Rachel enters the bathroom, quickly shutting the door behind her. She leans back against it, tipping her head back, and heaving a sigh. She feels tears spring to her eyes, but swallows the lump in her throat and forces them away. Just take a bath and you'll feel better Rach, she thinks to herself. Don't get wrapped up in your emotions. She begins running the water, and takes off her top, and then her jeans, and lastly her bra and panties, feeling her heart pounding faster and faster by the second. Her hands begin to lightly tremble as she pours a few caps of bubble bath under the running water. When the bathtub is full, she climbs in and sinks down under the water. She shuts her eyes, only hearing the pounding of her heartbeat in her ears. She takes deep breaths, the steam filling her lungs, trying to regulate her heartbeat. She breathes in through her nose, taking in her favorite lavender scent. But nothing works to calm her down. I mean, how could it? When mere hours ago she kissed the woman she has loved for over a decade. Tears fill Rachel's eyes again, and this time she doesn't try to stop them. Rachel let's herself think and feel everything she has been holding inside. How she has loved Monica since they first became friends, all the way back to middle school. It was a different kind of love at first. Of course it was just in a friendly kind of way at the beginning. Then she loved her like a sister. It didn't take more than a year though before she realized there was something more there. She began to feel a deeper love. She loved her in a way she didn't love her other friends. She cared more deeply for Monica. Wanted the very best for Monica, because that was what she deserved. Monica was so much better than other people. She had the biggest heart. She was so giving. Rachel got so angry when people made fun of her for her weight, and when her mother and even father favored her brother Ross over her. Rachel didn't want Monica to ever feel badly, about anything. Rachel always tried to take care of her, even though Monica was always the best and true caregiver of them all. As they went into high school, Rachel began to feel other feelings for Monica, feelings of attraction. It started off simple, admiring her hair, her beautiful eyes, and her luscious body. Thinking to herself that Monica was so beautiful. Then those feelings grew and grew and grew, and then one night when Monica was at her house for a sleepover, lying next to her, Rachel began to touch herself while looking at Monica as she slept, wishing she didn't have to do this alone. That's when she knew for sure that she was in love with Monica, in every possible way; and that is when she also knew, that she could never have her. How could she ever, ever do anything; to potentially harm their friendship? She never wanted to lose Monica, and she knew that she could never tell her what she was feeling. She kept these feelings a secret, all the way through high school; and on their graduation day when their parents snapped pictures of them, best friends all grown up, she wished it was more than that. She wanted to kiss her. She wanted to make love to her. She wanted to tell her that she loved her. But she never did. And then they grew apart. Rachel's world, the world she was forced into, but Monica could bring her out of, consumed her. Her other friend's controlled her time, her parent's found her a wealthy and seemingly gentleman-y man to marry, and her and Monica didn't see eachother for years. The worst part was, that Rachel let it happen. But it was only to avoid breaking her own heart. She knew that she could never have Monica, and maybe this was better. To just be apart, to forget they were ever friends, to forget how much she loved her. So she let this world of fashion and gossip and money and fancy things consume her. This would be her now. She would please other people. If her parents told her to be a shoe, she would. A sob escapes Rachel's mouth, and she wipes at the tears have been flowing down her face the entire time.