Kouga started to leave, but Kagome coughed. "What's wrong Kagome? Are you still to hurt, I could carry you?" Kagome anime sweat-dropped.
"No, actually, I think the wound is almost gone? Weird."
"Okay, so why are we not going?" Kouga seemed confused.
"I just, why don't I look like a demon?" Kagome spluttered out. "I mean no ears, no tail, and no claws, what's the deal here? I have the attributes that don't show, like speed and strength; a higher body-heat and the ability to heal faster; but the physical attributes are non-existent. What the hell is going on?"
"Err…" Kouga paused. "I dunno Kagome; it's all pretty freaky to me too. Although it is possible that this could have something to do with your mother."
"Huh?" How very poetic.
"Well, considering how hanyou's are prejudiced against, and the terms under which you were conceived, it is possible that your mother hid your appearance while you were still inside the womb to hide your identity – so that no matter what, you would seem to be your father's."
"That makes a bunch of sense actually…" Kagome thought about it. Yeah, it did; but I think I am going to investigate a bit. If I am such a powerful miko, I should be able to reveal myself right? Hmmm…definitely something to think about… "Okay, my curiosity has been sated for now, we should get going." Kouga nodded and started to head off with Kagome right on his heals.
As the two ran Kagome felt the thrill of the icy wind, blasting her face, and the excitement of the run coursed through her veins. She understood now what it must be like running with a pack, even though she was only with one other. Kagome couldn't wait to run with a larger group; how thrilling it would be. As soon as she accepted who she was things made a lot more sense; considering her heritage. She hadn't had to work nearly as hard as Sango to get in shape, and was still stronger than her. Other things throughout her childhood also proved that she had been clearly delusional about who she was. But come on, who would think they were hanyou when they looked completely human?
No one, that's who.
When Kouga and Kagome reached Tokyo, in amazing time, they slowed to a leisurely pace, looking around at the different signs that would reveal where they were supposed to head. "Kagome?" Kouga asked tentatively.
"Hmm… Yes Kouga?" The two walked along the busy sidewalk, but it seemed like no one else existed at that moment.
"About what happened…?"
"Listen Kouga; you don't have to explain anything to me. I mean it, anything. What happened was terrible, and you could say that it doesn't matter now, because technically everything turned out all hunky-dory, but it's not. I killed her, not intentionally, and certainly it wasn't my entire fault either; but it doesn't change the fact that something inside of my body killed her, without my having any control over it." Kagome sighed. "I couldn't blame you if you never forgave me; what you said was true back there."
"No, Kagome you're not listening to me." Kouga grinned big. "I already told you I wasn't lying when I said I thought I loved you. After you ran away, I couldn't believe I had said those things, I could sense your heart-break, smell your tears, and the anxiety and frantic behavior you were experiencing. Every muscle in my body forced me to come out of that depression to make sure you didn't "slip and bump your head" while running away from me. When I saw Akiko carrying you down the path, I freaked Kagome. Yes Akiko was back, but I didn't think my mind could handle losing both of you in an hour. Then it all clicked to me; if you got better, I would promise to never hurt you ever, ever again. Do you understand?"
Kagome was speechless; other than Sango, no one had ever cared about her, or showed so much interest in her feelings; no one. Here Kouga was, walking next to her, and she knew it would kill her to leave him, but nothing could make her stay here. The only salvation I will find is away from Tokyo and all these terrible memories forever. "I think I love you too Kouga, you don't know how hard that is for me to say out loud. It feels like everyone I love or care for leaves me, and here I am leaving you, and Akiko. But believe me; I will love you forever, especially for this small gift you have granted me."
"What's that, since I can't convince you to stay here, with us?" Kouga frowned.
Kagome linked hands with Kouga, who instantly brightened. "A good memory to take with me before I go." She inched closer to him, and placed her head on his shoulder. At least I will have this…
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Akiko made it back to the school where she found Kagome just the night before. There were a few children out front, but she instantly picked out Sango. She was standing there, with piercing eyes, and a worried demeanor. Akiko walked closer, and calmly, almost having déjà vu from last night, approached the girl. "Sango?"
Sango gave Akiko a distrustful once-over. "Who are you?" And what the hell do you want with me?
"Kagome sent me; I'm here to escort you to Tokyo, where she will meet us with my brother Kouga." Akiko, all sincere, smiled at Sango, who lowered her defenses a bit.
"How do I know you aren't some spy or something, working with our parents, or the cops, or the orphanage for that matter?" She eyed Akiko tentatively.
Ah, smart one. "Hmm, guess I will just have to try and convince you…okay, Kagome would never tell some stranger this, so now you know you can trust me." She paused for dramatic effect, and Sango scoffed. "Her father didn't die in some random event, but committed suicide due to Kagome's own conception." Sango gasped.
"Oh, but how…that doesn't…Kagome would never tell…but I guess that I would have to believe you then." The girl seemed to be in extreme concentration, and Akiko hated to break her out of it, but they were sort of on a tight schedule here.
"Listen Sango, as I am sure you're aware, were on a schedule, both for the bus, and for that meeting, so we can talk as we walk; that's the bus stop right?" Sango nodded in realization and agreement. "Okay then, let's go."
Sango was stunned by the authority Akiko automatically took over the situation and found herself oddly attracted to it. Once on the bus they headed for the very back, presumably so they could talk; and talk they did. It wasn't a very long bus ride, but she instantly like Akiko's friendliness and humor. Sango had been stunned to find out the events leading up to then, and horrified when she found out about the death and resurrection of Akiko, and the near death of Kagome (owing her life to the fact that she also, along with being hanyou, discovered she was a powerful miko as well). Once they made it off the bus the girls headed to the proper address, a short walk, and waited, it was almost 1:00, and if Kagome wasn't there soon, they would miss their chance. Luckily Kagome and the guy she had to assume was Kouga showed up not 2 minutes later, smiling and looking like the cutest couple in the world. Although it did surprise her to see Kagome like that, considering the way she shut off people so whole-heartedly; and the fact that they had only known each other for like 18 hours.
Oh well, a lot of things didn't make sense to her. "Kagome!" Sango waved them over. Kagome reluctantly at first released Kouga and skipped over to give Sango a great big bear hug. "I can't believe what all has happened, Akiko told me everything; but c'mon, we have to hurry to make the sign-up."
Kagome turned around to look at the two faces she knew she would miss forever. She first approached Akiko, and have her a warm hug. "I will miss you, if you can ever forgive me for what happened…" Akiko laughed and punched her in the arm. Kagome mouthed an 'ow', and laughed too. "I guess that's a maybe?" Then she dodged another punch and faced Kouga. "I don't know what to say?"
"Don't say anything." Kouga grabbed Kagome up in a tight embrace and kissed her passionately for everyone to see. Akiko sighed and rolled her eyes, while Sango giggled. When they finally let go for air, Kouga whispered in her ear, "Don't ever say goodbye, nothing is written in stone." Then he kissed her nose and walked out of her life. She felt tears streaming down her face, and wondered why she was crying. I promise, I won't ever say goodbye again… Sango grabbed Kagome's hand, and they entered the building that would decide the rest of their lives, forever.
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