Things are getting strange around here, and for once Phineas and Ferb aren't involved. None of us are sure what's going on here yet, but it makes me a little nervous. At least those two are controlled chaos.

Episode 2: Something That Changes Everything

Norm pulled back his right arm and let fly with a punch to the intruding robot's midsection. For his size, Norm was incredibly strong. The other robot reeled backwards, tripped over one of Doofenshmirtz's incomplete Inators, then crashed to the floor on its backside.

"Now tear its head off, Norm!" Doofenshmirtz shouted from behind his box.

"Whatever you say, sir!" Norm walked forward at a leisurely pace. As it neared the larger robot, he reached for its head. "This won't hurt a bit since, like me, you lack a central nervous system."

Before Norm could get a good grip on the other robot's head, the other robot swatted Norm aside. He hit the wall, leaving a sizable dent. "That wasn't very nice!' Norm stated. "Mr. Robot, you-"

The other robot began firing beams from its hand cannon again, causing Norm to stop talking and take cover alongside Doofenshmirtz. "What are you doing, you bucket of bolts? Go out there and stop him!"

"But sir! You never gave me a laser gun!"

"That's because you'd probably just blow your own foot off!" Doofenshmirtz let out a disgusted grunt. "Good help is so hard to find these days, even when you build it in your own evil laboratory." He gave Norm a shove, causing him to stumble back out into the open.

"Hostile elements will be destroyed." The other robot took another step forward and opened fire. Norm dodged to the right, and the blast hit the box that Doofenshmirtz had been hiding behind. The box exploded and he stumbled away and into the wall. While the large machine was tracking Doofenshmirtz's movements, Norm grabbed the robot's arm and gave it a quick flip.

"It's rude to show up to someone's house uninvited," Norm said. The other robot landed hard on the floor near the wall that it had broken down. Upon impact, the floor around it began to crack. The robot tried to stand up again, but the floor gave way, dropping him from the building's odd architectural extension to the street below.

"Wow. Jeez. Glad that's over with," Doofenshmirtz said, wiping his head with his sleeve. "You okay Perry the Platypus?"

Perry jumped out from behind the computer console and chattered.

"I'm okay too!" Norm said cheerfully.

"Well isn't that great?" the evil scientist replied in a voice dripping with sarcasm.

Agent P sprinted to the hole in the floor and cautiously peered over the edge. Down below, the robot was rising again. He couldn't hear what it was saying, but it began to take potshots at random passersby. Perry turned to Doofenshmirtz and chattered.

"Oh no, don't even think about getting me involved," the scientist replied, waving his hands emphatically in front of him. "He's somebody else's problem now. Besides, do you know how much my repair bill is going to be? He caused more damage than you do! And look at this. It's not drywall, it's plaster—so much more expensive."

Perry chattered, then crossed his arms.

"No, if I start unleashing my wrath on that thing he's just going to unleash his wrath right back, and Charlene's alimony checks only come once a month."

Norm walked up behind Doofenshmirtz. "But if that other robot destroys the Tri-State Area, how are you going to take it over?"

Doofenshmirtz froze and began grinding his teeth. Then he let out a scream. "I hate you when you make sense, Norm." He turned to his nemesis and said, "Perry the Platypus, do you think you could keep that robot busy while I scrounge up something to blast it? I'm sure I have an old Inator lying around somewhere, but the place is a bit of a mess right now because of… well, you know."

Perry gave a thumbs up and jumped out of the hole. A second later, a parachute with the platypus's face opened from his backpack and he drifted lazily to the street.

"Okay, your turn," Doofenshmirtz said, pointing at Norm.

"But I don't have a parachute, sir."

With a grunt, Doofenshmirtz threw the tarp that had previously been covering the Dead Zone-inator. Norm caught it and almost became tangled. "There. Happy?" He gave Norm a shove, and the robot stumbled out of the huge hole in the floor. "Ugh, surrounded by idiots. Good thing I'm a genius. Now let's see what I can do…"

The kids' game of Umbra had reached a critical point. With Baljeet all but eliminated, Phineas and Isabella stood as the only players capable of stopping Ferb's conquest of the galaxy. While the duo flanked each side of the young Brit, Ferb maneuvered his strongest battleships into position along the perimeter of his empire. Even if he were to be attacked, the other two would have to crack his outer shell, a feat that was starting to look impossible.

Candace, who had still not left, was actually taking an interest in the game. "I hate to admit it, but this geekfest is actually pretty interesting," she had said earlier. Maybe it was just because the kids were taking it so seriously, but it was hard to stop watching their strategies unfold.

Ferb watched closely as Isabella took her turn. Neither she nor Phineas moved any of their ships as of yet. "Whichever one of us makes the first move will probably lose," Ferb had wisely pointed out. The red-haired boy made no indication as to whether he agreed or not.

Isabella built as many ships as she could afford, then turned to Phineas. "Ready?"

Phineas nodded. "As we'll ever be."

"Good." Isabella started sliding her ships from one hexagon to the next. "I move from Vega to Antares. Ferb, defend!"

Ferb looked back and forth between Isabella, who was wearing a self-assured grin, and her fleet, which was only just comparable in size to his own. Not betraying any emotion on his face, he picked up a number of dice and began shaking them in his hand.

The sliding doors flew open, and Linda rushed out into the yard. "Everyone? I need you all to come inside right away."

Candace flipped her head backwards over the chair and looked at her mother upside down. "Aw come on, mom! The final battle is starting!"

"That's not important right now." Candace noticed that her mother looked ashen, and she sat up and turned around in her seat. The kids were also getting a bit anxious.

"What is it, mom?" Candace asked.

"Something's going on downtown." She rubbed the back of her neck. "Some kind of attack or something. I don't really know, but I want you all to come inside where it's safe."

Candace stood up and leaned in close to her mother, whispering, "Mom, what about dad?"

"He's at the antiques shop," Linda whispered back. "I need to go get him."

"You can't!" the teen shouted.

The rest of the kids had been shoveling pieces of the game into the box but stopped when Candace shouted. "Mom, you're going to try and rescue dad, aren't you?" Phineas asked quietly.

Linda took a deep breath. "Yes. Yes I am."

"And you weren't even going to tell us?"

"I was going to tell Candace, and she was going to stay here and keep an eye on you. I didn't want to worry you kids." Linda started walking towards the garage. "Whatever's going on downtown, it doesn't look like it's going to spread to the suburbs, but I still want you all in the house. That goes for you too, Isabella and Baljeet You're welcome to stay as long as you want. Candace, you're in charge."

Candace tried to protest. "But mom, you can't-"

"I have to." Linda stopped at the garage door. "I drove him to work today, so your father is stuck there with no way of getting home."

Phineas, Ferb, and Candace ran to Linda. "Mom, be careful," Phineas said. Each of them gave their mother a hug, and Linda smiled.

"I will be. I promise. And I'll bring your father home." She paused and looked at her family. "I love you all."

"We love you too, mother," Ferb replied. Linda slowly let go of her children and turned to the garage again. A few seconds later, the car backed down the driveway, turned, then sped off towards downtown.

Phineas looked up at Candace. "Do you think she's going to be okay?"

Candace looked at him with a faraway expression. She snapped out of it abruptly and waved her hand. "Pppht, yeah! Are you kidding?" The look on Phineas's face showed her that he wasn't. "Uh, let's go inside and check the news," she said hastily. "Maybe they have more information about what's going on."

Ferb led the way into the house, with his brother right behind. Candace waited until Baljeet and Isabella filed in, then entered and closed the door behind. Phineas had already turned on the television, which was currently broadcasting up to the minute reports on the situation.

"The scene downtown has escalated exponentially," the anchor reported. "I'm standing near city hall, where two robots have been duking it out for the last half hour." He gestured behind him to the pair of machines, the taller of which was unleashing a hail of laser fire. "The collateral damage from this fight has reached almost cartoonish proportions, with estimates in the quote-unquote "kajillions" of dollars according to City Hall."

Phineas suddenly leaned forward. "Hey! I've seen that robot before!"

"If you tell me you had anything to do with this…" Candace began.

"No, no, nothing like that." He approached the television, trying to get a better look. "Do either of you recognize that smaller one? Candace? Ferb?"

Candace leaned forward, then frowned and pointed at the television. "Hey, yeah! That's that robot that stole that video I stol- borrowed from the traffic camera outside!" She cleared her throat. "What's he doing there, anyway?"

The anchor shouted as one of the larger robot's beams hit very close to his location. "I think we're going to have to move towards the mall. Phil, here, get behind the cars. Guys, if you have to drop the equipment do it. Safety takes precedence." He started waving his hands, trying to get his crew behind some cover.

"It's getting bad out there," Candace sighed. "What IS that thing?"

The shorter robot was knocked to the side, asking, "Whatever happened to the Marquis of Queensbury Rules?" as it hit the pavement. Before it could get up again, the larger robot stepped on its torso and aimed its beam gun at him. "Hey, watch where you point that thing. Someone might get hurt."

"Termination of inorganic life form commencing," the larger robot announced. Before it actually fired, something fell from above and landed on its arm, deflecting it just enough to barely miss hitting the smaller robot with its laser.

The anchor became excited. "Someone new has arrived on the scene," he announced. "Zoom in on the arm there. Let's see what it is." The camera focused on the larger robot's arm. "It appears to be a… platypus wearing a fedora! Huh. Didn't expect that. Although to be fair I didn't expect giant robots, so there you have it!"

Phineas squinted, then jumped from the couch. "That can't be!"

"What is it, Phineas?" Isabella asked.

Phineas looked frantic. "Quick! Everyone help me look for Perry! Tear the house apart!"

Candace grabbed hold of Phineas's shirt as he ran for the stairs. "Hold on a minute, bucko! That could be any platypus."

Baljeet added, "Do you realize how many platypuses are in the Tri-State Area? It is an astoundingly high number."

"I know, I know, but… I just have this feeling, okay? Like I already know the answer to this question." Phineas trailed off and looked away from the group. "Every day Perry disappears and none of us has ever seen where he goes. I know we always say he doesn't do much, but what if…" he stopped and looked at Candace. She had an eyebrow raised.

"So you think he goes off in his little hat and fights giant robots?" she asked, stifling a laugh at the end.

"It doesn't have to be giant robots every day," he replied. "Maybe he fights crime, or stops an evil scientist, or he's some kind of undercover body guard that only puts on his fedora when he's saving a life. It'd be the perfect disguise!"

Candace rolled her eyes. "And then he comes back here and makes a mess in his litter box?"

"We'll never know for sure if we don't look for him right now."

There was silence for a moment, and the anchor on TV continued to narrate the fight. "It looks like the platypus has helped to turn this fight around! Look at the skilled way he uses that grappling hook! I've never seen a robot get his legs untangled from a mess like that!"

The larger robot fell forward, slamming into the ground as the platypus did a somersault off its back. As he landed, the robot rolled its head to follow, saying, "Sentient creature possibly masquerading as non-intelligent life form. Request emergency orders to terminate."

A man in a lab coat ran out of one of the nearby buildings. He approached the platypus, and the camera crew eased forward, trying to capture what he said. "Alright, I managed to throw something together, but it's not my best work. Don't say I didn't warn you." He turned and looked at the smaller robot. "Norm! Why are you just lying there?"

"Sorry sir!" the smaller robot, now identified as 'Norm' on the broadcast, replied. "Perry was the one who saved me."

"What? Perry the Platypus, is this true?" the man in the lab coat asked. Whatever was said next was drowned out by Phineas.

"It IS Perry!" he shouted. "It's our Perry!"

Candace let go of Phineas and stared at the television in shock. "But… but…" Ferb approached and put a hand on her shoulder.

Isabella stood up. "We should help him!"

Phineas smiled. "Yeah! We can beat that bucket of bolts no problem!"

"Oh no you don't!" Candace shouted. "Mom told us to wait right here and stay safe, and that's exactly what we're going to do!" She crossed her arms for effect.

"But Candace, if we were to assist Perry, we would indirectly be assisting your mother as well," Baljeet pointed out. "After all, if the robot downtown is destroyed, neither she nor your father would be in any danger."

"He's got a point, Candace," Isabella added.

"No way. Too dangerous." Candace turned her head as if the action made her points definitive. "Besides, that pharmacist on TV sounds like he has a plan." She turned back towards the television, where Perry was shown carrying something that looked a bit like a cattle prod. "What's he got there?"

The news anchor asked the same question to the man in the lab coat. "Oh, that's just my Oxidizer-inator. I drew up plans and got the parts for it awhile ago and kept threatening to use it on my robot Norm over there." He shoved a thumb in the direction of his robot companion. "I never actually got around to putting it together until today, though. I kept saying I would to shut Norm up, but you know how these things fall through the cracks when you're busy plotting your takeover of the ENTIRE TRI-STATE AREA!"

The anchor hesitated momentarily before deciding to ask the next question. "What… what does it do, exactly?"

"It rusts metal. I mean come on! It's right in the title!"

"Er, I guess…" The reporter turned back towards the camera. "Let's watch as the platypus attempts to implement the Rust-inator-"

"Oxidizer-inator!"

"-on the giant metal machine!"

Doofenshmirtz rolled his eyes. "Jeez, is this really the standard you people are setting? You're singlehandedly destroying the integrity of the journalistic institution. No wonder they call you the lame-stream media."

The camera panned back to the two robots. While the larger one had been struggling with the grappling hook around its legs, Norm had risen and pinned the other robot to the ground. It now held the larger machine's arm laser gun arm firmly in place, preventing it from taking aim at the oncoming platypus.

Perry hopped onto the larger robot's head and scurried down its back. After a brief moment deliberating, he jabbed the Oxidizer-inator into the robot's neck. The metal immediately began to rust, and the patch of deterioration spread quickly across the surface, then down its back.

The machine squirmed under Norm's weight. "System failure. Error. Error."

"You're my hero, Perry!" Norm affirmed over the continued announcements of the other robot.

Eventually the other robot's head tumbled from its body. It shut down as it hit the ground, and the rest of the body went limp. Doofenshmirtz started running towards the scene. "It worked! I can't believe it!"

"Sir, isn't that that Oxidizer-inator you always threatened to use on me?" Norm asked.

"Yeah! Isn't it great? And now that it's built, my threats aren't nearly as empty!"

A new voice cut into the broadcast. "Carl, we need to get these cameras out of here." The camera panned away from the robots and towards two men approaching from the left. One of them was wearing a green military-style uniform and the other was wearing glasses and a white shirt. "Sorry, but we need you to cease your transmission at once," the man in the uniform announced.

"You can't do that!" the anchor replied.

"Oh can't I?" He looked over at the younger man in the glasses. "Carl?"

"Yes sir!" Carl replied. He pulled out a large water gun from somewhere behind his back. After pumping it a few times, he let loose a high pressured spray at the camera, causing the transmission to cease abruptly.

Everyone stared at the television as it cut back to the studio. The crew struggled to explain what had just happened. "Wow," Isabella began. "That was…"

"I think the word you're looking for is 'innovative,'" Ferb finished for her.

"I'm not sure that's what I was going for, but you're right too."

Phineas sat back down on the couch. "I can't believe what Perry did. I thought we knew everything there was to know about him." He looked at Ferb, who just shrugged. "But… I don't know. For some reason I'm not as surprised as I would have thought."

"That makes one of us," Candace muttered, rolling her eyes. "Although for a platypus he rocks that fedora."

"It does suit him well," Baljeet noted.

"And he beat that robot!" Phineas shouted. "He saved us all, and mom and dad will be fine!" He threw a fist into the air. "Three cheers for Perry!"

Perry sighed as he slipped home. It was later than he was accustomed to returning, and the day had been a lot more difficult than he expected. Still, at the end of the day it was all worthwhile when he came back to his loving family.

Major Monogram had handled the cleanup. He was eager to get the robot's head back to the OWCA headquarters for analysis. Perry didn't care that much, though. That would be Carl's job, and even though the young man would be working hours of unpaid overtime, Perry was certain that the nerdy boy would be in his element deconstructing the object.

Right now all the platypus could think about was curling up in Phineas or Ferb's lap and dozing off. The very last thing on his mind was what actually happened when he puttered into the kitchen.

"SURPRISE!"

Perry jumped and focused on Phineas and Ferb. At first he thought maybe he forgot some sort of important date or anniversary, possibly even his birthday. However, the banner above the counter said "Thank you, Perry!" and someone had drawn a picture of him wearing a fedora and looking very stern. He gulped and froze in place.

"Perry, it's okay!" Phineas said. He smiled and walked over to the platypus. "We understand why you couldn't tell us you were a hero." The young boy picked up his pet and brought him to the table. "Thanks to you, mom and dad are home and upstairs safe and sound. They don't know it was you that stopped the robot, though."

The platypus looked around. Baljeet and Buford were there, as was Isabella. Even Candace was sitting and smiling. There was a small cake in the center of the table with a picture of Perry on it, this one also wearing a fedora. Perry felt overwhelmed, and he looked at the floor.

"Don't worry, we get it," Candace said. Perry perked up slightly, not really expecting the older girl to say anything. "Obviously we'd be in danger if we knew your secret identity. You were just trying to protect us."

Perry looked around, feeling things were getting a little weird. Although he had to admit that it was better than the last time his cover was blown. He looked at each of his friends' faces one at a time, searching for some sort of clue.

Buford frowned at the platypus. "They saw you on TV, dummy," he said. "Plus, I was downtown today. Nice parachute, by the way."

Perry smiled nervously and looked to the side.

Phineas sat Perry down at the table. "You don't have to worry about us saying anything to anyone. We won't even say anything to mom and dad." He leaned in and added, "But if you need any super-cool gadgets, you just let us know and we'll slip you whatever you need."

The platypus smiled and shook his head.

"You don't want our help?" the young boy asked. He sounded a little hurt. Perry stood on the chair and put a hand on Phineas's shoulder and the boy smiled. "I understand. You need to keep your lives separate, huh buddy?" The platypus nodded. "That's okay. Just make sure you don't forget you have a family to come home to." He scratched Perry's head, and both smiled.

"Are we ever gonna eat this cake?" Buford asked. Everyone glared at him. "What?"

Phineas grinned. "Yeah! Let's dig in, everybody!"

Next Time:

Carl completes his analysis of the robot's head, and Major Monogram feels that in light of the news he needs to bring in some outside help. Meanwhile, Perry already finds himself torn between his career and his family's safety.

The next episode of Protection of the Cosmos: Desperate Times, Desperate Measures