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Previously, on The Drinx Club……………

It's pitch-black on screen. We sit there for five minutes wondering what the hell is going on .

Suddenly a voice (that sounds suspiciously like Blooms……) yells out, "Go read the last chapter!"

So now, the tale of Bloom can finally be told. While everyone else was partying, the Snob Princess was sitting in a hot tub. But not an ordinary hot tub either, because Brandon, who had turned to kleptomania to pay for his Red Fountain tuition, had gone to the Eraklyon palace and stolen every single hot tub there. He'd left most of them in the Red Fountain library, since the students don't have much time for books, what with all the pot and Elton John concerts.

Turning back to Bloom, she was in a hot tub Brandon had stuck in his room, AKA one of the many fine broom closets at Red Fountain. Big rooms cost big money, and Brandon's kleptomania barely covered the tuition fee.

But I overstep myself. Brandon's fate will be explored in detail next week.

So, back to Bloom, no matter how much I despise talking or writing about her.

So there she was, in the hot tub, with Brandon. They were, funnily enough, talking about Nikki Webster. It should be noted that Brandon is a huge fan of Nikki Webster. If you don't know who she is, Google her. Rest assured, you'll find out how much she sucks.

So there they were, two Nikki Webster fans, in the tub, listening to "Strawberry Kisses", a song which currently holds the number 5 spot on my "Twenty Songs That Would Make You Want To Tear Your Own Ears Off" list.

So there, my dear readers, is the mystery of Bloom's whereabouts. Now, of course, we come to Tecna.

Tecna, dear Tecna, hadn't stopped drinking, except to use the can, since she'd gotten to Red Fountain. So, naturally, by 9 PM she was blind drunk. Tecna, being from some planet in the Realm of God Knows Where, couldn't hold her alcohol very well.

At 9PM exactly Tecna decided to liven up the party. She got up on a table and started yelling random things. Sky, being a sleaze, took a photo of Tecna, wrote of what she said, and put it on the internet. It was later published as a book.

Tecna's Speech:

Hello fairies, hero-men, dudes! Welcome to you and the little green guy in the corner! And let us welcome Jesus, who could, thankfully, join us tonight, along with his date, Paris Hilton! Let the schismbar be red blue greenified!

Hey, look, there's Hilary Duff!

Tecna then did a very entertaining imitation of a robot, skidded on all the alcohol spilt on the table, and fell head-first into the freezer. Of course, no one bothered to rescue her, so she spent the rest of the night conversing with the frozen vegetables in Brandon and Sky's freezer.

Unfortunately, I will have to finish this chapter another time, as I have to go dig Tecna out of Sky's freezer.

Next week we discover:

-What Musa and Layla have been doing all this time

-Where the pixies are

-What happened to Riven and Sky and Timmy

-Why the hell I'm writing this

And don't miss next week's special bonus chapter: "Brandon Gets Busted!"